Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Patience, I'm trying to have it!

I realize that I haven't been consistent with my blog in more then half a year. And I know that probably nobody comes to this corner of the web anymore but that is alright with me. I would have probably given up on my blog too! ;-)

Anyway, lots has been going on in the world or better yet, mind of Angela. The thing that really stands out the most is that God clearly and distinctly told me something way back in January and to make it totally clear that it was His voice that I heard, I asked for confirmation, not once but twice. Both times He confirmed it! Now I should be very happy considering what was said but somehow little by little doubt tends to creep back in.

I told a good friend about this whole thing and he said that I just have to wait on God. He also said that most people have to wonder about this particular thing for what seems like forever. I am lucky to know the answer. The problem is here: Is it better to know which way your life is going and have no clue when it will happen? Or is it just easier to not know?

I used to think that knowing is better but since that day in January I haven't stopped obsessing over it and sometimes I wish that I didn't know although I am thankful that I do. I know this is confusing. It's confusing for me too!

I guess it is better to know. And maybe part of the lesson I need to learn is just to have patience and wait on God. Sometimes that seems so hard, though. I just want it to happen now. I sound like a little kid. But it is so true. I have prayed about this particular thing for so long, He finally gives me an answer, and now I have to wait longer. Grrrrrr..... :-)

I know I am in the waiting stage for a few things and because I know this I should not be expecting anything to happen right now, but I so badly want it. It is frustrating but it is also a relief. I just think about how long those in the bible had to wait on things. Take Moses for example: 40yrs in palace, 40yrs preparing, 40yrs in wilderness. He had 40yrs of preparation. Who said waiting is fun?! Holy moly! And David who knew he was to become king when he was just 18yrs old but had to wait until he was thirty to fully receive it. I know, it is all about God's timing. And His timing is the best, right and only timing. Do I have the patience as one like Moses or David? I can't even begin to compare myself to either of these two individuals, it is incomprehensible. I know I don't have tons of patience. I know I can be impulsive and crazy sometimes and I know that I have to wait on God. I just pray that I can. I have too! I want too!!

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