Sunday, November 16, 2003

My ranting about _______!!

Do you know what is crazy? When you think you have friends that care about you and then you finally see that maybe, just maybe they don't even give a crap about you. That they probably don't even think about you. Its sad because the one person I am thinking about (and its not you Melissa) doesn't even realize I exist any more. What is with that? Did they ever know I existed? Its not like we talked all the time but as I go back in my mind to the times that we did, we only talked about serious issues. Things that mattered. I poured parts of my soul to this person that some of my closest friends don't even know or maybe some do. But as I think about this, I don't really think this person really cared about me. They acted like they did when it was convenient for them. When they had 'time'. But of course, they are just always too busy and now with them having a significant other, I am probably non-existant. I guess the brief friendship that we had was worth it. But man, I don't understand it when people just push you aside, never really caring. Maybe they cared, maybe they thought about me, maybe they tried to push me out of their head, maybe they succeeded. Well, I would say that I don't care, but I do. I think about this person more than I think I should and when I try to push them away in my mind, they won't leave. Why God, why won't they leave? I've obviously left their mind if I was even there, why won't they leave mine? You don't know how many times I've prayed. Maybe this is the answer. Maybe this person or myself isn't listening. Maybe I am just a little nut who cares too much about people. I would say I should stop caring because then I wouldn't get hurt, but I love caring. And getting hurt is always a part of growing. Maybe if the person reads this they will know its about them or maybe they won't. But I just want them to know that I do care about you and I know that whatever happens in our friendship will happen either because God wanted it to happen or because one of us was too deaf too hear what God wanted.

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