Saturday, January 31, 2004

Matthew at MacDonalds.

So I took Matthew to the MacDonalds playground today. He went up and down slides and the usual. He goes into the balls and starts playing. I am watching him closely mostly because there are 'bigger' kids in there. And they can be dangerous. He also, usually has Skye in there to help him. So anyway, a 'bigger' kid falls and hits Matthew. His response 'Hey!' A second later, another 'bigger' kid knocks a little girl down. What does Matthew do? He takes the girl by the arm and helps her up. I think that is just absolutely wonderful. My little boy, who is only 3, is already showing signs of manhood. How cute, and how scary!

I had a dream...

...not a great dream like Martin Luther King Jr., but a freakin' scary dream. I have never had such a dream. I dreamt that I was going to be married. I was getting ready, the day before the big day. Making sure I had everything. I had forgotten my nylons and my hubby-to-be walked in. We embraced and I told him I needed to go to the store. My mom comes in and says to the hubby-to-be that he shouldn't be here and its bad luck for him to see me the day before the wedding. I laugh and say that is silly. I don't believe in those sorts of things, I believe in the Lord only. Anyway, my hubby-to-be is in the SUV with Skye and says come on lets go to the store. He has a standard and I have no clue how to drive one but he insists that I drive. I tell him he has to come with me. So anyway, I close the door and it seems as though I am doing well at driving standard. I start to pick up speed. We come to a hill my speed increases, we fly over the hill. We not only fly over it but we start doing flips. We are screaming, and seriously this feels so real! We scream and scream and then the car stops. I don't think I am dead but I feel like I am on the line between life and death and when I look at him and my daughter, they are not moving. I wake up, and am frightened. I just called the guy, because I actually know the one in the dream and check on my daughter. They are doing just fine. Holy that was scary. I seriously thought I was dying and two people I love were dead!! Thank God it was only a dream, I mean nightmare!!!

I'm tired!!

Today was a long day. I went to work for 9am and finally got home some fourteen and a half hours later. I am tired and I have been tired as of late. I feel as though my mind has left me. My thoughts are fuzzy and my eyes don't want to stay open. I don't even know why I am still awake. I have a busy day and night tomorrow which although will probably last until the wee hours, I think I will, or moreso, hope I will have loads of fun.

I don't know why I have been so tired. I go out one night and stay out real late and it seems to affect my whole week. Maybe I am getting old. I remember when I was 'young' and I could go and go and not have to worry about 8hrs of sleep or something of the sort. Now, it seems to take a week to recuperate and then maybe I am sort of back to normal, whatever the heck that means. :-)

Anyway, I am heading to bed and hopefully as soon as I hit the pillow I will be out. Which has been happening a lot lately. Good night y'all and sleep tight. Don't let the bed bugs bite and if they do, pick up a shoe and hit them 'til they're black and blue. :-)

Thursday, January 29, 2004

A good quote I came across today:

Risk more than others think is safe; Care more than others think is wise;
Dream more than others think is practical; Expect more than others think is possible.

Wednesday, January 28, 2004

I went on a tour.

I went to George Brown College today. I went on a tour of the Hospitality building. We watched a chef prepare a meal. Which we got to try. Normally I would never have tried it but because I am thinking of going into Culinary Arts I forced myself to try it. It was Tabbouleh with Rosemary Lamb served in a fried Popadom. It was sort of an Asian/Indian dish. I have never tried lamb before and I wasn't planning on trying it today but after a woman said how she hates lamb and how this dish was so amazing I figured what the heck. I had an open mind and lo and behold it was really good. After we toured the school I stayed and asked some questions. It was a good day. Now that I finally went and checked out the program I am getting excited. I think this would be great for me. I just have to decide whether a September or January start would be better for me.

I am hoping to get more hours at work so I could save for this. I have some goals which I mentioned in an earlier post but I seriously need some money to pull them off. If you are praying, I ask you to think of me.

Tuesday, January 27, 2004

Crazy day.

Today was crazy. The snow was falling. The traffic was horrendous. You literally could not go more that 35km/h in your car or you would end up in a ditch or an accident. I think the snow finally stopped. According to the news, we haven't had a snow storm like this since 1974. That is just amazing. I actually like it too. Besides the fact that its absolutely freezing, I have this major urge to go tobogganing or tubing or both. :-) Work was way too slow. School buses were cancelled and although my daughter doesn't go on a bus, I decided to keep her home. Her school might have even been closed. There were too many to track so she lounged today. Believe me, she enjoyed it!

My computer went crazy as well. I have been here for about 5 hours trying to figure out what was wrong with it. My daughter was playing a drawing game and then all of a sudden the display features went into the lowest possible settings and my icons were so big I couldn't even get into all of them. Now, I'm thinking what the heck, but I went into the computer panel and then into display but every time I tried to go into the settings, my computer would shut down and then restart, looking like crap, and me still not being able to fix it. So I called up a friend-who is a computer geek(which is not a bad thing!) and he tried walking me through some things. He said he has never heard of such a thing happening to a computer before. Anyway, in the end he directs me to this site (my internet was still working). If my computer still would not function properly I was heading to his house in a day or two. So, I follow instructions. Basically, although my computer said there was nothing wrong and after panicking because I think I have a virus, it turns out that uninstalling and reinstalling my video card was what I needed to do. So thanks to Dave, my computer is up and running again. Yippee!!

Monday, January 26, 2004

A struggle within.

My mind has been playing weird tricks on me today. I have been having an inner struggle with some things. I think the devil is working over time trying to get me to push the other way. I said today, but really it has been for several days. Today though, it just seems like he's working overtime. I know what is right and I seem to be rationalizing why I should or shouldn't do this or that. I keep trying to push the rationalizing away seeing as I already know what is right, but it keeps pushing and I don't know what to do.

I really really want to do the things that I am rationalizing yet I know that it would not give me any favour in God's eyes. I can't believe I am thinking these things. Don't worry its nothing serious but today it has over taken my thinking. Wait it is serious, if it goes against God it is most definitely serious. See, rationalizing again!!

You know, I hate sin but at the same time love it. It really sucks. Its more so the things of this world because as I pull myself away from it, I find myself missing some aspects and wanting to turn right back around. I can't lie. This is how I am feeling. I know you can't love the world and serve God. I know so many things as truth and yet I still contemplate and still try to make a grey area where there isn't one. Why do I want to do these things? Why do I struggle? Why can't I focus on God in these times and work toward Him? Why do I find myself wanting to pull away? I don't want to, but I want to. I know I can't go anywhere or do anything without God and yet I still find myself having an inner battle. I could die tomorrow and I want to be with Jesus. So why do I battle. Who is going to win this war within?

Saturday, January 24, 2004

After the movie...

After the movie, a bunch of us went to Michelle's house. I had a really good time. We laughed and talked and talked and laughed. Watched a movie and a stand up act-it was Mr. Bean(he wasn't playing Mr.Bean but I forget his real name). I personally don't think he is all that great but some of those skits were pretty funny. All was well but we stayed up way way way too late and didn't get home 'til the wee hours of the morning. So I slept the rest of the morning away. Now I have to get ready for work. Yippee!!

The Butterfly Effect

Last night I saw 'The Butterfly Effect'. I was a little apprehensive in going because although the previews looked interesting, usually movies like that are not very good. Well, golly, I was wrong. That movie was so good. There were a few disturbing parts. You don't see anything but its implied. But it was really really good. I definitely recommend that you don't overlook this one!

Wednesday, January 21, 2004

Talks, baths and webspaces.

Today was a good day. I've been talking with my sister a lot. She is getting a lot off her chest and I am being there for her. Please pray for her. She really needs God right now so please take time to pray for her (Mary).

I had a bath today. Yes, I know that sounds funny but really I am a shower person and today I took a bath and a shower. For Christmas in my stocking I got what you would call a bath bomb. It is round and is about the size of a tennis ball. When it hits the water it explodes and goes crazy. It was cool to watch. So my bath was green because the bath bomb was green. And it smelt so good. Like lemon gum drops.

Tried making a web page with Randall's help. He's so nice to take the time out to help. Thank you!! I also found a webspace tutorial that is teaching me step by step the language of html. It will take time but it will get done.

I had a talk with Melissa yesterday. I think that we are both paranoid about one another. She thinks so too. We have both had friends betray us and because of something in our life we are paranoid about each other. Truthfully we are being silly. So, we discussed our feelings. Not as much as I would have liked but enough that we are not going 'crazy'. My problem is I am too analytical. Ask anyone: I analyse everything to death. I used to be so bad that I couldn't even sleep at night some times. I was getting better but I seem to have let it creep back in. So, I am working on not be so analytical. Is that possible?!! I think so. If not I will just drive myself and those around me crazy.. :-)


So I've been pondering and questioning about my life. It seems as though I am a bit lost. So, on the weekend I thought way too much about too many things but in the end I have set some goals for the next two years. That is an accomplishment because I hate setting goals. Mostly because I am afraid I won't go through with it. Well, so far so good. This time I am sticking to it.

I really need to move out of my parents house. I love them but they live a different lifestyle than I do. I want my children to be in a Christ centered home. And even though I try to bring them up that way, it becomes very hard when more than half the people in the house are not Christian. I thought it would be a good thing for my parents to see the differences in me and maybe stir something up in them to want to know more and I think that they have stirred especially my mom but to no avail. I am not giving up on them but I do have to start living my own life with my own children.

I am also unsure of my career plans. I want to go into Culinary Arts and I know that God can't help me do everything. I know I have to live to support my family and the job I have does that. But I don't want to be 40 and serving. I have opportunities to manage at my work. Do I just wait that out or do I go back to school. It has nothing to do with having a diploma seeing as I have one already. I feel like I should be doing Gods work but I have no idea what that means. I am not called to pastor. My church isn't big enough yet to volunteer in any way. I witness but that is something that we are all called to do. What does God see in my path? Sometimes I feel as if I don't have one. But I know God has set one out for me. What is it? So I am back to square one. What do I do in my life? I am 27 and still don't know. I find that very scary.

Hopefully God will reveal his plan for my life before I make a wrong decision. I do want to serve him.

I hope some of the goals I have set will reveal somethings that have already been revealled and I was too blind to see.

God, open my eyes so I may see as you see. Open my heart so I may love as you love. Help me to walk as you walked. Show me truth. Unleash the person that you know I can be. Be with me. Never leave me. I love you. Amen.

Sick again!

Skye is sick again! I took her to the doctor and she seems to have a touch of bronchitis. She is on medication and I already see improvements but she missed two days of school. Today I sent her and hopefully her coughing doesn't disrupt the class too much. Pray for her please.

Tuesday, January 20, 2004


A few posts ago I asked for fellow bloggers to help me. No one responded, most probably because my comments were down so I will ask again. Please help me!!

I finally got the scanner that I have been wanting for months and I have no clue as to how to post photos. I got a fotopages account and I figured because the photo is on the web I could post it here. Maybe I have the html wrong or maybe I have no clue!! I know some of my readers know how this is done. Please take time and help me out here.

Thank you in advance! :-)

Sunday, January 18, 2004


There has been some pretty upsetting news that has happened in my family in the last few days. I care not to write them because they are very personal and emotional. So, today for some relief I took my children to Chuck E. Cheeses. You know, where a kid can be a kid. We had a really fun time. The prizes you get at the end for all the tickets you collected really suck though. We found a hair in our pizza but we ended up getting a free family pass for next time. So, I get a free large pizza, four beverages and 90 tokens for free.

Skye and Matthew really enjoyed themselves. We watched a live show, which to tell you the truth-wasn't very good at all, played games, went on some rides and played in a playground-you know the ones that you go through tunnels and go down slides and ride in cars and spaceships. Anyway, it turned out to be an ok day considering.

And I got good news. My pastor called and church will be on for tomorrow, well, actually now its today. Thank goodness because I really need it right now. Not saying there are times that I don't because I always need it.

Saturday, January 17, 2004

My comments are working!!

Yay, my comments work again!!

Supposedly Blogspeak(the comment site I was using) was having hosting problems. Luckily, I didn't lose my comments because he teamed up with Haloscan and they imported all users comments. So problem solved, no loss of comments, and comments are working again.

Thursday, January 15, 2004

O'Sensei Richard Kim

I just found out that Hanshi O'Sensei Richard Kim had passed away. I am so slow on news seeing as I read this today and he passed away in Nov. of 2001. I meet him in the late nineties and he is an icon in the martial arts world. He was ranked 10th Dan. He was the head of the Botoku-Kai. A very respected man. I would write of the amazing accomplishments by him but there are just too many.

I remember going to one of his weekend seminars. My sensei was very anxious. See, he studied under Richard Kim and its an honour to stand beside him. I remember shaking his hand after we had been training for hours. All sweaty and messy. He signed my book. Very quite, gentle man. I know he has seen many things and endured many trials and obstacles. I've heard so many stories about him, from the 'Japanese POW camps during World War II to his training secret agents during the Cold War' etc..

I only met him that one time and I will never forget it. It saddens me more than I thought it would to hear about his passing. 'Both he and the generation he was a part of are destined to become legends and then obscure myths should the human race manage to survive that long. I can only hope that the wisdom he possessed and relied upon when leading the Botoku-Kai lives on in the countless lives he touched. Perhaps that’s the best way I can thank him. In that light, I feel it best to end with one of his most famous quotes. "A Martial Artist is an Artist of Life."'

parts taken from the Ottawa Edge: The Passing of a Legend

November 17, 1919
November 08, 2001


I have noticed that my comments don't seem to want to display. I tried to get in contact with the administrator at the site that I got it from but there seems to be no site. Hopefully there isn't anything wrong and its just a glitch of some sorts. I looked at getting another comment box at other sites but I really did like the one that I already had, so I am going to give it a week or so and then bye-bye if its still not up.

Also, as you can see I have played with the colours on my blog. What do you think of the new look? I know, how the heck can you comment! I don't know, but I would still like to know what you think.

If you want to comment or just leave me a message feel free to leave one at .

Tuesday, January 13, 2004


I happened along this site a while back and reading this entry really touched my heart. We forget all too often about the men who fought and died and the ones that still remain. I wish I could talk with an 'Earl'.


Yesterday, my family and I visited the U.S.S. Lexington, docked on Corpus Christi Beach, right next to our hotel. "The Lex" as it is known was decommissioned in 1991, after serving heavily in WWII, and in wars following, and a stint as a set for the movie "Pearl Harbor". In '92 it was brought to CC, and refurbished as a museum. I must say, that thing is well worth the entrance fee - it was quite possibly my favorite part of our little Southwest trip. Course, I'm a bit of a fan of ships anyway ("See that? I can splice a wire like that, no problem!", "Hey, we used the same fire hose nozzles!"...Yes, I'm a dork...), so that could have something to do with it too.

But by far, my favorite part of the visit was Earl.

We met Earl in the Engine Room. The Lexington hold a good number of both employees and volunteers, many of whom actually served aboard "The Lex" in her prime.

Earl stood, all alone, beneath the only fan in the Engine Room. It wasn't stifling - it was only January 2nd - but its definitely south Texas. We were the only ones down there at first, so he seemed happy to see us. I made some comment about how it must be pretty hot down there without a fan. "Yes, as a matter of fact, the bigger fans, they used to have down here....well their engines blew and it was a warm two weeks before they finally installed the smaller one...Sometimes the airconditioning drops down a little from the upper deck though....its not so bad...."

He asked if any of us had been in the Navy, or military - somehow my piddly little 18 months chipping rust on the MV Rustbucket didn't really seem to compare, so I just shook my head no. Dave said he used to be in the Army, and kept looking at the surrounding maps. Personally, I was more interested in Earl.

Earl wore the yellow shirt of a Lex volunteer, but instead of a volunteers hat, he wore a US Marine Corps Veteran hat. Earl was no less that really old - but was still plugging along. He had a large, WC Fields nose, a roadmap of pores and veins, as do most old men over the age of 75. He had small, sad eyes, blurred by cateracts.

Earl told us some of the basic information about how the engine room works, and about the 4 steam-powered props, and all he'd been told to say. But he kept inserting personal information, and it became more and more obvious that this man had more to say about wars than simply how large the ship propellers were.

He mentioned about the Lexington's service in the Battle of Iwo Jima, and added: "I was at Iwo Jima..." I figured this was my chance.

"So, did you serve onboard here?"
"Oh, no no...I was a Marine. This here is a Navy carrier."
"What did you do there, then?

By this time, we'd lost my brother and stepdad. Mom was only about half interested. I maintained eye contact. I wondered how many people waited and wanted to listen to his stories, rather than just hearing the script.

"Oh. Um, see...I was an amphibious landing craft driver...We took the men from the ships to the shore in waves...then we'd go back for more...wave 5....wave 10....15....20...It was a tough fight. We lost a lot of men. But we took that island."

Earl's already blurred eyes were starting to well up with tears.

"I lost 6 friends.... Six good friends that day....."

"...I'm sorry..." I said, mad at myself for being unable to find words that truly expressed my sympathy.

"Well...yeah...." He blinked the tears away, ever the man.

"We weren't hurt though," he continued, " least, not badly. I mean, we were, see, on the beach, there's a lot of coral, see...and now, when a bomb or grenade-any explosion-happens in water, it shoots directly up, see, because it can't go in any other direction...well, one landed just behind us, a grenade, and threw us forward onto that coral. Weren't bad though, got scraped up a bit" - at this point, he motions towards his wrists and forearms- "but we got out okay..."

Earl and I stood and chatted for a while - him doing most of the chatting, really. Earl is 79 years old and his wife is 80. In the winter, they move down here with their RV, from Michigan. After the war, he went to Michigan State University (our big connection point being that I used to live in East Lansing when I was young), which was one of only two colleges in the country at the time which offered uni-level training for the police. ("We had to take classes in the cookery building - we'd be smellin chickens, you know!") He was a policeman in Michigan til 1989, when he retired, and started coming down to Texas in the winter months. This will probably be the last year he'll be going back to Michigan - too much hassle to keep up with the property up there, so he and the wife are probably going to move down to Texas for good, where Earl can keep up his volunteering.

By this time, my family was long gone ahead to the other exhibits. As we talked, at least 20 people came and went, never stopping to hear what he was saying. I wanted to take Earl out for coffee and ask him if they had any kids, and grandkids, and who were his favorites (because everyone has favorites) and where he met his wife and how he felt when he first held her hand, and how he knew she was the one he wanted to be with for rest of his life and how he proposed and about each of those 6 friends he lost, and what they were life and if they had kids or family or girlfriends that sent perfumed letters, or Mom's that sent care packages of goodies, and why he joined the Marines and whether or not he had any regrets over the course of his life...

But I had to say goodbye to Earl. I finally asked his name, and he said Earl somethingorrather, a last name I'd remotely heard of - he further explained that Mr. somethingorrather, a famous oil tycoon, was his uncle.
"You seem to be a good friend to know then, Earl!", I said with a wink. "I'm a Forbes - no relation, but we let them think what they want!"
"Right, right, like the 500! Ha ha!....You know, I served with two Forbes....good men, both of them...I think one from Indiana....
I explained that I had a great uncle that fought, and died, in the war..LeRoy...but I think he was in the Navy....

I finally made my way back upstairs, after saying our goodbyes and thank yous, sincerely sad to be leaving Earl. Walking along the Hangar Deck to meet up with my family again, I did some quick math.....Iwo Jima in 1945....

Earl was no more than 20 years young.

Borrowed from This Beautiful Mess.

Monday, January 12, 2004


I heard some really upsetting news this afternoon. I don't know what to think of it and what I have learned about God and people leads me to believe that what I heard is going to happen and although God was in it, I am not so sure that He is anymore. I am so afraid. I really don't know what to think. I know God did something amazing and now it seems as though it is falling apart. Was it even God in the first place or was I being blind. If God was in it why is this happening? Why has it not been perfect from the start? Why is it going away? If God did this why did He do the thing we prayed for? Why has there been so many complications? Why would He put us all through this? What is this lesson? Why do I keep asking these questions? Why? Why? Why?

Sunday, January 11, 2004

I just tried...

posting a photo to my blog and I can't seem to do it. Can anyone out there help me with this? I would really appreciate it.

Signed: Cluelessintoronto..


December 21st was the last day that I actually attended church. The church that I had been attending had to close due to lack of people and therefore no money to pay rent. The pastor had been running the church for almost a year. He knows he was called by God and in some ways he doesn't understand. But he does realize that when a real person from God comes to speak only truth, no one wants to listen. We have had many people come and come back but after a few times, they seem to disappear. At first I questioned, wondering why?. But I have come to realize that most people don't want to change. They hope that the way they are is enough. Hearing truth requires change. Who speaks openly in church about all topics. Who is not afraid to lose seats, who cares more about what God thinks than your fellow peers?

Sometimes I don't want to hear the truth either. But you know, once I hear it and think on it, I do change. Sometimes it is immediate and sometimes it takes a long time. I love my pastor and I pray for him all the time.

I have been told that he is opening a church in a new location. Some place cheaper but one half hour further west then the last church. At first I wondered if I should attend seeing as it will be located in Cambridge but then I remember that he devoted a lot of time and effort into the church that closed, went into debt and is still praising the Lord. I must follow him. He is the only pastor in a long time that I have seen really and honestly devoting his life to the Lord. He isn't afraid of speaking truths. I would say that he speaks like he has the authority. He is blessed and I do see it. He does struggle too but who would he be if God didn't let him suffer. Good example of that is Paul.

Well, I really hope the church will be ready and open for next Sunday. Being away from church for this many weeks has really done me a disservice. I never thought I'd actually say I miss church. But I do. And I miss being corrected and told the way in which to go - toward the light. I feel it in my being and I know I need it badly.

Friday, January 09, 2004

In the valley.

So, why is it that when you are really happy there is always this transition in which you must come down. I would say that for the past umteen weeks I have been pretty happy. I am always smiling or singing or both. Nothing has gotten me down. Until, I woke up on Thursday morning. After waking, I felt a little off. I figured it was nothing and continued with the rest of the day. But as the day progressed so did my emotions. I was in a mood where you are not exactly sure why you feel yucky but in some way you feel like crying. I didn't and I still haven't but I think that if maybe I did I would get out of this silly down that I have been in since yesterday. I still have good spirits but I'm not Angela. I'm some annoying creature who took over her body in order to make her life seem not as great as she thinks it is.

I'm feeling lonely. Do you ever feel like you just want a hug? From someone who cares about you and you care about them? I have friends that it is second nature just to hug and I love getting those hugs but I want one from another man who feels for me and I feel for him. I am silly because right now I don't feel that certain way for anyone and as far as I know, no one feels that way for me. Yet, I still want that hug. I still want that intimacy, I still want that closeness.

Ok, I really hope this emotional whatever you want to call it goes away quickly. Jeesh! I do like my life and I am enjoying being single. Maybe its the buzz of engagements that brought this on. I don't know!

Anyway, I have to head back to work so to all have a wonderful weekend!!

Thursday, January 08, 2004

The Last Samurai!

I saw 'The Last Samurai' and wow that was a great movie. I have been fascinated with the Japanese culture for longer than I can remember. I loved the 'Karate Kid Two' mostly because it explained their culture and traditions. When I joined Karate I couldn't get enough of it and I started reading books on Samurai's and ancient Japanese traditions.

So seeing this movie really got me excited. It shows the level of commitment and strength and courage that these men had. Samurai were truly unlike any other soldier that you have seen today.

Tom Cruise did an awesome job. I've always thought he was a really good actor who never really got the parts to show off his amazing talent. This shows it.

If you haven't seen it already, I recommend that you do. You won't be disappointed.

There has been an engagement!!

No, its not mine. Within a one month span two people from work have gotten engaged. The first one was a little of a shock because she was dating someone else in the summer but I guess if you are truly in love, why wait? And Cristina got engaged on Friday past. I saw her on Tuesday and wow, I am so excited for her. She has been dating her boyfriend for 4 years and we were all talking about this. She was so excited. Its quite interesting to find out that Rob was the one who cried and she just couldn't stop smiling.

I am so excited for them. I heard Shauna's and Cristina's engagement story. I love hearing stories like that. I truly ask everyone. Well, I cried too!! Weddings are so great. I can't wait until I have an engagement story too! Sandra, after hearing about it, told me her story too.

It is such a great time. May God be at the centre of their marriages and may Sandra reunite with her husband.

Congratulations Shauna and Cristina!!!

Tuesday, January 06, 2004


Last night I decided to read my journal. I started last year - Jan 4th to be exact. I was hoping by writing things on paper I would be able to sort through the thoughts in my mind. Besides its always nice to see where you were and where you are now.

So, as I read I noticed that in some ways I grew closer to the Lord and in some ways I grew further away from Him. I noticed also that some things that I prayed for did come true eg: My sister's twins, a church etc.. I also realized that although I hoped for certain things to happen or at least begin to take place, that God really does work in His own time and not mine. :-p

I thought that maybe I had grown or matured or became a little more wise. But I don't think any of that happened at all. Right now I feel far away from Jesus. I know its my fault and I've let silly things come in the way. I didn't devote even half of my time to what I had originally set out to do. I have always been told that I have been mature for my age. But after reading my journal I have to wonder. Sometimes I am just a girl hoping for way more than I have. I have issues. I am a little crazy at times. But I know that I am happy. Its so weird: to want something you don't have and yet be more happy then you have ever been even though you don't have it. Yes, I am strange :-).

I know one thing though: I've learned to love myself even though I am far from perfect. I used to think if I was this way I'd be happy or if I just did this I'd be happier. I've learned that I am happy being just who I am and I am not afraid to be that person anymore. So in that regard I did learn something last year.

Well, reflecting was nice but at times I felt like crying. Memories mostly. But I also said a few times 'why the heck did you do that'. Or it brought back other memories and I wondered why didn't I write about that.

Ok, I'm done with reflecting. I have to head back to work. So, if anyone is reading this have a fantastic super d duper evening!!!

Friday, January 02, 2004


I just got home from the theatre. It took two weeks but I finally had the time to see the movie in which I have been dying to see. If you guessed The Return of the King you are right. Wow, awesome movie. It was absolutely fantastic. A few times I just wanted to stand and cheer. I would tell you the parts but I don't want to ruin it for those who haven't seen it yet. And thank you to all those who said it was a must see in their blog but didn't spoil it by saying what happened. Oh my goodness seriously GO SEE IT!!

First thing I thought of when I left the theatre was I can't wait to see it again. And I wondered what I missed. I seriously can't wait for the extended version to come out. Ok, so I'm a bit of a nut but I am a movie freak and it was awesome!!


At work today I managed by myself. I have done this before but usually there are two of us on at a time. All was well, then we got busy and the kitchen supervisor became an ass. When my boss came in at 5pm I was so bothered by this jerk that I had to mention it to him. You see, I manage one to two times a week and I guess because I was by myself this jerk thought he didn't have to listen to me and I felt pretty crappy. Ok, so he isn't a jerk but he sure acted like one today. I felt so yucky that I wanted to tell Ted, my boss, that forget it - I don't want to manage anymore. But luckily J.T. was there. He talked with me and made it all better. By the time I left I was fine. This part time managing thing is hard-its hard to be equal with your friends/co-workers 80% of the time and then be their boss the other 20% of the time. I guess this is just another learning experience that I shouldn't take so close to heart.