Surgery!

My son had day surgery yesterday and I was a bit skeptical about the whole thing. His father really was pushing for it and in the end he won. I can't say 'won' as it wasn't a contest or anything but in the end Matthew had surgery.

I prayed for God's hand to be on the surgeon and for Matthew to recover quickly. Well, within two hours of having the surgery, Matthew was himself again. All day you would not have even thought that he had surgery.

God really is amazing and He sends His grace upon us. I am thankful for His presence in our lives and I am thankful for the blessings and the trials.

Midnight Watch Prayer Meeting.

Last night, or moreso this morning at 12am, I went to my first Midnight Watch Prayer meeting. This was held at a Brazilian church and we prayed and worshipped until 6am. The worship was astounding. God was in the midst. It really was an awesome experience. I have never stayed up all night to pray before but I knew that if I could do it for the world (i.e. the movie marathon) then I could most certainly do it for God.

I learned that this was their second meeting of nine to pray over Canada. We prayed for leadership inside and outside of the church, this and next generations, healing in the land. We repented for generational sin and deliverance. We praised God and had a time of thanksgiving.

This really was quite the experience. Their next meeting is on June 3rd and I most certainly plan on being there. If anyone is interested in finding out more about this, contact Canada in Prayer. It is a group of intercessors who gather together for a common purpose of prayer throughout Canada on the first Friday of every month. So while you are praying in Toronto, others are grouped together in Vancouver praying for the same things.

I am glad that God brought me to church last night. He rejuvenated everyone who was there, especially the musicians who played all night long without a break. Thank God for his anointing and for His fresh flow of grace raining down on us.

Billy's Dream.

A tear rolled down my cheek as I read this this morning. A very touching story that I had to share.

In Phoenix, Arizona, a 26-year-old mother stared down at her 6 year old son, who was dying of terminal leukemia. Although her heart was filled with sadness, she also had a strong feeling of determination. Like any parent, she wanted her son to grow up and fulfill all his dreams. Now that was no longer possible.. The leukemia would see to that. But she still wanted her son's dreams to come true. She took her son's hand and asked, "Billy, did you ever think about what you wanted to be once you grew up? Did you ever dream and wish what you would do with your life?" Mommy, "I always wanted to be a fireman when I grew up." Mom smiled back and said, "Let's see if we can make your wish come true."

Later that day she went to her local fire department in Phoenix, Arizona, where she met Fireman Bob, who had a heart as big as Phoenix. She explained her son's final wish and asked if it might be possible to give her six year old son a ride around the block on a fire engine. Fireman Bob said, "Look, we can do better than that. If you'll have your son ready at seven o'clock Wednesday morning, we'll make him an honorary fireman for the whole day. He can come down to the fire station, eat with us, go out on all the fire calls, the whole nine yards! And if you'll give us ! his sizes, we'll get a real fire uniform for him, with a real fire hat-not a toy one-with the emblem of the Phoenix Fire Department on it, a yellow slicker like we wear and rubber boots. They're all manufactured right here in Phoenix, so we can get them fast."

Three days later Fireman Bob picked up Billy, dressed him in his fire uniform and escorted him from his hospital bed to the waiting hook and ladder truck. Billy got to sit on the back of the truck and help steer it back to the fire station. He was in heaven. There were three fire calls in Phoenix that day and Billy got to go out on all three calls. He rode in the different fire engines, the paramedic's van, and even the fire chief's car. He was also videotaped for the local news program.

Having his dream come true, with all the love and attention that was lavished upon him, so deeply touched Billy that he lived three months longer than any doctor thought possible.

One night all of his vital signs began to drop dramatically and the head nurse, who believed in the hospice concept that no one should die alone, began to call the family members to the hospital. Then she remembered the day Billy had spent as a fireman, so she called the Fire Chief and asked if it would be possible to send a fireman in uniform to the hospital to be with Billy as he made his transition. The chief replied, "We can do better than that. We'll be there in five minutes. Will you please do me a favor? When you hear the sirens screaming and see the lights flashing, will you announce over the PA system that there is not a fire? It's just the fire department coming to see one of its finest members one more time. And will you open the window to his room?

About five minutes later a hook and ladder truck arrived at the hospital and extended its ladder up to Billy's third floor open window 16 firefighters climbed up the ladder into Billy's room. With his mother's permission, they hugged him and held him and told him how much they loved him.

With his dying breath, Billy looked up at the fire chief and said, "Chief, am I really a fireman now?" "Billy, you are, and the Head Chief, Jesus, is holding your hand," the chief said. With those words, Billy smiled and said, "I know, He's been holding my hand all day, and the angels have been singing.." He closed his eyes one last time.

Stop telling God how big your storm is.
Instead tell your storm how big your GOD is !!!

Bio update.

Anyone wanting to know a bit more about me, my about me page has been updated. Just click here if you want to head right over there.

Schools out!

Wow, I didn't realize I neglected my blog for so long. I probably have no one reading this anymore.

Last week I finished all my exams, assignments and school. The first semester was quite good. I learned so much about the bible. I am fascinated with God and His amazing plan for us. My professors bible study group, which mainly deals with the book of Revelations and Daniel, has been so awesome too. I can't even describe it. I'm am truly loving my classes. I met so many great people. I have been so busy. It's crazy but I love it that way.

I start my summer semester on May 9th. This semester is going to be even more crazy and probably harder then the last because I am still taking six classes, but in a very condensed time frame. Even so, I am still excited about starting again.

I wish that throughout my whole life I was this excited about school. My life would have been so much easier, but I do realize that I had to go through all those crazy times, like high school, to get where I am today. I thank God for where I am today and I can't wait for Him to teach me more about Himself as I come humbly before Him. He really is the most magnificent King on High!

God has been showing me some things in my life that have been blowing me away. As any human would do, I have had doubts at times, and I asked Him to confirm what He has shown me and He did both times. Usually at the last moment, but isn't that how God works. It takes faith, hope and love. It takes giving Him your all and trusting in His promises. I am so grateful for Him. There are no words to explain how thankful I am for my Saviour.

God bless you all. Have a most beautiful day, even if it's raining! :-)

A little update on what's been going on in the world of Angela!

Hi to everyone that actually still comes to check this blog out. Sorry its been taking so long to post. It is nearing the end of my first semester at school and things have been just a little more hectic then I was hoping for. I just took a few minutes out of my studies to catch a breath or two.

School has been awesome. I have been diving into the Word and every time that I do, God shows me something new. I've been praying (I believe) better then I ever have before. I used to be and sometimes still am that type that had no clue what to say or even how to say it but, the Spirit has been working in me and prayers have been more efficient.

Church has also been a blessing. Last Sunday was so good. I don't even know how to describe it. And the Sunday past was about the heart and things that hinder it. It was refreshing. I don't know, but I feel God working even on the days that I don't seem to be and He is just so incredible. I want to see Jesus lifted up and I want His kingdom to grow. I know He is preparing me to be used. How awesome is this?!!!

Ok, I must get back to my work. Have a blessed day.

It's almost been a week since I wrote last!! Holy Moly!

We celebrated my father's 53rd birthday today (and yesterday). We had a really nice dinner, both nights. My mom made a nice dinner for 15 people last night and because today was the official date we all went out to the Outback Steakhouse.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY! :-)

Earlier today I ventured to the Toronto Reference Library were I had to get some research done for a paper I am doing on 1Cor.13. This library is huge. It has five floors and you can get books dated way back to the 1800's, maybe even earlier. Anyway, I remember back when I was in college we had to do a bomb threat procedure on any building and I picked this library. The memories of college came rushing back and I kept thinking, a bomb threat! Wow, have my studies really changed since then. I wasn't a Christian back then and I never thought I would end up in the religion section, of all places. This has only been my second visit back to this particular library since the bomb threat procedure project. My first was only a week ago.

Time sure flies by so quickly. I remember when I was a kid and it seemed that the school year would take what felt like forever to end and now I look at the date and its already almost April, where did the year go? Where did the year go so far for you?

It is so sad to say but this year has been pretty hard for my family. We have already had two deaths, and three aunts and two uncles are either in or have been in the hospital. On a lighter note I got to share the message of Jesus to family members, my sister is having a baby which is due in April, my dad/brother/uncle and cousin are going to church on Wednesday, my cousin is getting married this fall, and lately we have been sharing a lot of family memories, which have been beautiful.

Cherish the times together because you really don't know when the big guy up there is going to call you home.

Love, embrace, share, laugh, cry and enjoy!!

The Sharp Family

The Sharp Family
Originally uploaded by angeler.

top: (left to right) Tom, Dale, Irene, Brenda, Patricia, Kenny and Gary

bottom: (left to right) Grandma(Theresa), Michele, Grandpa(Harry), and Darrell

Firstly, I would like to thank any and all who prayed for my grandfather's salvation. On Thursday, March 10th, which happened to be my sister's 34th birthday, my grandfather passed away in his sleep. I don't know if he gave his life to Christ but I must hold on to the fact that Jesus didn't send me to speak to him in vain. Jesus had a purpose and a plan. This is what I will always remember. If anything, it helped me to rely on Jesus even more especially when I am put in opposition, which is more often then not. He is my rock and my redeemer. I will trust in him at all times. Who else can we trust? Except God himself. So, I continue to pray for my grandfather, and I do hope to meet him in the heavenly place one day.

He left 9 children (2 predeased), 22 grandchildren and 16 great grandchildren. He will be deeply missed.

Harry Talbot Sharp
August 3, 1931-March 10, 2005

I end with this poem.

Fill not your hearts with pain and sorrow,
But remember me in every tomorrow.
Remember the joy, the laughter, the smiles,
I've only gone to rest a little while.

Although my leaving causes pain and grief,
My going has eased my hurt and given me relief.
So dry your eyes and remember me,
Not as I am now, but as I used to be.

Because, I will remember you all and look on with a smile.
Understand, in your hearts, I've only gone to rest a little while.
As long as I have the love of each of you,
I can live my life in the hearts of all of you.

Matthew And The Guitar

Matthew And The Guitar
Originally uploaded by angeler.

Here's a quote for today.

Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today.

James Dean

What a week!!!

This week has had its ups and downs. One thing that happened is when I went into work on Tuesday they wanted to talk to me before my shift. They said that they no longer could accommodate my schedule. I told them that it was funny to me because there are so many others in the same situation as me or worse and they can accommodate theirs. Anyway, in the end they let me go. I realize after I had stepped into my car that the real reason was that a few weeks ago I had a discussion with one of the managers about my hours. She told me that I am required to work every holiday(stat or not) whether or not it fell on my regularly scheduled days and she noted that it was in the employee handbook. She included Mother's/Father's day etc... I then proceeded to tell her that before she hired me I made her aware that I do not work on Sundays due to religious reasons and that she agreed to my terms upon hiring me. I then told her that by law she can not force me to work on Sundays. She basically looked at me in surprise, I guess she thought she could pull a fast one on me or something and realized I knew more than she thought I did. She then said that we would discuss this later, to which I said alright. All I can say now is I guess this was the 'later' she was talking about.

At first I was a little upset. Mostly because all they ever talked about was honesty and integrity (even when they were letting me go), and they really were only talking about it to make themselves feel justified. I really dislike dishonesty. I think what they did was terrible. And I really hope they don't do it to anyone else. I was the only one speaking honestly and openly about my faith, that too could be a reason. But truthfully, it really doesn't matter because in the end we all are held accountable to God.

So, what do I do now? I pray for them and me. God is on my side and I know He is working in me and through me. With God all things are possible if we only put our faith in Him. That is what I am in the process of learning and doing. I also must remember that God is in control, and I know He takes care of me.

The second thing that was a downer is that I found out that my grandfather is in the hospital. They had been running tests to see what was wrong with the pain in his side and when they did a catscan on him they found cancer. Not just a little cancer. He seems to have full blown lung and bone cancer. They gave him only four weeks. What is worst of all is that he does not know the Lord.

My friend from school volunteered to come with me to the hospital and we are going to have a real chat with him, today. One like he has never heard before. I really hope in the end, whether we are there or not, that he gives his heart to the Lord. Only him and God will know. And that is fine with me. All week, all I have been thinking about is what do I say, how do I do it. I have never done anything like this ever. I guess there really is a first for everything. I am no pastor, but I know that the Lord will give me the words. If it isn't too much trouble, I could use your prayers too.

defendMarriage

Tonight I attended the defendMarriage fundraising banquet. It was held at my college. It was very encouraging to see people of all faiths join together to fight for our human rights and religious freedom, our culture and the future of Canada. There were speakers from the Jewish, Catholic, and Christian community, two politicians-Stockwell Day and Anne Cools. Members from the Hindu community also attended. Some activists from the Homosexual community also attended. They tried to start a fight with Stockwell Day but they quickly realized he was not afraid to speak what he believes. Just so everyone knows, this is not a fight against the Homosexual community it is a fight against redefining marriage.

I recommend you check out this site: defendMarriage.ca . It is a valuable tool in keeping up with what the gov't is doing and what you can do also.

After the fundraising dinner, I went out with my brother and handed out brochures. I plan to continue to do this. This is definitely worth fighting for.

The Same-Sex Survival Guide

Sunday, 06 February 2005
How to Defend Traditional Wedded Bliss
Toronto Sun
by Lorrie Goldstein

The next few months are going to be dangerous ones for those of us who support the traditional definition of marriage as the union of one man and one woman. Herewith then, a survival guide for avoiding the slings and arrows of Paul Martin, Jack Layton and the liberal commentariat.

(1) Beware of any journalist who claims that he or she knows what a future Supreme Court will do on any given issue such as: "The Supreme Court will never force religious institutions to marry same-sex couples against their will." Journalists pretending to be legal eagles are like pit bulls pretending to be brain surgeons. You don't want to be around to see the results.

(2) In any discussion of same-sex marriage in the liberal media, count on their side to be represented by 134 constitutional lawyers and 268 spokesmen for Egale Canada, and our side to be represented by Billy Bob Baggins of Backwater, Sask. and the Very Rev. Homer Phobia of the First Church of Hairy Muffins.

(3) Avoid, at all costs, the CBC. If they come at you with a microphone, run.

(4) Expect Liberals to say they know you're personally struggling with this difficult issue about 10 minutes before they call you a bigot.

(5) Expect NDPers to skip straight to the bigot part.

(6) Expect to be portrayed as part of a dwindling minority of Neanderthals who would have kept slaves in another life, even though, as a COMPAS poll this week confirmed yet again, Canadians favour retaining the traditional definition of marriage by a margin of almost two to one over those who want to change it.

(7) Expect the compromise which would satisfy the largest group of Canadians on this issue - retaining the traditional definition of marriage while providing equal rights to homosexuals through civil unions (see COMPAS) - to be dismissed by the liberal commentariat as a bigoted view actually held only by Stephen Harper and a handful of American militias.

(8) Expect those who support same-sex marriages to frequently stamp their feet and proclaim "a right is a right is a right!" as if this ends the debate. Smile back and say, "A marriage is a marriage is a marriage - boogah, boogah!"

(9) Expect those who support same-sex marriage to say stuff like "it's time we got back to serious issues like health care" and then go right on talking about same-sex marriage.

(10) Expect exhaustive media analysis of how Stephen Harper is playing politics with this issue, and no analysis of how Paul Martin is playing politics with this issue.

(11) Please be advised that any mention of the "notwithstanding clause" will be punishable by incarceration at a Liberal re-education camp until such time as a team of three government-approved psychiatrists unanimously agrees that you no longer pose an imminent danger to yourself or to others.

(12) Expect the liberal commentariat to always argue that "being treated equally doesn't necessarily mean being treated the same" when it comes to employment equity, and to never argue that "being treated equally doesn't necessarily mean being treated the same" when it comes to same-sex marriage.

(13) Never ask a member of the liberal commentariat why, if same-sex marriage is a fundamental right, only two countries on Earth have recognized it.

(14) Never ask them if they are seriously suggesting that countries like Denmark and Sweden, which recognize civil unions for homosexuals, are bastions of bigotry and repressed sexual attitudes. Since the liberal commentariat normally love talking about Denmark and Sweden, this will only confuse them.

(15) Never expect the liberal commentariat to ask Paul Martin, why, if he considers same-sex marriages to be a fundamental human right, he voted against recognizing them in the House of Commons in 1999.

(16) Do ask the liberal commentariat to point out, where, exactly, the words "sexual orientation" appear in Section 15 of the Charter. Remember, you want to see the words. Accept no substitutes, especially any answer containing the words "read in."

Happy Valentine's Day Everyone!!!

Love is the greatest gift of all!!!

Yesterday, I experienced an awesome love. The love of the Father being poured out into me. It is totally awesome when you realize the Father is using you to help out someone else, one you don't even know. I think that is the greatest love. To love unselfishly, to not care about what others are thinking, just doing as you are called to do. I find it amazing how every day I learn something new about this love that God has for us. To care so deeply for us when we, over history, have always turned our backs on Him. How great His love is for us!

Last week, I helped out someone from my school and they had said it was the answer to their prayers. Yes, more than one prayer. I was like wow!! When we listen to God and do as He wills, our life is so much more fulfilling. What a blessing it is to have the best kind of relationship in the world!! You too can have this relationship too, it just takes faith. Come and lets leap together on this fantastic journey of faith.

A little update.

Today I decided to go to school early. By early I mean 4hrs early. I do not think I am behind in studies but I do see April 1st coming a lot quicker than I had hoped for. So, today I decided to study until my first class starts, which is at 6:20pm. Yes, it will be a long day but it hasn't felt like it so far. Since I have gotten here I have completed one of my essays and am about to tackle another one. I just figured I would update this page a little seeing as I haven't been on here very much as of late. Juggling school, work and my family time has been hard and will probably get harder as April approaches but I know God is behind me, so I will be just fine. Crazy, but fine. ;-)

Remember Nintendo?

A few weeks ago I went down the basement to find a board game. I came across a box that was marked Nintendo Games and Accessories. It was funny because just before I had went downstairs, my niece Jessica and I were talking about how much we missed Nintendo. Last week Jessica brought it out and started playing it. Last night I got the itch too. We had two systems in the house. One was Harry's and mine and the other was Jessica and Alyssa's. And to my surprise, both of them work.

Last night I felt like a little kid again. I played Ms. Pac-Man, Dr. Mario and Xevius. We actually had more games then I remembered and after blowing into the cartridge and wiping off some dust, the games played like new. There is nothing like the old system. I miss those types of games. The new games are fine but the Nintendo, and Atari were the best. Ok, ya, I'm old. It's funny because I used to say that to my dad and now I'm the old one! :-)

I think He wanted me to read this too!!

Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone.
To have a deep full relationship with another....
But God to the believer says,
"No, not until you are satisfied and content with being loved by me alone...
with giving yourself totally and unreservedly to Me.
I love you my child, and until you discover that only in
Me is your satisfaction to be found, you will not be capable
of the perfect human realtionship I have planned for you.
You will never be united with Me
exclusive of any other desire or longing.

I want you to stop planning, stop wishing and allow Me
to bring that person to you.
Keep listening and learning that things I tell you...
You just wait, that's all.
And when you are ready, I will surprise you with a love
more wonderful that you can ever dream of.
You see until you are ready, I am working this very minute
to have you both ready at the same time...
Until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me,
and the life I have prepared for you,
you won't be able to experience that love that exemplifies your
relationshhip to Me - and this is the perfect love.

And dear one, I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your
relationship to me and enjoy maturely and concretely
the everlasting union of beauty and perfection
and the love that I offer you with Myself.
Please know that I love you utterly.
BELIEVE AND BE SATISFIED.

taken from My Perspective

Re-evaluation.

I am in the process of re-evaluating my life. I have been digging in the Word and have seen things I have never noticed before. I guess it is mostly because I have been going to the Word with an open heart, trying to learn everything I can from the Spirit. He has shed some light on quite a lot of things. For the first time in my life I don't want to put my bible down. I have fallen asleep with bible in hand due mostly to exhaustion, but still not wanting to set it aside until another day. I wish I had that enthusiasm a long time ago. But I guess we all have to come to a point in our life when things really turn around. I wouldn't say a 360 because I am not going to end up where I started. But end up in a totally different realm.

Months ago God shed some light on my future and it scared me. I must say that sometimes I still am afraid but I can tell you what: this time I haven't and won't give into that fear. I am pushing through it and in the process growing in my faith and love toward God. I find it awesome that He preserved a book for me to learn from for decades. And I have the privilege of picking it up and learning as much as He wants me too, from it. And in doing so, I may do His will in my life thereby touching people on the way.

It's kind of funny but last night I went to see a movie with two close friends. Now you must understand that I have loved movies for as long as I can remember and have been an avid collector. But the whole time I watched it I was thinking that I was sitting there wasting valuable time that I could be spending with God and maybe I should be talking with my friends about Him instead of watching this movie. This past week the same thing happened. My family was watching movies and normally I would sit and enjoy it too but I didn't, I went to my room and picked up my bible. What joy is this when the Lord finally becomes more important than all the worldly things we have come to know and love. I am looking forward to more of this and less of the worldly things I have held on to for way too long.

Quote of the day.

While you are proclaiming peace with your lips, be careful to have it even more fully in your heart.

St. Francis of Assisi

Holy Water

Somewhere there's a stolen halo
I use to watch her wear it well
Everything would shine wherever she would go
But looking at her now you'd never tell

Someone ran away with her innocence
A memory she can't get out of her head
I can only imagine what she's feeling
When she's praying
Kneeling at the edge of her bed

And she says take me away
And take me farther
Surround me now
And hold, hold, hold me like holy water
Holy water

She wants someone to call her angel
Someone to put the light back in her eyes
She's looking through the faces
The unfamiliar places
She needs someone to hear her when she cries

And she says take me away
And take me farther
Surround me now
And hold, hold, hold me like holy water
Holy water

She just needs a little help
To wash away the pain she's felt
She wants to feel the healing hands
Of someone who understands

And she says take me away
And take me farther
Surround me now
And hold, hold, hold me
And she says take me away
And take me farther
Surround me now
And hold, hold, hold me like holy water
Holy water

lyrics written and sung by Big and Rich

Suicide.

What would possess someone to commit suicide? Really, is life so God awful that one would actually go through with killing one self?

I got the news this morning that my cousin, David went and pulled the trigger, literally. I know he hasn't had the best life in the world but he has had a much better life then most of us. His father passed away a few years ago, and I think his life fell apart. Truthfully, I would say it fell apart way before that seeing as he was an alcoholic. But his dad passing was a big hit to the family and drove him further away. When we got the call we assumed that he had been in a car accident because he frequently drank and drove.

As you can tell I am not sugar coating his life like people usually do when one dies. I can only say, how could he have done this? The way he did it was so very tragic. He sat in his father's chair while his daughter was in her room. She heard a bang and ran downstairs. How selfish he was. How totally cruel and insensitive he was. Caitlan will forever be scarred not only with her father's suicide but also with the image. What horror!

I can never and probably will never understand why one would be such a coward and purposefully leave life knowing that their family is the one that will find them. Caitlan is about 16 or 17, with her whole life ahead of her.

My family does not know Jesus and they don't want to hear about Him either. How can she get through this? Only through Jesus can she learn how to really deal with this horrible tragedy. Jesus has such therapy tactics as to heal within a day, something years of therapy could never do. I know this will take more than a day so don't think I am naive but I've experienced Jesus' power of healing and have been healed within a weekend of life long hurts.

David leaves two daughters, his common law wife, a mother, two sisters, a twin brother and eight nieces and nephews.

Please pray for them especially Caitlan.

Goose bumps in class?!

Not too long ago, I got home from school. I never thought I would be this excited about school in my whole life. For the first time ever I got goose bumps just from one of the teachers introductions to the class. Surprisingly it was Methods of Bible Study II. I, of course, have never taken the first bible study course and I figured it would be one of my easier classes. WRONG!!! Methods of Bible Study I would only help you a little in this class but they relatively don't have anything to do with one another. This course made me crave the bible. I haven't really craved the bible before but wow!!!

My professor, Dr. Clarence Duff, started the class by stating that we will have to do a commentary about one verse in the bible. And it would have to be 10-15 pages in length. Ok, ya, that scared me a bit and I thought twice about taking the course. And then, without warning we started talking about critiquing the bible. Knowing the context in which it was written and also how it was written. Then he started on prophecy and I was hooked. I didn't care about having to write a commentary anymore. It is totally worth going through this class even if that means I will be writing a commentary. I could only think of the experience and knowledge I will get from this class.

After the prof. talked about the commentary he briefly stated that he holds a bible study on prophecy at his house. I couldn't get that out of my head all class. I have never had the courage to speak to a prof. after class before, or at least not on the first day, but I had to know about the bible study group and then without question he invited me to his house for bible study on Fridays. One other student asked him after class about the group and he even offered me a ride.

I have never been this stoked to study, to dive right into scripture and discover God. I am on a high and I don't want to come down. On the drive home tonight, I knew that I am in the process of carrying out what God has in store for my life and I am so excited. I can't even explain how I felt/feel. To know you are doing God's will and that it will impact others is just awesome/amazing!!!

My first day of school :-)

I had my first class today. It was Old Testament Survey: Pentateuch. Before I had entered the school to find out where I was suppose to go, I had this overwhelming pain in the pit of my stomach. It actually started on the drive over. I wasn't completely sure if it was going to go away. I haven't been in school since 1998 and I was a bit afraid of my brain being on brain freeze for so long that I maybe wasn't capable of jumping back into learning mode. I know that this thinking is silly but I still had the pain.

As soon as I walked into class and sat down, it started to go away. Praying beforehand was probably the biggest help but looking around and seeing that I wasn't the only person just out of high school attending this class was also a relief. I don't know why I get a little nervous when starting something new. I guess I am a bit insecure. That is the only thing I can come up with for caring about these things that really don't matter. I know I am answering God's call on my life or at least starting too, and that is all that should matter. So, why do I always let fear enter in?

After class I was getting together with a friend and I told her I would be right over. She said that I would probably start talking with some people and that she is expecting me later. I told her that couldn't happen. She said 'They are Christian, it is different. You will talk to people.' I told her that just because they are Christians doesn't mean they are going to be welcoming or that it would be any different than any other university out there. I find it sad that I actually not only thought it but said it aloud. In the end she was right and before the class had even started I had already talked with five people. One of the girls I talked with has 4 classes with me.

I really enjoyed class immensely. I know it is only the first day but I realize that this is what I have been waiting for and now it is finally here. I felt God's presence in the classroom, I felt Him pressing my heart. I am so interested in digging into the bible and getting to know Him so much more. And the fear that I felt is gone. I am looking forward to school tomorrow. I never thought I'd see the day that those words would come out of my mouth(fingers).

Revisiting high school.

Alyssa, my niece, forgot her lunch at home today so I took her some money so that she wouldn't starve while at school. Right now her school is being built so they are temporarily in another high school. I had to walk through the cafeteria and hallways to get to the back of the school, where they are temporarily set up.

It's so weird how memories and feelings come back to you. For all who don't know, I hated high school. I felt like I didn't belong. Although I had a lot of friends I still felt alone and I'd much rather skip then be there. Walking through the cafeteria made me feel a little bit vulnerable today. Until, I got back to reality and realized hello I am 28 and these kids are kids. I looked around and although it was a totally different set up and time, nothing much had changed.

When Alyssa came down from her class, she looked so cute in her uniform. It was actually the first time I'd seen her in it. She had stepped out from English class. She thought she was in trouble, so when she saw that it was me, she seemed pretty happy. She did what I would have done, procrastinate. She tried to stay with me as long as she could, until I finally told her that she should get back to class. She doesn't like English. When I was her age I didn't like it either, but by the 11th grade I fell in love with it. I hope she does too.

One thing that was really weird to see was the school had cameras at every corner and throughout the hallways. We had to deal with peer pressure and drugs/alcohol. These kids have to deal with that plus violence, gangs, weapons, etc.. I am sure glad I didn't have to grow up as a teen in this day and age.

Where do kids come up with the things they do?

I was sitting at my computer this afternoon when my son calls me. He wants me to help him with his Nintendo GC game. I told him I just had to finish typing an email to someone and I would be right up. Well, a minute to a kid is forever so he comes down and starts asking me how long am I going to be. When I was finished I held out my hand and he gave me five. I then kissed his hand, like a prince does to a princess, except it is the other way around:-) and then he says (drum roll please) "Why aren't you married. You should be by now."

Kids really know how to hit the heart. All I could say in response was "I haven't found the right person yet". Which is true but at the same time I wonder, will I ever? A guy at work asked me out last week. What do I do? Act weird and avoid the whole situation. Why? It's not because I am not interested in getting to know him better. I don't know what is wrong with me.

Only yesterday did I realize that I don't want to be hurt again. My last two relationships 'damaged' me more than I had previously thought. God brought that to my attention a few weeks ago. Don't you love it when God does that? I know I still need healing. And I when the right guy comes along, I want to just know, just feel it. My best friend says I live in a fairy tale reality and that is not how things happen. I can't believe such a thing.

Why can't I have a William Wallace or a Joe Black look right at me and I at him as we pass in the street and it just is? I want to be ready for it, but I don't think that is possible. Maybe I am destined to be single forever 'cause sometimes it sure feels like it but, I can't lose hope that he is out there looking for me too. My fingers are crossed!!! Well, not really, I'm not into superstitions but you get my point, I hope!

Maybe what I want doesn't exist. All I want is a manly man, who is also sensitive, one who likes sports but loves me and God more. ;-). One who isn't afraid to get his hands dirty but also can clean up well. Someone with intellegence so that we can have conversations/friendly debates for hours. One who wants to rescue me but isn't afraid of me rescuing him sometimes too. One who loves kids, the outdoors, and relaxing inside too. One who prefers happiness and family time over money and material things. One who wants to grow old with me and when we are old, holds my hand as we walk down the street. Ok, maybe this is just a fairy tale but what else can a girl do but dream!

Not our fruit alone.

A voyaging ship was wrecked during a storm at sea and only two of the men on it were able to swim to a small, desert like island.

The two survivors, not knowing what else to do, agreed that they had no other recourse but to pray to God.

However, to find out whose prayer was more powerful, they agreed to divide the territory between them and stay on opposite sides of the island.

The first thing they prayed for was food.

The next morning, the first man saw a fruit-bearing tree on his side of the land, and he was able to eat its fruit. The other man's parcel of land remained barren.

After a week, the first man was lonely and he decided to pray for a wife. The next day, another ship was wrecked, and the only survivor was a woman who swam to his side of the land. On the other side of the island, there was nothing.

Soon the first man prayed for a house, clothes, more food. The next day, like magic, all of these were given to him. However, the second man still had nothing.

Finally, the first man prayed for a ship, so that he and his wife could leave the island. In the morning, he found a ship docked at his side of the island. The first man boarded the ship with his wife and decided to leave the second man on the island.

He considered the other man unworthy to receive God's blessings, since none of his prayers had been answered.

As the ship was about to leave, the first man heard a voice from heaven booming, "Why are you leaving your companion on the island?"

"My blessings are mine alone, since I was the one who prayed for them," the first man answered. "His prayers were all unanswered and so he does not deserve anything."

"You are mistaken!" the voice rebuked him. "He had only one prayer, which I answered. If not for that, you would not have received any of my blessings."

"Tell me," the first man asked the voice, "what did he pray for that I should owe him anything?"

"He prayed that all your prayers be answered."

For all we know, our blessings are not the fruits of our prayers alone, but those of another praying for us. With Love comes blessings.

My crazy list of movies!

The Christmas holidays are over and things are getting back to 'normal'. The children started school today. Soon I will be starting as well (next week to be exact). For Christmas, my dad got surround sound from my mom so over the holidays we all spent way to much time watching movies. I've decided to post my sad list of movies I wasted time on. Not to say they were bad, because I pretty much enjoyed them all in one way or another. Some I had seen before but wanted to check them out on surround sound. So here they are and in no particular order:

-The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King (extended edition) watched twice.
-13 going on 30
-Pearl Harbour
-Top Gun
-Weird Science
-2 Fast 2 Furious
-Braveheart
-The Bourne Identity
-The Bourne Supremacy
-Closer (seen at the theatre)
-The Phantom of the Opera (also seen at the theatre)
-Open Water
-Rob Roy
-Highlander
-Elf
-The Santa Clause 2
-A Christmas Carol (2004)
-I don't know if this counts but Skye and I saw Mamma Mia at the Royal Alexandra theatre yesterday

Holy cow!! I think I'm in overload. This is a crazy list. Long and dynamic. The sad thing is, I probably forgot a couple.

Anyway, cheers to a new year and less movie watching, more studying!

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!!!

What I thought was going to be an upsetting day, has now turned into the greatest gift I could ever receive. And it only could have happened from the 'man' above. Today, I found out that both my children will be able to spend Christmas day together. (until today, they were suppose to be going to their fathers at the opposite times and therefore would have missed each other tomorrow). But God answered a prayer that I never really mentioned to Him. He knows my heart though, and I know that although it was impossible, He made it possible. Thank you so much Lord!!:-) So, as of 1pm tomorrow I will have both my children for the rest of the day and the days after. A very merry day indeed!!!

Merry Christmas Everyone!! Have an awesome night and amazing day tomorrow!!

What can you do when you live in a shoe?

Sometimes life is a bit hard for those who have children, especially from different fathers. Like Skye and Matthew for instance.

I had Matthew for the morning of Christmas the last few years so I figured it was only fair to offer Christmas morning to Jason. He would then bring Matthew home in the afternoon and I would get him for the evening. All is well, or so I thought. It appears that Shawn has to work both Christmas Eve and Boxing Day for some Islamic thing happening at the Skydome. And for him to pick up Skye on Christmas Eve would mean 11pm. Which of course, you couldn't ever let a child wait up that late for the comings of Christmas morning, so he won't be picking her up that night. It seems that in order for us both to spend Christmas with Skye, I would have her in the morning and he would get her for dinner. And Jason wouldn't change his time with Matthew because his whole family can be together for the first time. So, as you can see, my children will not be spending Christmas together!! And that totally sucks big time. They will have Boxing Day together but it is still not the same as Christmas. I guess it is my fault anyway, for doing the things I did in my past, and that is life. I just wish for one day, Christmas day, everything could be perfect for my children and me. As children they probably love having two Christmas', two sets of presents, two stockings, two parties etc.. But as adults we know better.

Congratulations are in order!!!!

We celebrated Darcy's 30th birthday on Friday over at his house. For those who do not know who he is, he is my sister's boyfriend. We had a really nice dinner and when it was time to blow out the candles, Darcy asked my sister to make a wish with him. She thought that it was a bit weird, but after being dragged by the arm, she helped him. As the lights came back on, Darcy was on one knee. At that moment he asked my sister, Mary, to marry him. Of course she said yes!! It was so awesome!! She started crying. She couldn't believe that he had asked. My dad was glowing!! I got the whole thing on camera. The pictures look awesome. I hope Darcy sends some over so I can display them for all to see. And the ring. By golly the ring is beautiful. It was exactly what she has always wanted. He did good!! ;-)

Congratulations Mary and Darcy!!
Can't wait for the big day. Something that, of course, still needs to be discussed.

The snow is falling, is falling, is falling!

Well, unlike most of the rest of Canada, today marks the first official snow fall for the GTA. It looks so beautiful and it is so cold.

Yesterday, my dad and I finished hanging the lights outside of the house and then had our first use of the fire place this season. The snow just adds to the beginnings of the Christmas season.

The one thing I do not like about snow though, is the slippery roads and accidents. I was out for close to 2 hours today and not only did I have to steer out of hitting a car, I also did a 360, thankfully on a road less traveled. No cars in site and I was doing 30km if that. I must have hit some black ice or something. But after landing on the other side of the street and up the curb, I restarted my car, and continued along the road even more cautiously. Sometimes it really doesn't matter how cautious you are!! Mississauga is usually very good when it comes to cleaning streets and getting the salt trucks out, but this morning I only saw one salt truck. Thankfully, I am home and safe and about to give my son some lunch.

So, to everyone one who has to drive in this mess, be safe and if you can, stay home and off the roads.

Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.

Dr. Seuss

The full acting out of the self's surrender to God therefore demands pain: this action, to be perfect, must be done from the pure will to obey, in the absence, or in the teeth, of inclination.

C.S. Lewis

Happy Birthday times three!!!

Although it is both my mother's and my niece's birthday today (Happy Birthday to you both, I love you!!), I got a 'birthday' present too. Not only was I approved for my school loan but the school called and after reviewing my college transcript, they have decided to grant me 45 advanced credits. This means that basically the 15 elective courses that I thought I would be taking, I no longer have to take. Which then means that I don't have to go to school for as long as I thought. Possibly two years less. Which also means that I won't be in as much debt as I once thought. I knew God was going to come through. There are truly no words to describe how He takes care of me. I so know that I deserve none of this and yet He continues to come through and constantly provides for me. And thank you for any and all who prayed on my behalf. I know He answers prayers. He continuously proves that over and over in my life.

Silly girl talk. ;-)

Tonight I went to see 'Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason' with Melissa. It was quite enjoyable. I do however like the first one better. Which is usually the case when Hollywood decides to create sequels. But, truthfully I would pay over and over to see Colin Firth on the screen. I don't know but this guy really does it for me. I think he is like in his forties but man he is just awesome. Too bad he's married. :-) Maybe it's the accent. :-) But seriously, he really has this charm in the characters he plays that gets me every time. Hugh Grant has the same sort of thing but Colin beats Hugh tenfold.

I know this is silly teen talk! It's fun! Mmmmm Colin. :-) lol

The weekend.

I had a pretty interesting weekend. I would say that it all started on Friday when I had lost my S.I.N. card. I had been looking for it for days and realized that I just wasn't going to find it. So on Friday I went to the HRDC to obtain a temporary card. (not really a temp card, more of an official receipt to use until I receive my new card) Anyway, I was sitting in the waiting area and a guy beside me started talking to me. His name was Wayne and he was from Vietnam. He had only been in the country for 2 days. He is here mostly because of his brother. During our conversation the woman on the opposite side of me started conversing with us as well. Her name was Asme and she was from Morocco. She has been in the country for 3yrs. She originally came to visit her sister and ended up finding and marrying her husband. Anyway, it was just so nice to talk to two total strangers. We ended up exchanging email addresses and maybe some day we will meet up again.

After I was finished at the HRDC, I had to head over to a financial aid office. It didn't matter which one, so I went to the closest one to my house, which was at Sheridan College. While talking with the receptionist I saw Julian. He is the guy I went rafting with. I haven't really seen him in awhile and we chatted it up. It was really great seeing him. We talked about a new love interest in his life and how he wishes he could stay on cloud 9, his schooling, my schooling, what I'm doing now etc...

Later in the day I went Christmas shopping with my mom. I got some big gifts out of the way. And I really got into the Christmas spirit.

On Saturday, I took my parents to see 'Hairspray the Musical'. It turned out being really good. My parents enjoyed themselves immensely. That is all that mattered to me. After the show we went out for a nice dinner at Canyon Creek. We had never been to that restaurant and I had heard great things about it. I had pasta but after tasting my dad's steak, I regretted choosing it. Overall, great day.

On Sunday, today, I was still in the Christmas spirit. And after having an awesome sleep I put up the Christmas tree and decorated the banister with garland and red bows. It looks great. Tomorrow I plan to place the lights along the banister and decorate the tree. My sister and Darcy came over for dinner too. It is so nice to have family over. I don't know what I would do without family.

Excitement with Fear!

On Monday I got accepted into the Christian Counseling program at the Christian College. It was both exciting and scary. I find it funny how easily fear creeps into a situation. I have been looking forward to this since God showed me back in August. Now, as of January, I will be a student. This is exciting. Then I was afraid that because I had just switched jobs, the current one might change their mind because in less then two months my availability will be drastically reduced. But when I told them on Tuesday, all she said was 'I am glad that you were honest with me' and she continued to schedule my training hours and such. That was a relief.

The only other fear I have right now is the financial situation that I am in. Because I switched jobs, no real money will come in until I am actually on the floor. This has set me back a little bit. And I am going to have to take out a loan. Something which doesn't sound that bad, maybe to you, but, I already have financial constraints and to add to it would be crazy. I know God can do anything and it is His will that I go to school. I know that, I just have to trust that He will get me through.

Tuesday night's cell group was pretty good. Because we haven't been able to get together in the past two weeks, we basically talked about what has been happening in our lives. We prayed for one another and read from the bible. I think it is awesome that we can be so honest and upfront with our thoughts and emotions and no one criticizes. Actually on Tuesday, a new girl joined our group, Samira. I got a chance to get to know her a little because of the openness in the group and also because I drove her home. She is actually from Afghanistan and she is the only one in her family who is saved. She moved to Canada a few years ago and she finds it amazing how much God has impacted her life.

Everyone if you could please pray for Samira's family.

Great Big Sea!

So, my good friend Nadine calls me last night at around 6:30pm. She asks me if I have anything planned this evening. I tell her no. (I was actually already showered and in my pjs) She then says how about meeting me downtown, because I have tickets to the Great Big Sea concert tonight. Now, Nadine is a security guard for concert venues and she got me two tickets to the concert, which was going on at 8pm last night. She was so awesome to think of me. I love Great Big Sea. When I got down there, she was security for the dressing rooms. I wasn't lucky enough to get V.I.P. passes but the concert was totally awesome.

There is just something about Newfies and partying. The crowd was cool too. They sang in unison to so many of their songs. And when Alan Doyle and the rest of the band sing a cappella it totally blows your mind. They are so in sync it's amazing. They are totally gifted and talented musicians and luckily I have been fortunate enough to go to two of their concerts, both I must add, I got in for free.

And to top it off, the concert was being filmed for a special viewing on the internet. It will be aired again on sympatico msn in December. The camera came around my area a few times. I will have to see if I actually got on t.v.. :-) I recommend everyone to check out this concert. You will not be disappointed, I guarantee it. My niece, Jessica, who is into hard rock came with me and she enjoyed the concert immensely. :-)

A Poem for Remembrance Day

Wooden Crosses
Originally uploaded by angeler.

"The inquisitive mind of a child"

Why are they selling poppies, Mummy?
Selling poppies in town today.
The poppies, child, are flowers of love.
For the men who marched away.

But why have they chosen a poppy, Mummy?
Why not a beautiful rose?
Because my child, men fought and died
In the fields where the poppies grow.

But why are the poppies so red, Mummy?
Why are the poppies so red?
Red is the colour of blood, my child.
The blood that our soldiers shed.

The heart of the poppy is black, Mummy.
Why does it have to be black?
Black, my child, is the symbol of grief.
For the men who never came back.

But why, Mummy are you crying so?
Your tears are giving you pain.
My tears are my fears for you my child.
For the world is forgetting again.

Author Unknown

Random Thoughts

I don't know why but I love the new Air Canada commercial. I love how they put windows in front of the world. And the ending is awesome, people rowing and taking off into the air. It also helps that I really like the song.

It is so crazy how voicing your opinion can get so many people riled up. I have not until yesterday, voiced my opinion about the election in the States. I don't have the same view point as most of my friends and collegues. I am glad Bush won. That is not to say that I like him but I have my reasons for preferring Bush over Kerry. Call me names, hate me, but that is my opinion. One good friend of mine without even hearing my side said 'There has to be something wrong mentally if you want. Bush' Ok, so now I'm mentally ill. :-) Whatever. I am sure that most of the people who read this blog will disagree with me too. And that is fine, my opinion is still the same and yours is too. We probably both have valid points and before we argue lets just agree to disagree. After, my friend blew up at me, I told him to hear me out. Although he said I had valid issues with Kerry and my reasoning for choosing Bush he understood and in the end we decided to agree to disagree. We are still friends. ;-)

On another note, I am getting a reference letter from the current church I am attending. My cell group leader is going to write it and get a pastor to sign it as well. I really hope that the college will except this. If not I will have to go into detail my situation and hope for the best.

I quit my job last week and Friday, tomorrow, is my last day. I am so glad. I feel a great weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Of course I panicked after I did it because I did not have another job to go to, but I knew for my heart and soul, it needed to be done. On Monday I got a job. Someone is watching over me. :-)

How crazy is this?

Back in August I felt God really pressing me. I started to make my way toward Him after letting go of some things that needed to be cleaned. He showed me something. I know it was Him, it was so real, it was so right, and it was so certain. One of the things He showed me was that I was to be a counselor. It made so much sense. He showed me how I had helped people in the past and how I will help people in the future. Somehow I ended up at a Christian College website and found out that I could get a bachelors degree in Christian counseling. Its funny because I remember awhile ago, being on that site and seeing no such thing. Apparently they have had that degree from the time when they opened. So, my conclusion was that God blinded me to it until I was ready to see it and move forward. Make sense?

Anyway, I went for orientation. I had an interview with the Admissions department and the only thing left for me to do was actually get all the paperwork in order and submit them. I don't know why but it seems as though this is the hardest thing for me to do. All I have to do is fill out the application, have a written testimony, and have two reference letters-one from a pastor and a personal one. So, the first two are not hard. I figured the last two can't be that hard either. Wrong!! I asked someone well respected that I have known for awhile if he would write me a personal reference letter. He said he was honoured to do it. I have bugged him for weeks for it. The last time I talked to him he said all he needed to do was transfer it to the computer for a good copy. That was last week. I still don't have it. And the pastor letter is impossible to get. I asked my last pastor and he won't write one because he says its against his understanding of the bible. He says we are to learn all things from the Spirit, and there is no need to go to school to learn from God. So, I asked my uncle's pastor. I have attended his church on and off before and after I had become Christian. I didn't get any sort of response from him, so after waiting almost a month I finally decided to call my uncle so he could ask him personally. I just got an email from him and he says he feels uncomfortable writing me a reference because he didn't agree with my last pastor about biblical teachings. The church I go to now, said they don't feel comfortable writing a letter either because they don't know me personally. I had been going to that church off/on for four years and have now made it my home church. And how is a pastor suppose to know all his members personally, especially in a big church? The only thing they said they would do is get my bible study leader to write a letter and they would sign it as well. I am not sure this is what the college is expecting seeing as they want a letter from an ordained pastor.

I was starting to get discouraged and was second guessing if what I heard was from God when my friend Laura said that when it seems as though it will never happen and things don't fall into place as you expect, usually that is a confirmation that it is from God. It's like He wants me to trust in Him for it to happen and for me to not worry because if it is His will it will be done. It made sense when she spoke but sometimes I feel as though it is never going to happen.

As I read my uncle's pastor's letter I felt like crying. Nothing is falling into place. Nothing is moving forward, regarding this situation. It is basically November and school starts in January. Time is ticking. Please put me in your prayers. And Lord God Almighty, let your will be done.

What's wrong with this picture?

Someone brought up the topic of the New World Order. I didn't know much about it so I started researching it. I wanted to be educated on the subject, besides, it is pretty fascinating. Not in a good sense, more so in an open your eyes kind of sense. Everyone seems to be afraid to talk about it. For me, I find the research so intriguing that I can't put the 'papers' down. I say 'papers' because most of it is internet research.

But, wow, how can we live and have the bible and not be educated on this subject. I went into a known Christian book store because I wanted to get some books on the subject. I assumed they would be in the Spiritual Warfare section. Maybe I was wrong but I figured to me that made the most logical sense. So, anyway, as I was saying, I asked the lady who worked there where the Spiritual Warfare section was because I seemed to have missed it every time I went down the isles. Do you know what she said? This totally blows me. She says 'What is that? Is that music?' How can we as Christians live in both a spiritual/earthly realm and have no clue as to what Spiritual Warfare is? Seriously, I couldn't help but laugh and say 'I will keep looking'. Thankfully another lady who worked there knew what I was talking about and directed me to the appropriate section, which was only two measly shelves. How are we to be prepared to fight the enemy when we are too afraid to even talk or read about it? Too many are too afraid to talk about hell. Why? Isn't that one thing that Jesus didn't stop talking about?

I am really tired of going to all these churches and getting a fluffy version of the bible. I don't want a people friendly version. I want the truth. The cold hard truth. How else am I too be corrected and be transformed into the likeness of Christ.

Really is that too much to ask?

Thank you for the encouragement!

Thank you both for your comments. I was starting to write too much in the comments section so I figured I should post on it instead.

I actually posted up some letters on Wednesday seeking donations for clothing at work. It seems to be striking some people. Over the next few weeks I will keep everyone posted as to how it all unfolds. I am willing to do it by myself if no one offers to help, but some have already offered themselves. It really is great to be doing this. It's funny because the people at the cell group really disagreed with me on doing this, this way. We came to an agreement that we all had our own opinions and we left it at that. I feel great about doing this (I think I said this already :-)). I too saw it as you do Scott. I am glad that you are doing this at your church. Too many churches talk, not a lot actually do. So keep it up! :-)

Giving to the homeless in Toronto.

We had a very casual meeting at cell group tonight. We hung out at Second Cup and just got to know each other a bit better. One question that popped up was 'If you could do/be anything what would it be?' So we went around the round table one by one discussing it.

My response was to be the best mom to my children that I could be. I also have thought about this for awhile - I would love to open up a summer/weekend camp for kids. I would love for it to be free for those children who are less fortunate. I want them to gain an intimate relationship with Jesus by getting to know him through all the love, kindness and generousity that I want to pour out onto them. I have no clue if this would be possible. A free camp! But it was an exercise of what you would do if you could do anything. That is what I would do.

I have also learned that my niece Alyssa went downtown Toronto last week with her teacher and three other students. They prepared sandwiches and for over an hour handed them out to homeless people. That has been pressing on my heart as well. I want to do that. I want to go downtown and just give to those who need it. I think I am going to ask a few people if they would join me and we can go hand out some food and some warm clothes that we have at home that we don't use and just give, give, give.

The people in the cell group didn't think it was wise. They think that I should join an organization that 'specializes' in this kind of work and do it through them. They said it could be unsafe to do it any other way. I don't agree. I believe I don't need an organization, Jesus didn't have an organization, He just poured His love on the people. That is what I want to do. I am going to ask at work for some donations of warm clothes and maybe do this, this weekend. It is getting cold outside and this would be the time to do it.

What do you guys think of this? Am I crazy? Do I need to join an organization? I am being silly and not wise?

Untitled

I have been feeling God pressing on my heart. Probably more than I have ever felt Him before. I don't know why, but I think it all started when He revealed to me something I was 'holding' on too. Once I let it go, things have been what feels like fast forward. It's so funny because I prayed for so long for things to start happening, and I knew that it would, in His time. The thing is, I have been praying for about for four years and not until the end of August did things actually start happening. I couldn't say that at this moment you would see a lot of physical stuff happening but man He is seriously working inside. I feel Him 'digging' all the time. I have never heard God so clearly and the things that He has to say are overwhelming, scary but amazing. And I find it hard because like I said before, why me?

I have only discussed what has been going on in depth with one other person. She just thinks it is totally awesome and finds the whole thing to be great. But it's not happening to her. I am not saying it is bad, because it is the furthest thing from it but to have God respond to you the way He has responded to me, not even responded, just is. His time, His plan, His purpose. Trust, Trust, Trust!!!

I briefly told two others only just this week. They don't even know the half of it but I wanted some advice, not even advice, moreso wisdom on what has been going on. I was directed to some scriptures on the subject and was told of other peoples experiences in the same thing. I'm grateful for it and just discussing it has led me to a greater understanding of what He has been saying/doing.

I have been reading the bible more and trying to dig into it. I had to read Jonah to figure out why I would first think of him and now I am reading Jeremiah to see what He will reveal to me through this book. I know I do not need to know everything about what is going on and I know God will reveal things as they are needed. Like I said before, I just need to trust in Him and continue to open myself up to Him. Keep working Lord, Holy Spirit keep stirring my heart, you are free to use me as you wish, I just pray you give me the strength and the courage to continue to walk...

Matthew turns 4!

My little boy isn't so little any more, he turned four today. It is so hard to be in a split home. I am sure it is even harder on him then it is on me, but when it comes to birthday's he gets two. This afternoon Matthew had a party at his daddy's house and this evening he had a party at mommy's. He got double the presents, two cakes, two big meals, twice the amount of family. He definitely had a great birthday this year. He was so excited to turn four. And when he saw his presents he was in his glory.

Not only did he turn four this year, he also started kindergarten. He really is growing up way too fast. Time flys, they say, when you are having fun. But I don't want it to fly, I want it to stay put or at least slow down a bit. Is that too much to ask? :-)

Christopher Reeve dies at 52

Christopher Reeve dies at 52
Originally uploaded by angeler.

JIM FITZGERALD
ASSOCIATED PRESS

MOUNT KISCO, N.Y. -- Actor Christopher Reeve, who soared through the air and leapt tall buildings as Superman, turned personal tragedy into a public crusade, becoming one of the world's most recognizable spokesperson for spinal cord research --from a wheelchair.

Reeve went into cardiac arrest yesterday while at his Pound Ridge home, then fell into a coma and died today at a hospital surrounded by his family, his publicist said. He was 52. Read the whole story here.

I like it!!

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.

Herm Albright

Baptism Part 1

Statement of faith.
Originally uploaded by angeler.

Baptism Part 2

Being Immersed.
Originally uploaded by angeler.

Baptism Part 3

A changed life.
Originally uploaded by angeler.

My first cell group.

On Tuesday night I went to my first cell group. There were only three of us there but it was quite an interesting evening. We did a number of things but one thing we did really hit my heart. We put on some soaking music and we sat quietly for 20mins asking the Lord to tell us who we are? What is our identity? We had gone over some interesting topics including Moses-the Lord had been speaking to Laura about Moses and who he was. And we talked about the movie 'The Bourne Identity'. In case you didn't know, it was about a man named Jason Bourne. He woke up one morning on a boat not having a clue as to who he was. All through out the movie he is trying to piece together who he really is. In real life we all seem to do that. At some point or at many points in our life we come to a road and we ask ourselves, who am I?. So this exercise that we did was to ask God who He thinks we are.

I found it both interesting and very scary, that is, His answers. I second guessed what I was hearing and I sometimes said no Lord that is not me. I find that funny, me trying to tell God that is not me. Hello!!! :-) In some ways I want to share what He said but I feel the need to keep it to myself. I did share some of it with Laura and Eleanor though. In some ways I fear that I will end up like Jonah and run away from what God wants me to be, and I am also afraid that I will end up like Jeremiah-nobody listened to him. I know God used both men but I am just me. Why would He want to use little old me? They probably said the same thing too, eh?

Wow, what an encounter!!

This weekend I went on an encounter. One to refocus my life on God and to be renewed. Wow, what a weekend. There are so many things that happened this weekend I don't even have a clue how to say or even start to say them.

I knew I would come out of the weekend changed but wow......

Where to start, where to start.. Ok, on Saturday we had a twenty minute break so I decided to spend some alone time with God. I went over to some picnic benches, was enjoying the beautiful day with the leaves falling off the trees all around me. I opened my bible to read over some passages that were talked about just previously and all of a sudden a wind comes and turns the pages of my bible. Now you would think, so?! But it isn't so, it's like this: It turned to a page that I was dealing with in my heart, the exact page that I really really really needed to read. And once I read and accepted the answer my bible pages started turning again, this time to something else I have been really thinking about. I read about immersion baptism and how important it was. I felt a conviction on my heart and I knew it was time. I looked over my shoulder and the perfect place was there. The outdoor pool. I have always wanted to be baptized outside and now it was time. I went to my leader and said 'Is there an ordained pastor here, I need to get baptized right now' she said 'Yes, I will go and speak to them' she came back and told me that because the day was so busy that tomorrow they would definitely do it'. I was a little disappointed but I figured I had waited this long, what is one more day. Then, not even an hour later the speaker made an annoucement and said that they would be baptizing anyone interested at 3pm today. My heart was rejoicing. I can not tell you how excited I was to finally be doing this. This was awesome. So 3pm rolls around and now I have huge knots in my stomach, I feel like I am going to have a heart attack, I feel the Spirit pressing on me and I walk into the pool. It was absolutely the best feeling in the world when I sunk in the pool but moreso when I came back up. Awesome!!!!!!!! Three others were baptized that day. And somehow we all formed a bond. Jay, one of the ones who were baptized had a friend take pictures of us. He said he was going to email them, so as soon as I get them they will be posted for the world to see. :-)

That same afternoon and evening the Spirit showed me things in my heart that I had been holding on to. Things that have been holding me back and things that have had a grip on me for so long. Things I didn't even know was there. It was amazing. He did wondrous, awesome things in me. I let go of so many demons in me and cast them to hell. The Holy Spirit filled me with such peace. My heart was burning all night. Today He continued to burn my heart. He was working overtime in me. I don't know all of the things that He healed me of, but maybe I don't need to know it all.

We went through a fire tunnel today. I don't know if any of you know what that is but it is where the elders stand face to face and you walk through them as they lay hands on you and pray for you. It truly is an awesome thing. I went through the tunnel twice. God's presence was so there. I wanted to stay in His presence forever. I am still in His presence and I don't want it to ever end.

An elder named Mel prophesied over me. I have never been prophesied over. It was both amazing and scary. I trembled and I cried. I accepted and I over came the fear. Something which normally never happens. But I know that God the Spirit took my fears away and I am ready to face what it is that I was born to do.

Awesome, awesome, awesome, amazing, wondrous, glorious, precious, merciful, giving, loving, Father I have. I knew it in my head, but now I know it in my heart!!! Father thank you so much for pressing this weekend on my heart.

Focus, focus, focus.

Well, I just finished packing. Where am I going you may ask? Actually, I finally decided it was time to go on a Christian retreat. I have been wanting to go to this particular one for almost a year now. Fear seems to get the best of me, but when God revealed some things to me and such I realized that I had to live up to my end of the bargain, hence getting things in order for school and refocusing my attention on the Almighty One. I have felt in my heart that it was time to get back on track for a while now but never really bothered with any steps to get it going. Meeting with Laura helped me realize that God is there for me. God cares and loves me deeply. I know this in my head but my heart seems to not want to except it most days. This is what this retreat is about. I really hope God does great things in my heart this weekend. Anyone out there that would like to pray for me? I would love that.

Jeff Foxworthy on Ontario

This was too funny not to post. If you are from Ontario you will have no choice but to laugh. But I am sure that other provinces can relate just the same. I can relate to more of these than I would have thought. :-)

LIVING IN ONTARIO

Jeff Foxworthy on Ontario:

If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 36 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by, you might live in Ontario.

If you're proud that your region makes the national news 96 nights each year because Wawa is the coldest spot in the nation, you might live in Ontario.

If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September through May, you might live in Ontario

If you instinctively walk like a penguin for six months out of the year, you might live in Ontario.

If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, you might live in Ontario.

If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you might live in Ontario.

If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you might live in Ontario.

YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TRUE Ontarian when:
1. "Vacation" means going South past London for the weekend.
2. You measure distance in hours.
3. You know several people who have hit a deer more than once.
4. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again.
5. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching
6. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
7. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
8. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction.
9. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your blue spruce.
10. Down South to you means London .
11. Your 1st. of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.
12. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
13. You find 0 degrees "a little chilly."

Really great day.

Just got in from a date with Melissa. Not a real date, silly! :-) I had a really good time. We went to see 'Wimbleton' and then went for coffee. We had a really good conversation that I wish could have lasted longer, but if you notice the time, it was getting pretty late. I really hope we can do this again really soon.

I also went to the admissions department at the college that I hope to attend in January. It's looking very real now. And I am getting pretty excited. I am still waiting on a few people to get back to me for reference letters and such but if it's God's will everything will come into order. I guess I am just a bit anxious to start the proceedings. It looks like it is definitely going to be fun. Hard work, but really cool. I will be taking a lot of Theology and Psychology courses. Did I say I can't wait yet? 'Cause I can't. In the end I will wind up with a Bachelors in Christian Counseling degree.

And I meet with someone from a youth group today. We actually never met before and after talking on the phone once, decided to meet for dinner. We had a very indepth, intimate conversation about our salvation and such. It was awesome. We really connected. This weekend I will be going on an encounter weekend with her.

I think I am finally coming out of my shell. Baby steps, but important ones. I have been wanting to go on an encounter for about a year now and never gotten up the courage to go. Here I am, finally going. Laura, the woman I met for dinner, is head of a bible study group. They actually call them cell groups and I will be attending a meeting too. Something I have also been afraid of doing. It really feels good to finally be going in the right direction and not being so afraid. Letting God take away my fear is really awesome.

Anyway, it's late I really need to get some sleep. So g'nite y'all.

The flea market.

Today I went to the flea market. I haven't gone in what feels like years but when my parents invited me along, I just had to go. I spent way more money then I was hoping but I got this really cool sword set. I have said before about my fascination with Samurai, well today I saw these really, really neat Samurai swords. It came in a set of three. Their handles had a dragons head on it and when you took the swords out of the sleeve there was a carving of a dragon on the blade. The symbol for dragon which looks sort of like the mathematical number of pie, was also engraved on the blade. I was born in the year of the dragon. I have always wanted to collect swords. So, today I started my collection. It really is bad because sword collecting can be very costly. But I don't really buy things for myself except movies, so I don't feel too guilty for doing it. :-)

I also bought Skye a charm bracelet and two charms. I couldn't really find anything for Matthew though. He didn't seem to mind. But when you buy for one and not the other, you feel bad.

I can't stop taking the swords out of their sleeve. They really are very cool. Now I just have to find a high enough place to display them so the little kiddies won't touch them. They are pretty fascinated with them too.

My parents got some really good deals too. They bought two huge pictures for the living room/dining room for only $225. In stores they would run you up to $400 and they go perfectly with the rooms. My mom also finally got a canister set for the kitchen. She has been looking for a really nice one for awhile now, and she finally got one. My aunt and uncle bought Toronto Maple Leaf track suits 2 for $50. They talked the guy down. In regular stores they would run you up to at least $80-100 or more. My brother got one too.

All in all it was a good day: too much buying, too much stuff, but really good deals that we couldn't pass up. We didn't even get through the whole flea market either. Oh, no we'll have to go on another trip!!! :-)

A perfect love.

if we are waiting for anyone other than God to complete us it'll never happen. no one can love us enough... we and they may think or hope it'll happen but it won't. if we are waiting for a perfect love... there is only One and we already have it. we can't lay our need for fulfillment at another's feet because no one will ever be able to completely fill our need but God. we will never be perfect enough for anyone to love us so completely as God does. we may love others and we may be loved by others but only God loves us so completely as to allow us the freedom to know utter joy solely in our relationship with Him. God created us to need fellowship with others but He created us with a deep need for Him and until we realize that, believe it and accept it that only He completes us we will long for someone to complete us and be left wanting... i have Him, i know He completes me and yet i want more of Him... at times my longing for Him is like a sweet agony... He fills me up and my heart is bursting with joy...
teri

This really got me. I know it is the truth and I have known it for a long time. Now, I just have to start believing it.

To love.

To love is nothing,
To be loved is something,
But to love and be loved is everything.

A double blind date.

So, I went on a date last night. It was a double blind date. It was a bit weird. I've never been on a double date. I have however been on a blind date and that ended up being a 2yr relationship.

We went to Jack Astor's for some drinks so we could talk and get to know one another. Jaime and I couldn't wait til it was over. There wasn't any connection there for either of us. It was funny but we both thought that we were there with our sister's boyfriends. They were a little bit older than us but we felt like they were even older than that. I don't really know how to explain it. They seemed so much older and they acted like they were younger. Ok, I'm confusing myself now. I know what I am saying I just don't know how to put it to words.

Anyway, I finally cleaned my car. It has been so dirty from our camping trips and the like. I really didn't feel like cleaning it but once my mom started washing/vacuuming her car, I just had to do it. So, now it looks like new. Except when you wash it yourself, you notice all these scratches and ticks that you didn't realize you had. It's rather annoying.

The first few days of school.

Matthew's first day of Junior Kindergarten was on Monday. It's funny because you don't want your kids to cry and make a fuss about leaving mommy but when they don't you are so sad. All Matthew wanted me to do was walk him to the door. Parents are not allowed to do that, we are only allowed to drop them off at the gate to the playground. I think that because the teacher was there to take his hand and talk to him about painting, he was fine. I am glad he was fine. But this morning he didn't want to leave my side. He followed me around the whole gated area and stayed with me until the teacher brought them all inside. It actually bothered me more today than it did on Monday. I almost cried today. I almost did on Monday but it took so much more to hold 'em back. I know it will get easier for both of us.

And yesterday my brother went to pick up Skye from school and got lost. He left the house at 3:10pm and the school called at 3:50pm wondering where we were. Jessica and I rushed out the door, picked up Skye, explained to the principal what was suppose to happen today and then rushed out to look for Harry. It really was scary.

Although my brother is 31, his brain does not function like a 31 yr old. Because there was complications during the pregnancy and he was 3mos early he is mentally slow. He does carry a normal conversation and he knows direction if showed a bunch of times. Some of my friends have asked me if we are sure he is slow. He can tell you any facts or figures of sports from any year. But for him to get lost is terrifying. So we went up and down streets and finally at 4:20pm we found him. I think instead of crossing the street he turned left. And threw off his sense of direction. So for the next couple of weeks we will be walking together again until he really gets it down packed. The only real reason I want him to know how to get to her school was in case of emergency and if I am running late at school/work. Also, he feels really good about having responsibility. He'll get it, I just have to change the way I've been teaching him.

This past weekend.

This weekend has been very tiring for me. I worked too many hours but made a good amount of money. And today was our baseball playoffs(we lost because of a very controversial call by the other team). So I didn't get any rest on my day off. :-( I actually just got in 'cause after the game, the team went back to BP and grabbed a bite and drink. Played some pool and foosball. Brought me back to the college years. Oh, the memories. :-)

I hit a car on the way out of the parking lot at work on Friday night. So most of the money that I made will probably go into his car. There wasn't very much damage seeing as I was only doing 20kms if that. But because it is his mom's car, who knows what will happen. He hasn't gotten back to me yet.

Last night, even though I was exhausted and my feet were burning, my friends and I went Country Line Dancing at Nashville North. It was so much fun. We didn't really know how too but trying to learn was a lot of fun. And after 1am they had regular club music on. So we had the best of both worlds.

Tonight I am just going to chill on the couch. Stay off my feet and get some rest.

Collateral.

Went out with Melissa last night. I haven't seen her since our rafting trip. It was so great to chat with her. I had lots of fun. We also saw 'Collateral' starring Tom Cruise. I heard a lot of mixed reviews about it. I do think Tom Cruise is very talented but this movie didn't do anything for me. Melissa enjoyed it, but I guess because I am a movie freak :-) I analyzed it to death. There were just way too many holes in the story and it was too unbelievably stupid. The acting especially by Jada Pinkett Smith impressed me. I have never really been fond of her but in this movie she showed me something she hasn't before, which is her talent. That was harsh but I am just being honest here. If you are just going to see it because you like action/drama type movies then I guess you'll enjoy it like Melissa did. But she did say that after I had mentioned all the things that bothered me about it, she couldn't help but agree with me. Like I said the acting was good but that was about it. Had potential, had the budget but like always Hollywood looked over way too many things.

First day of school jitters.

Skye's first day back to school was today. This year she went to a new school and when we arrived, even last night, she was so nervous. I can recall the first day of school. Every year I would get major butterflies in my stomach and not want to go. Of course I went and everything was fine. When I finally left her in her classroom she had this terrified look on her face. I was anxious to know how her day panned out. She made some new friends (as I knew she would) and she likes her teacher. Hopefully this is a good start to her grade five experience.

Matthew has his first meeting with his teacher on Thursday morning. Monday is the day that he officially starts junior kindergarten. I really hope he will be ok. I really hope I'm ok.

They really are growing up too too fast. Where does the time go?

You are beautiful.

"...God tells you he loves you with abandon and you don’t believe him. Because you can’t. You know your own depravity but you can’t admit to yourself your own worth. You can’t tell yourself you are beautiful, you are talented, you are special; because it hurts inside, it feels dirty to tell yourself such blasphemy. It seems wrong.

And God watches you and I know he must cry. He longs to love you completely, sensuously, with abandon but you don’t get it. You may understand it, believe it, but you don’t get it. I don’t get it."

Taken from Fallen Saints Part 4 at Scott's site. A lot of what he has been writing about touches home. Probably for most of us even if we try to deny it.

Our last camping trip of the season!

We are back from our camping trip. The last one of the year. We trekked up to Grundy Lake Provincial Park - which is actually only about 40mins north of Parry Sound. It was a beautiful park. We went on two trails. One was the Beaver Dam Trail which was 4kms long. We did not see any beaver dams or beavers but we did see some frogs and turtles. It was a bit too long for Matthew. But he survived it. Although Skye and my ears were hurting a bit from the whining. :-) The other trail was the Swan Lake Trail. The park actually has two swans visit them every summer. We didn't get lucky enough to see them though. This trail was only 1.5kms long, so Matthew was happy. The beach was beautiful. And they had a raft that you could swim too. Which made swimming a lot more fun for all of us. On the second day Matthew finally jumped off the raft. He was too afraid on Friday. But after I threw him in he was too excited not to jump off. He was more excited that he could swim and stay above the water. (He thought he would drown even though he wore a life jacket. :-) But he is over the fear and happy to jump in the water. Although we had a good time, we were all happy to see the Welcome to Toronto sign. I think we are all camped out. Luckily we don't have to think about camping until next season. For now it's books and school.

Going away really clears your head sometimes. Looking up at the big cluster of stars and smelling the wood on fire really does something to me. I love it. And I couldn't help but clear up some thoughts that were clouding my head. I do know that I write sometimes in this blog without first thinking it through and jump to conclusions, sometimes more then once. I wish I could erase the last few entries because most of the thoughts were jumbled but what is the point now seeing as they have been up for a week and most likely everyone has seen them. God and I spent some time together. It's really great when He takes away some of the clouds. Things really are looking a bit clearer and I am ready to take the next step that He has shown me. It's funny because at first I was excited and then fear took hold, like always, and now I am going to push through the fear. I am ready to step out into the unknown, I am still afraid but so was Moses when we approached the Pharoah. And what He has shown me isn't half as scary.

Oh, and pictures will be up shortly.

Happy Birthday Skye!!

Today at exactly 4:20pm Skye was born ten years ago. I can not believe that ten years have flown by. It seems like only yesterday I was teaching her the alphabet. We (as in Skye, Matthew and I) watched the video of her birth this morning. It brought back so many memories of Shawn, Skye and I. It was both exciting and a little bit sad for both of us. Matthew was a little upset because I don't have a video of his birth. Try explaining why to a three year old. :-) Anyway, Skye just left. She is having lunch with her father before he heads to work. My sister and family are coming over today for a bbq, cake and of course presents. Skye hasn't stopped bugging since she found out I already had her presents. She did really well this year.

Tonight is going to be busy. Not only are we having birthday celebrations but tomorrow we are going camping. So, tonight we must pack and get ready for it. The kids are excited, so am I. We are going approximately one hour from Parry Sound. So, it will take us close to 4hrs to get to our destination. Long drive with two kids, but well worth it.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SKYE!!!