Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!!!

What I thought was going to be an upsetting day, has now turned into the greatest gift I could ever receive. And it only could have happened from the 'man' above. Today, I found out that both my children will be able to spend Christmas day together. (until today, they were suppose to be going to their fathers at the opposite times and therefore would have missed each other tomorrow). But God answered a prayer that I never really mentioned to Him. He knows my heart though, and I know that although it was impossible, He made it possible. Thank you so much Lord!!:-) So, as of 1pm tomorrow I will have both my children for the rest of the day and the days after. A very merry day indeed!!!

Merry Christmas Everyone!! Have an awesome night and amazing day tomorrow!!

What can you do when you live in a shoe?

Sometimes life is a bit hard for those who have children, especially from different fathers. Like Skye and Matthew for instance.

I had Matthew for the morning of Christmas the last few years so I figured it was only fair to offer Christmas morning to Jason. He would then bring Matthew home in the afternoon and I would get him for the evening. All is well, or so I thought. It appears that Shawn has to work both Christmas Eve and Boxing Day for some Islamic thing happening at the Skydome. And for him to pick up Skye on Christmas Eve would mean 11pm. Which of course, you couldn't ever let a child wait up that late for the comings of Christmas morning, so he won't be picking her up that night. It seems that in order for us both to spend Christmas with Skye, I would have her in the morning and he would get her for dinner. And Jason wouldn't change his time with Matthew because his whole family can be together for the first time. So, as you can see, my children will not be spending Christmas together!! And that totally sucks big time. They will have Boxing Day together but it is still not the same as Christmas. I guess it is my fault anyway, for doing the things I did in my past, and that is life. I just wish for one day, Christmas day, everything could be perfect for my children and me. As children they probably love having two Christmas', two sets of presents, two stockings, two parties etc.. But as adults we know better.

Congratulations are in order!!!!

We celebrated Darcy's 30th birthday on Friday over at his house. For those who do not know who he is, he is my sister's boyfriend. We had a really nice dinner and when it was time to blow out the candles, Darcy asked my sister to make a wish with him. She thought that it was a bit weird, but after being dragged by the arm, she helped him. As the lights came back on, Darcy was on one knee. At that moment he asked my sister, Mary, to marry him. Of course she said yes!! It was so awesome!! She started crying. She couldn't believe that he had asked. My dad was glowing!! I got the whole thing on camera. The pictures look awesome. I hope Darcy sends some over so I can display them for all to see. And the ring. By golly the ring is beautiful. It was exactly what she has always wanted. He did good!! ;-)

Congratulations Mary and Darcy!!
Can't wait for the big day. Something that, of course, still needs to be discussed.

The snow is falling, is falling, is falling!

Well, unlike most of the rest of Canada, today marks the first official snow fall for the GTA. It looks so beautiful and it is so cold.

Yesterday, my dad and I finished hanging the lights outside of the house and then had our first use of the fire place this season. The snow just adds to the beginnings of the Christmas season.

The one thing I do not like about snow though, is the slippery roads and accidents. I was out for close to 2 hours today and not only did I have to steer out of hitting a car, I also did a 360, thankfully on a road less traveled. No cars in site and I was doing 30km if that. I must have hit some black ice or something. But after landing on the other side of the street and up the curb, I restarted my car, and continued along the road even more cautiously. Sometimes it really doesn't matter how cautious you are!! Mississauga is usually very good when it comes to cleaning streets and getting the salt trucks out, but this morning I only saw one salt truck. Thankfully, I am home and safe and about to give my son some lunch.

So, to everyone one who has to drive in this mess, be safe and if you can, stay home and off the roads.

Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.

Dr. Seuss

The full acting out of the self's surrender to God therefore demands pain: this action, to be perfect, must be done from the pure will to obey, in the absence, or in the teeth, of inclination.

C.S. Lewis

Happy Birthday times three!!!

Although it is both my mother's and my niece's birthday today (Happy Birthday to you both, I love you!!), I got a 'birthday' present too. Not only was I approved for my school loan but the school called and after reviewing my college transcript, they have decided to grant me 45 advanced credits. This means that basically the 15 elective courses that I thought I would be taking, I no longer have to take. Which then means that I don't have to go to school for as long as I thought. Possibly two years less. Which also means that I won't be in as much debt as I once thought. I knew God was going to come through. There are truly no words to describe how He takes care of me. I so know that I deserve none of this and yet He continues to come through and constantly provides for me. And thank you for any and all who prayed on my behalf. I know He answers prayers. He continuously proves that over and over in my life.

Silly girl talk. ;-)

Tonight I went to see 'Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason' with Melissa. It was quite enjoyable. I do however like the first one better. Which is usually the case when Hollywood decides to create sequels. But, truthfully I would pay over and over to see Colin Firth on the screen. I don't know but this guy really does it for me. I think he is like in his forties but man he is just awesome. Too bad he's married. :-) Maybe it's the accent. :-) But seriously, he really has this charm in the characters he plays that gets me every time. Hugh Grant has the same sort of thing but Colin beats Hugh tenfold.

I know this is silly teen talk! It's fun! Mmmmm Colin. :-) lol

The weekend.

I had a pretty interesting weekend. I would say that it all started on Friday when I had lost my S.I.N. card. I had been looking for it for days and realized that I just wasn't going to find it. So on Friday I went to the HRDC to obtain a temporary card. (not really a temp card, more of an official receipt to use until I receive my new card) Anyway, I was sitting in the waiting area and a guy beside me started talking to me. His name was Wayne and he was from Vietnam. He had only been in the country for 2 days. He is here mostly because of his brother. During our conversation the woman on the opposite side of me started conversing with us as well. Her name was Asme and she was from Morocco. She has been in the country for 3yrs. She originally came to visit her sister and ended up finding and marrying her husband. Anyway, it was just so nice to talk to two total strangers. We ended up exchanging email addresses and maybe some day we will meet up again.

After I was finished at the HRDC, I had to head over to a financial aid office. It didn't matter which one, so I went to the closest one to my house, which was at Sheridan College. While talking with the receptionist I saw Julian. He is the guy I went rafting with. I haven't really seen him in awhile and we chatted it up. It was really great seeing him. We talked about a new love interest in his life and how he wishes he could stay on cloud 9, his schooling, my schooling, what I'm doing now etc...

Later in the day I went Christmas shopping with my mom. I got some big gifts out of the way. And I really got into the Christmas spirit.

On Saturday, I took my parents to see 'Hairspray the Musical'. It turned out being really good. My parents enjoyed themselves immensely. That is all that mattered to me. After the show we went out for a nice dinner at Canyon Creek. We had never been to that restaurant and I had heard great things about it. I had pasta but after tasting my dad's steak, I regretted choosing it. Overall, great day.

On Sunday, today, I was still in the Christmas spirit. And after having an awesome sleep I put up the Christmas tree and decorated the banister with garland and red bows. It looks great. Tomorrow I plan to place the lights along the banister and decorate the tree. My sister and Darcy came over for dinner too. It is so nice to have family over. I don't know what I would do without family.

Excitement with Fear!

On Monday I got accepted into the Christian Counseling program at the Christian College. It was both exciting and scary. I find it funny how easily fear creeps into a situation. I have been looking forward to this since God showed me back in August. Now, as of January, I will be a student. This is exciting. Then I was afraid that because I had just switched jobs, the current one might change their mind because in less then two months my availability will be drastically reduced. But when I told them on Tuesday, all she said was 'I am glad that you were honest with me' and she continued to schedule my training hours and such. That was a relief.

The only other fear I have right now is the financial situation that I am in. Because I switched jobs, no real money will come in until I am actually on the floor. This has set me back a little bit. And I am going to have to take out a loan. Something which doesn't sound that bad, maybe to you, but, I already have financial constraints and to add to it would be crazy. I know God can do anything and it is His will that I go to school. I know that, I just have to trust that He will get me through.

Tuesday night's cell group was pretty good. Because we haven't been able to get together in the past two weeks, we basically talked about what has been happening in our lives. We prayed for one another and read from the bible. I think it is awesome that we can be so honest and upfront with our thoughts and emotions and no one criticizes. Actually on Tuesday, a new girl joined our group, Samira. I got a chance to get to know her a little because of the openness in the group and also because I drove her home. She is actually from Afghanistan and she is the only one in her family who is saved. She moved to Canada a few years ago and she finds it amazing how much God has impacted her life.

Everyone if you could please pray for Samira's family.

Great Big Sea!

So, my good friend Nadine calls me last night at around 6:30pm. She asks me if I have anything planned this evening. I tell her no. (I was actually already showered and in my pjs) She then says how about meeting me downtown, because I have tickets to the Great Big Sea concert tonight. Now, Nadine is a security guard for concert venues and she got me two tickets to the concert, which was going on at 8pm last night. She was so awesome to think of me. I love Great Big Sea. When I got down there, she was security for the dressing rooms. I wasn't lucky enough to get V.I.P. passes but the concert was totally awesome.

There is just something about Newfies and partying. The crowd was cool too. They sang in unison to so many of their songs. And when Alan Doyle and the rest of the band sing a cappella it totally blows your mind. They are so in sync it's amazing. They are totally gifted and talented musicians and luckily I have been fortunate enough to go to two of their concerts, both I must add, I got in for free.

And to top it off, the concert was being filmed for a special viewing on the internet. It will be aired again on sympatico msn in December. The camera came around my area a few times. I will have to see if I actually got on t.v.. :-) I recommend everyone to check out this concert. You will not be disappointed, I guarantee it. My niece, Jessica, who is into hard rock came with me and she enjoyed the concert immensely. :-)

A Poem for Remembrance Day

Wooden Crosses
Originally uploaded by angeler.

"The inquisitive mind of a child"

Why are they selling poppies, Mummy?
Selling poppies in town today.
The poppies, child, are flowers of love.
For the men who marched away.

But why have they chosen a poppy, Mummy?
Why not a beautiful rose?
Because my child, men fought and died
In the fields where the poppies grow.

But why are the poppies so red, Mummy?
Why are the poppies so red?
Red is the colour of blood, my child.
The blood that our soldiers shed.

The heart of the poppy is black, Mummy.
Why does it have to be black?
Black, my child, is the symbol of grief.
For the men who never came back.

But why, Mummy are you crying so?
Your tears are giving you pain.
My tears are my fears for you my child.
For the world is forgetting again.

Author Unknown

Random Thoughts

I don't know why but I love the new Air Canada commercial. I love how they put windows in front of the world. And the ending is awesome, people rowing and taking off into the air. It also helps that I really like the song.

It is so crazy how voicing your opinion can get so many people riled up. I have not until yesterday, voiced my opinion about the election in the States. I don't have the same view point as most of my friends and collegues. I am glad Bush won. That is not to say that I like him but I have my reasons for preferring Bush over Kerry. Call me names, hate me, but that is my opinion. One good friend of mine without even hearing my side said 'There has to be something wrong mentally if you want. Bush' Ok, so now I'm mentally ill. :-) Whatever. I am sure that most of the people who read this blog will disagree with me too. And that is fine, my opinion is still the same and yours is too. We probably both have valid points and before we argue lets just agree to disagree. After, my friend blew up at me, I told him to hear me out. Although he said I had valid issues with Kerry and my reasoning for choosing Bush he understood and in the end we decided to agree to disagree. We are still friends. ;-)

On another note, I am getting a reference letter from the current church I am attending. My cell group leader is going to write it and get a pastor to sign it as well. I really hope that the college will except this. If not I will have to go into detail my situation and hope for the best.

I quit my job last week and Friday, tomorrow, is my last day. I am so glad. I feel a great weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Of course I panicked after I did it because I did not have another job to go to, but I knew for my heart and soul, it needed to be done. On Monday I got a job. Someone is watching over me. :-)

How crazy is this?

Back in August I felt God really pressing me. I started to make my way toward Him after letting go of some things that needed to be cleaned. He showed me something. I know it was Him, it was so real, it was so right, and it was so certain. One of the things He showed me was that I was to be a counselor. It made so much sense. He showed me how I had helped people in the past and how I will help people in the future. Somehow I ended up at a Christian College website and found out that I could get a bachelors degree in Christian counseling. Its funny because I remember awhile ago, being on that site and seeing no such thing. Apparently they have had that degree from the time when they opened. So, my conclusion was that God blinded me to it until I was ready to see it and move forward. Make sense?

Anyway, I went for orientation. I had an interview with the Admissions department and the only thing left for me to do was actually get all the paperwork in order and submit them. I don't know why but it seems as though this is the hardest thing for me to do. All I have to do is fill out the application, have a written testimony, and have two reference letters-one from a pastor and a personal one. So, the first two are not hard. I figured the last two can't be that hard either. Wrong!! I asked someone well respected that I have known for awhile if he would write me a personal reference letter. He said he was honoured to do it. I have bugged him for weeks for it. The last time I talked to him he said all he needed to do was transfer it to the computer for a good copy. That was last week. I still don't have it. And the pastor letter is impossible to get. I asked my last pastor and he won't write one because he says its against his understanding of the bible. He says we are to learn all things from the Spirit, and there is no need to go to school to learn from God. So, I asked my uncle's pastor. I have attended his church on and off before and after I had become Christian. I didn't get any sort of response from him, so after waiting almost a month I finally decided to call my uncle so he could ask him personally. I just got an email from him and he says he feels uncomfortable writing me a reference because he didn't agree with my last pastor about biblical teachings. The church I go to now, said they don't feel comfortable writing a letter either because they don't know me personally. I had been going to that church off/on for four years and have now made it my home church. And how is a pastor suppose to know all his members personally, especially in a big church? The only thing they said they would do is get my bible study leader to write a letter and they would sign it as well. I am not sure this is what the college is expecting seeing as they want a letter from an ordained pastor.

I was starting to get discouraged and was second guessing if what I heard was from God when my friend Laura said that when it seems as though it will never happen and things don't fall into place as you expect, usually that is a confirmation that it is from God. It's like He wants me to trust in Him for it to happen and for me to not worry because if it is His will it will be done. It made sense when she spoke but sometimes I feel as though it is never going to happen.

As I read my uncle's pastor's letter I felt like crying. Nothing is falling into place. Nothing is moving forward, regarding this situation. It is basically November and school starts in January. Time is ticking. Please put me in your prayers. And Lord God Almighty, let your will be done.

What's wrong with this picture?

Someone brought up the topic of the New World Order. I didn't know much about it so I started researching it. I wanted to be educated on the subject, besides, it is pretty fascinating. Not in a good sense, more so in an open your eyes kind of sense. Everyone seems to be afraid to talk about it. For me, I find the research so intriguing that I can't put the 'papers' down. I say 'papers' because most of it is internet research.

But, wow, how can we live and have the bible and not be educated on this subject. I went into a known Christian book store because I wanted to get some books on the subject. I assumed they would be in the Spiritual Warfare section. Maybe I was wrong but I figured to me that made the most logical sense. So, anyway, as I was saying, I asked the lady who worked there where the Spiritual Warfare section was because I seemed to have missed it every time I went down the isles. Do you know what she said? This totally blows me. She says 'What is that? Is that music?' How can we as Christians live in both a spiritual/earthly realm and have no clue as to what Spiritual Warfare is? Seriously, I couldn't help but laugh and say 'I will keep looking'. Thankfully another lady who worked there knew what I was talking about and directed me to the appropriate section, which was only two measly shelves. How are we to be prepared to fight the enemy when we are too afraid to even talk or read about it? Too many are too afraid to talk about hell. Why? Isn't that one thing that Jesus didn't stop talking about?

I am really tired of going to all these churches and getting a fluffy version of the bible. I don't want a people friendly version. I want the truth. The cold hard truth. How else am I too be corrected and be transformed into the likeness of Christ.

Really is that too much to ask?

Thank you for the encouragement!

Thank you both for your comments. I was starting to write too much in the comments section so I figured I should post on it instead.

I actually posted up some letters on Wednesday seeking donations for clothing at work. It seems to be striking some people. Over the next few weeks I will keep everyone posted as to how it all unfolds. I am willing to do it by myself if no one offers to help, but some have already offered themselves. It really is great to be doing this. It's funny because the people at the cell group really disagreed with me on doing this, this way. We came to an agreement that we all had our own opinions and we left it at that. I feel great about doing this (I think I said this already :-)). I too saw it as you do Scott. I am glad that you are doing this at your church. Too many churches talk, not a lot actually do. So keep it up! :-)

Giving to the homeless in Toronto.

We had a very casual meeting at cell group tonight. We hung out at Second Cup and just got to know each other a bit better. One question that popped up was 'If you could do/be anything what would it be?' So we went around the round table one by one discussing it.

My response was to be the best mom to my children that I could be. I also have thought about this for awhile - I would love to open up a summer/weekend camp for kids. I would love for it to be free for those children who are less fortunate. I want them to gain an intimate relationship with Jesus by getting to know him through all the love, kindness and generousity that I want to pour out onto them. I have no clue if this would be possible. A free camp! But it was an exercise of what you would do if you could do anything. That is what I would do.

I have also learned that my niece Alyssa went downtown Toronto last week with her teacher and three other students. They prepared sandwiches and for over an hour handed them out to homeless people. That has been pressing on my heart as well. I want to do that. I want to go downtown and just give to those who need it. I think I am going to ask a few people if they would join me and we can go hand out some food and some warm clothes that we have at home that we don't use and just give, give, give.

The people in the cell group didn't think it was wise. They think that I should join an organization that 'specializes' in this kind of work and do it through them. They said it could be unsafe to do it any other way. I don't agree. I believe I don't need an organization, Jesus didn't have an organization, He just poured His love on the people. That is what I want to do. I am going to ask at work for some donations of warm clothes and maybe do this, this weekend. It is getting cold outside and this would be the time to do it.

What do you guys think of this? Am I crazy? Do I need to join an organization? I am being silly and not wise?

Untitled

I have been feeling God pressing on my heart. Probably more than I have ever felt Him before. I don't know why, but I think it all started when He revealed to me something I was 'holding' on too. Once I let it go, things have been what feels like fast forward. It's so funny because I prayed for so long for things to start happening, and I knew that it would, in His time. The thing is, I have been praying for about for four years and not until the end of August did things actually start happening. I couldn't say that at this moment you would see a lot of physical stuff happening but man He is seriously working inside. I feel Him 'digging' all the time. I have never heard God so clearly and the things that He has to say are overwhelming, scary but amazing. And I find it hard because like I said before, why me?

I have only discussed what has been going on in depth with one other person. She just thinks it is totally awesome and finds the whole thing to be great. But it's not happening to her. I am not saying it is bad, because it is the furthest thing from it but to have God respond to you the way He has responded to me, not even responded, just is. His time, His plan, His purpose. Trust, Trust, Trust!!!

I briefly told two others only just this week. They don't even know the half of it but I wanted some advice, not even advice, moreso wisdom on what has been going on. I was directed to some scriptures on the subject and was told of other peoples experiences in the same thing. I'm grateful for it and just discussing it has led me to a greater understanding of what He has been saying/doing.

I have been reading the bible more and trying to dig into it. I had to read Jonah to figure out why I would first think of him and now I am reading Jeremiah to see what He will reveal to me through this book. I know I do not need to know everything about what is going on and I know God will reveal things as they are needed. Like I said before, I just need to trust in Him and continue to open myself up to Him. Keep working Lord, Holy Spirit keep stirring my heart, you are free to use me as you wish, I just pray you give me the strength and the courage to continue to walk...

Matthew turns 4!

My little boy isn't so little any more, he turned four today. It is so hard to be in a split home. I am sure it is even harder on him then it is on me, but when it comes to birthday's he gets two. This afternoon Matthew had a party at his daddy's house and this evening he had a party at mommy's. He got double the presents, two cakes, two big meals, twice the amount of family. He definitely had a great birthday this year. He was so excited to turn four. And when he saw his presents he was in his glory.

Not only did he turn four this year, he also started kindergarten. He really is growing up way too fast. Time flys, they say, when you are having fun. But I don't want it to fly, I want it to stay put or at least slow down a bit. Is that too much to ask? :-)

Christopher Reeve dies at 52

Christopher Reeve dies at 52
Originally uploaded by angeler.

JIM FITZGERALD
ASSOCIATED PRESS

MOUNT KISCO, N.Y. -- Actor Christopher Reeve, who soared through the air and leapt tall buildings as Superman, turned personal tragedy into a public crusade, becoming one of the world's most recognizable spokesperson for spinal cord research --from a wheelchair.

Reeve went into cardiac arrest yesterday while at his Pound Ridge home, then fell into a coma and died today at a hospital surrounded by his family, his publicist said. He was 52. Read the whole story here.

I like it!!

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.

Herm Albright

Baptism Part 1

Statement of faith.
Originally uploaded by angeler.

Baptism Part 2

Being Immersed.
Originally uploaded by angeler.

Baptism Part 3

A changed life.
Originally uploaded by angeler.

My first cell group.

On Tuesday night I went to my first cell group. There were only three of us there but it was quite an interesting evening. We did a number of things but one thing we did really hit my heart. We put on some soaking music and we sat quietly for 20mins asking the Lord to tell us who we are? What is our identity? We had gone over some interesting topics including Moses-the Lord had been speaking to Laura about Moses and who he was. And we talked about the movie 'The Bourne Identity'. In case you didn't know, it was about a man named Jason Bourne. He woke up one morning on a boat not having a clue as to who he was. All through out the movie he is trying to piece together who he really is. In real life we all seem to do that. At some point or at many points in our life we come to a road and we ask ourselves, who am I?. So this exercise that we did was to ask God who He thinks we are.

I found it both interesting and very scary, that is, His answers. I second guessed what I was hearing and I sometimes said no Lord that is not me. I find that funny, me trying to tell God that is not me. Hello!!! :-) In some ways I want to share what He said but I feel the need to keep it to myself. I did share some of it with Laura and Eleanor though. In some ways I fear that I will end up like Jonah and run away from what God wants me to be, and I am also afraid that I will end up like Jeremiah-nobody listened to him. I know God used both men but I am just me. Why would He want to use little old me? They probably said the same thing too, eh?

Wow, what an encounter!!

This weekend I went on an encounter. One to refocus my life on God and to be renewed. Wow, what a weekend. There are so many things that happened this weekend I don't even have a clue how to say or even start to say them.

I knew I would come out of the weekend changed but wow......

Where to start, where to start.. Ok, on Saturday we had a twenty minute break so I decided to spend some alone time with God. I went over to some picnic benches, was enjoying the beautiful day with the leaves falling off the trees all around me. I opened my bible to read over some passages that were talked about just previously and all of a sudden a wind comes and turns the pages of my bible. Now you would think, so?! But it isn't so, it's like this: It turned to a page that I was dealing with in my heart, the exact page that I really really really needed to read. And once I read and accepted the answer my bible pages started turning again, this time to something else I have been really thinking about. I read about immersion baptism and how important it was. I felt a conviction on my heart and I knew it was time. I looked over my shoulder and the perfect place was there. The outdoor pool. I have always wanted to be baptized outside and now it was time. I went to my leader and said 'Is there an ordained pastor here, I need to get baptized right now' she said 'Yes, I will go and speak to them' she came back and told me that because the day was so busy that tomorrow they would definitely do it'. I was a little disappointed but I figured I had waited this long, what is one more day. Then, not even an hour later the speaker made an annoucement and said that they would be baptizing anyone interested at 3pm today. My heart was rejoicing. I can not tell you how excited I was to finally be doing this. This was awesome. So 3pm rolls around and now I have huge knots in my stomach, I feel like I am going to have a heart attack, I feel the Spirit pressing on me and I walk into the pool. It was absolutely the best feeling in the world when I sunk in the pool but moreso when I came back up. Awesome!!!!!!!! Three others were baptized that day. And somehow we all formed a bond. Jay, one of the ones who were baptized had a friend take pictures of us. He said he was going to email them, so as soon as I get them they will be posted for the world to see. :-)

That same afternoon and evening the Spirit showed me things in my heart that I had been holding on to. Things that have been holding me back and things that have had a grip on me for so long. Things I didn't even know was there. It was amazing. He did wondrous, awesome things in me. I let go of so many demons in me and cast them to hell. The Holy Spirit filled me with such peace. My heart was burning all night. Today He continued to burn my heart. He was working overtime in me. I don't know all of the things that He healed me of, but maybe I don't need to know it all.

We went through a fire tunnel today. I don't know if any of you know what that is but it is where the elders stand face to face and you walk through them as they lay hands on you and pray for you. It truly is an awesome thing. I went through the tunnel twice. God's presence was so there. I wanted to stay in His presence forever. I am still in His presence and I don't want it to ever end.

An elder named Mel prophesied over me. I have never been prophesied over. It was both amazing and scary. I trembled and I cried. I accepted and I over came the fear. Something which normally never happens. But I know that God the Spirit took my fears away and I am ready to face what it is that I was born to do.

Awesome, awesome, awesome, amazing, wondrous, glorious, precious, merciful, giving, loving, Father I have. I knew it in my head, but now I know it in my heart!!! Father thank you so much for pressing this weekend on my heart.

Focus, focus, focus.

Well, I just finished packing. Where am I going you may ask? Actually, I finally decided it was time to go on a Christian retreat. I have been wanting to go to this particular one for almost a year now. Fear seems to get the best of me, but when God revealed some things to me and such I realized that I had to live up to my end of the bargain, hence getting things in order for school and refocusing my attention on the Almighty One. I have felt in my heart that it was time to get back on track for a while now but never really bothered with any steps to get it going. Meeting with Laura helped me realize that God is there for me. God cares and loves me deeply. I know this in my head but my heart seems to not want to except it most days. This is what this retreat is about. I really hope God does great things in my heart this weekend. Anyone out there that would like to pray for me? I would love that.

Jeff Foxworthy on Ontario

This was too funny not to post. If you are from Ontario you will have no choice but to laugh. But I am sure that other provinces can relate just the same. I can relate to more of these than I would have thought. :-)

LIVING IN ONTARIO

Jeff Foxworthy on Ontario:

If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 36 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by, you might live in Ontario.

If you're proud that your region makes the national news 96 nights each year because Wawa is the coldest spot in the nation, you might live in Ontario.

If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September through May, you might live in Ontario

If you instinctively walk like a penguin for six months out of the year, you might live in Ontario.

If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, you might live in Ontario.

If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you might live in Ontario.

If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you might live in Ontario.

YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TRUE Ontarian when:
1. "Vacation" means going South past London for the weekend.
2. You measure distance in hours.
3. You know several people who have hit a deer more than once.
4. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again.
5. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching
6. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
7. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
8. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction.
9. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your blue spruce.
10. Down South to you means London .
11. Your 1st. of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.
12. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
13. You find 0 degrees "a little chilly."

Really great day.

Just got in from a date with Melissa. Not a real date, silly! :-) I had a really good time. We went to see 'Wimbleton' and then went for coffee. We had a really good conversation that I wish could have lasted longer, but if you notice the time, it was getting pretty late. I really hope we can do this again really soon.

I also went to the admissions department at the college that I hope to attend in January. It's looking very real now. And I am getting pretty excited. I am still waiting on a few people to get back to me for reference letters and such but if it's God's will everything will come into order. I guess I am just a bit anxious to start the proceedings. It looks like it is definitely going to be fun. Hard work, but really cool. I will be taking a lot of Theology and Psychology courses. Did I say I can't wait yet? 'Cause I can't. In the end I will wind up with a Bachelors in Christian Counseling degree.

And I meet with someone from a youth group today. We actually never met before and after talking on the phone once, decided to meet for dinner. We had a very indepth, intimate conversation about our salvation and such. It was awesome. We really connected. This weekend I will be going on an encounter weekend with her.

I think I am finally coming out of my shell. Baby steps, but important ones. I have been wanting to go on an encounter for about a year now and never gotten up the courage to go. Here I am, finally going. Laura, the woman I met for dinner, is head of a bible study group. They actually call them cell groups and I will be attending a meeting too. Something I have also been afraid of doing. It really feels good to finally be going in the right direction and not being so afraid. Letting God take away my fear is really awesome.

Anyway, it's late I really need to get some sleep. So g'nite y'all.

The flea market.

Today I went to the flea market. I haven't gone in what feels like years but when my parents invited me along, I just had to go. I spent way more money then I was hoping but I got this really cool sword set. I have said before about my fascination with Samurai, well today I saw these really, really neat Samurai swords. It came in a set of three. Their handles had a dragons head on it and when you took the swords out of the sleeve there was a carving of a dragon on the blade. The symbol for dragon which looks sort of like the mathematical number of pie, was also engraved on the blade. I was born in the year of the dragon. I have always wanted to collect swords. So, today I started my collection. It really is bad because sword collecting can be very costly. But I don't really buy things for myself except movies, so I don't feel too guilty for doing it. :-)

I also bought Skye a charm bracelet and two charms. I couldn't really find anything for Matthew though. He didn't seem to mind. But when you buy for one and not the other, you feel bad.

I can't stop taking the swords out of their sleeve. They really are very cool. Now I just have to find a high enough place to display them so the little kiddies won't touch them. They are pretty fascinated with them too.

My parents got some really good deals too. They bought two huge pictures for the living room/dining room for only $225. In stores they would run you up to $400 and they go perfectly with the rooms. My mom also finally got a canister set for the kitchen. She has been looking for a really nice one for awhile now, and she finally got one. My aunt and uncle bought Toronto Maple Leaf track suits 2 for $50. They talked the guy down. In regular stores they would run you up to at least $80-100 or more. My brother got one too.

All in all it was a good day: too much buying, too much stuff, but really good deals that we couldn't pass up. We didn't even get through the whole flea market either. Oh, no we'll have to go on another trip!!! :-)

A perfect love.

if we are waiting for anyone other than God to complete us it'll never happen. no one can love us enough... we and they may think or hope it'll happen but it won't. if we are waiting for a perfect love... there is only One and we already have it. we can't lay our need for fulfillment at another's feet because no one will ever be able to completely fill our need but God. we will never be perfect enough for anyone to love us so completely as God does. we may love others and we may be loved by others but only God loves us so completely as to allow us the freedom to know utter joy solely in our relationship with Him. God created us to need fellowship with others but He created us with a deep need for Him and until we realize that, believe it and accept it that only He completes us we will long for someone to complete us and be left wanting... i have Him, i know He completes me and yet i want more of Him... at times my longing for Him is like a sweet agony... He fills me up and my heart is bursting with joy...
teri

This really got me. I know it is the truth and I have known it for a long time. Now, I just have to start believing it.

To love.

To love is nothing,
To be loved is something,
But to love and be loved is everything.

A double blind date.

So, I went on a date last night. It was a double blind date. It was a bit weird. I've never been on a double date. I have however been on a blind date and that ended up being a 2yr relationship.

We went to Jack Astor's for some drinks so we could talk and get to know one another. Jaime and I couldn't wait til it was over. There wasn't any connection there for either of us. It was funny but we both thought that we were there with our sister's boyfriends. They were a little bit older than us but we felt like they were even older than that. I don't really know how to explain it. They seemed so much older and they acted like they were younger. Ok, I'm confusing myself now. I know what I am saying I just don't know how to put it to words.

Anyway, I finally cleaned my car. It has been so dirty from our camping trips and the like. I really didn't feel like cleaning it but once my mom started washing/vacuuming her car, I just had to do it. So, now it looks like new. Except when you wash it yourself, you notice all these scratches and ticks that you didn't realize you had. It's rather annoying.

The first few days of school.

Matthew's first day of Junior Kindergarten was on Monday. It's funny because you don't want your kids to cry and make a fuss about leaving mommy but when they don't you are so sad. All Matthew wanted me to do was walk him to the door. Parents are not allowed to do that, we are only allowed to drop them off at the gate to the playground. I think that because the teacher was there to take his hand and talk to him about painting, he was fine. I am glad he was fine. But this morning he didn't want to leave my side. He followed me around the whole gated area and stayed with me until the teacher brought them all inside. It actually bothered me more today than it did on Monday. I almost cried today. I almost did on Monday but it took so much more to hold 'em back. I know it will get easier for both of us.

And yesterday my brother went to pick up Skye from school and got lost. He left the house at 3:10pm and the school called at 3:50pm wondering where we were. Jessica and I rushed out the door, picked up Skye, explained to the principal what was suppose to happen today and then rushed out to look for Harry. It really was scary.

Although my brother is 31, his brain does not function like a 31 yr old. Because there was complications during the pregnancy and he was 3mos early he is mentally slow. He does carry a normal conversation and he knows direction if showed a bunch of times. Some of my friends have asked me if we are sure he is slow. He can tell you any facts or figures of sports from any year. But for him to get lost is terrifying. So we went up and down streets and finally at 4:20pm we found him. I think instead of crossing the street he turned left. And threw off his sense of direction. So for the next couple of weeks we will be walking together again until he really gets it down packed. The only real reason I want him to know how to get to her school was in case of emergency and if I am running late at school/work. Also, he feels really good about having responsibility. He'll get it, I just have to change the way I've been teaching him.

This past weekend.

This weekend has been very tiring for me. I worked too many hours but made a good amount of money. And today was our baseball playoffs(we lost because of a very controversial call by the other team). So I didn't get any rest on my day off. :-( I actually just got in 'cause after the game, the team went back to BP and grabbed a bite and drink. Played some pool and foosball. Brought me back to the college years. Oh, the memories. :-)

I hit a car on the way out of the parking lot at work on Friday night. So most of the money that I made will probably go into his car. There wasn't very much damage seeing as I was only doing 20kms if that. But because it is his mom's car, who knows what will happen. He hasn't gotten back to me yet.

Last night, even though I was exhausted and my feet were burning, my friends and I went Country Line Dancing at Nashville North. It was so much fun. We didn't really know how too but trying to learn was a lot of fun. And after 1am they had regular club music on. So we had the best of both worlds.

Tonight I am just going to chill on the couch. Stay off my feet and get some rest.

Collateral.

Went out with Melissa last night. I haven't seen her since our rafting trip. It was so great to chat with her. I had lots of fun. We also saw 'Collateral' starring Tom Cruise. I heard a lot of mixed reviews about it. I do think Tom Cruise is very talented but this movie didn't do anything for me. Melissa enjoyed it, but I guess because I am a movie freak :-) I analyzed it to death. There were just way too many holes in the story and it was too unbelievably stupid. The acting especially by Jada Pinkett Smith impressed me. I have never really been fond of her but in this movie she showed me something she hasn't before, which is her talent. That was harsh but I am just being honest here. If you are just going to see it because you like action/drama type movies then I guess you'll enjoy it like Melissa did. But she did say that after I had mentioned all the things that bothered me about it, she couldn't help but agree with me. Like I said the acting was good but that was about it. Had potential, had the budget but like always Hollywood looked over way too many things.

First day of school jitters.

Skye's first day back to school was today. This year she went to a new school and when we arrived, even last night, she was so nervous. I can recall the first day of school. Every year I would get major butterflies in my stomach and not want to go. Of course I went and everything was fine. When I finally left her in her classroom she had this terrified look on her face. I was anxious to know how her day panned out. She made some new friends (as I knew she would) and she likes her teacher. Hopefully this is a good start to her grade five experience.

Matthew has his first meeting with his teacher on Thursday morning. Monday is the day that he officially starts junior kindergarten. I really hope he will be ok. I really hope I'm ok.

They really are growing up too too fast. Where does the time go?

You are beautiful.

"...God tells you he loves you with abandon and you don’t believe him. Because you can’t. You know your own depravity but you can’t admit to yourself your own worth. You can’t tell yourself you are beautiful, you are talented, you are special; because it hurts inside, it feels dirty to tell yourself such blasphemy. It seems wrong.

And God watches you and I know he must cry. He longs to love you completely, sensuously, with abandon but you don’t get it. You may understand it, believe it, but you don’t get it. I don’t get it."

Taken from Fallen Saints Part 4 at Scott's site. A lot of what he has been writing about touches home. Probably for most of us even if we try to deny it.

Our last camping trip of the season!

We are back from our camping trip. The last one of the year. We trekked up to Grundy Lake Provincial Park - which is actually only about 40mins north of Parry Sound. It was a beautiful park. We went on two trails. One was the Beaver Dam Trail which was 4kms long. We did not see any beaver dams or beavers but we did see some frogs and turtles. It was a bit too long for Matthew. But he survived it. Although Skye and my ears were hurting a bit from the whining. :-) The other trail was the Swan Lake Trail. The park actually has two swans visit them every summer. We didn't get lucky enough to see them though. This trail was only 1.5kms long, so Matthew was happy. The beach was beautiful. And they had a raft that you could swim too. Which made swimming a lot more fun for all of us. On the second day Matthew finally jumped off the raft. He was too afraid on Friday. But after I threw him in he was too excited not to jump off. He was more excited that he could swim and stay above the water. (He thought he would drown even though he wore a life jacket. :-) But he is over the fear and happy to jump in the water. Although we had a good time, we were all happy to see the Welcome to Toronto sign. I think we are all camped out. Luckily we don't have to think about camping until next season. For now it's books and school.

Going away really clears your head sometimes. Looking up at the big cluster of stars and smelling the wood on fire really does something to me. I love it. And I couldn't help but clear up some thoughts that were clouding my head. I do know that I write sometimes in this blog without first thinking it through and jump to conclusions, sometimes more then once. I wish I could erase the last few entries because most of the thoughts were jumbled but what is the point now seeing as they have been up for a week and most likely everyone has seen them. God and I spent some time together. It's really great when He takes away some of the clouds. Things really are looking a bit clearer and I am ready to take the next step that He has shown me. It's funny because at first I was excited and then fear took hold, like always, and now I am going to push through the fear. I am ready to step out into the unknown, I am still afraid but so was Moses when we approached the Pharoah. And what He has shown me isn't half as scary.

Oh, and pictures will be up shortly.

Happy Birthday Skye!!

Today at exactly 4:20pm Skye was born ten years ago. I can not believe that ten years have flown by. It seems like only yesterday I was teaching her the alphabet. We (as in Skye, Matthew and I) watched the video of her birth this morning. It brought back so many memories of Shawn, Skye and I. It was both exciting and a little bit sad for both of us. Matthew was a little upset because I don't have a video of his birth. Try explaining why to a three year old. :-) Anyway, Skye just left. She is having lunch with her father before he heads to work. My sister and family are coming over today for a bbq, cake and of course presents. Skye hasn't stopped bugging since she found out I already had her presents. She did really well this year.

Tonight is going to be busy. Not only are we having birthday celebrations but tomorrow we are going camping. So, tonight we must pack and get ready for it. The kids are excited, so am I. We are going approximately one hour from Parry Sound. So, it will take us close to 4hrs to get to our destination. Long drive with two kids, but well worth it.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SKYE!!!

Take my life.

It's funny because I came down from my room specifically to delete one of my last entries but I don't think I am going too. Why? you may ask. I don't know, I guess I thought it was more stupid then it was and now it makes me laugh a little. Call me weird. I am. :-) I am glad I wrote some things even if a little bit inside of me says that I shouldn't have. I have sorted a lot of things out in the past few days and I think every thing is going to work out alright. God already knows, I just have to trust a bit more. There is a song that I really like and I just finished listening to it. It goes something like this:

How many times have I turned away
The number is the same as the sand on the shore
Every time You've taken me back
And now I pray You'll do it once more

Please take from me my life
When I don't have the strength
To give it away to You
Please take from me my life
When I don't have the strength
To give it away to You, Jesus

How many times have I gone astray
The number is the same as the stars in the sky
Every time You've taken me back
And now I pray You'll do it tonight

written by Mac Powell

Do I have a twin?

Today I went into Blinds to Go with my mom and the lady swore I was in the store earlier. I wasn't. The girl that she was talking about had the exact same shirt on as I did and her hair was in a pony like mine. Even when we were waiting for a quote another salesman waved at me and said hi. He also thought I was the same person. At work on Saturday a gentleman I was serving swore I lived in Brampton and that he knew me. I had never seen him before. I have had that happen to me more times then I can remember. Do I have a common face or does my 'twin' live nearby? :-) Oooooooh, the mystery continues......

Continued from last entry.

Someone once told me that I let other peoples sins be my own. I take the guilt as if it were I that did it. I think with what I had wrote about in my last entry, I did the same thing. Because I couldn't stop it from happening, I took it on as my own. I felt so guilty and so broken that I let it interfere with my relationship with God. Why do I always have to try to save the world and when it doesn't happen, I crumble? Jesus saved us, I don't need too. And yet, I feel this overwhelming need to help everyone. I care too much. Maybe that isn't such a great thing all the time. I wish sometimes I could just let it go. I let other peoples comments slide. I don't let other peoples bad day ruin mine. I have an understanding side that a lot of people don't have. I don't let people get the best of me on most days and I am always available to listen to you. So, why, when I do take something to heart it totally eats at me? Grrrr.

So deep.

I have been wondering for a long time why it is that my growth with the Lord has been stunted. While I had a very good and long conversation with two people I realized what the real reason was. Although I told them something else, the real reason haunted me. I know it was God telling me the depths of my heart so I can rectify our relationship. I sat on it for a few days because I really didn't want to believe it.

I guess I just wish that God never answered a pray that I had for him long ago. He fully answered with a yes and a miracle and then one day a few months down the road it was abolished by a person who although tried to convince for their own good that it was the right thing to do, was really being prideful and sinful. Sometimes I am still very mad at this person, and it really has affected my relationship with the Lord. You may ask why but I ask how could you give such an amazing miracle knowing that someone would destroy it? I couldn't understand. I still don't understand. Did God know that it would happen? Of course he did. So why would he go through with the miracle? Maybe it was to show/teach me or others something.

In the end, it made me drift for a time. Mostly because I just can't understand and it wasn't my place to stop what happened although I tried. So, for almost this whole year I have not spoken that much with God. I have had awesome experiences at church and I feel his presence around me but to actually sit there and have a conversation, even if one sided, I have not bothered to attempt. I guess, I blamed Him. But I know there is no reason to blame. Someone sinned and then sinned again and then told me recently that they keep on slipping. I am in no place to judge, but I get really upset when they purposefully are doing something that they wrecked in the first place. And the first person they came to was me. They know how I feel and I do think about it often. But to come to me and expect me to just be supportive I just can not do. How could I? I am sorry I am not going into detail but it is such a hard topic and personal one. I do need to sort out my feelings on the subject though and so I write.

So, now that I finally realized that this is what has been holding me back from fully worshiping the Lord, I can now work on it. So thank you Lord for showing me my stupidness. Right after I accepted what He showed me, He revealed what I think is the path I am to take. I have been asking Him to show me for years and I think He finally has. Which is also weird because He just forgives and forgets. Again I say how does He do it? I have been told over and over that is what He does. He loves me. And never gives up. I really wish I could forgive and forget. And hopefully God will give me the strength too, eventually. All I can say is that God is AMAZING and thanks so much for never giving up on me - one so imperfect and always failing.

Allergy season!

Up until this week, I have been as free as a bird with my allergies. I have had allergies for as long as I can remember. I remember going to the doctor every week getting a shot to help with the allergies that seemed to infest my life. Eventually I thought it a waste of time and stopped going. I used to get really bad allergy symptoms from early spring to late fall. Over the years my allergies have still bothered me but as I got older, they seemed to relax on my body a bit. This year to my surprise, I didn't have any symptoms at all until this week. Now my head feels like someone is continuously hitting it with a sledge hammer, my eyes are so puffy that it feels and looks like I have been crying for days, my sinuses feel like I have the worst flu of the season and my throat is scratchy. I seem to not be able to get rid of the thirst sensation. So I continuously drink even though it hurts. And of course I can not stop sneezing. So much for growing out of my allergies. But I can look at the positive aspect - at least this only happened once this year in late August and not the whole allergy season.

I am not one for taking meds. I always fight it out. But I have given in-my mom just handed me some benadryl.

Holy Moly, it has been a week!

I didn't realize that I haven't even written for a week. Shame on me! :-) Mostly I haven't picked up the pen(so to speak) because I don't know what to write. I have been having more fun this summer and doing a lot more than the past few summers. My mom says its so great to see that I am never home. At first I was wondering what did she mean by that but then she explained that its great to see you so up and out all the time. I didn't even notice. But I guess when you are busy you don't realize it until someone points it out to you. The great thing is, it is fun busy not stress busy.

Next week is Skye's birthday. And after we celebrate that we are off for our last camping trip of the year. Matthew is very excited about that. When he found out that we went camping without him last time he was more upset than I expected him to be.

Well, I have been learning a bit about myself this summer. Hopefully this means some changes are to come. I have noticed that me being busy has left out the most important thing in my life. I want the desire back and I want to refocus my life in a different direction than it is going. Being busy is great, hanging out with friends is great, being in the great outdoors is great. But really, what's the point if my focus is off and not in the right place. Anyway, I have probably confused you and I will continue to do so. :-) So, for now I will stop. More on this and other topics to follow in the coming weeks/months.

P.S. Awesome baseball game last night. We won 22-21. Sounds scary but it was a really tight and exciting the whole game. Luckily we came out on top.

Rafting pictures!

I finally got a chance this afternoon to put up some of the pictures from my rafting trip. You can check them out here. I had a great time. The photo's don't really do justice to how much fun we were having. And I had so many photos I didn't know which ones to put up. But I weeded them down to give you a sense of each day.

I got to run and get ready for baseball, have a great day. God bless you!

Our first meeting!

So, my work had our first staff meeting. We have been open for over 3yrs now and they finally decided it was time. The meeting was better than I expected. They served us a hot/cold breakfast. Then we had to go through the numbers. It's interesting to find out that our store is ranked #2. We also got to win some prizes. And surprisingly I won one. I won a cordless phone. Which is good, because we really needed one. We also had a motivational speaker join us. I am sure no one knows him but he sort of coaches the Toronto Argonauts and holds a few records in the CFL. If you don't know who I am speaking of, where have you been? The infamous Pinball Mike Clemens. He really is a great guy. Very energetic, very happy, positive. So, all in all the meeting was good. The talks were good. And I won something. :-)

Back from whitewater rafting!

Went whitewater rafting. Got back on Sunday at around 1am. And my life has been non-stop until this evening. So, I figured this would be a good time to catch up.

Rafting was really cool. The first rapid was the scariest, only because I didn't know what to expect. By the third rapid, all I wanted to do was fall out. :-) The first day of rafting was on a 12 man raft. We had really cool guides, which definitely helped too. On the second day we rested. Played beach volleyball. Two from our group went bungee jumping. I thought they were a bit crazy, but it was for free and after watching them, I have to admit, I was a little tempted to do it too. Just a little though. :-) The third day we guided our own 6 man raft. That was a lot of fun. Melissa and I got knocked out on the first rapid. Which was pretty awesome. On the third rapid, we had the choice of staying dry or flipping. We chose to flip. The three guys in our boat fell out and the three girls stayed in. Then we body surfed the rapids which was by far one of the best parts of the whole trip.

I took some awesome photos. I am just trying to finish off the last roll before I take them to be developed. By the end of the week, you will get a chance to experience a little of my trip. I had a great time. We are planning on doing it again next year. I already can't wait. I just hope the weather is better for us the next time around.

Matthew's home and I'm gone again!!

Matthew got home on Sunday. I was so excited, as was Skye. We rushed outside to meet him and he jumped into our arms. What sucked was, on Monday, I worked 12pm to 11:30pm. So, I took the rest of the week off. It felt really good to be home today and just spend some time with my children. Especially since I will be going away from them on Thursday. Yes, on Thursday. That does suck but it will be so much fun. I am going whitewater rafting with some friends, 24 of us actually, with Wilderness Tours. I am both very excited and sad at the same time.

So, tonight I am going to try and get a good nights sleep, as well as tomorrow because after that, I don't know how much sleep I will be getting. Probably very little. I won't be back until Sunday night so to all who read this, have a wicked weekend, 'cause I am planning too. :-)

Check them out!

I finally got the chance to put the pictures from our trip up. Check them out here.

We're Back!

Skye and I are back safe and sound from our camping adventure.  We both had a really good time and the weather was beautiful.  We arrived at the park on Saturday.  Did the usual: putting up the tent, getting organized, had a bite to eat, had a bonfire, took a walk around the campsite and watched the sunset on the beach.

On Sunday we did some hiking.  We went on two trails.  The first one was to see some beaver dams and a nice lookout ontop of a cliff.  It was very cool.  Skye particularly liked this trail because she seems to be a little bit intrigued by beavers as of late.  We had a snack at the lookout and then finished our first hike. 

We went for a ride in the car to get to our second destination, which I thought was going to be pretty short and it ended up being half an hour.  This trail entailed rapids.  This was my pick for the day.  It was called Whiskey Rapids.  So here we are trekking up and down hills, going through really tall grass-which was a little freaky-snakes!!  Thankfully we didn't run into any.  We finally reach rapids, it was a little bit funny because I wouldn't exactly call them rapids.  A little bit of rushing water over rocks.  Ok, so I guess they were but it wasn't exactly what I was expecting.  It was fun though. 

Later in the afternoon, we went to the beach.  Had fun swimming and then headed back to the campsite for dinner, a nice fire and some roasted marshmallows.

On Monday, we rented a canoe.  Spent a good part of the day on the water.  We went on the Ragged Falls canoe route.  We ended up at the bottom of the falls and climbed a little to have lunch.  We sat on a log as the water rushed below us.  It was pretty neat.  After much convincing, Skye and I climbed the rocks all the way to the top of the falls.  There was this swimming hole at the top.  So we hung out there for awhile.  Our shoes, socks and all our clothing got soaked, but it was so much fun.  Climbing down the rocks was a little bit easier, but still dangerous.  Skye actually hit her forehead on one of the rocks, not hard thankfully, but she was ok.  We even slipped on a rock into the water near the top of the falls, which was both scary and fun. 

Yesterday we just chilled at the campsite.  Went for a swim in Pog Lake, read a book and got invited to a neighbour's campsite for a bonfire.  It was nice and relaxing. 

Late last night it rained a bit, so we had to pack a wet tent.  But we are home now and I am so glad that I had such a great time with my daughter.  I am looking forward to do this again. 

So now I am quite exhausted.  Skye is playing and seems like she has all the energy in the world.  It's so great to be a kid.  I could probably go to bed right now and sleep all night.  Ok, probably not, but I'd like too. :-)

Pictures will be posted at my fotopage soon.  It's just I haven't upgraded to digital yet so I have to do it the old fashion way.  :-) 

Off to Algonquin!

As of tomorrow, Skye and I will be out of the city and putting up our tent in the beautiful Algonquin Provincial Park.  We are so excited.  I can hardly wait.  I just took a break from getting everything in order so I can update this thing.  We will not be back until Wednesday.  Yippee!  I love hiking and taking breathes of the beautiful clean air.  I am renting a canoe and will be teaching Skye how to maneuver one.  I also can't wait to see the awesome stars.  This all may seem funny to you but living where we do, it is rare to see a big cluster of stars.  Stars used to be my hobby.  I was fascinated with them.  I always love going up north, I can see them without my telescope.  Something which I have put away being so close to T.O.  I can say that the only thing I hate about camping is the bugs.  But I have learned how to deal with that.  :-)  Anyway, have a great weekend/week.  God bless you all. 

I can mark King Arthur off my checklist of summer movies!

Saw 'King Arthur' with Melissa tonight.  I was not expecting much because of all the gossip going around about it.  I love it when I go into movies not expecting much because I usually come away with a good sense of the movie.  Much more then if I was expecting all sorts of greatness and am let down.  I was not!  And it was a great movie.  I've always been a fan of King Arthur and Excalibur.  Actually I am more fascinated with Sir Lancelot's character then Arthur himself, who of course is also intriguing. 

Anyway, this movie was not your typical 'Arthur' story.  And I think that is why I liked it so much.  They did not have to put Guinevere in a slutty outfit but I seemed to enjoy her character in this movie.  She was a fighter.  She reminded me just a little bit of Joan of Arc.  Who really knows the legend and whether it is truth or myth but this movie had a little more realistic approach to the whole legend.  Don't get me wrong, I love legend too.  Other Arthur stories are great too.  Merlin, surprisingly didn't play a big roll though.  Which was a little disappointing.  Merlin is a big role in the 'legend' of King Arthur and his Knights.  I wish they would have did him a little more justice then they did.  But over all, the movie was great.  Good action, a little bit of romance (seriously, only a tiny bit), and it showed the humanness(is that even a word?) of King Arthur, some of his good deeds - which he is legend for.  Thumbs up on this one!

Is it a sin to work on Sundays?

I have a question.  Is it a sin to work on Sundays? 
 
When I was younger I worked every weekend.  But as I grew in life and in faith I always thought it was wrong to work on Sundays.  But then I was told that Jesus should be the temple of your life all seven days of the week and in reality that obviously doesn't only include Sundays.  So, as long as He is your focus every day of the week, then Sundays were just the same.  But I still refused to work on a Sunday.  Something inside me was still telling me it was wrong.  In the book of Genesis it states that God rested on the seventh day.  Are we not also suppose to rest on the Sabbath.  Which includes all work to be put off until the next day.  So, I guess I never fully stopped working on the Sabbath because I still always did housework.  And I have never worked a Sunday at the job which I currently have but today someone called me as they always do and for some unknown reason I said I would.  Now, I feel like you feel when you do something that you shouldn't do.  Except, is it wrong or is it just something that was drilled into me and as long as Jesus is your centre it doesn't matter? 
 
Signed confused.
 
 

A little update.

Wow, its been a little while since I wrote last.  I have just been a little busy, spending as much time with my little ones as possible.  See, my son left yesterday for two weeks.  He went on vacation with his dad to NFLD.  It was extremely heartbreaking to let him go.  Matthew was upset too.  He didn't really want to leave Mommy.  You don't understand how good and how sad that is.  So, now he is gone.  And God be with him and protect him please. 
 
My daughter is finished summer school.  I enrolled her in the Summer Literacy Camp for two weeks.  She is an excellent reader, she's probably above average, but I wanted to keep her a little fresh for her big jump into Grade 5 in September. 
 
Now, I am just getting ready for our big Mother/Daughter trip to Algonquin next Saturday.  I am very excited about it.  And as far as I can tell, so is Skye.  So, now I am taking extra shifts at work, doubling my work schedule to make up for the time I will be gone.  So, I am a bit tired.  But it will all be worth it when we get there.  Yippee!! 
 
So now I am going to grab a bite, run off to the gym and then head to work.  Have a great weekend everyone.
 
P.S.  I go away from blogger for one week and I come back and they added so many features.  When I have time it will be fun to play around in here.  :-)

Decision Making.

I was talking with Carlos about 'The butterfly effect'. We had a big conversation on the effect of decision making. It's like if I decide to go here instead of there, the effect it could have on my life. It's like God gives us paths and it's up to us which ones we venture on. And depending on which ones we chose could lead us to 'alternate endings'.

I went out with Jaime last night to Demetres for dessert after work. We talked about our current relationships or hopes of one. She is in a sticky situation because she has fallen for her best friend and although he loves her he is afraid to take it to the next level because he doesn't want to lose her. In my opinion, whether they go to the next level or not he still runs the risk of losing her. Why are we so afraid? Why don't we act on things instead of staying afraid and doing nothing?

It's funny because I was talking to her about this guy that I really like and I too am too afraid to act on it. I know why I am afraid. Rejection. I know it is better to know than to keep dreaming but fear has captured me and won't set me free. Maybe sometimes it is easier to not do anything. Because not doing anything doesn't risk you getting hurt but it risks something that could be great.

I could have done something last night but fear got ahold of me again. Jaime tried with her all, I think, to get me to make the slightest move and not until he left did I realize the potential of one little move. That is my problem too. I think of things after instead of in the moment. I am smart, I am just not very quick. Jaime did say that if she didn't know better, his body movements and just the way he was talking with me, sent signals that he does like me. I feel like I am grade school. I am just clueless. So, for now I will try to drop little hints and just let time run its course. If something is meant to be it will be. Which I only think is partly true because it is still up to you whether or not you act.

The before and after pic of my tattoo is up.

I finally got around to putting up a before and after picture of my tattoo. If you are at all interested to see the drastic improvement you can go check it out here. It is not the best thing in the world but it looks considerably better then it once did.

Spider-man 2

Last night I saw 'Spider-man 2' with Melissa. It was such a good movie. First of all I loved the first spidey movie but this one was better. It wasn't all out action. It went more in detail about the trials and responsibility of being who he(Peter/Spider-man) is. I really loved it. And it left me wanting more. I love it when a movie does that to me. The only other movie that I can think of off the top of my head that has left me wanting more was 'The lord of the rings'. Which I find funny because I am neither a fantasy or action movie freak. I do enjoy them but they are usually not my first choice.

And supposedly there is a rumour that M. Night Shyamalan is hoping to do a Superman movie. I think that would be awesome. I love his movies and he loves Superman. If it goes with the 'Smallville' story line it could turn out to be a great film, especially if they use Tom Welling. Chances of any of this happening is slim but a girl can dream. :-)

The dating game.

I went on a date tonight. I have never been fond of the dating game. I don't know. This guy was such a nice guy but there was just nothing there. The nice thing was I felt like I had known him for awhile and we were comfortable with each other but when there isn't any sort of spark at all, what do you do? It seemed like I was out grabbing a bite with a friend which is not a bad thing but not a good thing when you are looking for a potential something. I think he felt the same way, but then again it is so hard to read guys.

I just wish that you could meet someone, know they are the one and that is it. Does that actually happen? It would be so easy if it were like that. Maybe God has fun with us because nothing is easy. But then what would be the sense if you didn't have to work for it. In the end all the dating, all the frustrations, all the laughs, they have to be worth it. So, God can keep having is fun with me :-) because I'm in it for the long haul. The end 'prize'. I put prize in quotations because I don't literally mean prize I mean life partner, friend, lover....you get the picture. :-)

Happy Canada's Day!!

Canada Day was a lot of fun. Five of us went downtown Toronto to the Country Jamboree where my all time favourite country singer was performing. Actually, there were six singers, all from good ol' Canada. Two were up and coming stars with one or two songs that have been played on the radio and the best act was Paul Brandt. I absolutely totally love this guys music. I have four of his cds. It was totally awesome. The concert was free too. And I didn't have to pay for parking which seriously has been a first when venturing downtown. It was right on the beach and they had fireworks across the lake after the concert. This was probably the best Canada Day I've had.

Paul Brandt is a devoted Christian. And he broke out into the music industry approximately seven years or so ago. I have never seen him live until last night. He sounds amazing live. You know when you see a band or a singer and they sound better live then on a cd, and you think that it couldn't be possible because the cds are awesome. That was him. He is also a lot better looking close up then when I've seen pictures or tv appearances. I was impressed by his whole performance. It almost felt like he was playing just for you. How can you tell I totally enjoy his music, huh? ;-)

Anyway, we didn't get home until 11:30 or so. I can't wait to see him again live. Totally worth every penny. Happy Canada's Day everyone. I hope your day was as great as mine.

The Notebook

I just arrived home after watching 'The Notebook' with Jaime. When the movie was over, we looked at each other and both said at the same time 'That was amazing!' It truly was. I can not think of a greater love story. And believe me, I have watched many movies about love. I can't even really explain the movie either, it is just something that you have to see. It is beautiful.

I cried for happiness and I cried for sorrow. As did Jaime. We both wondered if love like that actually exists any more. More than anything, I want this kind of love. The kind, it seems can only be found in a book, which was turned into a movie. Jaime said that her grandparents had the most amazing love. You could see it in them at all times. Her grandmother said that they had old soul. She also said that in order to have that kind of love you have to look for someone who has old soul. She said you will find it, and there are men out there that have it, you just have to look. Seriously, where are they, because I've been looking.

I have old soul. I want old soul. I pray for this kind of love. I know God answers prayers, I have testified about it. This is the one I truly want with all my heart. Is there someone with old soul out there? Is God waiting for the right time to bring him my way? I sure hope so. For you and for me. And for those that have found it, God bless you.

Elementary School

The last day of school for Skye was today. She is going to a different school next year so I had to make an appearance in the school office to get her transfer papers. While I was in there I felt very weird. Do you remember when you were a kid and you had to go to the office. I never liked the office, even if it was to call home 'cause I was sick. I don't know, today all those feelings came back. I was talking to the secretary and I got so nervous. I did get everything I came for but it was too weird.

I remember the last day of school when I was in grade school. To us it seemed like the best day of the year with the exception of Christmas. We used to sing 'NO more pencils, no more books....'. YOU know the song and you are probably singing it as you read this. :-) We felt free, finally after having the same routine day in and day out. The only thing we missed were our friends. We used to write in notebooks to each other and pretend we were big kids, you know, getting signatures and writing nice things to each other like Have a great summer, or You have been such a great friend.... Well, as I approached Skye's class all the kids were crying. They were hugging the teacher and wouldn't let her go. There were about 10 or so, just crying. No one was singing, everyone was so sad to say goodbye. It was different. Skye was talking to her friend Adrian and getting his phone number to keep in touch over the summer, which I hope that she does. And as it was time to leave, she started to cry. I started to get teary. Wow, it was emotional. I felt silly having tears, but she did spend 3 years at the school and she was very upset about switching school. More upset then I ever thought she would be. As we walked out of the school. Skye seemed to know every teacher and they were all sad to see her go. She hugged each one and they had nothing but great comments to say about her. One teacher gave her a present for all her good work with Jacob (a mentally challenged child her age). She gives her all when he is around. It really makes me so proud to be her mom. Not only because of that but just because she is an inspiration. They say that kids look up to their parents, but she sure has taught me a lot too.

We left the school and I made her laugh and I promised her a McDonald's dinner. She'll be fine, and she'll meet new friends and she'll touch everyone she comes in contact with just like she did at her school. She was so worried about what if no one likes her at the new school. Truly, she has nothing to worry about. She is the greatest gift from God, even when she frustrates me. :-) Thank you Lord.

Great game tonight.

We had an awesome baseball game tonight. We mostly played in the rain and it went extra innings. We ended up winning 13-12. Woo Hoo!!

This weekend was nice. For my parents anniversary we took them to The Keg. Great dinner and great bill. Darcy actually was so very nice to pay for us all. It was a bit of a surprise but a nice one. Thank you Darcy.

For father's day we just had a nice dinner at home. Mom made it, so it wasn't actually from the kids. But I am getting tickets for my parents so see a show and hotel. They just haven't picked which one yet. My parents are getting ready to go to Atlantic City next week. My dad seems to be looking forward to it. Which is great because he doesn't seem to get excited about a lot of things these days.

Oh, and I updated my fotoblog if anyone is interested, here is the link. It just has some picks of my family at wonderland and a few from the wedding of Jen and Mark.

Lost for words in a 'billion' word society.

I am so lost for words. I haven't written in the past two weeks as I normally have and it's because I seriously have no clue what to write about. I could tell you that I am a bit peeved at work because people who work really hard and deserve shifts and time off etc... are not getting it but the ones who are dishonest and are lazy get whatever they want. Or I could tell you that I'm planning a skydiving trip. And maybe, just maybe I might white water raft this year finally. Or that my parents 33rd wedding anniversary is on Saturday. Or that Skye met Robert Munsch - he came to her school because a kid from Skye's Gr. 4 class won a Story Contest. Or that I played baseball in the rain and loved every minute of it. Or that my sister got the house that they wanted and are moving in at the end of the month. Or that my niece is out of the hospital and that she seems to be improving. Or that going to a spinning class almost killed me but wow it was awesome. Or that my fitness evaluation is tomorrow. Or that, I don't know. Whatever, I don't know what's come over me but I am seriously not in the mood to write and if I sit at the computer, I end up leaving because I'm either bored with it or don't really have anything or know what to share.

What's up with that?! :-)

I don't know what it is but I must be going crazy or something. For the last couple of Sundays, as soon as I step into church I get super emotional. I will start singing or something and I have to fight really hard not to cry. What is up with that?

This Sunday, we arrived a little late but when we got there, church was in full swing. I mean, we didn't have a typical service, we had intercession. There were lines all over the church for people to be prayed over. It was awesome. But before anyone even started to pray over my children or me I got this overwhelming sensation, and I swear if I wasn't fighting, I would have bawled. Now, I don't think its a bad thing to cry, and believe me I do my share of it but every single time I walk into that place, I swear its crazy. :-)

Maybe the Lord is working on something within me. That is always good. And I don't have to understand everything. I don't want to understand it all. It gets me excited, just knowing the Spirit is moving. Woo Hoo!! And it also helps to know that maybe I am not that crazy. :-)

On another note, I have baseball in just 2 and a half hours. Yippee.

It is indeed, an exciting start of the week.

Live like you were dying

He said I was in my early forties
With a lot of life before me
When a moment came and stopped me on a dime
And I spent most of the next days
Looking at the x-rays
Talking bout the options
And talking bout sweet time
I asked him when it sank
That this might really be the real end
How's it hit you when you get that kinda news?
Man what'd you do?

And he said
I went skydiving
I went rocky mountain climbing
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named Fu Man Chu
And I loved deeper and I smoked sweeter
And I gave forgiveness I'd been denying
And he said some day I hope you get the chance
To live like you were dying.

He said I was finally the husband
That most of the time I wasn't
And I became a friend, a friend would like to have
And all of a sudden going fishing
Wasn't such an imposition
And I went three times that year I lost my dad
Well I finally read the good book
And I took a good long hard look
At what I'd do if I could do it all again

And then,
I went skydiving
I went rocky mountain climbing,
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named Fu Man Chu
And I loved deeper and I smoked sweeter
And I gave forgiveness I'd been denying
And he said some day I hope you get the chance
To live like you were dying.

Like tomorrow was a gift and you got eternity to think about
What'd you do with it, what did you do with it
What did I do with it
What would I do with it?

Skydiving
I went rocky mountain climbing,
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named Fu Man Chu
And then I loved deeper and I smoked sweeter
And I watched an eagle as it was flying
And he said some day I hope you get the chance
To live like you were dying.
To live like you were dying
To live like you were dying
To live like you were dying
To live like you were dying

Receiving communion.

Church was really good yesterday. Not only did my mother join me again but we participated in the communion. Just in case you didn't know, I grew up Catholic and the Eucharist is a blessed sacrament. You can only participate if you have had your first communion. A big celebration that occurs in the first grade for most. I have always enjoyed getting communion. I have come to appreciate it more now that I am older, not old, older :-). I have never participated in the ritual in a Christian community before. I have heard about it but never actually seen it being done. It was definitely an experience. Very different than my Catholic upbringing but it really touched me this morning. As I was receiving both the blood and body I shed tears. It was a very emotional service for me. I don't know why but so many times I held back some tears. Some times I couldn't.

On another note, my friend Nadine visited. I haven't seen her since the Easter weekend. We chatted it up pretty good, caught up with the going-ons in our life, went for dinner, watched a movie and ended the night pretty late. I know I said I would be getting proper sleep, but there are always exceptions and she definitely qualifies as one.

Baseball is tonight, and my kids are joining me in the outing. I am so looking forward to it.

Finally!!

The gym that I signed up for in September, which is right across the street from my work, opened on Tuesday. Thursday was the first chance that I had to check it out. Wow, its pretty impressive. Because there are so many fitness evaluations to be done, I couldn't get an appt. until June 18. So, that sucks a bit but I still got to work out. I got a BMI done. Holy, that was not impressive. But it is not a discouragement it is an encouragement to do that much better. I have some fitness goals and I can't wait to achieve them. I love working out. I really don't know why I haven't done it more often, I feel so good, and I sleep that much better.

My lifestyle change as of yesterday: eat better, get proper sleep, workout often, and seperate time for the Lord. I really want to start treating my body better seeing as the body is the temple of The Holy Spirit.

----------------------------------------------------

Today I am very tired. I worked over 13hrs yesterday and worked out. I haven't seen my family since Thursday morning, so I was very excited to pick Skye up from school. Tonight is going to be a chill and rest night. Skye's already picked out the movie that we are watching after dinner. Although she has changed her mind twice already. :-)

Great Quotes by Great Ladies!

I don't really have much to say tonight. Just a bit tired from working a split shift. While checking email I came across some good quotes. So, here they are:

Great Quotes by Great Ladies!

Inside me lives a skinny woman crying to get out.
But I can usually shut her up with cookies.

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Inside every older person is a younger person -- wondering what the hell happened.-Cora Harvey Armstrong-

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The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy.

-Helen Hayes (at 73)-

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I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows.

-Janette Barber-

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Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse.

-Lily Tomlin-

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A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car.

-Carrie Snow-

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Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry with your girlfriends.

-Laurie Kuslansky-

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My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being, hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.

-Erma Bombeck-

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Old age ain't no place for sissies.

-Bette Davis-

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A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't.

-Rhonda Hansome-

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The phrase "working mother" is redundant.

-Jane Sellman-

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Every time I close the door on reality it comes in through the windows.

-Jennifer Unlimited-

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Whatever women must do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.

-Charlotte Whitton-

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Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.

-Caryn Leschen-

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I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.

-Jennifer Unlimited-

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If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.

-Catherine-

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When I was young, I was put in a school for retarded kids for two years before they realized I actually had a hearing loss. And they called ME slow!

-Kathy Buckley-

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I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb .. and I'm also not blonde.

-Dolly Parton-

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If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them.

-Sue Grafton-

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I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.

-Roseanne Barr-

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When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.

-Elayne Boosler-

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Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.

-Maryon Pearson-

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In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man- if you want anything done, ask a woman.

-Margaret Thatcher-

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I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career.

-Gloria Steinem-

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I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.

-Zsa Zsa Gabor-

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Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission.

-Eleanor Roosevelt-

Happy Birthday to Me!

Yes, today is my birthday. Last month I thought turning 28 would be like dying a horrible death but today and the few days leading up to my birthday I've been thinking that I was just a bit crazy to think such a thing. :-) It's not the end of the world, and it's not the end of anything. As always, your birthday comes and goes. There are just so many things that I want to do by the time I reach 30 and its a bit scary to know that I am now only two years away from reaching that point.

And I got a great present from the Ministry of Transportation. Not only do I have to get my license plate renewed at $72, but I also have to get my driver's license renewed, which is another $50. So, once again I thank the Government. Actually it's not that bad. It is a luxury to be able to drive and have a car so I am grateful.

Family is coming over today for dinner and cake. Life is good. God is good. Actually God is awesome, faithful, true, loving, merciful and kind. I couldn't ask for more.

Today at church.

I went to church today. I haven't been to church in over a month. My mom, Skye, Matthew and I went. I was surprised when I asked my mom if she'd like to go and she actually said yes. I didn't show her I was surprised but inside I was jumping for joy.

The worship time was so great. At first, I felt like laughing and then I felt like crying. It was awesome. I could feel the Spirit working. Awesome, I tell ya! Skye couldn't wait to go to the Flight Krew(children's ministry) and Matthew cried when he found out I wasn't staying with him in the Lion's Den(toddler area of Noah's Ark). So, for the rest of the service he hung out with Nana and Mommy.

When Skye came down from Flight Krew she was so happy. Her first question was 'Are we coming back next Sunday?' When I told her that we were she was literally jumping with arms raised. It was quite cute.

On our way home, I was listening to the kids play in the back of the car and they always play games and such. Today they wanted to play Jesus and then Peter Pan. Which is quite amazing seeing as they always want to play Peter Pan and Captain Hook. Jesus was first today. Yippee!!!

I am very much looking forward to church next Sunday.