I had my first class today. It was Old Testament Survey: Pentateuch. Before I had entered the school to find out where I was suppose to go, I had this overwhelming pain in the pit of my stomach. It actually started on the drive over. I wasn't completely sure if it was going to go away. I haven't been in school since 1998 and I was a bit afraid of my brain being on brain freeze for so long that I maybe wasn't capable of jumping back into learning mode. I know that this thinking is silly but I still had the pain.
As soon as I walked into class and sat down, it started to go away. Praying beforehand was probably the biggest help but looking around and seeing that I wasn't the only person just out of high school attending this class was also a relief. I don't know why I get a little nervous when starting something new. I guess I am a bit insecure. That is the only thing I can come up with for caring about these things that really don't matter. I know I am answering God's call on my life or at least starting too, and that is all that should matter. So, why do I always let fear enter in?
After class I was getting together with a friend and I told her I would be right over. She said that I would probably start talking with some people and that she is expecting me later. I told her that couldn't happen. She said 'They are Christian, it is different. You will talk to people.' I told her that just because they are Christians doesn't mean they are going to be welcoming or that it would be any different than any other university out there. I find it sad that I actually not only thought it but said it aloud. In the end she was right and before the class had even started I had already talked with five people. One of the girls I talked with has 4 classes with me.
I really enjoyed class immensely. I know it is only the first day but I realize that this is what I have been waiting for and now it is finally here. I felt God's presence in the classroom, I felt Him pressing my heart. I am so interested in digging into the bible and getting to know Him so much more. And the fear that I felt is gone. I am looking forward to school tomorrow. I never thought I'd see the day that those words would come out of my mouth(fingers).