Tuesday, October 28, 2003


As I was downtown today (see last post for reason), I noticed how just living 15 minutes away makes a huge difference. In Mississauga we don't see homeless people, we don't see 'ghetto areas'. If there are any, I haven't seen them. You see huge skyscrapers and multiculturism. You see that in Mississauga as well. But while I was downtown I felt this overwhelming need for God. I have not felt this pain for the people like I did when I was there today. I really think God was talking to me through my eyes. As I was driving around I saw rich I saw poor I saw greed I saw needy. All I could think of was running into the big buildings screaming give your money to the homeless they are the ones who need it. I kept thinking if only everyone in this city would give $1 each how there would be no homeless people starving or dying from the cold this coming winter. Why do these big rich companies make billions and don't even build one house to help the homeless back on their feet or just to keep them warm and offer showers? We really need to do something about this. I sit here writing this on my nice computer in my warm house, as you are reading this in the same comfort. If only we would give up some comfort for someone else to have just a taste of it.

I know I have to do something. Maybe this has to do with a dream I had awhile ago. I had a dream where this man(who has also dreamt of the poor) and me were helping the poor and they were helping us. There was so many other details in the dream and I think I wrote about it here once but that's not my point. All the way home I cried for the poor in Toronto. I know that isn't going to help them but I couldn't help but think of different ways that maybe I could. I will pray more about this and as God reveals it to me I will reveal it to you.

Its funny because for the last year or so I have been wanting to go into missions and I thought I would have to go overseas and I have been wondering how could I with two children (with their fathers in Ontario). Now I see that I don't have to leave. God just might use me here. Its funny because we always seem to forget about the need in our own country. Its not funny but you know what I mean. Pray for me please.


So, I spent the afternoon in downtown Toronto. You don't realize how different Mississauga is compared to Toronto until you are down there. I went to The Hospital for Sick Children. Very famous hospital, I'm sure y'all heard of it before. That place is quite amazing. Reason for going was that Matthew had an appointment to see an eye specialist. Once inside the hospital you would never get the impression it was one. They have this amazing atrium with a big food court. As we made our way toward the Elm Ward, we passed a gift shop, an art studio for the kids, a health food store, a reading room(small library for kids), in the waiting rooms they had Nintendo, Playstation, and your conventional toys. Let me tell you, they do an awesome job making the kids feel comfortable. It was a little extravagant but a lot of children call that place their home.

Sunday, October 26, 2003


Here I am, a bit confused, as always. :-). I read the bible, I pray, I think I get what God is saying to me and then I act on it, or do I? I wake up and feel as though I want to go to church and as the day progresses I wonder should I go. Then I go anyway, which always turns out to be a great thing. God always blesses me at church. I see the Spirit working in the pastor. I see how his faith grows with God even when he doesn't see results in the church. This really should be in two posts but whatever, I am going to ramble away... God gives this great miracle of twins to my sister. She says she asked for salvation. But then goes on like she always lived. Doesn't ones heart change after salvation? After a miracle? Did mine? I witnessed to everyone the miracle, my sister's salvation. But then a week or two later do I slip a little? I have a drink at a party that my friend was having. I get into conversations with Melissa all the time about God, are either one of us changing for the better? I know in my heart God is there. I know that He is awesome. If I look daily I do see miracles and His grace. Am I as close as I want to be? No way!! How do I get there? The bible says to go sell what you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. It also says If anyone wishes to come after Me, let him deny himself and take up his cross, and follow Me. And to take nothing for your journey. So, in todays day and age, what does that mean? I hear Christians saying that you can have that car, that computer, that nice house on the hill etc.. But if Christ said 'take what you have and sell it and give it to the poor' why do Christians say that? Do they just want the best of both worlds? I know its inticing, but in Revelations Jesus talks about being lukewarm. Are we lukewarm? Am I lukewarm? Because if I really look deep I can honestly say I love a lot of the things in this world. I have given up some of them. And its been hard. I know if I give it all up my rewards will be many, so what am I waiting for?

Saturday, October 25, 2003

We are moving!!

Yesterday we got the good news that we are moving! Its only a few minutes up the street but it really is a nicer, quieter street. The house is a lot bigger, nicer, has central air, a fireplace, and a fenced in backyard. That might sound silly but the place that we live in now, the backyard is not fenced which makes it more difficult for the kids to play outside, and for the dog, who only gets to go outside for walks.

We are moving in at the end of November so there's going to be a lot of work to do in the next few weeks, and once we move in - considering it is just before Christmas.

This is going to be so good for all of us. :-)

Friday, October 24, 2003

The Gospel of John

"A momentous undertaking involving a creative constituency of award-winning artists and esteemed academic and theological consultants from around the world, Visual Bible's THE GOSPEL OF JOHN is an ambitious motion picture that has been adapted for the screen on a word for word basis from the American Bible Society's Good News Bible.

The story of Jesus' life as recounted by His disciple John, this three-hour epic feature film draws its audience into antiquity by way of meticulous recreation, including an original musical score complete with instrumental sounds of the time. This ambitious motion picture follows the Gospel precisely, neither adding to the story from other Gospels, nor omitting complex passages."

To read more about the movie or to see the theatrical trailer click here.

Thursday, October 23, 2003

The Heresy (A hot site right now)

You know, over at Leighton's site (the heresy, link to the left), there has been quite a lot of discussion going on. I have been watching it closely. But in the end I have to ask myself - what are we doing here? If I were not a Christian, what would I get from those posts and all those comments. (last time I looked they were at 61, and his new post is already reading 19.) The truth of the matter is, I think I would not want to be a part of what all those people are involved in. It would turn me away. I do remember how I once thought as a non-christian. We as christians seem to be fighting, over analyzing and dragging things on like we all know everything. Like we are holier than though. We are not! I know you would say that we are all entitled to our opinion and we have our own beliefs but hello..... I think we need to stop what we are doing and focus ourselves on God. God is the truth, he will reveal what He wants to us. As for the rest, lets just say that its a mystery and that we do not know the answer.

Over at the heresy they have been discussing the early church. Who is so sure that they got it right? As far as I can see no one has. We are not perfect nor will we ever be. When Jesus comes back He will be looking for a church without a spot or wrinkle. Are you a part of that church? Are you planning to be?

Why do we always as humans have to argue and discuss things that there really shouldn't be a discuss about. Was Jesus being exclusive to his disciples? Of course not! He was closest to His disciples, we are all closest to some, but He never excludes anyone.

1At the same time came the disciples unto Jesus, saying, Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven? 2And Jesus called a little child unto him, and set him in the midst of them, 3And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven. 4Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven. 5And whoso shall receive one such little child in my name receiveth me. 6But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him, that a millstone were hanged about his neck and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea. Matt 18 vs 1-6 KJV
11For the son of man is come to save that which is lost. 12How think ye? If a man have an hundred sheep, and one of them be gone astray, doth he not leave the ninety and nine, and goeth into the mountains, and seeketh that which is gone astray? 13And if so be that he find it, verily I say unto you, he rejoiceth more of that sheep, than of the ninety and nine which went not astray. 14Even so it is not the will of your Father which is in heaven, that one of these little ones should perish. 15Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone, if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. 16But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in HE MOUTH OF TWO OR THREE WITNESSES EVERY WORD MAY BE ESTABLISHED. 17And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican. Matt 18 vs 11-17 KJV Pls continue to read the rest of Matthew 18.

Just my thoughts but in the verses mentioned above I think Jesus is trying to teach us the way in which we should treat the ones of the church and the ones gone astray. I am thinking that if I was in a church and was not included in all aspects of the church it would offend me. And if I went astray, which I have at times, if no one was there to guide me back-where would I be now. As for the trespasses of the brother I would say that you could use that in the context of how you would deal with everyone, including church membership (meaning although we are to forgive his trespasses no matter how many times he trespasses against you, you can not give up on him. Where would we be if God had given up on us. I think in referring to Leighton's site, that is why I don't believe in rules for membership. Because if there are rules for joining then there has to be rules for kicking out. We should never be in the mindset of wanting to give up on someone, even if they have given up on themselves. I truly believe that the church should be open to all. Jesus demonstrates it often in the NT. HE does however describe what it means to follow Him. It is up to us to give up what we have and take up our own cross to follow Him. No human has a right to judge what that means to each individual. So many churches have hurt people by giving up on them. Only God is the judge! I am by no means a scholar but I don't think I am that far off.

I have more to say on this but wow, its late and it seems to be getting a bit jumbled. I hope ya'll understand what I am trying to say. I am not specifically talking to one of the commenters merely, giving my thoughts on so many things that were said over at the heresy. Hats off to you, if you made it to the end of this post. :-)

Tuesday, October 21, 2003

Going downstairs!

Today, as I was going downstairs to change before I headed out to my art class, I did something really hurtful, to myself. I really am a spaz!! I took a fall and fell down the stairs. I don't even remember ever falling down the stairs before, if I did, it must have been when I was very young. It was actually quite cute. As I was in immense pain, Matthew runs up to me and doesn't stop asking if I am ok until I finally answer him, which believe me was hard to do. It was quite nice to see how many people ran to check on me. It felt good to be loved. But man did it ever hurt. So, now my left wrist is sore. My left butt cheek kills, I have a really big bruise on my butt and I can't even sit on my left side.

I decided to go to art class despite my pain but ended up leaving early because somewhere between my drive, which was very interesting trying to put all pressure on my right side, by the way, and being at class for an hour and a half I felt ill. I rarely get sick and I was feeling a little light headed so I went home. I really hope I feel better tomorrow and I hope my butt doesn't swell and I can sit normally. :-) As I am writing, I can't help but laugh. It is quite amusing yet embarassing yet painful. So, to all, who can sit well, have a wonderful night. :-)

Ontario is on Amber alert for the second time this year!!

So, I watched the late news this evening and it was heart wretching. A little girl by the name of Cecilia has been abducted. She is only nine years old, same age as Skye. She was taken right from her bedroom late last night. Her parents didn't even know until this morning when they went to wake her up to get her ready for school. How scary is that!!! In our history there has only been three, count them three amber alerts and two of them were this year. The one earlier this year, Holly was a ten year old girl who was found dismembered in a duffel bag down by Lake Ontario. Please pray for Cecilia and her parents for her safe return.

For the full story click Here

Sunday, October 19, 2003

Experiencing the Father's Embrace

Such a Love

Our journey has taken us throughout the earth
From pain and suffering our love did birth
Yet love did flourish from the shame and tears
Our love remained true all through the years!

What pain can hold back such a love as ours
Not shame, not fear, not even wounded hearts
For our love has conquered every wall
It has fought and grasped for passion's call!

It was your love that brought to me a rest
A love that my pain has put to the test
Yet you endured and gave of your best
Today it is the reason I feel so blessed!

What kind of woman could love as you do?
One who is beautiful, faithful and true
It takes one whose heart is made of pure gold
One whose life will be as a tale that is told!

Your love will be spoke of for ages to come
For it is the kind which lights up the sun
It is full of fire, passion and zeal
A love that is not false but open and heals!

Your love fills my heart with visions and dreams
Faith, hope and love my head has finally seen
Your love has given me reason to live
Your love has caused my heart to want to give!

How could your love be so rich and free?
How could you love such a man as me?
How could your heart be filled with rich desire?
How could you cause me to burn with such fire?

Certainly your love must come from above
How else could you know such a wondrous love
I long to return that love to you one day
With such desire and self sacrifice may I love, I pray!

Oh God, I could never repay what you have done for me
When you gave me her love, so beautiful, so free
Forgive me for all the years that I did blame
As an excuse not to love, because of my pain!

Unmerited favour I received when I first saw her face
Your love, through her, has revealed to me grace
Now I am honoured to call her my wife
I will cherish and care for her all of my life!

I would go through the pain again and again
To experience her love that covered my shame
I would give my life, my wealth, and my fame
To love her and cherish her and give her my name!

Poem taken from 'Experiencing the Father's Embrace' by Jack Frost of Shiloh Place Ministries

Saturday, October 18, 2003

I'm a nut!! :-)

I am a nut. Went out yesterday to buy a scanner and I ended up with a VCR. My VCR died like two weeks ago and the kids have so many movies on vhs. I almost bought the Canon LiDE 80 scanner. Have heard nothing but great things about it. When I went to check out prices at other stores, the last store I ended up at was Future Shop which didn't even have the scanner, so I hopped over to the home theatre section and got a VCR instead. I got some really great movies too, on DVD. So, I guess the scanner will have to wait, which means someone is going to have to wait for my picture just a little bit longer. :-)

I just got home from work and I am exhausted. Melissa and I are suppose to do something later so I think I am going to head for my pillow for a nice nap.

No title.

Last night I realized that I don't live life enough. Truthfully I can say that my life so revolves around work that I don't really have much time for anything else. My boss says can you work this day or I hope you don't mind I scheduled you here. What do I always say - no problem even when it is. Two weekends ago I had my children for the whole weekend with nothing to do but spend time together and what does my boss ask-if I could work, what did I say-yes no problem yet inside I was upset because I wanted the whole weekend for just the three of us. Why do I strive to do my best there when I know my home life is suffering. I miss my children. I miss my life. If only.............

Last night.

Last night I went to Melissa's. She was having a little party. A handful of us were there. I have not gone out with friends in such a long time. It was so much fun! Owen brought his guitar and him and Garret jammed. They really are great!! Both with their own uniqueness. Owen tried to teach me a string or two on his guitar, I was hopeless. Until Owen did the cords and I did the strumming and Garret improvised a song. That was too cool. I was still hopeless but it was great!! I got a well needed massage from Garret. Melissa and I wrestled until I felt sick. I have not had any real drink in I'd say at least two years. I had one stupid Smirnoff and less then half a glass of Baileys. I don't plan on doing that again. We watched Owen's short film-he acted in it. Steve was there. He is such a great guy. He is young but I have not seen a guy with such maturity in awhile. Even guys my age don't seem to be as mature as he is and he's just breaking into the twenties. Michelle is just too fun. Vince, although at work we drive eachother nuts, literally, he is alright! Cristina is the nicest girl ever! I met Steph for the first time, although we didn't talk that much she seems really nice. Veena is great too!! We really have to do that again soon.

Thursday, October 16, 2003

The Sky!!!

The highlight of my day, I would have to say was my drive to church this evening with my children. Skye asked me to put on some christian music and I did. As we drove on the highway I looked up to the sky. I do this often-as I am fasinated with the majesty and beauty of it. I told Skye to check it out and seriously it was amazing! Skye has such an imagination. She pointed to a patch of sky and described it as a cottage on a hill, with water to its left. The forest surrounding it. And you know what, that is exactly what it looked like! When we used to go up to my Uncle George's house we stayed at the cottage beside his house and the picture Skye had drawn in the sky was a replica. It brought back so many memories. My uncle has past on, but he still lives with us.

I recommend if you don't already to look at the sky daily, more than once. It is like a snowflake-it is never the same twice.

God is truly amazing!!! I look at the earth around me and every time I do, I am in awe at his magnificance!!

Tuesday, October 14, 2003

Happy Thanksgiving!

I was running through my head what I should write in here but after reading Pamela's blog I thought that I would say some of things that I am thankful for this Thanksgiving weekend.

My sister's salvation, the miracle of the twins, Pamela is back in the church and growing strong, Ashley's courage to venture into school so far away from home, mom taking an interest in church, family showing up out of the blue, Matthew, Skye, my friends-old/new/near/far, God not giving up on me, my salvation, trials, my wonderful parents, my silly siblings-Mary and Harry, my neices-Jessica and Alyssa, my family near/far, the bible, my church/members/pastor. There are so many and these only touch the surface of what I am thankful for.

We strive so often for statis, for material things such as a house, car, whatever and when we really look inside it really doesn't matter if we have those things, it only matters that our loved ones are with us to share in our blessings. I wish everyone all the blessings in the world. Happy Thanksgiving! A holiday which we should celebrate daily.

Saturday, October 11, 2003

Happy Birthday Matthew!!

Today is Matthew's Birthday. In case you haven't figured out who he is yet, he is my loveable, adorable, smart as a whip son. He turned 3. I can not believe that its been three years, WoW!!

Love you so much!!!

Friday, October 10, 2003

'Coffee' with Melissa.

It was 1 in the morning when I finally left Melissa's porch - (which was suppose to be just a quick coffee-I actually don't drink coffee, but I'm sure you get my drift). It really was such a beautiful fall night last night. Anyway, we seem to go out for 'coffee' or sit on her porch on a regular basis. But seriously, I am getting too tired and 'old' for this. I enjoy it but crawling into bed at 1:30am and getting up to take Skye to school is getting very tiring. I don't know how much longer my body can take this. I act like I'm 50 sometimes :-). I will probably still do it, maybe as the cold weather approaches it will cut down. Its funny 'cause I love sitting around and having good meaningful conversations. Maybe we will just spend more time in Tim Horton's or D'emetre's. See, there I go again. :-)

Wednesday, October 08, 2003

Thinking out loud!

So, I was talking with Melissa today about things we did in our past. As I was confiding in her I actually started to feel ill. I guess some would say its no big deal but to me looking at my life now and then reflecting on where I was just overtook me. Let me tell you, I am extremely happy that the Lord never gave up on me when He so easily should have.

On another note, today I felt a little more alone than usual. Although I was sharing a part of my soul print with Melissa, it also hit some nerve in the back of my brain that I really am just alone in this world-no one will ever really get me. I think Melissa thinks she has me figured out and I am sure in a lot of ways she does. The only person who really 'got' me was Shawn but then I wonder did he really? After six years he decided to up and leave. Is it because he got to know me or is it because we just were not right for each other. Don't get me wrong, after all the heartache I was able to see that it was/is better for me that he isn't such a big part of me as he was. We get along and we are friends.

I guess my big question is why do people leave? Why do we just give up? Is there a person out there made specifically for me and if so where the heck is he? What I am saying is that I am 27 with two beautiful children and I know God has a purpose for me. I am not sure of what it is, and I really hope it includes someone special that God chose for me. I feel as though who would want someone that lived in sin, had two children, got saved, turned their life around, have many blessings. But to me I see men looking at two children and a mom. I know that is a lot to take on. Believe me I am living it, and I would never give it up! It is just frustrating being single, a mom and christian sometimes. I know the reward will be many but right now I just want to be loved by a man, that is not my brother or my father :-)
Is that too much to ask God?

Friday, October 03, 2003

NEVER underestimate the power of prayer! (a must read)

I have a story to tell. We found out last week that my sister, Mary was pregnant. She went to the doctor's and had an ultrasound done. So, the technician tells my sister that everything is fine and she goes home. The next day she gets a call from her family doctor who tells her he needs to see her immediately. So, as she is panicking all day, she finally goes to see him at 5pm. He tells her that she has two babies in her womb. As her and Darcy are getting excited he looks at them intently and says that there is a complication: one egg is up in the uterus and its heart beat is 119(doctor's say it is good if it were between 120-160), he said that it is not a good sign that the egg is so high up as it doesn't give the baby room to grow. He hopes that it will drop soon. Secondly, he said that the other egg is very low in the uterus and does not have a heart beat. So, now both Darcy and Mary are very upset and struggling to comprehend what has just been told of them. My sister goes home and calls mom and me. We all pray. On Friday which is today, my sister was scheduled to have another ultrasound. All week we prayed. Darcy and Mary prayed together, my mom, my dad, me, Skye. My pastor prayed on Sunday for her. Yesterday I fasted. I told my sister that she needed to pray to Jesus, that Jesus is the intercessor to God the Father, she needs Jesus in her heart. (my sister was not saved).

Anyway, my mom called me this morning around 11am and told me that Mary had been in to see the ultrasound technician. Mom said the technician could not understand what the other doctor's were talking about. She said you must be so happy-you are having twins. My sister couldn't understand what she was saying. The technician went on to say that both babies were doing just fine, that their heart beats are normal and its normal when having twins for their heart beat to be a little different.

My sister told me that she had been praying to Jesus and that while she was in the ultrasound room all she did was pray, she asked for salvation, she prayed that her babies would be alright. We all cried together in happiness and joy this beautiful morning when God showed us His love, power and that He does answer prayers!! This truly is a miracle only possible through God in heaven above!!!! I will say it again - NEVER underestimate the power of prayer!!

Wednesday, October 01, 2003

Matthew and Jesus.

Matthew was talking to his grandma today and she told him to ask Jesus/God to fix his ear. Matthew says 'Tell God not to touch my ear because it hurts' and then he says 'When I get older and I die will Jesus take me to heaven by my ear?' When I heard this I couldn't do anything but laugh. He is such a smart sweet boy. He will only be turning three in ten days and the things/questions he comes up with are incredible. Just thought I'd share!


I have the day off today which is a good thing because Matthew was up all night with an ear infection. He seems ok today except not getting any sleep makes one toddler cranky. I am taking him to the doctor's today to get some meds for his ear. I ask everyone to pray for Matthew's ear as he has had more ear infections than you could imagine. He is also going to the doctor's tomorrow for his eyes. He seems to have lost most of his sight. If anyone knows about eyes he is a +8. So we are seeing a specialist regarding them. So, please pray for his eyes as well. Thank you all, in advance!!