Thursday, February 01, 2007

The last first...

How crazy is it when you have waited all your life for your last first. Well, yesterday marked the end of the old and the beginning of the rest of my life. The one God promised to me two whole years ago, kissed me yesterday and it was the beginning of a God-centred WOW life. I can not wait until the day we say 'I do'.

I must admit that no matter how excited I am, I am just as scared inside. I've been playing the waiting game for so long that now that it is finally here, it seems to be moving in hyper speed. Which by the way, I don't mind. But even so, there is a little voice inside saying be careful, be cautious, hold back and be prepared to be hurt again. I know it is just fear but, the Lord didn't give me the spirit of fear. So I have to ask, 'why am I scared'?

Maybe it is second nature that when you want something so bad for so long, it becomes a dream that you never think will actually become reality and then when God finally gives it to you it doesn't seem real. You don't know how to act or react, you are dumbfounded. It's so weird because I feel ecstatic. I have so many emotions running through my body and most of them are high pressured, heart pumping, breathe stopping, electrical waves. The sad thing is there are two emotions that are fighting. They are so closely related too. They are fear and excitement. I can feel the sword fight and I know which one is winning. I guess it is just me being cautious, except I don't want to be, and that is why I fighting.

Anyway, this week has been awesome and I am only looking forward to more. More Lord, more for 2007. Maybe fairytales do exist! :-)

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