'Tis the season...

Today we dug out the ol' Christmas tree and had a blast listening and singing Christmas carols while we decorated it. Usually the most frustrating part about the Christmas tree is the lights. However today, for some reason, we had almost no issues or annoyances with them. We decorated the fireplace too! This was a treat because we have always left it untouched. The house is almost ready for Christmas except due to time constraints and tiredness setting in we left the village, the stairs, and the ceiling for another day.

I have been in the Christmas spirit for a few weeks now. I absolutely love the Christmas season. I especially love the awesome display of lights that are in view for all to see as one drives up and down streets. Yesterday, after our annual Family Christmas Reunion on my dad's side, I met up with my aunt in Hamilton and eight of us ventured down to Niagara Falls to see the Festival of Lights. The most impressive part for me was the way in which they highlighted the trees as you drove through. The kids loved the Disney display of lights. That was nice too! The Disney castle, and the Beauty and the Beast display were the most impressive, as well as the 'Twas the Night Before Christmas story that was told threw a sound and lighting display.

Well, it's off to bed for me. It was a long weekend but a fun one and to top it off, it finally snowed here. Out of all days, the day we bring out the tree, the lights and the decorations. Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is required by all Christians. It sometimes sounds easier than it is though. For the past week I have not exactly been completely myself. I was still angry about the situation that I wrote about in the last post and I seemed to allow it to grip me.

I confided in a man from church about the situation and his response was to seek forgiveness for my actions and to say sorry. He said that as a Christian our job is to go low, to be humble in everything. This sounded all good but my heart was not in a place to forgive someone or even myself for that matter. I actually was thinking of never speaking to the person again and forgiveness didn't seem to fit into my life for him.

All week the Holy Spirit harped on me about forgiveness. I kept feeling as though I should write this guy a letter of apology. I struggled and I struggled and at one point I did write one. It did not seem or feel genuine so I scrapped it. I couldn't write or say something that I wasn't feeling in my heart. To do that would be lying to myself and to the other person. Something that wouldn't be fair to either of us.

The one thing that I require most in any relationship, friendship or otherwise is honesty. That was the one thing for which I knew he wasn't being. So to forgive would mean to go really low. I know pride and self righteousness was part of my unforgiveness, but even knowing this didn't make it any easier.

Today at church I had a new revelation of the Father. I guess in a sense it wasn't exactly new but it finally clicked in my heart that I really was sorry for my part in the whole thing and that in order to be free from satan's lies I really did need to forgive him. So today I went low, because that is what Jesus would have done. I did apologize and I feel awesome, no matter what his response is, or even if I get one. I really felt a burden fall off my shoulders and I feel myself again. I am so glad Jesus never gives up on me. Sometimes I am hard to handle and sometimes I am a bit too stubborn but through the amazing work of the Holy Spirit I am humbled by all of this. I am truly blessed for having Jesus in my life and I am extremely happy that no matter what satan does to try to ruin God's promises, he still will not win because my God is the one true Living God who reigns on heaven and earth through wisdom, power and love. My God Is An Awesome God!!!

Thank you Lord for teaching me yet another life lesson; this time on forgiveness.

The calm, the storm, and now the leftovers!

For the past few days I think I have felt every single emotion that the human body has. I don't know whether to laugh or cry, scream or hit something, be mad or sad, and sometimes I don't even care. Yet somehow in the midst of all this emotional turmoil God has managed to give me peace.

I just went through something that I never wanted to go through. I told myself that I would never let someone manipulate me again and yet through pressure I allowed myself to be backed into a corner. The bad thing was that in order to get out of the corner would mean to back someone else into a corner. Something for which I did not want to do. Sometimes I want to think that he deserved it, considering he was the one who initially backed me into the corner but for some strange reason that does not give me comfort and I feel bad that the whole thing happened.

I think most of all I am mad at myself for even going on this little venture. He told me before we got together that he wasn't expecting anything and yet in the midst of our conversation he revealed that he was really there for one thing, the one thing for which I never intended to reveal. Sad thing is that we were starting to build a friendship, that I thought we were both looking forward too.

I knew that if I told him what he thought he wanted to hear that he would be shocked and in some ways mortified. That is how I felt when I was first told. I wasn't mortified but I was in complete shock and it took me months and to be honest, longer to actually take it in and allow God to settle it into my heart. So, for him to be shocked was not surprising. But for him to look at me in utter disgust made me want to say things I never would want to say. I felt so mad. I don't even know the last time I felt this mad. I actually wanted to punch something (not someone, just to make that clear). I knew he wasn't at a time to hear what he wanted to hear and besides it was only suppose to be a friendly get together.

The night started out really nice. He surprised me with telling me I was beautiful. He even told me my hair was so long and it was like a cascading waterfall. We went out to eat and at first it was a little awkward but as we started talking the tension in the air eased a bit. Until the dreadful interrogation. At which point I caved and told him. He was shocked, I was freaking out and then as I was putting my jacket on to leave I swear he looked at me with disgust. How could an evening change so quickly?

I truly think it was unfair for him to put me on the spot. To lead me into thinking this was a friendly visit, telling me he respects me and enjoys our conversations and then to do that! What is up with that?

So, now I sit wondering if I ever want to speak to him again, and yet a part of me misses our conversations. I don't know what the future holds for him or I but I do know that I find peace daily in the Lord. The Lord comforts me and strengthens me. And I will depend on Him and Him alone to direct my path.

Homeschooling

Well, I have been officially homeschooling my children for just over a month now. We had a bumpy start but everything is smoothing itself out. I find that I am liking being a teacher and although I don't know everything there is to know about every subject, the curriculum I chose makes it a lot easier than I imagined.

My children say they really enjoy homeschooling too! Besides being in the classroom, we seem to be doing more as a family. I am really glad that it is bringing us closer together. I am also finding out things from my kids that I never knew before, so it's a blessing that they are opening up to me more and more.

The one thing that I have found that seems to be getting increasingly difficult is that when my children have to go with their fathers for the weekend, my children don't seem to want to go. Once they actually go, the fathers say they are fine, but to get them out the door has been a challenge. I have also found that I have less and less time to myself which is a little frustrating when I have been used to a little bit more time to myself. I definitely appreciate the weekends that I have to myself(which are few are far between). One more thing that I have found is that I am growing closer to the Lord. I find this a little interesting because I have less time and yet I am finding more time for the Lord. Cool!!

Well, I am happy that I was led by the Lord into homeschooling. Sure there are challenges especially being a single mom but their are so many more rewards. It was a little scary getting started but getting peace from the Lord, being connected to a homeschooling group and knowing so many in my church homeschool their children, it has made the transition a bit easier. I definitely recommend it to anyone who has children.

Camping blues!

Ok, so I was looking forward to going camping with my children this past weekend since I booked the site way back in May. The day finally arrives for us to go and we're off to Sauble Beach. The only problem was, it rained all weekend long. It was nice for us to spend time together alone, with my children and my niece. Luckily we brought cards, the game trouble and some books or we would have been in big trouble. We had maybe 4hrs of pleasant weather all weekend, which we took full advantage of. We went for a hike to the falls and went to the beach. By the time we got to the beach though it was getting chilly and we didn't last too long in the water, besides Matthew was turning purple and still insisted that we stay. That's kids for ya! In the end we cut our trip short a day and got soaked packing up our stuff. Usually I love camping but this time I was wishing for a cottage. Which normally I think is overrated because tenting it under the stars is usually my favourite thing to do in the summer, but somehow I lost it this year. I think it's because I was looking so forward to it, and it let me down. Which I guess shouldn't have surprised me since I continuously have been let down what feels like a lot lately. Disappointment is all around, but luckily my spirit is still up. I really don't know how it is, but by the grace of God it is!

Since I've been back from camping I have gotten this boost of energy. I have been going like the energizer bunny and it feels really good. Now, I just have to find some time to go over all my children's school books. I'm homeschooling them for the first time this year and it is both exciting and yet a little bit scary because I haven't done anything like this before. The people around me have mixed feelings and although they say they support me, for some reason I am a bit skeptical of their confidence in me. But when you feel led by the Spirit you just got to move ahead in His plans. So, I trudge on and am gaining strength through Him which isn't a hard thing to obtain, that is, once you give in to it and all. So, if anything pray for my family.

Attack, attack!!

So, I've been having to deal with a lot of situations in my life this past month. It has been a little rough but with God's help I keep finding His peace. It seems ever since I got back from my amazing trip to Nicaragua, Satan has been trying to attack not only me but my family and friends. I can't even begin to say all that has happened. But I can say that both my dad and my uncle got hurt at work and had to take time off, leaving them both with financial setbacks, me with my job, Matthew's dad also getting hurt and is off his feet which looks like it could be for a year, my friend Angelina getting into a huge car accident with her husband and four kids, and so many more things it is just crazy.

But the one thing that I know is true is that God is with me and although satan attacks he really can't do anything to harm me, because even to die is life. Which I know isn't happening just yet, because God has many plans on the table for me and although it is at times a little scary to think about them it is also exciting to be able to see everything come to light.

And so I'll leave you with this: God is amazing, and it doesn't matter what you are going through He is with you, crying, laughing and comforting in everything. Amen.

Christians cannot remain neutral.

Ok, so I was really peeved and now I'm over it! I knew writing in the blog would help. I just wonder how I got through the earlier part of the year when I neglected this blog.

Anyway, while looking on the net for this that and the other, I hopped over to a site called word.ca and listened to a very interesting clip regarding Israel. It is definitely worth a hop skip and a jump over to the site to take a listen. The speech was written and voiced by the president of my college Dr. Charles McVety.

It is extremely important that we as Christians stand up for Israel. We owe a lot to that wonderful nation. So here is one of the articles that I found profound and worth repeating.

Christians cannot remain neutral
By Dr. Charles McVety
The war in Israel and Lebanon rages on with destruction and loss of innocent lives on both sides.
Many Christian leaders have decided to remain neutral between Hezbollah and Hamas on the one side and Israel on the other. As Christians, however, we are obliged to be both compassionate, and at the same time to pursue righteousness. Compassion demands that we care for the suffering of our fellow human beings, but righteousness demands that we reject neutrality. We cannot expect the blessings of God while being neutral.

There is no moral equivalence between Israel and Hezbollah. Israel is a democratic state attempting to provide peace and security to Jews, Christians, Muslims and all people who live freely within its borders. Hezbollah and Hamas, on the other hand, are terrorist groups committed to the destruction of Israel and the elimination of Jewish life in the Middle-East. When innocent people die as a result of Israeli military acts, its people grieve but when innocent civilians die at the hands of Hezbollah and Hamas, supporters and sympathizers of these organizations rejoice, because that is precisely what they set out to do – murder innocent civilians. It is unconscionable to equate the government and people of Israel with these evil terrorists.

Who can forget the spectacle of two captured Israeli solders being murdered by a wild mob on worldwide television just a few short years ago while onlookers cheered? Who can forget the images of the murderers dipping their hands in these young men's blood, smearing it on themselves as some sort of a perverted badge of honour?

Today the world expresses its dismay as Hezbollah rains terror down upon Israel with thousands of sophisticated rockets and missiles – all aimed at innocent civilians – but we should recall that these missiles have been falling on Israel for more than 5 years now, albeit with less frequency. Such actions are evil and we can never side with evil.

Tens of millions of Christians remained neutral in the 1930s and early 1940s when evil was on the march in Germany. They remained steadfastly neutral when the Nazis marched into Austria, and then Czechoslovakia, breaking solemn treaties and agreements along they way. Many called for continued neutrality when the Nazis invaded and conquered Poland and remained neutral even while the Nazi's exterminated 6 million Jews. Speaking as a guest at the ceremony commemorating the establishment of the German Peace Corps in 1963, U.S. President John F. Kennedy quoted a passage from Dante's Inferno: “The hottest places in hell are reserved for those who, in a period of moral crisis, maintain their neutrality”.

Every page of the Bible teaches us to not appease evil, but to stand against it with the power of God. Jesus says in Matthew 5:6 “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.” Ephesians 6: 11-12 says “Put on the whole armour of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.” We must not remain neutral in the face of the wickedness of terrorism. It is, moreover, hypocritical to pray to the God of Israel and then turn a blind eye to unprovoked attacks on Israel.

God says in Genesis 12:3 “I will bless those who bless thee (Israel) and curse those who curse thee”. Every nation that has cursed Israel has met destruction. The Pharaohs enslaved Israel and we no longer have Pharaohs. The Roman Empire brutally dispersed the Jews and hated them. The Roman Empire is no more. The Nazi's tortured the Jews and killed millions of them. Shortly thereafter the Nazi's were destroyed. Nations like the United States and Britain have received the blessings of God as a result of pro-Israel actions. It is very clear from Scripture and history that if we want to prosper and receive the God of Israel's blessings then we need to bless Israel.

Israel has given us everything we have. Every word of the Bible was written by Israelites. The prophets, priests and kings were all Israelites. Even Jesus, Mary, Joseph, Mathew, Mark, John, Peter, Paul and most of the disciples and apostles were Israelites. We have a relationship with Jesus Christ because of the gifts given to us by Israel.

Yes, innocent people are suffering, but among those innocent people who are suffering are over 700,000 Israeli's who are living in bomb shelters, and more than 250,000 who have been forced from their homes as refugees. They deserve compassion too.

The perpetrators of evil, on the other hand – those countries like Iran and Syria whose leaders threaten to “wipe Israel off the map”, and their terrorist proxies who ensure that every Israeli citizen lives with the terror of being killed or maimed by indiscriminate rocket attacks and suicide bombings – these are wicked people who have earned our disdain and righteous wrath.

The time has come for true Christians to throw off the threadbare garments of false neutrality and to stand shoulder to shoulder with our Jewish friends in their hour of need. Each of us must find a way to actively support Israel, for “Faith without works is dead” (James 2:26). True Faith requires us to pray for Israel, but it also demands that we support Israel with tangible action. Speak out. Organize or attend rallies. Call your Member of Parliament and Prime Minister. God will surely keep His Word and bless us “exceeding, abundantly above all that we ask or think”.

Dr. Charles McVety is President of Canada Christian College and Canada Family Action Coalition. He is also Chair of Christians United for Israel - Canada.

Really peeved off!!

Every time I am heading right in the direction of the Lord, something always has to come and try to knock me over.

This time it had to do with work. They accused me of something that I never did and would never do. Others backed me up and they still wanted me to sign something that said I did what they were accusing me of. Of course I would not. After feeling mad, angry, upset, disappointed, and disgusted I realized that this job that I was holding was a dime a dozen and because I don't want to work for a liar and a hypocrite, today I quit. I did it professionally with two weeks notice, but inside I wanted to yell at their unjustified acts and make a stink. Of course I didn't do that. But at the end of my shift what do they do, they get the snake who crept into the workplace to tell me that today was my last day.

I was both happy and mad. I wanted to not even go in today but I wanted to show them I was the better person and that is why I was giving them some notice, and then they do that. It just totally pisses me off!! I am really mad right now and I felt it good to write about it since I can't sleep anyway.

This is the second time that I have been wronged at a workplace and I want to hire a lawyer but is that really the Christian way of dealing with things? I don't know!

For now I will take it to God. And besides vengeance is his anyway, right?

Proverbs challenge.

Every day I receive in my email daily devotionals. I am sure a lot of us do. Today I read one that suggested if you want to change your life for the better forever that you should read Proverbs every day for a year. Seeing as Proverbs has 31 chapters and most months have 31 days it suggested that reading one chapter a day for a year would revolutionize your thinking because it is loaded with daily wisdom in how one should live. It's basically skills for living life right. And so I took the challenge. I hope you will too!

Pictures are up.

I just posted some pictures from our trip to Nicaragua at flickr. Link is to the left if anyone is interested in seeing some cool pics. :-)

We're back from Nicaragua!

I just got back from my first mission trip. A team of 28 of us went to Nicaragua, my daughter included. It was our churches first children's mission trip. We all stayed in an orphanage in Managua but visited many places such as Leon, Granada, Matagalpa, Selva Negra, and Jinotepe.

It was so amazing. God used us in so many special ways. A lot of our team didn't want to come back to Canada when it was time too. We visited schools, churches, did some street ministry and even went to a prison. The Holy Spirits presence was so impowering that I found myself shedding tears because it was so overwhelming.

So many people came to know the Lord as their personal saviour. On one occasion 40 children/teachers gave their life to the Lord. The prisoners were so open to the Holy Spirit that they were crying, we were praying and boom so many of the prisoners let the Lord into their hearts. It was totally and utterly amazing, this journey that we were one.

To top it off we had a few occasions where we got to see some of the breathtaking sites of Nicaragua. We stayed over night in Selva Negra-in the rain forest. We got to see an active volcano close up. Mountains surrounded the country. And for the first time I put my foot in the Pacific Ocean.

One other thing: it was the first plane ride ever, for my daughter and I. It was a little bit nerve wrecking but totally cool once we got up in the sky. To see the world from such a different perspective was really neat. Skye didn't like the plane and she hopes to not go on one ever again. But I know I'll get here back onto one, one day.

I can't wait to go back to Nicaragua. I felt a part of my heart stayed there and it was heartbreaking to leave all the people we had met. Especially those from the orphanage.

Trying once again!

I haven't posted in close to a year now but something inside of me couldn't delete this blog. I know I've said it before but I really am going to try to get back into the swing of things and post, as I once did, on a regular basis. I probably have no one visiting this site that once did but, it will resurrect. I have faith. :-)