Monday, April 05, 2004

For any that checked my blog weekly, sorry!

Sorry, I ended up using the computer time to help my daughter look up some stuff for a school project and didn't feel right using extra time updating.

Apology out of the way, I can officially say that the 40 day period is over for me. Yippee!! Traditionally it ends on midnight, Holy Saturday which is the night before Easter Sunday but traditionally the period only works on weekdays and I went straight through without taking 'breaks' on weekends. So, I am done!

I can watch movies and tv and do other stuff. Great english there, eh? Except today I found myself looking away from the tv. Maybe this was a good thing to give up. Seeing as we humans waste so much time being couch potatoes. Just ask my dad!! ;-)

The past two weeks have been a little difficult. Not for myself but for others around me. My good friend and cousin Pamela was going through some really hard times and I helped her as best as I knew how. Her parents won't really talk to me because I helped her but that is another story.

There was also some secret kept from someone I knew for a very long time. She came to me in confidence and asked some questions regarding it. Just so you know, it wasn't my secret and it was not my decision to keep it from her. She asked and I seemed to have been able to dodge them but I think I didn't do such a good job the last time she talked about it with me. She knows and I think it is all my fault. If the people keeping the secret from her find out I am afraid they will never speak to me again. I am serious. I never agreed with keeping the secret but I kept it out of respect and it was also not my place to say. Truthfully I was cornered but I guess that is no excuse. The secret lasted 23 years. I feel like a complete ass and idiot now.

I talked with my boss today and asked how his mom was doing. (she has been in the hospital for a little while now). He informs me that she passed away on Friday. I felt so bad, I almost cried as he held it together. I wanted to hug him but I didn't. Why do we always hold back? Why can't we just be human and emotional when called for?

And I just got off the phone with, I would say my closest friend right now, and she seems to be going through something and doesn't want to talk. Which is totally fine seeing as everyone goes through things in their own way. Except she seemed to not want to talk to me, specifically. I don't know. Did I do something? I am thinking its not about me and I know its not but I just talked to her on Friday and now she has taken a leave from her work and doesn't want to talk. Space, she needs her space. I will respect her, I will leave her. But if you are reading this, know that I am always here if you need me.

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