Sunday, October 31, 2004

How crazy is this?

Back in August I felt God really pressing me. I started to make my way toward Him after letting go of some things that needed to be cleaned. He showed me something. I know it was Him, it was so real, it was so right, and it was so certain. One of the things He showed me was that I was to be a counselor. It made so much sense. He showed me how I had helped people in the past and how I will help people in the future. Somehow I ended up at a Christian College website and found out that I could get a bachelors degree in Christian counseling. Its funny because I remember awhile ago, being on that site and seeing no such thing. Apparently they have had that degree from the time when they opened. So, my conclusion was that God blinded me to it until I was ready to see it and move forward. Make sense?

Anyway, I went for orientation. I had an interview with the Admissions department and the only thing left for me to do was actually get all the paperwork in order and submit them. I don't know why but it seems as though this is the hardest thing for me to do. All I have to do is fill out the application, have a written testimony, and have two reference letters-one from a pastor and a personal one. So, the first two are not hard. I figured the last two can't be that hard either. Wrong!! I asked someone well respected that I have known for awhile if he would write me a personal reference letter. He said he was honoured to do it. I have bugged him for weeks for it. The last time I talked to him he said all he needed to do was transfer it to the computer for a good copy. That was last week. I still don't have it. And the pastor letter is impossible to get. I asked my last pastor and he won't write one because he says its against his understanding of the bible. He says we are to learn all things from the Spirit, and there is no need to go to school to learn from God. So, I asked my uncle's pastor. I have attended his church on and off before and after I had become Christian. I didn't get any sort of response from him, so after waiting almost a month I finally decided to call my uncle so he could ask him personally. I just got an email from him and he says he feels uncomfortable writing me a reference because he didn't agree with my last pastor about biblical teachings. The church I go to now, said they don't feel comfortable writing a letter either because they don't know me personally. I had been going to that church off/on for four years and have now made it my home church. And how is a pastor suppose to know all his members personally, especially in a big church? The only thing they said they would do is get my bible study leader to write a letter and they would sign it as well. I am not sure this is what the college is expecting seeing as they want a letter from an ordained pastor.

I was starting to get discouraged and was second guessing if what I heard was from God when my friend Laura said that when it seems as though it will never happen and things don't fall into place as you expect, usually that is a confirmation that it is from God. It's like He wants me to trust in Him for it to happen and for me to not worry because if it is His will it will be done. It made sense when she spoke but sometimes I feel as though it is never going to happen.

As I read my uncle's pastor's letter I felt like crying. Nothing is falling into place. Nothing is moving forward, regarding this situation. It is basically November and school starts in January. Time is ticking. Please put me in your prayers. And Lord God Almighty, let your will be done.

Monday, October 25, 2004

What's wrong with this picture?

Someone brought up the topic of the New World Order. I didn't know much about it so I started researching it. I wanted to be educated on the subject, besides, it is pretty fascinating. Not in a good sense, more so in an open your eyes kind of sense. Everyone seems to be afraid to talk about it. For me, I find the research so intriguing that I can't put the 'papers' down. I say 'papers' because most of it is internet research.

But, wow, how can we live and have the bible and not be educated on this subject. I went into a known Christian book store because I wanted to get some books on the subject. I assumed they would be in the Spiritual Warfare section. Maybe I was wrong but I figured to me that made the most logical sense. So, anyway, as I was saying, I asked the lady who worked there where the Spiritual Warfare section was because I seemed to have missed it every time I went down the isles. Do you know what she said? This totally blows me. She says 'What is that? Is that music?' How can we as Christians live in both a spiritual/earthly realm and have no clue as to what Spiritual Warfare is? Seriously, I couldn't help but laugh and say 'I will keep looking'. Thankfully another lady who worked there knew what I was talking about and directed me to the appropriate section, which was only two measly shelves. How are we to be prepared to fight the enemy when we are too afraid to even talk or read about it? Too many are too afraid to talk about hell. Why? Isn't that one thing that Jesus didn't stop talking about?

I am really tired of going to all these churches and getting a fluffy version of the bible. I don't want a people friendly version. I want the truth. The cold hard truth. How else am I too be corrected and be transformed into the likeness of Christ.

Really is that too much to ask?

Thursday, October 21, 2004

Thank you for the encouragement!

Thank you both for your comments. I was starting to write too much in the comments section so I figured I should post on it instead.

I actually posted up some letters on Wednesday seeking donations for clothing at work. It seems to be striking some people. Over the next few weeks I will keep everyone posted as to how it all unfolds. I am willing to do it by myself if no one offers to help, but some have already offered themselves. It really is great to be doing this. It's funny because the people at the cell group really disagreed with me on doing this, this way. We came to an agreement that we all had our own opinions and we left it at that. I feel great about doing this (I think I said this already :-)). I too saw it as you do Scott. I am glad that you are doing this at your church. Too many churches talk, not a lot actually do. So keep it up! :-)

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

Giving to the homeless in Toronto.

We had a very casual meeting at cell group tonight. We hung out at Second Cup and just got to know each other a bit better. One question that popped up was 'If you could do/be anything what would it be?' So we went around the round table one by one discussing it.

My response was to be the best mom to my children that I could be. I also have thought about this for awhile - I would love to open up a summer/weekend camp for kids. I would love for it to be free for those children who are less fortunate. I want them to gain an intimate relationship with Jesus by getting to know him through all the love, kindness and generousity that I want to pour out onto them. I have no clue if this would be possible. A free camp! But it was an exercise of what you would do if you could do anything. That is what I would do.

I have also learned that my niece Alyssa went downtown Toronto last week with her teacher and three other students. They prepared sandwiches and for over an hour handed them out to homeless people. That has been pressing on my heart as well. I want to do that. I want to go downtown and just give to those who need it. I think I am going to ask a few people if they would join me and we can go hand out some food and some warm clothes that we have at home that we don't use and just give, give, give.

The people in the cell group didn't think it was wise. They think that I should join an organization that 'specializes' in this kind of work and do it through them. They said it could be unsafe to do it any other way. I don't agree. I believe I don't need an organization, Jesus didn't have an organization, He just poured His love on the people. That is what I want to do. I am going to ask at work for some donations of warm clothes and maybe do this, this weekend. It is getting cold outside and this would be the time to do it.

What do you guys think of this? Am I crazy? Do I need to join an organization? I am being silly and not wise?

Sunday, October 17, 2004


I have been feeling God pressing on my heart. Probably more than I have ever felt Him before. I don't know why, but I think it all started when He revealed to me something I was 'holding' on too. Once I let it go, things have been what feels like fast forward. It's so funny because I prayed for so long for things to start happening, and I knew that it would, in His time. The thing is, I have been praying for about for four years and not until the end of August did things actually start happening. I couldn't say that at this moment you would see a lot of physical stuff happening but man He is seriously working inside. I feel Him 'digging' all the time. I have never heard God so clearly and the things that He has to say are overwhelming, scary but amazing. And I find it hard because like I said before, why me?

I have only discussed what has been going on in depth with one other person. She just thinks it is totally awesome and finds the whole thing to be great. But it's not happening to her. I am not saying it is bad, because it is the furthest thing from it but to have God respond to you the way He has responded to me, not even responded, just is. His time, His plan, His purpose. Trust, Trust, Trust!!!

I briefly told two others only just this week. They don't even know the half of it but I wanted some advice, not even advice, moreso wisdom on what has been going on. I was directed to some scriptures on the subject and was told of other peoples experiences in the same thing. I'm grateful for it and just discussing it has led me to a greater understanding of what He has been saying/doing.

I have been reading the bible more and trying to dig into it. I had to read Jonah to figure out why I would first think of him and now I am reading Jeremiah to see what He will reveal to me through this book. I know I do not need to know everything about what is going on and I know God will reveal things as they are needed. Like I said before, I just need to trust in Him and continue to open myself up to Him. Keep working Lord, Holy Spirit keep stirring my heart, you are free to use me as you wish, I just pray you give me the strength and the courage to continue to walk...

Monday, October 11, 2004

Matthew turns 4!

My little boy isn't so little any more, he turned four today. It is so hard to be in a split home. I am sure it is even harder on him then it is on me, but when it comes to birthday's he gets two. This afternoon Matthew had a party at his daddy's house and this evening he had a party at mommy's. He got double the presents, two cakes, two big meals, twice the amount of family. He definitely had a great birthday this year. He was so excited to turn four. And when he saw his presents he was in his glory.

Not only did he turn four this year, he also started kindergarten. He really is growing up way too fast. Time flys, they say, when you are having fun. But I don't want it to fly, I want it to stay put or at least slow down a bit. Is that too much to ask? :-)

Christopher Reeve dies at 52

Christopher Reeve dies at 52
Originally uploaded by angeler.

MOUNT KISCO, N.Y. -- Actor Christopher Reeve, who soared through the air and leapt tall buildings as Superman, turned personal tragedy into a public crusade, becoming one of the world's most recognizable spokesperson for spinal cord research --from a wheelchair.

Reeve went into cardiac arrest yesterday while at his Pound Ridge home, then fell into a coma and died today at a hospital surrounded by his family, his publicist said. He was 52. Read the whole story here.

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

I like it!!

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.

Herm Albright

Monday, October 04, 2004

Baptism Part 1

Statement of faith.
Originally uploaded by angeler.

Baptism Part 2

Being Immersed.
Originally uploaded by angeler.

Baptism Part 3

A changed life.
Originally uploaded by angeler.