Happy New Year!!!

Hey everyone, I just wanted to say Happy New Year to you all. I will be heading over to Steve's house in a little while so we can party. I even got myself some dealcoholized wine coolers. You know, the ones in the grocery store 0.5% alcohol ones. They really are great!! So for all that are drinking, please be responsible and absolutely NO drinking and driving!!! Have fun tonight. I pray that you are with friends and or family, loved ones!!! And if you can't be, don't fret because God's love surrounds you. Be good and be smart tonight. It really is just another night.

A little bit of this and a little bit of everything else!

Ok, I erased the post that I was planning to publish. First I had interruptions, good interruptions. I had a nice talk with my mom. Then my sister called, which I just hung up the phone with. I decided not to post it because it was a bit deep into the heart of Angela and I am not so sure I want to go there. It probably would have been fine but leaving yourself open is quite risky, and I don't want to take that risk right now.

How was everyone's Christmas? Mine was quite nice. We laughed a lot, we stuffed ourselves, we opened presents, we had a great time.

So, I've been thinking about a few things that shouldn't be on my mind. One is about a boy, one is about a friend, one is about death, one is about family, and one is about my career and where I want to go with it. They are all unrelated but I guess they intertwine. I don't know why the boy is on my mind. My friend is a good friend but I see things that could test our friendship coming. That scares me!! Death because someone that I work with-her grandfather passed away last night while she was with him in the hospital. I am not good friends and I don't even think you could call us friends but something like this is very emotional. I think about my grandfather that passed, and my grandfather who is in and out of the hospital right now, my uncle Gary, and my grandmothers. My mom and I were talking about this and I could see that she became very emotional but being a mom she held back. I don't know why we become so afraid or obsessed with death but it is something that we all must face. That is why it is so great having Jesus with me, because my death will not be full of heartache it will be full of rejoicing. It better be!!!

As for family, I have been thinking about my children a lot lately, well I always think of them but I've been thinking about how I could be a better mom, and how I really wish I could have a complete family. But I don't, so here comes the career part of what I've been thinking about. I need to provide for my family. I don't want to live with my parents forever and I really would like a place that the three of us could call home and I don't mind going out and getting it myself. And so I am applying to college. I've applied twice for the same thing already - twice talked out of it by my ex who thought he knew me better than I knew myself, but now I am ready to take the plunge for real this time.

My thoughts are organized and my mind is not troubled. I have issues. We all have issues. Mine are not that bad and I see good and possibly bad things to come. But that is what happens when you really start living. I want the ups and the downs. We learn most from the downs. I want God to test me. I want to become stronger. I want to face my fears. Jesus is with me, and that is all I need.

Christmas Eve

Today was a nice but tiring day. I baked, we had sets of company come over, wrapped some presents (which I am still not finished doing yet!!), had our first fire in the fire place, read my children both the Scrooge Christmas story and the birth of Jesus in the Gospel according to Luke. Tomorrow I think I will read them the story in Matthew - a bit more simple and not so long. A three year old really doesn't have that long of an attention span! :-)

Anyway, all's quiet in the house. My parents are busy wrapping, my brother is watching tv., I am wasting time on the computer, kids are in bed.

I just came on to wish everyone a very safe and wonderful Christmas. I hope we all use are heads and are wise this season. Lets not forget the reason for the season!! And enjoy all the goodies, food, get-togethers.

Merry Christmas everyone!!!

Number One!!!

The Toronto Maple Leafs have won again!! They are now officially number one out of all thirty NHL teams. How amazing is that?!! Congrats TML's. Maybe this year is their year?!!! Hmmmmmm. If not, they are still doing absolutely amazing so far.

Family get togethers.

This weekend was quite a good one. Most of my family went to my aunt's in Hamilton and had a really great time. We all got together to celebrate Christmas. Nathan said a nice prayer to start dinner. We played charades and my team lost by one point. :-( The guys watched a bit of the Montreal vs. Toronto hockey game. Which is always great because we have fans from both teams in the house. I got to see Ashley - who has been away for college. She came home from Pensacola, Florida for the holiday. My uncle Rob couldn't make it because he didn't end up getting off of work until really late so that kind of sucked but his other half and their baby - Trevor was there. I love it when we all get together.

The other side of the family got together on Dec. 6th which was great too. That was a fun night and because we celebrated at my uncles who lives in Walkerton, Ontario, we stayed the night. And no we didn't drink the water. :-) Did I mention that I love Christmas?!! Just checking!!! :-)

Anyway, I did almost all my shopping for Christmas on Thursday just like I was planning. I only have to go out for stocking stuffers for my parents, a gift for Shannon and a gift for Melissa. It shouldn't take too long and I have ideas for two out of the three.

Well, I hope all is going well for everyone out there. (I don't even know if anyone really even reads this anyway, but even if you don't I still hope everyone has a safe and happy jolly holiday season.

Christmas time.

This is the first time in our family history that the Christmas tree has been put up so late in December. Traditionally our tree goes up on the last weekend in November or the first weekend in December. Except we were in the midst of a move. Well, my dad normally puts it up too, but he has been working so hard and has been trying to get our house in some sort of order so this year I took the plunge. Last night I put the tree up and tonight Skye, Matthew and myself put all the decorations on it. And I must say that it is truly a beautiful looking tree. It just shimmers!! I am quite proud of the tree.

I know I haven't been sure about decorations and such - you just have to look at my entry a few posts ago but I really do love decorating. Seeing the tree up, decorations hung and for the first time we actually have a real fireplace to hang the stockings off of. I baked yesterday for Skye's bake sale at school. It was fun. Matthew trying to stir the mixture and Skye helping to put it all together. I really love this time of year. The smells, the sparkles, the laughter, the closeness of family. It's so great. Now, all I have to do is get out there and do some shopping. After being sick for what felt like forever I am a little behind in that department. So, before and after work tomorrow is dedicated to shopping. Which I have to admit, I love that part too. Giving really is great. I love reactions and seeing someone's face light up.

What is there not too love about this time of year?!! In case you couldn't tell, its my favourite month. And the snow is falling so gracefully outside. It couldn't be more perfect. Yippee!!! 'Tis the season!! And I am jolly!!! Fa la la la la la la la la.

And the flu trudges on.

I would like to tell y'all that we are doing much better but I can't. I thought I was better this morning but my cough seems to have worsened. You can hear a symphony of coughs in this house. Everyone is coughing. Although I am going to send Skye to school tomorrow and try to trudge through the snow to take Matthew to the eye doctor's, none of us are in top shape. In some ways, it feels like we never will be. My pastor's praying and his got it good with the big guy so it won't be long.

I'd even like to say that going a week without work is great but it is not. Especially when you are bed bound and you haven't stepped outside since last Monday. It will be nice tomorrow to be out in the 'fresh' air. I am attempting work on Tuesday too!!

The flu.

I was planning to update a lot sooner than this but I got the flu. I have been extremely sick and in bed all week. As I am typing this right now I feel like falling over. My daughter also has the flu and has been out of school all week. My son has scarlett fever. So none of us are in good shape. If you'd like, you could pray for us. Hope everyone is having a much better week than I am.

So this is Christmas.

I've been struggling with the idea of Christmas coming. I know how it originated and by whom. Really, I didn't think I would ever have to contemplate Christmas. It is absolutely my most favourite holiday. It has been since I can remember and probably before that. Over the past few years as I have been growing as a Christian, Christmas has meant even more to me. Except now I am not even sure it is a right thing to be celebrating.

I am assuming most of you know the origins of Christmas already. Very quick summary: Ritual celebrated by pagans before Christ was even born. Adopted by the Roman Empire to worship the God they called Saturn to celebrate the shortest day of the year which represented winter being over soon. The Catholic church wanted to detour from pagan traditions and marked the 25th of December Jesus' birthday. Christmas trees and mistletoe were symbols of the pagan traditions.

So, now that I know this and you do too. What do we do? I am thinking that it is not a sin to celebrate Christmas if you are doing it to reflect on God and who He is. I do however think that this should be a daily thing and not a once or twice a year celebration. If you are celebrating Christmas and all you think about is presents and parties and greed and the whole commercial aspect of it then you need to reevaluate your motives and your priorities.

I have celebrated Christmas most of my life but mostly for the idea of family, decorating, Christmas morning traditions, and I would be lying if I didn't say presents. Christmas has always had a special aura about it. I have found that at the beginning of December everyone is preoccupied with the commercial aspects of the season, getting drunk, over spending, over indulging, Santa Claus etc.. And I have seen people on Christmas day be preoccupied with greed and forgetting the whole meaning of giving/receiving. But I have also seen the opposite.

In my family, we don't care what we receive. We all feel the love in the house. We all celebrate together. Christmas should be about love, about hope, about grace. All things which Jesus showed and gave us before and after his death. Its not about commercialism and its not about a baby in a manger its about love, hope, grace, peace and a promise. May all our eyes be opened this holiday season.

Please feel free to comment as this is still something I am struggling with. Should we as Christians give up the Christmas tree, mistletoe, presents, decorations etc?

Hey everyone!

Hi all! It's been awhile since I last blogged. I have finally moved into the new house. Things are a little chaotic around here right now. I am quite busy getting the new house in some sort of order. Just thought I'd send a little message your way to let you know that I am still alive and jumping for Jesus!! I will update again soon. Have a superb week.

Happy Birthday Mommy and Jessica

Today is my mommy's 50th birthday and Jessica's 16th birthday. I love you both very much. Hope you had a wonderful day. It is amazing how this year both of their birthday's were very significant. They are significant and very special people in my life. I cherish them both.

Happy Birthday!!!

This afternoon....

I was at a Christian bookstore and a gentleman started talking to me. He had told me that he had only been a Christian for 10 mos. but wow was he ever well versed. He said that for 53 yrs he had never stepped foot in any church. He is now a devote Christian out there trying to make a difference in the world. We talked a little about politics here in Canada, the States, our churches, etc... He just came back from a conference in the States - at Freedom Village. (a place where troubled teens go to get help and regain their life in Jesus. He was amazed at the testimonies and he even seemed teary eyed when speaking about it.

I don't think it was by accident that we bumped into each other. I am glad my 'system' with God is not built on coincidences. It was a nice afternoon. Maybe I will bump into him again, maybe I won't, but he sure touched my life today and I hope I touched his. God bless him.

Emotions

I remember not too long ago I wrote about my emotions. I had mentioned that I seem to not be able to respond to real life with emotions. TV, movie or a story would make me cry but in real life I was 'tough'. Well, my emotions are back. Yippee!! I am finding that as of late my emotional level has climbed quite a bit. I am quite glad because I know that a part of my soul print is emotions. Sometimes I can actually be over emotional-but for a time it all stopped. I thought something was wrong with me and I realize that it was just a phase I must have been going through. Its back. I just hope I don't get emotional over everything now. :-)

Stay clear of The Old Spaghetti Factory (Toronto)!!

On Saturday evening my family, seventeen of us, went to The Old Spaghetti Factory in Toronto. We were celebrating my mother turning 50 and my niece turning 16. What we thought would be a great night turned into a disaster. The whole time we were there we had terrible service. The server was pleasant but when you arrive at a restaurant and figure maybe at most you will be there for approx. 2hrs and it turns into 5, you get just a little peeved. Each portion of our dinner took way too long to arrive even the drinks. Seven, yes seven of our entrees were wrong.

The manager was very unprofessional. I, being in the restaurant business and a supervisor, went politely up to the manager to have a little chat regarding our service. We ended up speaking with him on three occasions. He only discounted our 1.49 upcharge for caesar salad, which only a few people had and gave us 3 complimentary meals for next time. Hello!!! Does he really think any of us are going to come again??!! I am sorry but it was suppose to be a fun night and everyone ended up agitated, frustrated and we all left in a not so pleasant mood.

I normally would never do such a thing but I sent a letter to head office. One should not conduct a business this way and I think that they should know. The problem can not be fixed unless we go above the manager who really didn't care too much and only wanted us out. Hello, that was all we wanted!!! :-)

When we arrived home all was well. Our night wasn't completely ruined but 5 hours was unpleasant. Nice to be home. Next time we will just order pizza or something. :-)

Cabaret

On Friday night I went to see the play Cabaret at the Meadowvale Theatre in Mississauga. My friend Owen was playing the role of Clifford Bradshaw. I was a little apprehensive going to see his performance. But wow was I amazed. After the first few scenes I forgot that it was Owen and was totally drawn into his character. The play was quite good. I recommend to anyone who is going to be in this area to get a ticket to it. You will not be disappointed. All the main actors did a phenomenal job. Congrats to all of you!!

Lessons From My Grandfather

This was taken from a daily devotional I get via email from Intouch Ministries. Thought it was worth it to share.

Lessons From My Grandfather

Deuteronomy 6:4-9

Every society is only one generation away from paganism. For this reason, parents and grandparents have the awesome responsibility of passing down to their children the biblical truths and principles that have changed their lives. That is why I want to share what my grandfather taught me.

When I graduated from high school at the age of seventeen, I decided to visit my granddad, whom I had seen only two times in my life. I had an entire week to spend at his home, and all I wanted to do was listen to him. As he spoke to me, the thing that impressed me above all else was hearing him say, "Charles, obey God. If God tells you to run your head through a brick wall, you head for the wall. And when you get there, God will make a hole for it."

He knew a lot about brick walls and how God makes holes in them. He shared that his youthful passion had been to preach but that this dream was blocked by his lack of education. With no schooling, he did not see how he would ever get started as a preacher. But he opened the Bible, got on his knees, and learned to read and preach by simply crying out to God for help.

From that humble beginning, he started to minister, and as the Lord opened opportunities, my grandfather eventually established numerous churches. That week of visiting and sharing taught me that when you really want to do God's will, He will move heaven and earth to show you the way.

To Dustin and Melissa!

I was talking with Pamela the other night and she told me about someone in their church who is acting 'holier than thou' and I was talking to Melissa and she feels she needs to make a name for herself. eg: she seems to want to go to university to get a status like an MD attached to her name. Now, I know, you are thinking what do either of them have in common but I just realized they are more similar than you think.

See the person Pam and I were discussing has been given a 'status'. He is almost finished college and was asked by the Pastor to be the Youth Pastor. Something in which him and Pam have been working on for the past year or so. In the summer he went and worked at a church in the states and because of the big congregation he feels that the church that he works out of now is not good enough for him. (so to speak) A lot of other things have been happening but that is what I wanted to focus on for today.

Now Melissa is a hostess at the 'lovely' establishment that I work at. She has been tutoring mentally handicapped adults, and has been working on teaching ESL in Thailand coming next spring. And over the last few days has felt compelled to have a title. She feels that she would not be complete without a title/status in society.

Now the first has now been given authority and the second thinks having authority will make life that much better. I don't know, I just think that if Jesus isn't in the equation than who really cares. In a lot of ways I hope God knocks them both on their ass.

Dustin you need God and you never made it anywhere without Him so don't think just because He put you there that you can think its all about you now. You really need to ask God where you should be. And just to let you know-you and Pam made a huge impact in church a few weeks ago-God used you guys to bring 15 youth to salvation. This happened in the little church in Hamilton. What happened in North Carolina? Not saying it wouldn't happen but just having a big congregation doesn't mean anything at all. Most times it means that the church is further away from the Lord then we would like.

And for Melissa, status means diddly. You need to make Jesus your number one priority. I know He isn't. And you seem to be listen to the other one more than God lately. I love you and don't want you to settle for worldly acceptance when the only acceptance you should be aiming for is God's. Status won't get you happiness or fill that gap that you keep trying to fill. Only Jesus can. Albert Einstein expressed this emptiness when he said: "It is strange to be known so universally and yet . . . be so lonely." What greater name in science to have but Albert Einstein and status/fame whatever you want to call it still never filled his gap.

I love you both and I hope you find what I express to be from my heart and the Spirit. Jesus needs to be in the equation and doing His will for your life is the only way that you will truly live life to the fullest!!

My sister Mary!

For all of you that have been praying for my sister. Your prayers were answered, again in good favour. My sister finally made it home from the hospital on Sunday. Although she is quite weak she is doing well. The twins, are identical twins, and they too are doing just fine. My sister has to take 8 weeks off of work, which she is not looking forward too. She loves work but if she wants to be healthy and have the twins, she has too stay in bed. This really is going to be something. Seeing as my sister doesn't know when to just sit still and now she must for the sake of herself and the babies. Well who cares. Any sacrifice is not too big when it comes to things like this. I guess she will just be stealing all my movies and some books.

Please continue to have her in your prayers. Thank you!!

Mahatma Ghandi speaks about Christ.

Mahatma Ghandi, the great Hindu sage, suggested that if Christ could only be unchained from the shackles of Christianity, he could become "THE WAY", not just for Christians, but for the whole world:

"I refused to believe", he said, "that there exists a person who has not made use of his example, even though he or she may have done so without realizing it... The lives of all who, in some greater or lesser degree, been changed by his presence... And because Jesus has the significance, and transcendency to which I have alluded, I believe he belongs not to Christianity, but to the entire world; to all people , it matters little what faith they profess."


"Leave Christians alone for the moment," he said. "I shall say to the Hindus that your lives will be incomplete unless you reverently study... Jesus. Jesus did not preach a new religion, but a new life" said Ghandi. "Jesus lived and died in vain if he did not teach us to regulate the whole of life by the eternal law of love."


This is the challenge of Christi-anarchy - to find a way to live "the whole of life", in the light of "the eternal law of love", embodied in the shining example of the person of Christ.

Taken from Herban Sprawl.

About last night.

I came on today to apologize for my last post. I thought about deleting the whole thing but I am not going to do that. What I said in it was from my heart. I know I can not say this to the person so in frustration I used my blog as my release. If I deleted it, it would only go to show that my blog is for people to be pleased. Well, it isn't. It is for me, about me, and I can not please everyone. I love people but this little corner of the web is reserved for me and for my own thoughts. If I did not post what I was feeling then I might as well not have a blog.

That being said, I am still sorry in the way in which I spoke. It is too hard for me to say what I want to this person because I really don't think that they care all that much. That is what is really upsetting me. They seem trapped in the world of _____, and don't even realize it. I know that this person is Godly and is a good person and that is why it hurts so much.

Looking at the whole picture, I am quite tired. I have been going and going all week with the move and painting and work and church and my sister in the hospital and so on and so on that I haven't had that much time to think and when that happens things go crazy when I have a chance to sit and think. That is what happened last night. I couldn't sleep and that post is what came out.

Anyway, stay true to God and He will get you through any obstacle. Peace and blessings. Have a great week.

My ranting about _______!!

Do you know what is crazy? When you think you have friends that care about you and then you finally see that maybe, just maybe they don't even give a crap about you. That they probably don't even think about you. Its sad because the one person I am thinking about (and its not you Melissa) doesn't even realize I exist any more. What is with that? Did they ever know I existed? Its not like we talked all the time but as I go back in my mind to the times that we did, we only talked about serious issues. Things that mattered. I poured parts of my soul to this person that some of my closest friends don't even know or maybe some do. But as I think about this, I don't really think this person really cared about me. They acted like they did when it was convenient for them. When they had 'time'. But of course, they are just always too busy and now with them having a significant other, I am probably non-existant. I guess the brief friendship that we had was worth it. But man, I don't understand it when people just push you aside, never really caring. Maybe they cared, maybe they thought about me, maybe they tried to push me out of their head, maybe they succeeded. Well, I would say that I don't care, but I do. I think about this person more than I think I should and when I try to push them away in my mind, they won't leave. Why God, why won't they leave? I've obviously left their mind if I was even there, why won't they leave mine? You don't know how many times I've prayed. Maybe this is the answer. Maybe this person or myself isn't listening. Maybe I am just a little nut who cares too much about people. I would say I should stop caring because then I wouldn't get hurt, but I love caring. And getting hurt is always a part of growing. Maybe if the person reads this they will know its about them or maybe they won't. But I just want them to know that I do care about you and I know that whatever happens in our friendship will happen either because God wanted it to happen or because one of us was too deaf too hear what God wanted.

What's been going on..........

We (as in my parents, a friend, and I) have been over at the new house painting. Yesterday I was there alone and I painted the downstairs ceilings. The ceilings were stucko(?) and I didn't realize how hard it was to paint. So, today my hands are quite sore and my arms are a little achy. My neck hurts a tad but my hands burn when I put them under water and I have a blister on my thumb. It was fun though. I was there by myself, listening to worship music, singing, and painting.

Hint: If a man ever offers to help paint, happily ask him to do the ceilings!! :-)

The house is coming along fine, except the house we occupy now is suffering. We are in the midst of packing, things are everywhere. Ahhhhhhh!! But all will be well, in a few weeks.

Tonight I went to art class. I wasn't planning on going. Firstly 'cause I am sore, secondly 'cause I am quite tired, and thirdly 'cause sometimes the class in more frustrating then relaxing. But, because of Melissa, (see we had this discussion today about me not going to class and she was persistant in me sticking it through), so although I was very comfortable on the couch I dragged my butt to class. And I am so glad I did. I finally started and finished a whole painting in the class. First one and its not that bad. As we are our own worst critic I will give myself the benefit of the doubt and say that it was all right. My mom liked it, but you know mom's, they are always complimenting. :-) So thank you Melissa for pushing me today. If it wasn't for your voice that I kept hearing in the back of my head I never would have went and finished a painting. So, again Thank You!!

Tomorrow I have the day off. Guess what I will be doing?? You are too smart!!! :-) Painting the new house, of course! With my little Matthew to entertain me as I do it and for me to chase him around so he doesn't touch the walls. Actually he has been quite good, for a three year old. He hasn't gotten paint on himself yet. (knock on wood!)

Anyway, I hope you have a great night!! God Bless!!

There's something about moving.....

....that is special. I was packing tonight and only a few minutes ago did I actually stop. This is only the third time in my life that I have actually moved. Which I guess is a blessing, especially from some stories I have heard.

I was going through my closet. You know where you keep all of the forgotten things of past. Well, it was quite nice. According to my old school work I was very good in Science and English. Although when I read some of the stories I had written, I thought 'what was that teacher thinking when she gave me an A'. Seriously, it wasn't that good. But whatever, it doesn't matter any more.

I also found old letters from a friend who touched my life, for a brief period but an intense period of my life. It was quite amazing how well he wrote. I wish I knew where I could find him. I haven't talked to him since 2000 and that is a little upsetting. Its quite funny how people touch our lives and then just 'disappear'. I am glad that he touched my life, at the time I didn't realize it, which is usually the way. But looking back I wouldn't take back any moments of my life with him or anybody else. They have helped shape me into the person I am today.

People plant things in you that sometimes you don't even realize until years down the road. Some make you see things differently, some teach, some just are. Its amazing how God works through people. I don't believe in coincidences and I don't believe in fluke. I am glad you are reading this. Its God and when I read your writings I am glad also. I never would have met you otherwise. Or maybe I would have, only God knows. But I hope I can touch your life as much as you have been touching mine. God be with you! Have a safe and God filled weekend!!

A challenge!

This is a challenge. Are you up to it? I dare you to listen to this song every morning for the next two weeks.

Love Song

I've heard it said that a man would climb a mountain
Just to be with the one he loves
How many times has he broken that promise
It has never been done
I've never climbed the highest mountain
But I walked the hill of Calvary

Just to be with you, I'd do anything
There's no price I would not pay
Just to be with you, I'd give anything
I would give my life away

I've heard it said that a man would swim the ocean
Just to be with the one he loves
How many times has he broken that promise
It can never be done
I've never swam the deepest ocean
But I walked upon the raging sea

I know that you don't understand the fullness of My love
How I died upon the cross for you sins
And I know that you don't realize how much that I give you
But I promise, I would do it all again

Just to be with you, I've done everything
There's no price I did not pay
Just to be with you, I gave everything
Yes, I gave my life away

Written by Mac Powell, Music by Third Day

Surfacing, dealing, refocusing, and praying.

Ok, so I have been asking God to bring up things that need to be dealt with in my life. Because how can I move forward if I haven't dealt with 'ghosts' of the past. As time has been going on I have been dealing with some issues. But on Thursday I got a huge surprise. Something that I thought I had dealt with long ago, but obviously hadn't.

I won't say exactly because hello I don't know you and you don't really know me but I've been wondering why I didn't see it before. You see I did deal with this issue a while back, but I think my heart has held on to hopes. Hopes I didn't really want to admit. I guess on Thursday, my heart and mind came to the realization that all the hopes that I had been holding on too were not real and that they never were going to be.

It is a little weird for me, because I am thinking that I should be upset or something and yet I am not. I guess Jesus took the weight that I didn't know was there off of my back. It really is amazing to have such a wonderful God who wants to show you real love.

Although I am not one hundred percent comfortable as of yet, I am coming to grips with only having one Man as my lover. That man is Jesus. I have forever wanted a husband but I am dealing with the fact that Jesus wants me to focus on Him and Him alone. How could He provide a husband when I am not completely focused on Him? A husband would only cloud the picture because what does a husband do-he wants to please his wife, and what does a wife do-she wants to please her husband. These are good things but if both of them are not completely focused on Jesus as number one then how fulfilling will their lives truly be?

And so, I am refocusing my energy on Him and am going to stop worrying about whether or not I will be alone. Because I will never be alone. I will have the bestest lover, the bestest friend, and companion ever for always with me, not at my side, in me.

Thank you Father for everything you have ever provided for me. For everything that you have ever blessed me with. For all the trials and tribulations that you put me through. For all the trials that are to come. I only pray that I may display half the love that you showed me when you died on the cross for me. By giving me the Spirit as my helper, as my guide in this life. For preserving the bible as my hand book for life. Lord, keep pushing me, keep surfacing the demons in my heart so that I may deal with them, so that you may deal with me. I pray for peace in my heart. I want to be like Paul - although he was going through 'hell' he felt peace in his heart because of You. I want to trust You as Paul did, actually moreso. I want to totally depend on You and nothing or no one else. Help me to do that. Help me to just let go and let you take full control of my life. In this I pray in the name of Jesus. Amen.

Jesus speaks in the theatre!!!

Today Melissa, Skye and I went to the theatre. We saw 'The Gospel of John'. I thought it was really well done. I am thinking they might have left out some things but I will have to check my bible first. I am much more familiar with the Gospel of Matthew, so I might just be mixing them up a bit.

Skye said (at the end of the movie) that the movie made her love Jesus more. I was glad that I took her, because she really didn't want to go. She said that 3hrs is too long. But she stuck it through and gained something from it, which was my intentions anyway. :-) God truly is amazing!!!

Some parts in the movie, I actually literally felt as though God was talking to me. Jesus was speaking directly to me. I know He was answering some questions I have been having even some that I didn't directly ask. I am glad that I went. I know Jesus would have answered my questions whether I did or didn't go but He answered and spoke to my heart at the theatre. I am so excited. I could jump up and down and throw my arms up right now. whoa whoo!!!!

I recommend you to go and see it. I plan on going again, to take my sister and my mom.

Downtown

As I was downtown today (see last post for reason), I noticed how just living 15 minutes away makes a huge difference. In Mississauga we don't see homeless people, we don't see 'ghetto areas'. If there are any, I haven't seen them. You see huge skyscrapers and multiculturism. You see that in Mississauga as well. But while I was downtown I felt this overwhelming need for God. I have not felt this pain for the people like I did when I was there today. I really think God was talking to me through my eyes. As I was driving around I saw rich I saw poor I saw greed I saw needy. All I could think of was running into the big buildings screaming give your money to the homeless they are the ones who need it. I kept thinking if only everyone in this city would give $1 each how there would be no homeless people starving or dying from the cold this coming winter. Why do these big rich companies make billions and don't even build one house to help the homeless back on their feet or just to keep them warm and offer showers? We really need to do something about this. I sit here writing this on my nice computer in my warm house, as you are reading this in the same comfort. If only we would give up some comfort for someone else to have just a taste of it.

I know I have to do something. Maybe this has to do with a dream I had awhile ago. I had a dream where this man(who has also dreamt of the poor) and me were helping the poor and they were helping us. There was so many other details in the dream and I think I wrote about it here once but that's not my point. All the way home I cried for the poor in Toronto. I know that isn't going to help them but I couldn't help but think of different ways that maybe I could. I will pray more about this and as God reveals it to me I will reveal it to you.

Its funny because for the last year or so I have been wanting to go into missions and I thought I would have to go overseas and I have been wondering how could I with two children (with their fathers in Ontario). Now I see that I don't have to leave. God just might use me here. Its funny because we always seem to forget about the need in our own country. Its not funny but you know what I mean. Pray for me please.

HSC

So, I spent the afternoon in downtown Toronto. You don't realize how different Mississauga is compared to Toronto until you are down there. I went to The Hospital for Sick Children. Very famous hospital, I'm sure y'all heard of it before. That place is quite amazing. Reason for going was that Matthew had an appointment to see an eye specialist. Once inside the hospital you would never get the impression it was one. They have this amazing atrium with a big food court. As we made our way toward the Elm Ward, we passed a gift shop, an art studio for the kids, a health food store, a reading room(small library for kids), in the waiting rooms they had Nintendo, Playstation, and your conventional toys. Let me tell you, they do an awesome job making the kids feel comfortable. It was a little extravagant but a lot of children call that place their home.

Questions????

Here I am, a bit confused, as always. :-). I read the bible, I pray, I think I get what God is saying to me and then I act on it, or do I? I wake up and feel as though I want to go to church and as the day progresses I wonder should I go. Then I go anyway, which always turns out to be a great thing. God always blesses me at church. I see the Spirit working in the pastor. I see how his faith grows with God even when he doesn't see results in the church. This really should be in two posts but whatever, I am going to ramble away... God gives this great miracle of twins to my sister. She says she asked for salvation. But then goes on like she always lived. Doesn't ones heart change after salvation? After a miracle? Did mine? I witnessed to everyone the miracle, my sister's salvation. But then a week or two later do I slip a little? I have a drink at a party that my friend was having. I get into conversations with Melissa all the time about God, are either one of us changing for the better? I know in my heart God is there. I know that He is awesome. If I look daily I do see miracles and His grace. Am I as close as I want to be? No way!! How do I get there? The bible says to go sell what you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. It also says If anyone wishes to come after Me, let him deny himself and take up his cross, and follow Me. And to take nothing for your journey. So, in todays day and age, what does that mean? I hear Christians saying that you can have that car, that computer, that nice house on the hill etc.. But if Christ said 'take what you have and sell it and give it to the poor' why do Christians say that? Do they just want the best of both worlds? I know its inticing, but in Revelations Jesus talks about being lukewarm. Are we lukewarm? Am I lukewarm? Because if I really look deep I can honestly say I love a lot of the things in this world. I have given up some of them. And its been hard. I know if I give it all up my rewards will be many, so what am I waiting for?

We are moving!!

Yesterday we got the good news that we are moving! Its only a few minutes up the street but it really is a nicer, quieter street. The house is a lot bigger, nicer, has central air, a fireplace, and a fenced in backyard. That might sound silly but the place that we live in now, the backyard is not fenced which makes it more difficult for the kids to play outside, and for the dog, who only gets to go outside for walks.

We are moving in at the end of November so there's going to be a lot of work to do in the next few weeks, and once we move in - considering it is just before Christmas.

This is going to be so good for all of us. :-)

The Gospel of John

"A momentous undertaking involving a creative constituency of award-winning artists and esteemed academic and theological consultants from around the world, Visual Bible's THE GOSPEL OF JOHN is an ambitious motion picture that has been adapted for the screen on a word for word basis from the American Bible Society's Good News Bible.

The story of Jesus' life as recounted by His disciple John, this three-hour epic feature film draws its audience into antiquity by way of meticulous recreation, including an original musical score complete with instrumental sounds of the time. This ambitious motion picture follows the Gospel precisely, neither adding to the story from other Gospels, nor omitting complex passages."

To read more about the movie or to see the theatrical trailer click here.

The Heresy (A hot site right now)

You know, over at Leighton's site (the heresy, link to the left), there has been quite a lot of discussion going on. I have been watching it closely. But in the end I have to ask myself - what are we doing here? If I were not a Christian, what would I get from those posts and all those comments. (last time I looked they were at 61, and his new post is already reading 19.) The truth of the matter is, I think I would not want to be a part of what all those people are involved in. It would turn me away. I do remember how I once thought as a non-christian. We as christians seem to be fighting, over analyzing and dragging things on like we all know everything. Like we are holier than though. We are not! I know you would say that we are all entitled to our opinion and we have our own beliefs but hello..... I think we need to stop what we are doing and focus ourselves on God. God is the truth, he will reveal what He wants to us. As for the rest, lets just say that its a mystery and that we do not know the answer.

Over at the heresy they have been discussing the early church. Who is so sure that they got it right? As far as I can see no one has. We are not perfect nor will we ever be. When Jesus comes back He will be looking for a church without a spot or wrinkle. Are you a part of that church? Are you planning to be?

Why do we always as humans have to argue and discuss things that there really shouldn't be a discuss about. Was Jesus being exclusive to his disciples? Of course not! He was closest to His disciples, we are all closest to some, but He never excludes anyone.

1At the same time came the disciples unto Jesus, saying, Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven? 2And Jesus called a little child unto him, and set him in the midst of them, 3And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven. 4Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven. 5And whoso shall receive one such little child in my name receiveth me. 6But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him, that a millstone were hanged about his neck and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea. Matt 18 vs 1-6 KJV
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11For the son of man is come to save that which is lost. 12How think ye? If a man have an hundred sheep, and one of them be gone astray, doth he not leave the ninety and nine, and goeth into the mountains, and seeketh that which is gone astray? 13And if so be that he find it, verily I say unto you, he rejoiceth more of that sheep, than of the ninety and nine which went not astray. 14Even so it is not the will of your Father which is in heaven, that one of these little ones should perish. 15Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone, if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. 16But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in HE MOUTH OF TWO OR THREE WITNESSES EVERY WORD MAY BE ESTABLISHED. 17And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican. Matt 18 vs 11-17 KJV Pls continue to read the rest of Matthew 18.

Just my thoughts but in the verses mentioned above I think Jesus is trying to teach us the way in which we should treat the ones of the church and the ones gone astray. I am thinking that if I was in a church and was not included in all aspects of the church it would offend me. And if I went astray, which I have at times, if no one was there to guide me back-where would I be now. As for the trespasses of the brother I would say that you could use that in the context of how you would deal with everyone, including church membership (meaning although we are to forgive his trespasses no matter how many times he trespasses against you, you can not give up on him. Where would we be if God had given up on us. I think in referring to Leighton's site, that is why I don't believe in rules for membership. Because if there are rules for joining then there has to be rules for kicking out. We should never be in the mindset of wanting to give up on someone, even if they have given up on themselves. I truly believe that the church should be open to all. Jesus demonstrates it often in the NT. HE does however describe what it means to follow Him. It is up to us to give up what we have and take up our own cross to follow Him. No human has a right to judge what that means to each individual. So many churches have hurt people by giving up on them. Only God is the judge! I am by no means a scholar but I don't think I am that far off.

I have more to say on this but wow, its late and it seems to be getting a bit jumbled. I hope ya'll understand what I am trying to say. I am not specifically talking to one of the commenters merely, giving my thoughts on so many things that were said over at the heresy. Hats off to you, if you made it to the end of this post. :-)

Going downstairs!

Today, as I was going downstairs to change before I headed out to my art class, I did something really hurtful, to myself. I really am a spaz!! I took a fall and fell down the stairs. I don't even remember ever falling down the stairs before, if I did, it must have been when I was very young. It was actually quite cute. As I was in immense pain, Matthew runs up to me and doesn't stop asking if I am ok until I finally answer him, which believe me was hard to do. It was quite nice to see how many people ran to check on me. It felt good to be loved. But man did it ever hurt. So, now my left wrist is sore. My left butt cheek kills, I have a really big bruise on my butt and I can't even sit on my left side.

I decided to go to art class despite my pain but ended up leaving early because somewhere between my drive, which was very interesting trying to put all pressure on my right side, by the way, and being at class for an hour and a half I felt ill. I rarely get sick and I was feeling a little light headed so I went home. I really hope I feel better tomorrow and I hope my butt doesn't swell and I can sit normally. :-) As I am writing, I can't help but laugh. It is quite amusing yet embarassing yet painful. So, to all, who can sit well, have a wonderful night. :-)

Ontario is on Amber alert for the second time this year!!

So, I watched the late news this evening and it was heart wretching. A little girl by the name of Cecilia has been abducted. She is only nine years old, same age as Skye. She was taken right from her bedroom late last night. Her parents didn't even know until this morning when they went to wake her up to get her ready for school. How scary is that!!! In our history there has only been three, count them three amber alerts and two of them were this year. The one earlier this year, Holly was a ten year old girl who was found dismembered in a duffel bag down by Lake Ontario. Please pray for Cecilia and her parents for her safe return.

For the full story click Here

Experiencing the Father's Embrace

Such a Love

Our journey has taken us throughout the earth
From pain and suffering our love did birth
Yet love did flourish from the shame and tears
Our love remained true all through the years!

What pain can hold back such a love as ours
Not shame, not fear, not even wounded hearts
For our love has conquered every wall
It has fought and grasped for passion's call!

It was your love that brought to me a rest
A love that my pain has put to the test
Yet you endured and gave of your best
Today it is the reason I feel so blessed!

What kind of woman could love as you do?
One who is beautiful, faithful and true
It takes one whose heart is made of pure gold
One whose life will be as a tale that is told!

Your love will be spoke of for ages to come
For it is the kind which lights up the sun
It is full of fire, passion and zeal
A love that is not false but open and heals!

Your love fills my heart with visions and dreams
Faith, hope and love my head has finally seen
Your love has given me reason to live
Your love has caused my heart to want to give!

How could your love be so rich and free?
How could you love such a man as me?
How could your heart be filled with rich desire?
How could you cause me to burn with such fire?

Certainly your love must come from above
How else could you know such a wondrous love
I long to return that love to you one day
With such desire and self sacrifice may I love, I pray!

Oh God, I could never repay what you have done for me
When you gave me her love, so beautiful, so free
Forgive me for all the years that I did blame
As an excuse not to love, because of my pain!

Unmerited favour I received when I first saw her face
Your love, through her, has revealed to me grace
Now I am honoured to call her my wife
I will cherish and care for her all of my life!

I would go through the pain again and again
To experience her love that covered my shame
I would give my life, my wealth, and my fame
To love her and cherish her and give her my name!

Poem taken from 'Experiencing the Father's Embrace' by Jack Frost of Shiloh Place Ministries

I'm a nut!! :-)

I am a nut. Went out yesterday to buy a scanner and I ended up with a VCR. My VCR died like two weeks ago and the kids have so many movies on vhs. I almost bought the Canon LiDE 80 scanner. Have heard nothing but great things about it. When I went to check out prices at other stores, the last store I ended up at was Future Shop which didn't even have the scanner, so I hopped over to the home theatre section and got a VCR instead. I got some really great movies too, on DVD. So, I guess the scanner will have to wait, which means someone is going to have to wait for my picture just a little bit longer. :-)

I just got home from work and I am exhausted. Melissa and I are suppose to do something later so I think I am going to head for my pillow for a nice nap.

No title.

Last night I realized that I don't live life enough. Truthfully I can say that my life so revolves around work that I don't really have much time for anything else. My boss says can you work this day or I hope you don't mind I scheduled you here. What do I always say - no problem even when it is. Two weekends ago I had my children for the whole weekend with nothing to do but spend time together and what does my boss ask-if I could work, what did I say-yes no problem yet inside I was upset because I wanted the whole weekend for just the three of us. Why do I strive to do my best there when I know my home life is suffering. I miss my children. I miss my life. If only.............

Last night.

Last night I went to Melissa's. She was having a little party. A handful of us were there. I have not gone out with friends in such a long time. It was so much fun! Owen brought his guitar and him and Garret jammed. They really are great!! Both with their own uniqueness. Owen tried to teach me a string or two on his guitar, I was hopeless. Until Owen did the cords and I did the strumming and Garret improvised a song. That was too cool. I was still hopeless but it was great!! I got a well needed massage from Garret. Melissa and I wrestled until I felt sick. I have not had any real drink in I'd say at least two years. I had one stupid Smirnoff and less then half a glass of Baileys. I don't plan on doing that again. We watched Owen's short film-he acted in it. Steve was there. He is such a great guy. He is young but I have not seen a guy with such maturity in awhile. Even guys my age don't seem to be as mature as he is and he's just breaking into the twenties. Michelle is just too fun. Vince, although at work we drive eachother nuts, literally, he is alright! Cristina is the nicest girl ever! I met Steph for the first time, although we didn't talk that much she seems really nice. Veena is great too!! We really have to do that again soon.

The Sky!!!

The highlight of my day, I would have to say was my drive to church this evening with my children. Skye asked me to put on some christian music and I did. As we drove on the highway I looked up to the sky. I do this often-as I am fasinated with the majesty and beauty of it. I told Skye to check it out and seriously it was amazing! Skye has such an imagination. She pointed to a patch of sky and described it as a cottage on a hill, with water to its left. The forest surrounding it. And you know what, that is exactly what it looked like! When we used to go up to my Uncle George's house we stayed at the cottage beside his house and the picture Skye had drawn in the sky was a replica. It brought back so many memories. My uncle has past on, but he still lives with us.

I recommend if you don't already to look at the sky daily, more than once. It is like a snowflake-it is never the same twice.

God is truly amazing!!! I look at the earth around me and every time I do, I am in awe at his magnificance!!

Happy Thanksgiving!

I was running through my head what I should write in here but after reading Pamela's blog I thought that I would say some of things that I am thankful for this Thanksgiving weekend.

My sister's salvation, the miracle of the twins, Pamela is back in the church and growing strong, Ashley's courage to venture into school so far away from home, mom taking an interest in church, family showing up out of the blue, Matthew, Skye, my friends-old/new/near/far, God not giving up on me, my salvation, trials, my wonderful parents, my silly siblings-Mary and Harry, my neices-Jessica and Alyssa, my family near/far, the bible, my church/members/pastor. There are so many and these only touch the surface of what I am thankful for.

We strive so often for statis, for material things such as a house, car, whatever and when we really look inside it really doesn't matter if we have those things, it only matters that our loved ones are with us to share in our blessings. I wish everyone all the blessings in the world. Happy Thanksgiving! A holiday which we should celebrate daily.

Happy Birthday Matthew!!

Today is Matthew's Birthday. In case you haven't figured out who he is yet, he is my loveable, adorable, smart as a whip son. He turned 3. I can not believe that its been three years, WoW!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEETIE!!!
Love you so much!!!

'Coffee' with Melissa.

It was 1 in the morning when I finally left Melissa's porch - (which was suppose to be just a quick coffee-I actually don't drink coffee, but I'm sure you get my drift). It really was such a beautiful fall night last night. Anyway, we seem to go out for 'coffee' or sit on her porch on a regular basis. But seriously, I am getting too tired and 'old' for this. I enjoy it but crawling into bed at 1:30am and getting up to take Skye to school is getting very tiring. I don't know how much longer my body can take this. I act like I'm 50 sometimes :-). I will probably still do it, maybe as the cold weather approaches it will cut down. Its funny 'cause I love sitting around and having good meaningful conversations. Maybe we will just spend more time in Tim Horton's or D'emetre's. See, there I go again. :-)

Thinking out loud!

So, I was talking with Melissa today about things we did in our past. As I was confiding in her I actually started to feel ill. I guess some would say its no big deal but to me looking at my life now and then reflecting on where I was just overtook me. Let me tell you, I am extremely happy that the Lord never gave up on me when He so easily should have.

On another note, today I felt a little more alone than usual. Although I was sharing a part of my soul print with Melissa, it also hit some nerve in the back of my brain that I really am just alone in this world-no one will ever really get me. I think Melissa thinks she has me figured out and I am sure in a lot of ways she does. The only person who really 'got' me was Shawn but then I wonder did he really? After six years he decided to up and leave. Is it because he got to know me or is it because we just were not right for each other. Don't get me wrong, after all the heartache I was able to see that it was/is better for me that he isn't such a big part of me as he was. We get along and we are friends.

I guess my big question is why do people leave? Why do we just give up? Is there a person out there made specifically for me and if so where the heck is he? What I am saying is that I am 27 with two beautiful children and I know God has a purpose for me. I am not sure of what it is, and I really hope it includes someone special that God chose for me. I feel as though who would want someone that lived in sin, had two children, got saved, turned their life around, have many blessings. But to me I see men looking at two children and a mom. I know that is a lot to take on. Believe me I am living it, and I would never give it up! It is just frustrating being single, a mom and christian sometimes. I know the reward will be many but right now I just want to be loved by a man, that is not my brother or my father :-)
Is that too much to ask God?

NEVER underestimate the power of prayer! (a must read)

I have a story to tell. We found out last week that my sister, Mary was pregnant. She went to the doctor's and had an ultrasound done. So, the technician tells my sister that everything is fine and she goes home. The next day she gets a call from her family doctor who tells her he needs to see her immediately. So, as she is panicking all day, she finally goes to see him at 5pm. He tells her that she has two babies in her womb. As her and Darcy are getting excited he looks at them intently and says that there is a complication: one egg is up in the uterus and its heart beat is 119(doctor's say it is good if it were between 120-160), he said that it is not a good sign that the egg is so high up as it doesn't give the baby room to grow. He hopes that it will drop soon. Secondly, he said that the other egg is very low in the uterus and does not have a heart beat. So, now both Darcy and Mary are very upset and struggling to comprehend what has just been told of them. My sister goes home and calls mom and me. We all pray. On Friday which is today, my sister was scheduled to have another ultrasound. All week we prayed. Darcy and Mary prayed together, my mom, my dad, me, Skye. My pastor prayed on Sunday for her. Yesterday I fasted. I told my sister that she needed to pray to Jesus, that Jesus is the intercessor to God the Father, she needs Jesus in her heart. (my sister was not saved).

Anyway, my mom called me this morning around 11am and told me that Mary had been in to see the ultrasound technician. Mom said the technician could not understand what the other doctor's were talking about. She said you must be so happy-you are having twins. My sister couldn't understand what she was saying. The technician went on to say that both babies were doing just fine, that their heart beats are normal and its normal when having twins for their heart beat to be a little different.

My sister told me that she had been praying to Jesus and that while she was in the ultrasound room all she did was pray, she asked for salvation, she prayed that her babies would be alright. We all cried together in happiness and joy this beautiful morning when God showed us His love, power and that He does answer prayers!! This truly is a miracle only possible through God in heaven above!!!! I will say it again - NEVER underestimate the power of prayer!!

Matthew and Jesus.

Matthew was talking to his grandma today and she told him to ask Jesus/God to fix his ear. Matthew says 'Tell God not to touch my ear because it hurts' and then he says 'When I get older and I die will Jesus take me to heaven by my ear?' When I heard this I couldn't do anything but laugh. He is such a smart sweet boy. He will only be turning three in ten days and the things/questions he comes up with are incredible. Just thought I'd share!

Matthew.

I have the day off today which is a good thing because Matthew was up all night with an ear infection. He seems ok today except not getting any sleep makes one toddler cranky. I am taking him to the doctor's today to get some meds for his ear. I ask everyone to pray for Matthew's ear as he has had more ear infections than you could imagine. He is also going to the doctor's tomorrow for his eyes. He seems to have lost most of his sight. If anyone knows about eyes he is a +8. So we are seeing a specialist regarding them. So, please pray for his eyes as well. Thank you all, in advance!!

Acrylic painting.

I joined an art class. The first class was this evening. I had butterflies all afternoon. See, I haven't been to a class in quite awhile, but I think I was more afraid of what was to happen in the class. I have never been in a structured art class before. I love art and I think it is going to be fun. I just needed to get over that first class. And I did! Yippeee!! It actually was nothing to be afraid about. It went well. People are great! I am more into sketching with pencil or pastels, and I am now venturing into acrylic painting. I really hope this is going to help my creative side. I've sheltered it and shelved it for far too long. So long live the paint brush and hopefully my artistic side. (I feel like jumping with one foot in the air) Have a great night everyone! :-)

And so I look like a famous actress!

Apparently everyone thinks I have a remarkable resemblance to a famous actress. A few months ago a co-worker pointed it out. I thought he was just pulling a prank. But last week when I was getting a drink order from a customer he said the exact same thing and instead of getting a drink order that takes two seconds we had this discussion about my 'amazing resemblance'. And so of course I had to ask some of my friends if they saw it too and once I mentioned her name they were like 'Absolutely', 'Oh my goodness, yes', 'Wow, you do look so like her'. And last night my sister had some lady over which I have never seen before and as I was telling my sister about this story the lady interrupted before I could say the actresses name and she said 'Absolutely, the whole time I was sitting here, I was thinking that you look like her'. So, of course I am looking in the mirror and wondering if these people are blind because I don't see it, but can that many people be wrong? So apparently according to everyone but me I look like...Jodie Foster!

Flabbergasted

I just finished reading a book called Flabbergasted. It is a book that I never thought I would pick up let alone buy, but I did. It was about a guy who moved to a new state to be closer to a girlfriend but when he got there she dumped him. He makes a new life there and soon finds that the best place to meet girls is at church. Having not been to church in years he takes a stab at it. Its about his adventure - which surely ends up being about God. And where he thinks his life is going may not be what God has in store for him. I actually laughed out loud quite a few times when reading this. It definitely was a good read, easy to get into and it is partially based on true stories from the life of the writer Ray Blackston.

About last night.

My first supervisory shift went very smooth. It seemed as though most of my co-workers were actually happy for me. I wasn't completely sure as to their reaction, that was mostly what I was afraid of. So, I am glad that first shift is over. As far as I have been informed I will be doing it on a part time basis, which for me is great because I can still serve and make money and supervise when need be. And who knows about the future. I am still waiting on God for that one!

Patience: Across the arc of a life lived in faith, it allows the Almighty to be all-mighty. Ray Blackston

Have you ever...

Have you ever had a conversation where you were trying to talk to someone about something important and they change the conversation and it ends in an argument? Well, that is what just happened to me. I am very upset. Its kind of funny because I talked to the same person yesterday and we had a great conversation. The thing I find so distasteful is that this person called me back and left a 'message' and now I am really upset. I called back and of course the cell phone is off. Firstly, I do not like arguements, I don't like ending anything on a bad note, being adults and talking about things is the way I like to do things, and now I have to go to work - to top it off its my first official supervisory shift which I am excited and scared about!

Yippee, I had the day off today!

I had the day off today. I am so glad because not only has it been ages since I've had a day off besides on a Sunday, its in the middle of a work week. It felt so good to just relax at home. So, today I was able to both drop off and pick up Skye from school-which was so nice because I haven't picked her up since the first day of school. I took Matthew, well actually he took me for a bike ride. We went to the park. I helped Skye with her homework, I made dinner(which my mom appreciated very much), I even did my laundry. Productive yet relaxing day. I need more!!

What would Jesus approve?

I went to a concert on Friday (see post below) and I had a great time. But now I sit here in my room wondering if Jesus would have approved of it. Did I serve any real purpose in going besides having fun and going a little crazy for a night? For awhile now I have been struggling with forms of entertainment which I briefly discussed in a previous blog. My pastor had said something at a service regarding worldly things, including movies and music. Did I really just push myself a little more into the world by going to a concert? I know it didn't hurt anyone by me going. And I know Jesus would want us to have fun. But are these the sorts of things we should be wasting our time on?

I found out last week that my favourite tv shows are starting this week - The West Wing, CSI, and ER. You don't know how excited I got. And for what, really? Its not like if I never watched them again that I would feel like I'm missing something. My friend Nadine used to be a tv addict. She use to have so many shows a week to watch that all her spare time was watching the shows she taped. I know I am not like that, and thank goodness she isn't that way either anymore. But where do we draw the line on entertainment. Is there a line?

I absolutely love movies. I have an extensive collection. I go to the movies almost every other week. Why do I feel the need to waste my time watching 'worldly' movies? I am not a music freak. I rarely listen to the radio and when I do its usually to listen to a sermon. But I do enjoy music. Mostly christian and new country.

Is it unrealistic to give up all worldly things? Especially the things we enjoy most. How do we do it? It totally surrounds us. I wish I could move into the country and have a peaceful, quiet country home in which to raise my children away from the distractions of the world. But I know that is unrealistic too. We would always find something to distract us no matter where we are. We need to live for Jesus and we need to start right now. He could be coming any day now, we don't know. So why do we always put off until tomorrow to do the things we should be doing today. We all love excuses. We use them more than we would like to admit.

Truthfully, all I want is to live for Christ and if that means no more of the things I find pleasure in doing well than I don't want them. I know it is so hard and will be hard at first. I used to always pray for a husband, one whom I could love like Jesus loves, one whom could love me as Jesus loves, one whom we could live each day for Christ together, one whom would love my children as their own and teach them as a Godly father would. I don't think that is selfish of me to ask God for this. I believe that He would want this for me as well. But as of tonight I will change my prayer. I will pray to be more like Jesus, to follow in His footsteps, to learn to love as He loves, to have an intimate relationship with the Lord, to have fellowship with Him, to seek more of the Spirit, to strike the desire in my heart to long after Him, to be on fire, to do His will for my life. Jesus is all we need. If we seek Him and desire only Him then He will give us the desires of our hearts. I haven't been doing that, I admit it. But as of today a new desire for Jesus has begun. This is my vow.

Keith Urban.

Pamela and I went to the Keith Urban concert last night at Copps Coliseum in Hamilton. It was absolutely amazing. He started the concert with his new song 'Who wouldn't want to be me', which of course just rocked the stadium. He is not only an amazing singer/songwriter, he plays the guitar like a god(so to speak) and he is completely sexy. Wow!! We had pretty good seats, but half way through the concert Keith Urban encouraged us to come down in front of the stage and of course Pam and I did. We ended up right in the front. Carolyn Dawn Johnson and Jimmie Rankin performed as well. At the end of the concert they stayed in front of the stage for autographs. I don't care what you all think of country music but going to one of these concerts is so different than any other concert I've ever been too. It was intimate, they had fan interaction, autographs etc.. Something about these artists that other big stars don't have. They seem to genuinely care about their audience and take the time for them. It was amazing. When we got back to Pam's house we couldn't even sleep, we were so high from the energy at the concert. Pam got CDJ's and Jimmie Rankin's autograph and I got one of Keith Urban's guitar picks. I know that it doesn't mean much and they will probably sit in a drawer but it was pretty cool last night. I can't wait til he returns for another concert.

Everwood.

I just finished watching the season premiere of Everwood. My mom got me watching it a bit last season and it really is a great show. It was quite touching tonight. Yes, I cried. I seem to do that.

One thing that I really don't understand in myself is my emotions. I guess we all have wacked out emotions at times but I feel mine are different. I will cry when watching a touching movie or tv program, or if I'm listening to the radio and a touching story is told, or if someone is expressing their emotions to me. But throw me into real life and I can't cry. Why is that? I still haven't cried since my grandfather passed away in May. I seem to be able to put myself into the situations on tv and the like and cry like a baby. In real life I don't know why I can not. Everyone around me at my grandfathers funeral was crying or bawling, I just held my sister, my cousins, mom, aunt. The only time I almost cried was when my daughter found out and I was scared for her.

How is it that someone can get so emotional over someone elses stories but not their own? I used to cry. When I found out I was having Matthew, oh my goodness did I cry. When Jason and I went through our trials I cried, when Shawn left I cried for almost a year. I would just start crying at work, it was crazy. And now, I don't know. Have I shed all my tears, no.

Today as I was organizing my words for prayer, I felt this overwhelming need to cry to God, as I started saying the words and expressing myself to God, I couldn't. Is their something wrong with me? My mom says I am very emotional, a lot of the time I am driven by my emotions.

I read a story last week about the guerilla wars in Africa and I was heart broken. My sister told me about her battles with her past/present and I tried hard to hold back. Am I living my emotions through others lives? Maybe I am just over emotional right now and just exaggerating. Maybe I'm just tired of crying over the things that happen to me. Maybe I just have a different understanding then I did before. God is with me now and my life is His and that is ok with me. The only explanation I can come up with is that I know that no matter what I go through Jesus is always there to pick me up and really that is all I need.

A great weekend!

This weekend was pretty busy, which I love. So much running around for Skye's party which was yesterday. Had a great barbeque. Weather was fantastic. I got to spend time with my sister, Mary, which was great. I haven't seen her much lately. While I was doing the dishes, the lucky ones in the living room where playing with balloons. That being my parents, Alyssa-my neice, Darcy-my sis's boyfriend, and Skye. It was however quite fun listening to them laugh and jump and having a blast. I bought some new fish to put in my fish tank so last night I cleaned out the tank, replaced the gravel and put live plants and such in it. It was pretty gross. So, as everyone was waiting for me so we could play some cards, I regretfully told them to start without me. Which truthfully, really sucked. I love when family comes over and we all sit at the table and play cards or a board game. I definitely didn't plan that very well. My fish tank looks amazing though.

My mom has been bugging me for some time to make her a cd. I thought that I had but she let me know this weekend that it was just not so. So tonight I have been putting together a collection of worship songs for it. This really is a great thing seeing as my mom is not a christian, yet! I am hoping that with the cd will bring about her desire to follow the Lord. I'm not saying that this will happen but the Lord works in mysterious ways. It is fantastic that she wants a christian cd. She doesn't want only one either. She wants a praise and worship and a soaking cd. She confessed tonight to me that she got up today and got ready to come to church with me. I didn't even notice. She said she wanted to come but pulled back at the last second. She actually said that she is thinking about joining me next week. May the Lord work in her heart this week and bring her to a place where she will joyfully praise Him and seek more of Him.

Wacky Tuesday.

By the request of 'Wacky Tuesday' I regret to announce that I will no longer have a link to the site. WT feels that they would like to remain annonymous and is afraid of others, mostly from work reading their personal journal. Therefore if you do not already have WT on your blog roll you will have to find it elsewhere.

GOD is AMAZING!

Today was a most excellent day. I woke up this morning still wanting more sleep. Got Skye off to school, tickle tortured Matthew, helped him clean up his mess (from days ago), read him a book, had a really nice hot shower, got ready for work, saw Matthew off (Grandma took him for the day), on the way to work listened to worship music, during my break read my bible, had a great conversation about the bible with Koree, witnessed with Vince, had a good venting conversation with Melissa re: yesterday's lovely events, had a good day at work, listened to worship music all the way home, been high on the spirit, fully in love with God, wanting much more. This is fantastic. I have not felt so intuned in a while. I guess when you really make a consorted effort to dive into a relationship with God, things just seem to get in order. Its not always fun but always worth it. Wow, I'm so in love!!!! My heart is burning and I don't want the fire to burn out. I can not express really how happy and grateful and amazed and excited and everything I feel right now. I wish you too could feel it. Wow!!!! Praise the Lord!!!

The River.

You know a dream is like a river
Ever changin’ as it flows
And a dreamer’s just a vessel
That must follow where it goes
Trying to learn from what’s behind you
And never knowing what’s in store
Makes each day a constant battle
Just to stay between the shores……..and

I will sail my vessel
‘Til the river runs dry
Like a bird upon the wind
These waters are my sky
I’ll never reach my destination
If I never try
So I will sail my vessel
‘Til the river runs dry

Too many times we stand aside
And let the waters slip away
‘Til what we put off ‘til tomorrow
Has now become today
So don’t you sit upon the shoreline
And say your satisfied
Choose to chance the rapids
And dare to dance the tide……yes

I will sail my vessel
‘Til the river runs dry
Like a bird upon the wind
These waters are my sky
I’ll never reach my destination
If I never try
So I will sail my vessel
‘Til the river runs dry

And there’s bound to be rough waters
And I know I’ll take some falls
But with the good Lord as my captain
I can make it through them all………yes

I will sail my vessel
‘Til the river runs dry
Like a bird upon the wind
These waters are my sky
I’ll never reach my destination
If I never try
So I will sail my vessel
‘Til the river runs dry

Yes, I will sail my vessel
‘Til the river runs dry
‘Til the river runs dry

Written by Victoria Shaw and Garth Brooks

Another dream last night. This is the fourth.

I had another dream last night. This one was closer to home. I was at a beach of some sort. My family-relatives close and not so close were swimming. I came late. As I was about to enter the water the waves became so big, they kept rolling like I've never seen a wave do, I became scared, it looked like it wanted to swallow me. I decided not to go in and instead went into someones house. Which while I was in there looked and felt like my aunt Carol's except if you actually saw her house it does look like that. But anyway, her son still lived there, which he doesn't now. No one was home so I went into Dale's room(her son) and went to sleep. I woke up to noise. My aunt came home with other family members and they were surprised by no one being home. They didn't know I was there until I popped my head out of the room. When they came into the room they asked how could I sleep in a room that smelt like this(it seemed to have smelt like pot)?! I told them I didn't even notice. They asked me where everyone else was and I told them I had no clue. Next thing we heard was a scream. We all ran to see why my cousin was screaming and when we got to the kitchen there was a dead body on the floor. I was in a bit of shock especially because I slept all night in the house and never knew. Then the dream switched and I was going on a long journey and everyone was seeing me off.

This is different then the other dreams as it involved other family members. The other dreams involved a man who I think I am suppose to meet. One involved this man and I helping the homeless with money, food, clothing and they in turn helped us.

Similarities would be death- which occurred in the other dream, once in a symbol - cemetary. Me going in a different direction than I was going. Me being confused. Me being in two different places. Me being scared.

I don't know if it means anything but I find it hard to believe that it doesn't. This is the fourth dream in less than a month and a half. Maybe they don't have a connection, I don't know.

Does anyone have any input? I am quite confused. I think in some way I am to go through something life changing maybe a journey. Leave one place and go to another. I am not sure what death means though. Is someone going to die, or maybe my old self. And I will become renewed. I never got the answer to that one question in my dream, maybe I am not suppose to know it or maybe that is what the journey entales. The confusion and going in all the wrong directions even though I think I am going the right way is most definitely a sign. Maybe of my life right now.

Does anyone know how to interpret dreams? Does this even make sense?

Pray for pastors.

I don't have much to say today but I just wanted to share that I had a really great time at church. Every time I go to this church I come away with a sense of newness. God is certainly present. Praise the good Lord in heaven above.
I ask all that read this blog, which probably isn't much, but I still ask for you to pray for my pastor. Pray for revival, pray for wisdom, pray for the Spirit to constantly work in his heart, pray for finances, pray for God to move in other peoples souls, pray for the pastor.
I think that it is of utmost importance for people to pray for their pastor's. They are certainly not perfect and need so much more help than we ever give them. While you are praying for my pastor pray for your pastor too.

Entertainment, good or bad?!

Ok, so now I am officially sleepless in toronto. I just finished watching a movie, which I will not even dare say its name. Firstly, a friend lent it to me 2 weeks ago and I have been contemplating on whether or not I should watch it. I find it strange but good that although some years ago I could watch just about anything and it had no real affect on me, now I can no longer do that. Last week I watched a movie and the graphics disturbed me so much that I had to stop the movie. Today I can still see it. I think that is why I waited so long for this movie. I guess by the title I never should have ever watched it but low and behold I did tonight. Firstly it had no plot, no story and it was very disturbing. I really wish I could take back this last couple of hours. I know that this is going to affect me for some time. Pamela said to me that she feels that watching a movie such as this gives the devil access into your home. While I watched, that is how I felt, RIGHT NOW I feel very dirty. It is quite amazing how I've basically done a 360 on so many things in my life or at least a 180.
I was/am struggling with so many things like what movies are ok to watch, are movies ok to watch, is drinking a sin, same for music, tv, magazines, dancing, going to bars, even karoake, etc.... I could go on forever. And I realize that everything affects you. Everything has an influence. I think it is extremely important as to what you allow yourself and those around you to be influenced by. God allowed for entertainment. It is not necessarily entertainment that is bad, its the type of entertainment that we chose. In reality if it isn't for God than maybe we should be asking ourselves why are we doing it.

P.S. The sad thing is, is that I knew before I popped in the dvd that God was telling me not too. It really is just easier and smarter to just listen. God knows best, why do we always question it. Or more so, why do I?

Men and Cars.

Well, today almost every man I ran into was very gentleman like. They opened doors, offered for me to go first, were very well mannered and the like. This might not be unusual to you, but in Toronto, ok well I live in Mississauga, close enough, this is not the norm. It is very nice to see that some men still respect women and are courtly.

As for cars, at work today a customer came in with his 2003 Ferrari 360 Spider. Just click on Cars, then Today. Wow!! I am not one for cars but man this thing was a beauty. Red with black leather interior. The gears were on the steering wheel, etc... Very nice.

Just a quick one.

Well, I just tried to post something and somehow it wouldn't let me. So I will try again.

Today, I am still tired. I woke up early and went shopping at Walmart. I had to buy some back to school clothes for Skye and I also promised her a camera for her birthday. Thank goodness it was busy at work because I spent way more than I had anticipated/calculated.
I was a bit peeved at work tonight. Not only was I suppose to be the first one cut and wasn't, I swear after the rush, I had three tables in a two hours span. The manager on tonight seems to always do that. He has a fear of cutting anyone because he thinks that at 10pm there is going to be a mad rush of people coming into the restaurant, which never happens. In case you haven't figured it out-I am a server.

Anyway, I am very glad to be home. It is quite peaceful. The only sounds I hear are the fan, the fish tank and my typing. I think I am going to get ready for bed now so have an awesome night. Peace and blessings to all! G'night!

A little more indepth than usual.

I was told today that although some of my comments to others are indepth, my blog only touches the surface of my life. This bothered me a little but when I thought about it, she was right. I seem to only touch the surface of my life and don't seem to go much deeper. Just so you know, I have been having inner struggles just like you have, yes you. Today it seemed to hit me pretty hard. My mind never really seems to stop. Lately though, I have been so busy that I haven't had time to really think about too many things. Well, today it caught up with me.

I was just about to only scratch the surface again, but this time I will go into detail. I have been having issues with my life: god, personal, future, etc... I don't even know where to start, and if I do I don't know how to end.

As for God, I am quite confused. I act like I'm not but deep down I really am. I know I love God more than anything. I want to be a faithful servant but I seem to be struggling with what that is. I see myself sitting in one spot, knowing I need to move forward and yet still sitting. Some things are obvious others are not. I guess I know that once I make that full commitment to jump in Gods direction my life will forever change. It already has, I have gone through a lot with God in my short time with Him. But right now I am surrounded by non-believers, people doing their own things. Not too long ago, I started to drift. Sometimes it seems all too easy. I know God is pulling my sleeve and feel the Spirit moving in my soul. Why do I just sit there? How do I change my mind set to jump off the couch? I have been easily distracted, focusing on anything. Even when I pray lately I find my mind drifting on other things instead of focusing on God. I really hate this. When I went away this weekend I felt so intouch with God, but now I am back in the city-distractions come too easy. My bible sits in the open, usually on my desk and I haven't opened it in over a week. I have analysed my life over and over again and the only thing I can come up with is that God has a plan for me-I want it, I am scared of it, I'm afraid of losing those around me, I see pain, I see rejoicing, I see people not understanding, I'm afraid of losing touch with the world, and yet excited about things to come. I'm confused and I see. I don't know if this makes sense to you. But that is how I feel.

As for my personal life. I guess you could say I feel lonely. I have not had a boyfriend in about 2 years. Truthfully, I just want to find that one person who completes me. Being alone has been good for me too. I have learned a lot about myself and have grown but I do yearn to settle down. I am ready. I'm not really looking but I have been praying. I don't really know what more to say about this topic.

As for my future. I hope for certain things. I have goals that I hope to accomplish within the next year or so. I actually see things more clearly than I have in a long time. I just pray for discipline and wisdom to make the right decisions.

I also wanted to add that I have been having a reaccurring dream. I don't know if it means anything but I've had it three times in the last month. The dream has not been exactly the same each time, but with the same theme. I want to share it with you but I am still not sure as to what it all means. All I will say is that it involves a man and my relationship, death, confusion, disruptions, wrong directions/turns, the homeless, the same man being a hero, and never finding out the answer to a specific question. Confused? So am I. And just to let you know it doesn't necessarily occur in the order in which I wrote it.

I am a little upset, but mostly tired. That is probably where most of this is coming from. I tend to feel this way when I am tired, my emotions run wild, and I do analyse things way too much. The answers are probably right in front of me, my bible is beside me.

A touching story.

Check out a touching story on Randall Friessen's site. Dated September 1. This is the first time I've checked out this site and this story brought a tear to thine eye. Blessings and prayers to his family.

Our camping trip.

We're back. We went camping up north at the tip of the Georgian Bay. We stayed at Bruce Peninsula National Park. This place is unbelievably beautiful. The water is so clear, the air so fresh, the stars so amazing. My sister, Mary, her daughters- Jessica and Alyssa, Lisa, Melissa, my children-Skye and Matthew, and of course me went. On Saturday we went on a hike. It took all afternoon - we hiked up to the grotto, climbed down some cliffs, got lost but found our way back, swam - almost drowned. The water was too rough - Melissa asked a snorkler to guide her back to shore-Alyssa and I followed. We hiked back to the campsite were the kids played at the beach. I must say that at times the terrain was a bit rugged. Being with a 2 year old and an 8 year old was hard at times. They did an amazing job though. At times Matthew was having so much fun he was just hoping from one rock to the next. Its amazing how little fear children have.

The next day we went on a boat cruise to see shipwrecks and then hoped on another boat which took us to Flowerpot Island, where we hiked/ventured for the day. On Monday we stayed in town, Tobermory. We checked out shops, stayed at the marina, watched boats, climbed down rocks to see one of the lighthouses, watched scuba divers, and then headed home.

We really had an amazing time. I plan on going back next year. There is just so much to see and not enough time. Melissa and I also hope to get our scuba diving certification early next spring so we can check out the shipwrecks(fourty shipwrecks in the area), and other grotto's only accessible to scuba divers. When I get the pictures back from developing, I will post them. (If I can figure out how too, that is.)

One thing I loved most was that not only was I with those I love dearly, I felt so in touch with God. I did not have to speak to Him to feel His magnificance, I just kept looking around me and being at awe with His creation. I think we too often take advantage of this beautiful country He created for us. I love camping, because it brings me back down to the simple life, enjoying what really matters, no distractions.

Skye's Birthday

Holy Moly. Skye's birthday was today. In case you all don't know who she is, she's my daughter. She turned 9 today. She is getting so big, I am getting so old. Well, I'm not really but whenever her birthday comes around I feel as though time just passes way too fast.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY!!!
Love you lots!!!

The incident at work.

I am so tired. I wasn't planning on writing in here tonight but something happened at work that I can't get off of my mind. My end of night ritual is to put my tips in my wallet, fold up my apron, get my car keys, say my goodbye's and head out the door. Well, tonight as I went for my purse I sensed something was wrong. Firstly, it wasn't in the exact place I left it, and when I opened it, the money I had in there was gone. You don't understand how upsetting it is to find out that someone stole from you. Its not the money that I care about, it is the fact that I had been violated. Most likely by a staff member. When I told certain people, one in particular was acting a bit weird. I was in security for quite some time and it seemed out of character that this person would act that way. I would never say or accuse someone without evidence so, I did the only thing I could do at that time which was to inform the manager of the incident. I am so upset. On the way home I almost cried. I guess because you try to trust the people you work with and then are violated. I really am upset!! I can't believe this! I can't stop thinking about it. I just hope I can stop long enough to fall asleep because I have such an eventful day tomorrow. G'night.

Busy day!

Today is going to be a very busy day. I love those sorts of days! I am working a double, I am doing laundry and I am packing for our camping trip. We don't have anything out of the garage except the tent, which we have to air out. I could have gotten a lot done yesterday had I not gone to the Ex, but I am glad I did. So, I hope everyone has a great labour day weekend and I will tell you all about our camping trip when I get back.

I am a little disappointed in myself. I have been anticipating seeing Mars since I heard that we will be able to see it. And I missed it last night. Very disappointed!!! I am such a spaz. If anyone did get a chance to see it. Please tell me about it. Although it won't be the same it will still be nice to hear other peoples experience.

CNE

Pamela and I ventured to the CNE today. We had loads of fun. The weather could not have been more perfect. Although, at one point during the day it seemed as if we had a bit too much sun. So, we went inside the International Trade Center, where we found amazing deals on clothing. I bought two pairs of Bluenotes Jeans for only $25. A really nice red sweater for only $15. I bought a few other things too. I swear, if you need back to school clothes, this is the place to go. One thing we did notice was that the girls there really need to cover up some of their skin. It was not very pleasant seeing butt cracks, boobs or bulges every where you looked.

We went on quite a few rides. I love rides! Especially the really fast, spinny, crazy rides. Its kind of funny but you would catch me on any roller coaster, spinning ride or bungee swing but you will never catch me on the Ferris Wheel. :-) We went into one of a few haunted houses there, and it was so cool. I think mostly because Pamela was scared out of her mind. She is so great. We both concurred that this place or any fair/amusement park would really be an awesome place to have a date. Later on in the evening, Pamela went on one too many spinny rides and almost got sick. That was our cue to start heading for the exit.

On our way out we grabbed some 'Tiny Tom' donuts. As we walked closer to the exit, we saw this amazing tight rope artist, Jay Cochrane. Pamela said something which I thought I would share: 'Why would someone put so much faith in a tight rope, the weather (which if you have ever checked the weather network you would know is quite unreliable), and a pole? Yet so many people find it so hard to put their faith in Jesus.'

And so, concluding our night: weather was beautiful, food was pretty good, rides were so much fun, too much sun is bad, too many spinny rides are bad, scaring Pam is fun, watching a tightrope artist is nerve wrecking, this would be an awesome date, girls need to wear more clothing than they do, great deals on clothing, and people need to put more faith in Jesus. The End. :-)

Which way do you want to go?

Today at church was very interesting. Little history of the church I attend: It started in February 2003. It is called The Lighthouse. 24 George St. Brampton, ON. The pastor, Bill Taylor, is an older gentleman who has been committed to Jesus for over 20 years. He has seen and done many works of the Lord, healings, annointings, etc.. He has not had any formal teaching (no bible schools, no seminaries, no affiliations). The Spirit has been his teacher. If anyone were to have a conversation with him they would know that he speaks only truth and the Spirit is ever present in his life. The congregation is very small. We have had quite a few people come and go. You see, people say they want to hear the truth but once they do, it is the beginning of change in their life. Most people are afraid of change, I am one of them. I know I have to and sometimes its harder than other times. See Hebrews 10:26. James 4:13-17. Recommend reading the whole chapter.

I believe there are way too many churches out there who seek to entertain. They are also very careful of what they speak. They make sure that no one is uncomfortable. I believe that if you are comfortable in a church there is something wrong. The church is meant in some ways to be a guide. We go there to be closer with the Lord, we go also to hear truth and to be corrected. So many people in church are worldly. They think that going to church on Sunday is enough. That one hour with the Lord is sufficient. Well, hello, it isn't. We need to walk daily with the Lord. We are suppose to be winning souls. How can we if we are just like them. If people can not see Jesus in you how can you call yourself a follower of Christ. How can we show them the way if we are not following the way. How can we if we turn the tv/radio/video games/computers etc. on instead of picking up our bible, instead of seeking to know Him more. I am guilty of these things too. I guess in some ways this is myself telling myself to walk away from the world. I know I am going to lose friends. I know it isn't going to be easy. I guess that's why its so easy to procrastinate.

The Pastor said something to me today: Its your day to choose. Which way is it that you want to go? I can not make you go one way or the other. You have to decide, what is most important? (of course this is paraphrasing)

Today its your day. Which way is it for you?