Wednesday, January 21, 2004


So I've been pondering and questioning about my life. It seems as though I am a bit lost. So, on the weekend I thought way too much about too many things but in the end I have set some goals for the next two years. That is an accomplishment because I hate setting goals. Mostly because I am afraid I won't go through with it. Well, so far so good. This time I am sticking to it.

I really need to move out of my parents house. I love them but they live a different lifestyle than I do. I want my children to be in a Christ centered home. And even though I try to bring them up that way, it becomes very hard when more than half the people in the house are not Christian. I thought it would be a good thing for my parents to see the differences in me and maybe stir something up in them to want to know more and I think that they have stirred especially my mom but to no avail. I am not giving up on them but I do have to start living my own life with my own children.

I am also unsure of my career plans. I want to go into Culinary Arts and I know that God can't help me do everything. I know I have to live to support my family and the job I have does that. But I don't want to be 40 and serving. I have opportunities to manage at my work. Do I just wait that out or do I go back to school. It has nothing to do with having a diploma seeing as I have one already. I feel like I should be doing Gods work but I have no idea what that means. I am not called to pastor. My church isn't big enough yet to volunteer in any way. I witness but that is something that we are all called to do. What does God see in my path? Sometimes I feel as if I don't have one. But I know God has set one out for me. What is it? So I am back to square one. What do I do in my life? I am 27 and still don't know. I find that very scary.

Hopefully God will reveal his plan for my life before I make a wrong decision. I do want to serve him.

I hope some of the goals I have set will reveal somethings that have already been revealled and I was too blind to see.

God, open my eyes so I may see as you see. Open my heart so I may love as you love. Help me to walk as you walked. Show me truth. Unleash the person that you know I can be. Be with me. Never leave me. I love you. Amen.

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