I had my first class today. It was Old Testament Survey: Pentateuch. Before I had entered the school to find out where I was suppose to go, I had this overwhelming pain in the pit of my stomach. It actually started on the drive over. I wasn't completely sure if it was going to go away. I haven't been in school since 1998 and I was a bit afraid of my brain being on brain freeze for so long that I maybe wasn't capable of jumping back into learning mode. I know that this thinking is silly but I still had the pain.
As soon as I walked into class and sat down, it started to go away. Praying beforehand was probably the biggest help but looking around and seeing that I wasn't the only person just out of high school attending this class was also a relief. I don't know why I get a little nervous when starting something new. I guess I am a bit insecure. That is the only thing I can come up with for caring about these things that really don't matter. I know I am answering God's call on my life or at least starting too, and that is all that should matter. So, why do I always let fear enter in?
After class I was getting together with a friend and I told her I would be right over. She said that I would probably start talking with some people and that she is expecting me later. I told her that couldn't happen. She said 'They are Christian, it is different. You will talk to people.' I told her that just because they are Christians doesn't mean they are going to be welcoming or that it would be any different than any other university out there. I find it sad that I actually not only thought it but said it aloud. In the end she was right and before the class had even started I had already talked with five people. One of the girls I talked with has 4 classes with me.
I really enjoyed class immensely. I know it is only the first day but I realize that this is what I have been waiting for and now it is finally here. I felt God's presence in the classroom, I felt Him pressing my heart. I am so interested in digging into the bible and getting to know Him so much more. And the fear that I felt is gone. I am looking forward to school tomorrow. I never thought I'd see the day that those words would come out of my mouth(fingers).
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2 comments:
wow. i think it's great that you're back in class. i remember reading months ago how you wanted to go. i have a small niggling to do the same, but being the oldest student in the class sort of weirds me out!
all the best!
Thanks Lori! I know I'm one to talk but I've realized that we shouldn't let fears dictate our life. If God is nudging you to go back to school then you should push through the fear of being the oldest one. If I didn't continue to walk even though I was afraid, I wouldn't be going in the path God set out for me. And most likely you won't be the oldest in the class anyway. :-)
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