Saturday, July 10, 2004

Decision Making.

I was talking with Carlos about 'The butterfly effect'. We had a big conversation on the effect of decision making. It's like if I decide to go here instead of there, the effect it could have on my life. It's like God gives us paths and it's up to us which ones we venture on. And depending on which ones we chose could lead us to 'alternate endings'.

I went out with Jaime last night to Demetres for dessert after work. We talked about our current relationships or hopes of one. She is in a sticky situation because she has fallen for her best friend and although he loves her he is afraid to take it to the next level because he doesn't want to lose her. In my opinion, whether they go to the next level or not he still runs the risk of losing her. Why are we so afraid? Why don't we act on things instead of staying afraid and doing nothing?

It's funny because I was talking to her about this guy that I really like and I too am too afraid to act on it. I know why I am afraid. Rejection. I know it is better to know than to keep dreaming but fear has captured me and won't set me free. Maybe sometimes it is easier to not do anything. Because not doing anything doesn't risk you getting hurt but it risks something that could be great.

I could have done something last night but fear got ahold of me again. Jaime tried with her all, I think, to get me to make the slightest move and not until he left did I realize the potential of one little move. That is my problem too. I think of things after instead of in the moment. I am smart, I am just not very quick. Jaime did say that if she didn't know better, his body movements and just the way he was talking with me, sent signals that he does like me. I feel like I am grade school. I am just clueless. So, for now I will try to drop little hints and just let time run its course. If something is meant to be it will be. Which I only think is partly true because it is still up to you whether or not you act.


Anonymous said...

Angela, stop sitting back and waiting for things in life to come to you. If meeting a man having feelings for this individual, god is there with you.These may just be life lessons. You are a very bright women you will make right choices for yourself and your children.
Take Care.

Scott said...

hey ang, scott here. rejection sucks but don't forget, God thinks you're hot!

Angela said...

Thanks guys for your comments.

You make me laugh Scott. I never thought of it that way. :-) God thinking I'm hot just sounds weird.

And I really do hope I make the right decisions. Thanks for having confidence in me.