Sunday, January 21, 2007

Trusting, obeying, and letting God...

Two years ago this month God spoke over me a promise. I have struggled with this promise so much, mostly because I was looking at it in the natural. I didn't realize that God was setting in motion more than I could ever imagine in the supernatural. I went through a very rocky road, I like to call it a roller coaster that never wanted to end.

The amazing thing that I see in all of this is that I am so much more dependant on God. He taught me so many things through my struggles that I can't even begin to write down. I think the biggest and most significant progress that I have made in these past two years is to trust and obey God. I know, sounds simple, but to me it was a battle I fought with tooth and nail. I have felt a lot of hurts and I have been let down so many times that it was just natural for me to put God in the same category as everyone else.

Jesus worked hard on me, and most times I didn't want to give in. I'm naturally a fighter, strong headed and stubborn and so it wasn't so difficult to fight with God too. Except when one fights with God it's only so long before you have to give in. I am much less stubborn now, although admitingly it slips out from time to time. I think my heart is growing more and more. When I think I have had enough of this promise and I'm tired of waiting, God rains down more love upon me. I think long time ago it would have been easier to give up on the promise and yet every time I were to give it back to God, God always gave it back to me.

Late last year the promise seemed so real, like it was so close and in what felt like a blink of an eye it crumbled to the ground, was stomped on a few times and then rode over by a bulldozer. And yet, by that time God had equipped me, dealt with me and I was able to hold on to the promise. Which seems kind of weird because at that time it would have made perfect sense to give it up. Jesus knew what He was doing with me, even when I had no clue though.

Over the past two years I had become dependant on Him, I had fell so in love with Him, and I trusted Him. So when it seemed to all else that the promise could no longer be, I looked up. I let go and let God. I've heard so many times people say 'Let go and let God' but to me it seemed foreign. It seemed simple enough and yet for me, it was so hard to put into practice. Last year however, God brought me into relationships with some very Godly people and the advice, counsel, prayer etc. that I received enabled me to do just that. The very thing I was fighting with. It really is so much better to let go and let God do His work. I think sometimes, probably due to stubborness, I allow things to go on longer than they need too because I find it so hard to let go.

You see last weekend I fully let go and gave this promise to God again. God gave it back to me the next day. He showed me things that I hadn't seen before and that I needed to see. Then God told me that I had to let go again so that the promise could be fulfilled. He needed to do something and as long as I was there trying to help He couldn't fully do His work. This did not make sense to me. When I prayed about it, God told me to do 'nothing'. I couldn't fathom doing nothing and so I let myself go through another battle. Luckily I realized, with the help of a mentor or two, that it is in God's hands, it always has been and trusting Him that He will do what He says required that I let go.

Obedience is also something that I've been working on. God often says things that seem to go against our very nature. He tells us to go one way when to us it makes more sense to go another way. But I've learned that He is the one who sees the big picture and it is us who need to start living for the big picture and not the here and now. Walking in obedience takes that trust that I so often had failed to give. I see so many things that I hadn't seen before and it is all because God hasn't given up on me. He is walking hand in hand to take me to my place. The place that He has called me to be. I find this all so exciting. Scary, but exciting.

I trust God at His word, it is just scary sometimes. I think it is a woman thing: wanting to be needed, wanting to help in any way. But God says 'No, let me do what I need to do, and then all things will be turned around in your favour'. So, I am letting Him do what He needs to do and trusting that all things will be turned around in my favour. I still want so badly to help and every day I ask God if I can, but God still says 'It is not yet time'. He did show me something magnificant in a vision on Friday. I was very happy to receive it, and not until yesterday did I fully get the magnitude of it. It was awesome. I saw the promise had come to me and it was pure, holy, had spiritual growth, was healthy and covered and protected by the blood. The promise was excited and shy at the same time but kept coming. It was so spiritual that it flutters my insides.

I am expecting great things this year. I honestly can not wait. It has been a dream of mine forever and God says it is coming. It may not have been exactly like I had wanted, and it definitely had more ups and downs than I had imagined, but when I saw that vision, I knew it is worth the wait. I find it exciting, and I believe this story when it is all said and done will encourage so many people to just trust and believe God when He speaks something over you. I am truly blessed.

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