Monday, January 31, 2005

Remember Nintendo?

A few weeks ago I went down the basement to find a board game. I came across a box that was marked Nintendo Games and Accessories. It was funny because just before I had went downstairs, my niece Jessica and I were talking about how much we missed Nintendo. Last week Jessica brought it out and started playing it. Last night I got the itch too. We had two systems in the house. One was Harry's and mine and the other was Jessica and Alyssa's. And to my surprise, both of them work.

Last night I felt like a little kid again. I played Ms. Pac-Man, Dr. Mario and Xevius. We actually had more games then I remembered and after blowing into the cartridge and wiping off some dust, the games played like new. There is nothing like the old system. I miss those types of games. The new games are fine but the Nintendo, and Atari were the best. Ok, ya, I'm old. It's funny because I used to say that to my dad and now I'm the old one! :-)

Friday, January 28, 2005

I think He wanted me to read this too!!

Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone.
To have a deep full relationship with another....
But God to the believer says,
"No, not until you are satisfied and content with being loved by me alone...
with giving yourself totally and unreservedly to Me.
I love you my child, and until you discover that only in
Me is your satisfaction to be found, you will not be capable
of the perfect human realtionship I have planned for you.
You will never be united with Me
exclusive of any other desire or longing.

I want you to stop planning, stop wishing and allow Me
to bring that person to you.
Keep listening and learning that things I tell you...
You just wait, that's all.
And when you are ready, I will surprise you with a love
more wonderful that you can ever dream of.
You see until you are ready, I am working this very minute
to have you both ready at the same time...
Until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me,
and the life I have prepared for you,
you won't be able to experience that love that exemplifies your
relationshhip to Me - and this is the perfect love.

And dear one, I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your
relationship to me and enjoy maturely and concretely
the everlasting union of beauty and perfection
and the love that I offer you with Myself.
Please know that I love you utterly.

taken from My Perspective

Tuesday, January 25, 2005


I am in the process of re-evaluating my life. I have been digging in the Word and have seen things I have never noticed before. I guess it is mostly because I have been going to the Word with an open heart, trying to learn everything I can from the Spirit. He has shed some light on quite a lot of things. For the first time in my life I don't want to put my bible down. I have fallen asleep with bible in hand due mostly to exhaustion, but still not wanting to set it aside until another day. I wish I had that enthusiasm a long time ago. But I guess we all have to come to a point in our life when things really turn around. I wouldn't say a 360 because I am not going to end up where I started. But end up in a totally different realm.

Months ago God shed some light on my future and it scared me. I must say that sometimes I still am afraid but I can tell you what: this time I haven't and won't give into that fear. I am pushing through it and in the process growing in my faith and love toward God. I find it awesome that He preserved a book for me to learn from for decades. And I have the privilege of picking it up and learning as much as He wants me too, from it. And in doing so, I may do His will in my life thereby touching people on the way.

It's kind of funny but last night I went to see a movie with two close friends. Now you must understand that I have loved movies for as long as I can remember and have been an avid collector. But the whole time I watched it I was thinking that I was sitting there wasting valuable time that I could be spending with God and maybe I should be talking with my friends about Him instead of watching this movie. This past week the same thing happened. My family was watching movies and normally I would sit and enjoy it too but I didn't, I went to my room and picked up my bible. What joy is this when the Lord finally becomes more important than all the worldly things we have come to know and love. I am looking forward to more of this and less of the worldly things I have held on to for way too long.

Saturday, January 22, 2005

Quote of the day.

While you are proclaiming peace with your lips, be careful to have it even more fully in your heart.

St. Francis of Assisi

Monday, January 17, 2005

Holy Water

Somewhere there's a stolen halo
I use to watch her wear it well
Everything would shine wherever she would go
But looking at her now you'd never tell

Someone ran away with her innocence
A memory she can't get out of her head
I can only imagine what she's feeling
When she's praying
Kneeling at the edge of her bed

And she says take me away
And take me farther
Surround me now
And hold, hold, hold me like holy water
Holy water

She wants someone to call her angel
Someone to put the light back in her eyes
She's looking through the faces
The unfamiliar places
She needs someone to hear her when she cries

And she says take me away
And take me farther
Surround me now
And hold, hold, hold me like holy water
Holy water

She just needs a little help
To wash away the pain she's felt
She wants to feel the healing hands
Of someone who understands

And she says take me away
And take me farther
Surround me now
And hold, hold, hold me
And she says take me away
And take me farther
Surround me now
And hold, hold, hold me like holy water
Holy water

lyrics written and sung by Big and Rich


What would possess someone to commit suicide? Really, is life so God awful that one would actually go through with killing one self?

I got the news this morning that my cousin, David went and pulled the trigger, literally. I know he hasn't had the best life in the world but he has had a much better life then most of us. His father passed away a few years ago, and I think his life fell apart. Truthfully, I would say it fell apart way before that seeing as he was an alcoholic. But his dad passing was a big hit to the family and drove him further away. When we got the call we assumed that he had been in a car accident because he frequently drank and drove.

As you can tell I am not sugar coating his life like people usually do when one dies. I can only say, how could he have done this? The way he did it was so very tragic. He sat in his father's chair while his daughter was in her room. She heard a bang and ran downstairs. How selfish he was. How totally cruel and insensitive he was. Caitlan will forever be scarred not only with her father's suicide but also with the image. What horror!

I can never and probably will never understand why one would be such a coward and purposefully leave life knowing that their family is the one that will find them. Caitlan is about 16 or 17, with her whole life ahead of her.

My family does not know Jesus and they don't want to hear about Him either. How can she get through this? Only through Jesus can she learn how to really deal with this horrible tragedy. Jesus has such therapy tactics as to heal within a day, something years of therapy could never do. I know this will take more than a day so don't think I am naive but I've experienced Jesus' power of healing and have been healed within a weekend of life long hurts.

David leaves two daughters, his common law wife, a mother, two sisters, a twin brother and eight nieces and nephews.

Please pray for them especially Caitlan.

Thursday, January 13, 2005

Goose bumps in class?!

Not too long ago, I got home from school. I never thought I would be this excited about school in my whole life. For the first time ever I got goose bumps just from one of the teachers introductions to the class. Surprisingly it was Methods of Bible Study II. I, of course, have never taken the first bible study course and I figured it would be one of my easier classes. WRONG!!! Methods of Bible Study I would only help you a little in this class but they relatively don't have anything to do with one another. This course made me crave the bible. I haven't really craved the bible before but wow!!!

My professor, Dr. Clarence Duff, started the class by stating that we will have to do a commentary about one verse in the bible. And it would have to be 10-15 pages in length. Ok, ya, that scared me a bit and I thought twice about taking the course. And then, without warning we started talking about critiquing the bible. Knowing the context in which it was written and also how it was written. Then he started on prophecy and I was hooked. I didn't care about having to write a commentary anymore. It is totally worth going through this class even if that means I will be writing a commentary. I could only think of the experience and knowledge I will get from this class.

After the prof. talked about the commentary he briefly stated that he holds a bible study on prophecy at his house. I couldn't get that out of my head all class. I have never had the courage to speak to a prof. after class before, or at least not on the first day, but I had to know about the bible study group and then without question he invited me to his house for bible study on Fridays. One other student asked him after class about the group and he even offered me a ride.

I have never been this stoked to study, to dive right into scripture and discover God. I am on a high and I don't want to come down. On the drive home tonight, I knew that I am in the process of carrying out what God has in store for my life and I am so excited. I can't even explain how I felt/feel. To know you are doing God's will and that it will impact others is just awesome/amazing!!!

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

My first day of school :-)

I had my first class today. It was Old Testament Survey: Pentateuch. Before I had entered the school to find out where I was suppose to go, I had this overwhelming pain in the pit of my stomach. It actually started on the drive over. I wasn't completely sure if it was going to go away. I haven't been in school since 1998 and I was a bit afraid of my brain being on brain freeze for so long that I maybe wasn't capable of jumping back into learning mode. I know that this thinking is silly but I still had the pain.

As soon as I walked into class and sat down, it started to go away. Praying beforehand was probably the biggest help but looking around and seeing that I wasn't the only person just out of high school attending this class was also a relief. I don't know why I get a little nervous when starting something new. I guess I am a bit insecure. That is the only thing I can come up with for caring about these things that really don't matter. I know I am answering God's call on my life or at least starting too, and that is all that should matter. So, why do I always let fear enter in?

After class I was getting together with a friend and I told her I would be right over. She said that I would probably start talking with some people and that she is expecting me later. I told her that couldn't happen. She said 'They are Christian, it is different. You will talk to people.' I told her that just because they are Christians doesn't mean they are going to be welcoming or that it would be any different than any other university out there. I find it sad that I actually not only thought it but said it aloud. In the end she was right and before the class had even started I had already talked with five people. One of the girls I talked with has 4 classes with me.

I really enjoyed class immensely. I know it is only the first day but I realize that this is what I have been waiting for and now it is finally here. I felt God's presence in the classroom, I felt Him pressing my heart. I am so interested in digging into the bible and getting to know Him so much more. And the fear that I felt is gone. I am looking forward to school tomorrow. I never thought I'd see the day that those words would come out of my mouth(fingers).

Friday, January 07, 2005

Revisiting high school.

Alyssa, my niece, forgot her lunch at home today so I took her some money so that she wouldn't starve while at school. Right now her school is being built so they are temporarily in another high school. I had to walk through the cafeteria and hallways to get to the back of the school, where they are temporarily set up.

It's so weird how memories and feelings come back to you. For all who don't know, I hated high school. I felt like I didn't belong. Although I had a lot of friends I still felt alone and I'd much rather skip then be there. Walking through the cafeteria made me feel a little bit vulnerable today. Until, I got back to reality and realized hello I am 28 and these kids are kids. I looked around and although it was a totally different set up and time, nothing much had changed.

When Alyssa came down from her class, she looked so cute in her uniform. It was actually the first time I'd seen her in it. She had stepped out from English class. She thought she was in trouble, so when she saw that it was me, she seemed pretty happy. She did what I would have done, procrastinate. She tried to stay with me as long as she could, until I finally told her that she should get back to class. She doesn't like English. When I was her age I didn't like it either, but by the 11th grade I fell in love with it. I hope she does too.

One thing that was really weird to see was the school had cameras at every corner and throughout the hallways. We had to deal with peer pressure and drugs/alcohol. These kids have to deal with that plus violence, gangs, weapons, etc.. I am sure glad I didn't have to grow up as a teen in this day and age.

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

Where do kids come up with the things they do?

I was sitting at my computer this afternoon when my son calls me. He wants me to help him with his Nintendo GC game. I told him I just had to finish typing an email to someone and I would be right up. Well, a minute to a kid is forever so he comes down and starts asking me how long am I going to be. When I was finished I held out my hand and he gave me five. I then kissed his hand, like a prince does to a princess, except it is the other way around:-) and then he says (drum roll please) "Why aren't you married. You should be by now."

Kids really know how to hit the heart. All I could say in response was "I haven't found the right person yet". Which is true but at the same time I wonder, will I ever? A guy at work asked me out last week. What do I do? Act weird and avoid the whole situation. Why? It's not because I am not interested in getting to know him better. I don't know what is wrong with me.

Only yesterday did I realize that I don't want to be hurt again. My last two relationships 'damaged' me more than I had previously thought. God brought that to my attention a few weeks ago. Don't you love it when God does that? I know I still need healing. And I when the right guy comes along, I want to just know, just feel it. My best friend says I live in a fairy tale reality and that is not how things happen. I can't believe such a thing.

Why can't I have a William Wallace or a Joe Black look right at me and I at him as we pass in the street and it just is? I want to be ready for it, but I don't think that is possible. Maybe I am destined to be single forever 'cause sometimes it sure feels like it but, I can't lose hope that he is out there looking for me too. My fingers are crossed!!! Well, not really, I'm not into superstitions but you get my point, I hope!

Maybe what I want doesn't exist. All I want is a manly man, who is also sensitive, one who likes sports but loves me and God more. ;-). One who isn't afraid to get his hands dirty but also can clean up well. Someone with intellegence so that we can have conversations/friendly debates for hours. One who wants to rescue me but isn't afraid of me rescuing him sometimes too. One who loves kids, the outdoors, and relaxing inside too. One who prefers happiness and family time over money and material things. One who wants to grow old with me and when we are old, holds my hand as we walk down the street. Ok, maybe this is just a fairy tale but what else can a girl do but dream!

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

Not our fruit alone.

A voyaging ship was wrecked during a storm at sea and only two of the men on it were able to swim to a small, desert like island.

The two survivors, not knowing what else to do, agreed that they had no other recourse but to pray to God.

However, to find out whose prayer was more powerful, they agreed to divide the territory between them and stay on opposite sides of the island.

The first thing they prayed for was food.

The next morning, the first man saw a fruit-bearing tree on his side of the land, and he was able to eat its fruit. The other man's parcel of land remained barren.

After a week, the first man was lonely and he decided to pray for a wife. The next day, another ship was wrecked, and the only survivor was a woman who swam to his side of the land. On the other side of the island, there was nothing.

Soon the first man prayed for a house, clothes, more food. The next day, like magic, all of these were given to him. However, the second man still had nothing.

Finally, the first man prayed for a ship, so that he and his wife could leave the island. In the morning, he found a ship docked at his side of the island. The first man boarded the ship with his wife and decided to leave the second man on the island.

He considered the other man unworthy to receive God's blessings, since none of his prayers had been answered.

As the ship was about to leave, the first man heard a voice from heaven booming, "Why are you leaving your companion on the island?"

"My blessings are mine alone, since I was the one who prayed for them," the first man answered. "His prayers were all unanswered and so he does not deserve anything."

"You are mistaken!" the voice rebuked him. "He had only one prayer, which I answered. If not for that, you would not have received any of my blessings."

"Tell me," the first man asked the voice, "what did he pray for that I should owe him anything?"

"He prayed that all your prayers be answered."

For all we know, our blessings are not the fruits of our prayers alone, but those of another praying for us. With Love comes blessings.

Monday, January 03, 2005

My crazy list of movies!

The Christmas holidays are over and things are getting back to 'normal'. The children started school today. Soon I will be starting as well (next week to be exact). For Christmas, my dad got surround sound from my mom so over the holidays we all spent way to much time watching movies. I've decided to post my sad list of movies I wasted time on. Not to say they were bad, because I pretty much enjoyed them all in one way or another. Some I had seen before but wanted to check them out on surround sound. So here they are and in no particular order:

-The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King (extended edition) watched twice.
-13 going on 30
-Pearl Harbour
-Top Gun
-Weird Science
-2 Fast 2 Furious
-The Bourne Identity
-The Bourne Supremacy
-Closer (seen at the theatre)
-The Phantom of the Opera (also seen at the theatre)
-Open Water
-Rob Roy
-The Santa Clause 2
-A Christmas Carol (2004)
-I don't know if this counts but Skye and I saw Mamma Mia at the Royal Alexandra theatre yesterday

Holy cow!! I think I'm in overload. This is a crazy list. Long and dynamic. The sad thing is, I probably forgot a couple.

Anyway, cheers to a new year and less movie watching, more studying!