Wednesday, October 08, 2003

Thinking out loud!

So, I was talking with Melissa today about things we did in our past. As I was confiding in her I actually started to feel ill. I guess some would say its no big deal but to me looking at my life now and then reflecting on where I was just overtook me. Let me tell you, I am extremely happy that the Lord never gave up on me when He so easily should have.

On another note, today I felt a little more alone than usual. Although I was sharing a part of my soul print with Melissa, it also hit some nerve in the back of my brain that I really am just alone in this world-no one will ever really get me. I think Melissa thinks she has me figured out and I am sure in a lot of ways she does. The only person who really 'got' me was Shawn but then I wonder did he really? After six years he decided to up and leave. Is it because he got to know me or is it because we just were not right for each other. Don't get me wrong, after all the heartache I was able to see that it was/is better for me that he isn't such a big part of me as he was. We get along and we are friends.

I guess my big question is why do people leave? Why do we just give up? Is there a person out there made specifically for me and if so where the heck is he? What I am saying is that I am 27 with two beautiful children and I know God has a purpose for me. I am not sure of what it is, and I really hope it includes someone special that God chose for me. I feel as though who would want someone that lived in sin, had two children, got saved, turned their life around, have many blessings. But to me I see men looking at two children and a mom. I know that is a lot to take on. Believe me I am living it, and I would never give it up! It is just frustrating being single, a mom and christian sometimes. I know the reward will be many but right now I just want to be loved by a man, that is not my brother or my father :-)
Is that too much to ask God?

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