Sunday, February 29, 2004

Did you miss me?

I am sure you didn't miss me, but I sure missed you!!! This past week has been great! Not having distractions sure helps you to focus on the only one that truly matters. God is Great!! I love Him so much. I think this is going to be the most amazing 40, well less now, days. I feel Him all around me.

I must admit though that it is a little hard not to look at the tv especially when everyone is in the living room and you are sitting alone in the family room. I haven't watched and I will not! But I just had to let you know that although I am succeeding, it is hard.

I am finding it a bit easier to get out the words for prayer. Even when I am tired I seem to stretch my waking hours just to say one last thing to Jesus.

I saw The Passion of the Christ. Although not completely accurate, but moreso because you have to fill in spaces in the movie, it was exceptionally well done. I did cry through most of it and so did my daughter, my mom and my sister. Yes, I did take my daughter and although she had to look away a lot she told me she was glad that she went. What did surprise me was just before the crucifixion I told her she should look away and she said 'No mom, I want to see this, I have to see this'. The only parts that scared her were the devil scenes. We did however pray when she went to bed and the images she was seeing were gone. She hasn't seen them since. Jesus is so powerful, just to say His name casts demons away!!!

Anyway, this was a good idea for me. I feel as though I am getting closer to the Lord. I will update in about a week, so hopefully you are still interested by then. That is if anyone is interested now. I noticed there are no comments, you know everyone loves comments. :-)

But anyway, I pray that you are diving deeper into the heart of our Lord and Saviour. May you be blessed with His Love and Compassion!!

Tuesday, February 24, 2004

I don't know why but God loves me!!!

I'm high and the feeling is so great I don't want to come down!!! Seriously, the feeling of God is marvelous. I don't know why today, but somehow I feel quite connected to the Almighty! I am in such good spirits and I don't want it to end. What a way to end the days of yesterday and the new beginning of tomorrow. Ash Wednesday is tomorrow, the day that starts the Lenten season.

I am feeling quite good leaving behind the things that I will not be using/doing over the next 40 days. Since I am to sacrifice something that is hard for me to give up I have decided that I most certainly have to give up movies. I watch so many and I can't get enough of them. When I go out to buy a movie I end up with at least 4, most of the time more. Even if I don't go out for one, I usually end up getting one. So, I am also not going to buy any over the Lenten season. Additionally, because movies are out, most likely I will turn to tv, (I don't watch that much but I know that I would if there isn't any movies to watch), so tv is out too. Also, I have decided once again to give up my computer. But I will be on once a week for no more then one hour to update and check email, most likely Sunday or Monday night. Last year my email went crazy because even when I told everyone that I would not be on they still sent a billion things. I am also giving up something else, but I am going to leave that between me and the Lord.

I want to really take away distractions and really really focus on the Lord. I want to grow with Him more than I ever have. I want Him to move in me. This is the year, I think! He has been stirring something in me for awhile and like I said I sometimes try not too hard to hear. It is very scary to know He is waiting on you. To know that He just might use you! Its what you want but, its still scary. A very big step in life. But I am going to listen and I am going to obey. Lets hope He doesn't give up on me. Its not in His nature. Thank goodness!!!

Hope you all have a great week, hopefully you will check in next week. I pray that your journey with the Lord be strengthened and that you will allow Him to move mountains in you.

Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength, and my Redeemer. Psalm 19:14

P.S. I am still going to see 'The Passion of the Christ' although I am giving up movies. I already spoke with the Lord on this one and I think it will be a good way to start the Lenten season with Him.

Monday, February 23, 2004

Nothing light here today.

So many things to say, so little space and time. Firstly, I have realized that far too many bloggers whine and complain about their relationship with the Lord. The funny thing is, the Lord is always there for you. It is you that is not working on the relationship. Myself included. You know, I hear God all the time. He never seems to stop talking to me, I do hear Him. Lately, as in the last few months, I just haven't bothered to put forth any effort to have a good relationship with Him as I once did. I am glad for Lent in that, it will kick me off my butt and make me put forth the effort. I know I want to, I guess, just like most people I just needed a push. Lent is my push. How shall I push you? Do you even want to be pushed? Hopefully you are unlike me, and knowing Jesus is a push in itself. Hopefully, once these forty days and forty nights are up I will be like that. I have faith that I will be.

Secondly, bloggers out there, yes I am talking about you again, say you are Christian say you believe and then when I read your blogs and such I wonder do these people really even have faith. What do you believe in? I have heard things like: some are not even sure if they should even believe in the bible, some think that God somehow changed with the times. God is the same yesterday, today and always!!! The bible applies today people. Just because you don't like it doesn't mean that it isn't what God says now. I absolutely love it (sarcastically said) when people use a verse in the bible and say how it doesn't apply today because you need to look at it in the context of the time in which it was used. If that were true than most of the bible would be out dated. God would then have to make a new bible every time His statements were outdated. It ends at Revelations and it begins at Genesis because God said so. If He had anything else to add He wouldn't have closed the book. He still speaks now and He will continue to speak to us, thank goodness, but just because you think something isn't right in the way of the world doesn't mean it isn't right with God. The things of God are not in the same league as the world's. Most of God's views are hard to understand, most are hard to even comprehend, some are hard to believe. God is who He says He is. Why do we always have to have debates about who's right and who's wrong? God is always right no matter what your neighbour thinks about it or you for that matter. Get over it.

Thirdly, although I dread going most Sunday's, I am so glad to be given the opportunity to go to church. I love learning from God, I love hearing important lessons for my life. It seems as though God is always teaching me at church. I used to have the mindset of why go to church you can learn even if you are at home. It is true, that you can learn with others even if not in a church building but being without church and then finally getting to go back has taught me that Pastors are important. God does talk through them (I am thinking as long as they are right with the Lord, but I could be wrong). Paul said that he rather that we prophesy, that greater is he who prophesieth than he that speaks in tongues. He that prophesies edifies the church. 1Cor 14 Its important to learn from the ones God called. My pastor said something yesterday: That you should never come to church feeling completely comfortable. Because if you do then you are not learning there. God calls us on our actions and He needs to teach us the way in which to go. Every week you should be a little bit shaken. I think I am walking ok with the Lord and then I learn something new to help me in my walk. Isn't that what its all about. I am so glad my pastor isn't afraid of losing seats and he says what needs to be said regardless of who's watching. In the end it is the pastor as well as ourselves that will be judged for our actions. Too many people are not saying what the bible says or are playing it down or are only talking about the nice parts in the bible because they want to keep the cash flow coming in. What will they tell God when they are standing in front of Him. I didn't tell them about that because I needed $ to survive, forgive me Lord. I do know that the bible says in Rev 20 that there are books(plural) and then it talks about one other book(singular). There are many books but only one that is the Lambs Book of Life. I want to live holy. I want to be in that one book. I don't want to be one of those people that He says depart from me, I never knew you, you workers of iniquity. Do you know He says that to people who have healed in His name? Can you even imagine that!! Prophesying , casting out devils, doing many wonderful works in His name and in that day He says I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity. Matt 7:23.

I think we (including me) have been taking our walk with the Lord too lightly. We really need to re-evaluate what it is that we want, that is in our heart. And start acting like someone with authority in Christ. No wonder the world doesn't take Christians seriously, we don't take ourselves seriously. There WILL be a last day!!! What will He say to you?

Wednesday, February 18, 2004

A rule?!!

As I am driving Skye home from school yesterday I ask her if she had thought about what she might give up for lent this year. She actually comes up with a really good idea, but is now reconsidering. I really hope she decides to go with it.

Well, as we continue driving she tells me something that her teacher told her. The teacher, Mrs. Kennedy, told her that during the Lenten season you are not allowed to say 'Alleluia' or Hallelujah. I don't know if this is an actual practice in the Catholic faith, and I have never heard of it when I was Catholic but if this is true, they seriously need to rethink some of their traditions. Do you know what Alleluia means? I don't know how to spell this correctly but Alle means praise and luia is a form of Yahweh meaning God. Praise God. How in the world is that a thing that should not be said at any time. It is at the beginning of ten Psalms. It is good to praise the Lord. IF anything we should be praising God a whole lot more than we have been. Jeesh!!! Who would put such a rule in place??!!

Tuesday, February 17, 2004

Drawing blank.

I'm sitting here at my computer realizing I haven't written anything since Thursday and yet no words seem to be entering my mind. Apparently you would call this a writers block although I am not a writer. Just a thinker who thinks too much, but seems to be drawing blank. Which actually, is a very good thing seeing as I am not burdened with my normal analytical mind.

I have been doing what I have been saying and getting proper sleep. Today was the first day in weeks that I haven't felt overly tired. Hopefully, I continue this way. It feels really good. I am heading to bed shortly and I can't wait to meet my pillow once again. Have an amazing night!!! Think wonderful thoughts!!!

Oh, and if you are into whacking penguins head over to this site. Mark's site introduced me to the fun sport. :-)

Thursday, February 12, 2004

Time with God.

Its weird, but as you get older you think that you would be more wise and that you would be closer to God. Well, I may be a little bit wiser than I used to be but I am not as close to God as I ought to be. I was reading my posts from way back in August and each month after that and I noticed that I had a bond to the Almighty. There was something going on within me and God was working in my life. I continued reading and as December and January approached I noticed that there was less and less talk about God and more talk about myself. I think I did something majorly wrong here.

Its funny because I think about God all the freakin' time. Everytime I am about to make a decision, and as I fall asleep, and when I am talking to someone etc.... And yet the only time I seem to make for Him is when I am teaching my children or saying prayers with my children before they go to sleep. I am not attempting on my own to have a conversation with Him. Maybe I am but in a different way. But, does thinking about Him and having Him hang around you with all aspects of your life enough? I am thinking no!!! Why don't I get up out of bed and talk to Him in the morning. He is suppose to be my number one priority. So why don't I make time for Him? I can't even answer these questions. And truthfully, it doesn't even make any kind of sense to me.

Matthew reminded me about lent. I am no longer Catholic but there are some traditions that serve us good that we don't bother with. One of these, is lent. Although we should be sacrificing and fasting and giving things up for the Lord all year long, we don't always do that. Lent is a reminder of what Jesus did for us. And the Lenten season is there for us to give something up and sacrifice for 40 days and nights. So, I have kept with that tradition that I 'lend' from the Catholics. When Matthew heard about what I gave up last year he was inspired to give something up as well. So this year he asked me what I intended to give up and do you know what, I had not even thought about it.

Well, since his well needed reminder, I have been racking my brain to come up with something that will truly represent sacrificing for me. I really need to get back on track with the Lord and hopefully this will be the eye opener that I have been needing. Last year I gave up my computer. So for 40 days and nights I lived without this machine. And it reminded me that although we 'think' we can not live without it, we most definitely can. This year, I want it to be something more. And I think I am going to give up more than one thing. I have a few ideas but I will reveal them as lent approaches.

Well, whatever I give up for that time period I am hoping will steer my thoughts and actions and focus on the Lord.

Monday, February 09, 2004

The first time.....

While I watched Everwood tonight, I remembered something's that I wish I could get back, or that I wish didn't happen. Tonight's show was about the first time you sleep with someone. Now, I am not necessarily talking about that specifically but it brought back memories for example: my very first passionate kiss, the first time I felt love, the first time I cried because of love... I actually felt like I was back in time, to those exact moments in my past. I felt the love, I felt the pain.

Yesterday I was talking with a friend and we were talking about marriage. If we had ever dreamt of what it would be like. Yes, we were totally being girls, but in truth I am sure that guys think of these things too. Sometimes we feel that it will never happen, sometimes we feel like maybe, just maybe there isn't someone out there that is right for us, sometimes we feel we will never have that feeling of love again or for the first time. They, whoever they are, say that if you find love once then you are blessed, most people never really find it. I really hope that isn't true. I want to love again. I want to feel that passionate kiss with a new somebody who feels the same way as I do.

It's funny but the first time I actually said I love you to someone, I really did not know what love was. I was very young. :-) I said it again, that time I thought it was real love, I was wrong again. Not very young but young enough. Then I really did feel love and when I did say it, it truly was love. I was quite cautious this time and I really never thought I would actually fall 'in' love. I did. And it was amazing. Of course not every day was a fairly tale but no matter what happened you felt the love and knew it was always there. I lost that love. And I don't care what you say but, that first love will always be there. You can pretend that its gone but really it never leaves. I will always love Shawn, and I hope that in his heart he will always love me.

So, now, here it is: Do you think its possible to find it again even when most people never even find it the first time? I know I could, my heart is huge and although it terrifies me on so many levels I think it is so worth it.

Sunday, February 08, 2004

We made it!!

Melissa and I finished the movie marathon. I just arrived home. I managed to last through all movies. I did nod off a few times on the last one: Master and Commander. Not because of the movie but because it was late in the morning. Melissa nodded off a few times in the last two movies. The best movie we saw was Mystic River. Wow, that was good!! I did notice the mike hanging too low in one of the scenes though. Tim Robbins was fantastic!!

The Station Agent was actually a lot better than I had originally thought. The beginning started off a bit slow. I wasn't quite sure what it was going to be like but I had heard great things from critics. It was quite funny.

Big Fish was good, but not as good as I had thought though. Mostly because friends had seen it and raved so much about it. I guess that put my hopes up too high. But still a good movie overall.

Along Came Polly was funny. Nothing to write home about but still good.

Master and Commander was very good. Although I did miss a few parts due to cat naps, it was definitely worth seeing. I did however notice a few editing errors. Russell Crowe was most excellent!!

Afterwards, Melissa and I were very hungry. We made our way over to The Golden Griddle where we had a nice breakfast. Now I am home. Sitting here is making me tired. So I must catch some zzzz's before the munchkins come home.

Saturday, February 07, 2004

Silly me!

So I managed to stay up until 4:30am. But by then my eyes really started to hurt and my bed was getting tired of calling my name. I managed to get up the stairs, brush my teeth and as I was taking off my clothes I realized how silly I really am. My sweater, which I have been wearing all evening just so happened to be on the wrong way. Yes, the wrong way!! I tease my children all the time when they do that and here I am a grown woman doing the same thing. How silly it is to Angela! (sung to the beat of How sweet it is to be loved by you).

Anyway, I actually was able to get 8 and a half hours of sleep. Which is amazing seeing as I haven't had that much sleep since, wait, I can't even remember. It does feel weird though waking up in the middle of the day. So, after this marathon that I am torturing myself to attend, I am doing my absolute best to get proper sleep. You know in bed reasonable time, wake up in the morning feeling refreshed. Is that possible? As of late I feel like that is not even a reality. But I did it once I can do it again! ;-)

Friday, February 06, 2004

Movie Marathon.

I just got home from work. I do not have my children this weekend so I am attempting a movie marathon. I know there are a billion other things I could do with my time but I absolutely love movies. Tonight I am heading over to my friends. A bunch of us are just going to hang around and probably do nothing or maybe something. :-) Its always fun though. This will give me a good excuse to stay up as late as I possibly can. Because I must sleep as much as I can tomorrow. I work in the evening tomorrow but as soon as I am off, I am heading to the movie marathon which is running from 11:30pm to 11:30am.

I know, I know, I am going crazy but I have never done this before and although it will be challenging, it will be fun. It is for a good cause: United Way and The Toronto Star Fresh Air Fund. Plus I just found out the movie's that they will be showing. Hopefully Melissa wants to go downtown Toronto because out of all the theatres this one is playing the best movies. Movies playing are as follows: Along Came Polly, Big Fish, Mystic River, Master and Commander, and The Station Agent. At the theatre we were originally going to, its playing: You Got Served, Barber Shop 2, The Butterfly Effect, Along Came Polly, and Big Bounce. Now, you see why I want to head into Toronto.

I might have a tough time convincing Melissa though because she has her heart set on seeing The Butterfly Effect.

Update: Just got off the phone with Melissa, she is absolutely positively sure she wants to go to Toronto. Yippee!! Master and Commander here we come!!!! We're going to Toronto, we're going to Toronto (sung to the cha cha tune). :-)

Wednesday, February 04, 2004


You know, never say you hate something or make fun of someone because of what they are eating. I used to think that my sister, eating poached eggs was absolutely disgusting. I could never understand why someone would boil rather than fry their egg. Well, I finally caved in and tried it and wow, it really is good.

I used to be one of the most pickiest (if that's even a word) person, next to my brother. A few years ago I never would have eaten salsa, fish, lamb, etc. I wouldn't even try things, now I try most things and seem to like them, except broccoli and cauliflower - I still can't fathom why anyone would eat a tree. :-)

I get so nuts about food. My ninth grade teacher made a comment about pigs in the second world war and just from that statement I stopped eating pork. Only about four years ago did I cave into bacon. I still won't eat ham or pork chops. I read a book a few years ago about the beef industry. It talked about slaughter houses and ecoli. For a whole year I would not touch hamburgers. Only in the last few months have I started eating them again. Eggs even, I get really grossed out by the membrane. One time I was cooking an egg on the stove and I envisioned a chicken. I saw blood on the egg and I would not eat the egg I was cooking and I didn't eat eggs for at least five years . Only last year did I get over the trauma of the egg membrane. :-)

So, for me to start living and trying new foods is a huge step in the life of Angela. Thank goodness I am finally coming around. What kind of chef would I make if I won't even test my own food? :-)

Tuesday, February 03, 2004

A story I received via email today.

His name was Fleming, and he was a poor Scottish farmer. One day, while trying to make a living for his family, he heard a cry for help coming from a nearby bog. He dropped his tools and ran to the bog. There, mired to his waist in black muck, was a terrified boy, screaming and struggling to free himself. Farmer Fleming saved the lad from what could have been a slow and terrifying death. The next day, a fancy carriage pulled up to the Scotsman's sparse surroundings. An elegantly dressed nobleman stepped out and introduced himself as the father of the boy Farmer Fleming had saved. "I want to repay you," said the nobleman. "You saved my son's life. "No, I can't accept payment for what I did," the Scottish farmer replied, waving off the offer. At that moment, the farmer's own son came to the door of the family hovel. "Is that your son?" the nobleman asked. "Yes," the farmer replied proudly. I'll make you a deal. Let me provide him with the level of education my own son will enjoy. If the lad is anything like his father, he'll no doubt grow to be a man we both will be proud of." And that he did. Farmer Fleming's son attended the very best schools and in time, graduated from St. Mary's Hospital Medical School in London, and went on to become known throughout the world as the noted Sir Alexander Fleming, the discoverer of Penicillin. Years afterward, the same nobleman's son who was saved from the bog was stricken with pneumonia. What saved his life this time? Penicillin. The name of the nobleman? Lord Randolph Churchill. His son's name? Sir Winston Churchill. Someone once said: What goes around comes around. Work like you don't need the money. Love like you've never been hurt. Dance like nobody's watching. Sing like nobody's listening. Live like it's Heaven on Earth.

Monday, February 02, 2004

The weekend.

This past weekend was a lot of fun. I had a good day with Matthew on Saturday, I saw great things in him that I never saw before. Children will surprise you every chance they get. Its quite amazing.

Saturday night I went over to my friend Garret's house. I envisioned something different and pictured the night to be a certain way but it wasn't. It was actually better. I, among others, had a really great time. Some people who I wasn't sure would show up did, and that was great. It really was fun times. We saw a little movie that Garret had to do for one of his classes. It was actually pretty good and very funny. Owen and Garret took out their guitars and played/sang some songs. Both of these guys truly have talent. I think one of the best songs they played was 'The Scientist' by Coldplay. Owen and Garret both played some of their own original music which was quite good. Toward the end of the night they both started improvising. That was absolutely hilarious. They came up with two songs to complement another one of Owens. They are actually contemplating making a rock opera using the songs they made up. This will be great to see as we were laughing our butts off the whole time they came up with different verses.

On Sunday, I wasn't expecting to have church seeing as the location and all is up in the air right now. I was kind of glad seeing as I didn't get in from Garret's until about 5:30am. Matthew woke up at 8am, so I was quite tired. My own fault, but I don't get to go out much and I had such a great time. Anyway, at 11:30am the pastor calls to inform me that church will be on. So I rush to get ready, contemplating on whether or not I should drive all the way to Cambridge to go to church, and envisioning a nice relaxing day at home. Well, I did go to church and I am sure glad I did. I swear these are the times that church is the best. When you don't want to go. I heard some things that I so needed to hear and I know God spoke to me that day. The pastor doesn't know what I have been struggling with and he spoke on it. Its quite amazing to see God at work through people. I am so glad that God doesn't give up on me, considering the fact that I so often let Him down. Thank heavens for His grace!!