Saturday, March 20, 2004

Just over two weeks to go.

This week has been a little stale, maybe not stale but whatever!! I feel the power of the Lord pressing on in me. I feel His presence all around me. I also feel confused. I have been wanting certain things to come to pass and I think the Lord is purposefully waiting. I sometimes feel as though I get a little taste and then He takes it from me almost just as fast. Maybe these things were never even mine to begin with. Truthfully, they were not mine I just wished that they were. I have to continuously remember that God is in control and when He deems it is my time then, it will be. I know that if I desire Him first He will give me the desires of my own heart.

How come it is so hard to trust sometimes? I have tried trusting man and that proves itself over and over that they can't be trusted. I know that there are good people out there. I just know my past and I know what has happened when I had finally trusted someone. I always seem to be the one to get hurt. God is different!! I know that on an intellectual level and yet when push comes to shove I can't seem to get it stuck in my heart. God will not abandon me! Even when it appeared as though He abandoned Job, or Joseph, or Jeremiah and so on... He didn't. IT is the waiting period which eats at me. I ask for patience. Maybe that wasn't a good idea. But I asked any way. Time sucks!! It feels as though it is passing way to quickly and not enough things are happening. I just got to keep telling myself to trust in the Lord, He knows what He is doing, and if something works out it was because it was suppose to and if it doesn't then it wasn't suppose to be.

If you find it in your heart, I ask for your prayers. Any prayer is a good prayer. While I pray, I will pray for you too!!

Sunday, March 14, 2004

The third week........

I can't lie. This week has been a little hard. Last weekend, because I was so in His glory, I had prayed about giving up more things. I was ready to sacrifice things that most people would think I was crazy for. I prayed for strength etc,.. But I think I overdid myself. At first it seemed like it would be, I don't want to say easy, but not so difficult. But by the end of the week heading into the weekend I had given up so much and was feeling burdened. Now being burdened is not the end of the world but this Lenten season I had already given up 5 separate things and then I added a really really big one last Sunday. I just couldn't do it. I am going strong in the 5 things that I gave up at the start of lent. And really it isn't too bad, it was the big one I added that I just couldn't do.

I find it funny because I know I could do it if I just trust totally in the Lord. And I have been for the other things but for this one, I guess I made my plate over flow. I will do it. I think I will just concentrate on my other sacrifices this time. And when I believe that I am ready, I will try to sacrifice the 'big' thing. I find it sad that I can't put that much faith in the Lord. But I think moreso, I can't put that much faith in myself.

So this week has been a little bit of a faith struggle. Within myself and in the Lord. The Lord is Good and I know he is here for me. I just need to put more trust and faith into Him. I need to put all my worries and burdens on Him. Its just that in life I don't even like to burden others so I feel as though why burden the Almighty. But I know that is what He wants us to do.

Anyway, everyone have an awesome week. Look forward to hearing from you. God bless you!!

Sunday, March 07, 2004

Two weeks and counting...

It's been two weeks without the boob tube. It really hasn't bothered me. Although today I was really craving to watch an awesome movie. Mostly, I miss going out and buying a movie. But you know what? I am really getting somewhere with God. I like this sacrificing thing so much that I talked with God and gave up even more things. It won't be the whole 40 day thing but its definitely a sacrifice worth every penny.

You know what is so great about God: He is always there for you, listening, watching, waiting. It is so comforting to know that He is always there when needed. How many of us can say that about other people. I know my family will always be there but even when they can't be, He is!!

My only words to contribute this week is God is Great. I actually think I said the same thing last week, but I feel it. I really feel it in my bones. God is truly amazing!!