The full acting out of the self's surrender to God therefore demands pain: this action, to be perfect, must be done from the pure will to obey, in the absence, or in the teeth, of inclination.

C.S. Lewis

Happy Birthday times three!!!

Although it is both my mother's and my niece's birthday today (Happy Birthday to you both, I love you!!), I got a 'birthday' present too. Not only was I approved for my school loan but the school called and after reviewing my college transcript, they have decided to grant me 45 advanced credits. This means that basically the 15 elective courses that I thought I would be taking, I no longer have to take. Which then means that I don't have to go to school for as long as I thought. Possibly two years less. Which also means that I won't be in as much debt as I once thought. I knew God was going to come through. There are truly no words to describe how He takes care of me. I so know that I deserve none of this and yet He continues to come through and constantly provides for me. And thank you for any and all who prayed on my behalf. I know He answers prayers. He continuously proves that over and over in my life.

Silly girl talk. ;-)

Tonight I went to see 'Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason' with Melissa. It was quite enjoyable. I do however like the first one better. Which is usually the case when Hollywood decides to create sequels. But, truthfully I would pay over and over to see Colin Firth on the screen. I don't know but this guy really does it for me. I think he is like in his forties but man he is just awesome. Too bad he's married. :-) Maybe it's the accent. :-) But seriously, he really has this charm in the characters he plays that gets me every time. Hugh Grant has the same sort of thing but Colin beats Hugh tenfold.

I know this is silly teen talk! It's fun! Mmmmm Colin. :-) lol

The weekend.

I had a pretty interesting weekend. I would say that it all started on Friday when I had lost my S.I.N. card. I had been looking for it for days and realized that I just wasn't going to find it. So on Friday I went to the HRDC to obtain a temporary card. (not really a temp card, more of an official receipt to use until I receive my new card) Anyway, I was sitting in the waiting area and a guy beside me started talking to me. His name was Wayne and he was from Vietnam. He had only been in the country for 2 days. He is here mostly because of his brother. During our conversation the woman on the opposite side of me started conversing with us as well. Her name was Asme and she was from Morocco. She has been in the country for 3yrs. She originally came to visit her sister and ended up finding and marrying her husband. Anyway, it was just so nice to talk to two total strangers. We ended up exchanging email addresses and maybe some day we will meet up again.

After I was finished at the HRDC, I had to head over to a financial aid office. It didn't matter which one, so I went to the closest one to my house, which was at Sheridan College. While talking with the receptionist I saw Julian. He is the guy I went rafting with. I haven't really seen him in awhile and we chatted it up. It was really great seeing him. We talked about a new love interest in his life and how he wishes he could stay on cloud 9, his schooling, my schooling, what I'm doing now etc...

Later in the day I went Christmas shopping with my mom. I got some big gifts out of the way. And I really got into the Christmas spirit.

On Saturday, I took my parents to see 'Hairspray the Musical'. It turned out being really good. My parents enjoyed themselves immensely. That is all that mattered to me. After the show we went out for a nice dinner at Canyon Creek. We had never been to that restaurant and I had heard great things about it. I had pasta but after tasting my dad's steak, I regretted choosing it. Overall, great day.

On Sunday, today, I was still in the Christmas spirit. And after having an awesome sleep I put up the Christmas tree and decorated the banister with garland and red bows. It looks great. Tomorrow I plan to place the lights along the banister and decorate the tree. My sister and Darcy came over for dinner too. It is so nice to have family over. I don't know what I would do without family.

Excitement with Fear!

On Monday I got accepted into the Christian Counseling program at the Christian College. It was both exciting and scary. I find it funny how easily fear creeps into a situation. I have been looking forward to this since God showed me back in August. Now, as of January, I will be a student. This is exciting. Then I was afraid that because I had just switched jobs, the current one might change their mind because in less then two months my availability will be drastically reduced. But when I told them on Tuesday, all she said was 'I am glad that you were honest with me' and she continued to schedule my training hours and such. That was a relief.

The only other fear I have right now is the financial situation that I am in. Because I switched jobs, no real money will come in until I am actually on the floor. This has set me back a little bit. And I am going to have to take out a loan. Something which doesn't sound that bad, maybe to you, but, I already have financial constraints and to add to it would be crazy. I know God can do anything and it is His will that I go to school. I know that, I just have to trust that He will get me through.

Tuesday night's cell group was pretty good. Because we haven't been able to get together in the past two weeks, we basically talked about what has been happening in our lives. We prayed for one another and read from the bible. I think it is awesome that we can be so honest and upfront with our thoughts and emotions and no one criticizes. Actually on Tuesday, a new girl joined our group, Samira. I got a chance to get to know her a little because of the openness in the group and also because I drove her home. She is actually from Afghanistan and she is the only one in her family who is saved. She moved to Canada a few years ago and she finds it amazing how much God has impacted her life.

Everyone if you could please pray for Samira's family.

Great Big Sea!

So, my good friend Nadine calls me last night at around 6:30pm. She asks me if I have anything planned this evening. I tell her no. (I was actually already showered and in my pjs) She then says how about meeting me downtown, because I have tickets to the Great Big Sea concert tonight. Now, Nadine is a security guard for concert venues and she got me two tickets to the concert, which was going on at 8pm last night. She was so awesome to think of me. I love Great Big Sea. When I got down there, she was security for the dressing rooms. I wasn't lucky enough to get V.I.P. passes but the concert was totally awesome.

There is just something about Newfies and partying. The crowd was cool too. They sang in unison to so many of their songs. And when Alan Doyle and the rest of the band sing a cappella it totally blows your mind. They are so in sync it's amazing. They are totally gifted and talented musicians and luckily I have been fortunate enough to go to two of their concerts, both I must add, I got in for free.

And to top it off, the concert was being filmed for a special viewing on the internet. It will be aired again on sympatico msn in December. The camera came around my area a few times. I will have to see if I actually got on t.v.. :-) I recommend everyone to check out this concert. You will not be disappointed, I guarantee it. My niece, Jessica, who is into hard rock came with me and she enjoyed the concert immensely. :-)

A Poem for Remembrance Day

Wooden Crosses
Originally uploaded by angeler.

"The inquisitive mind of a child"

Why are they selling poppies, Mummy?
Selling poppies in town today.
The poppies, child, are flowers of love.
For the men who marched away.

But why have they chosen a poppy, Mummy?
Why not a beautiful rose?
Because my child, men fought and died
In the fields where the poppies grow.

But why are the poppies so red, Mummy?
Why are the poppies so red?
Red is the colour of blood, my child.
The blood that our soldiers shed.

The heart of the poppy is black, Mummy.
Why does it have to be black?
Black, my child, is the symbol of grief.
For the men who never came back.

But why, Mummy are you crying so?
Your tears are giving you pain.
My tears are my fears for you my child.
For the world is forgetting again.

Author Unknown

Random Thoughts

I don't know why but I love the new Air Canada commercial. I love how they put windows in front of the world. And the ending is awesome, people rowing and taking off into the air. It also helps that I really like the song.

It is so crazy how voicing your opinion can get so many people riled up. I have not until yesterday, voiced my opinion about the election in the States. I don't have the same view point as most of my friends and collegues. I am glad Bush won. That is not to say that I like him but I have my reasons for preferring Bush over Kerry. Call me names, hate me, but that is my opinion. One good friend of mine without even hearing my side said 'There has to be something wrong mentally if you want. Bush' Ok, so now I'm mentally ill. :-) Whatever. I am sure that most of the people who read this blog will disagree with me too. And that is fine, my opinion is still the same and yours is too. We probably both have valid points and before we argue lets just agree to disagree. After, my friend blew up at me, I told him to hear me out. Although he said I had valid issues with Kerry and my reasoning for choosing Bush he understood and in the end we decided to agree to disagree. We are still friends. ;-)

On another note, I am getting a reference letter from the current church I am attending. My cell group leader is going to write it and get a pastor to sign it as well. I really hope that the college will except this. If not I will have to go into detail my situation and hope for the best.

I quit my job last week and Friday, tomorrow, is my last day. I am so glad. I feel a great weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Of course I panicked after I did it because I did not have another job to go to, but I knew for my heart and soul, it needed to be done. On Monday I got a job. Someone is watching over me. :-)

How crazy is this?

Back in August I felt God really pressing me. I started to make my way toward Him after letting go of some things that needed to be cleaned. He showed me something. I know it was Him, it was so real, it was so right, and it was so certain. One of the things He showed me was that I was to be a counselor. It made so much sense. He showed me how I had helped people in the past and how I will help people in the future. Somehow I ended up at a Christian College website and found out that I could get a bachelors degree in Christian counseling. Its funny because I remember awhile ago, being on that site and seeing no such thing. Apparently they have had that degree from the time when they opened. So, my conclusion was that God blinded me to it until I was ready to see it and move forward. Make sense?

Anyway, I went for orientation. I had an interview with the Admissions department and the only thing left for me to do was actually get all the paperwork in order and submit them. I don't know why but it seems as though this is the hardest thing for me to do. All I have to do is fill out the application, have a written testimony, and have two reference letters-one from a pastor and a personal one. So, the first two are not hard. I figured the last two can't be that hard either. Wrong!! I asked someone well respected that I have known for awhile if he would write me a personal reference letter. He said he was honoured to do it. I have bugged him for weeks for it. The last time I talked to him he said all he needed to do was transfer it to the computer for a good copy. That was last week. I still don't have it. And the pastor letter is impossible to get. I asked my last pastor and he won't write one because he says its against his understanding of the bible. He says we are to learn all things from the Spirit, and there is no need to go to school to learn from God. So, I asked my uncle's pastor. I have attended his church on and off before and after I had become Christian. I didn't get any sort of response from him, so after waiting almost a month I finally decided to call my uncle so he could ask him personally. I just got an email from him and he says he feels uncomfortable writing me a reference because he didn't agree with my last pastor about biblical teachings. The church I go to now, said they don't feel comfortable writing a letter either because they don't know me personally. I had been going to that church off/on for four years and have now made it my home church. And how is a pastor suppose to know all his members personally, especially in a big church? The only thing they said they would do is get my bible study leader to write a letter and they would sign it as well. I am not sure this is what the college is expecting seeing as they want a letter from an ordained pastor.

I was starting to get discouraged and was second guessing if what I heard was from God when my friend Laura said that when it seems as though it will never happen and things don't fall into place as you expect, usually that is a confirmation that it is from God. It's like He wants me to trust in Him for it to happen and for me to not worry because if it is His will it will be done. It made sense when she spoke but sometimes I feel as though it is never going to happen.

As I read my uncle's pastor's letter I felt like crying. Nothing is falling into place. Nothing is moving forward, regarding this situation. It is basically November and school starts in January. Time is ticking. Please put me in your prayers. And Lord God Almighty, let your will be done.

What's wrong with this picture?

Someone brought up the topic of the New World Order. I didn't know much about it so I started researching it. I wanted to be educated on the subject, besides, it is pretty fascinating. Not in a good sense, more so in an open your eyes kind of sense. Everyone seems to be afraid to talk about it. For me, I find the research so intriguing that I can't put the 'papers' down. I say 'papers' because most of it is internet research.

But, wow, how can we live and have the bible and not be educated on this subject. I went into a known Christian book store because I wanted to get some books on the subject. I assumed they would be in the Spiritual Warfare section. Maybe I was wrong but I figured to me that made the most logical sense. So, anyway, as I was saying, I asked the lady who worked there where the Spiritual Warfare section was because I seemed to have missed it every time I went down the isles. Do you know what she said? This totally blows me. She says 'What is that? Is that music?' How can we as Christians live in both a spiritual/earthly realm and have no clue as to what Spiritual Warfare is? Seriously, I couldn't help but laugh and say 'I will keep looking'. Thankfully another lady who worked there knew what I was talking about and directed me to the appropriate section, which was only two measly shelves. How are we to be prepared to fight the enemy when we are too afraid to even talk or read about it? Too many are too afraid to talk about hell. Why? Isn't that one thing that Jesus didn't stop talking about?

I am really tired of going to all these churches and getting a fluffy version of the bible. I don't want a people friendly version. I want the truth. The cold hard truth. How else am I too be corrected and be transformed into the likeness of Christ.

Really is that too much to ask?

Thank you for the encouragement!

Thank you both for your comments. I was starting to write too much in the comments section so I figured I should post on it instead.

I actually posted up some letters on Wednesday seeking donations for clothing at work. It seems to be striking some people. Over the next few weeks I will keep everyone posted as to how it all unfolds. I am willing to do it by myself if no one offers to help, but some have already offered themselves. It really is great to be doing this. It's funny because the people at the cell group really disagreed with me on doing this, this way. We came to an agreement that we all had our own opinions and we left it at that. I feel great about doing this (I think I said this already :-)). I too saw it as you do Scott. I am glad that you are doing this at your church. Too many churches talk, not a lot actually do. So keep it up! :-)

Giving to the homeless in Toronto.

We had a very casual meeting at cell group tonight. We hung out at Second Cup and just got to know each other a bit better. One question that popped up was 'If you could do/be anything what would it be?' So we went around the round table one by one discussing it.

My response was to be the best mom to my children that I could be. I also have thought about this for awhile - I would love to open up a summer/weekend camp for kids. I would love for it to be free for those children who are less fortunate. I want them to gain an intimate relationship with Jesus by getting to know him through all the love, kindness and generousity that I want to pour out onto them. I have no clue if this would be possible. A free camp! But it was an exercise of what you would do if you could do anything. That is what I would do.

I have also learned that my niece Alyssa went downtown Toronto last week with her teacher and three other students. They prepared sandwiches and for over an hour handed them out to homeless people. That has been pressing on my heart as well. I want to do that. I want to go downtown and just give to those who need it. I think I am going to ask a few people if they would join me and we can go hand out some food and some warm clothes that we have at home that we don't use and just give, give, give.

The people in the cell group didn't think it was wise. They think that I should join an organization that 'specializes' in this kind of work and do it through them. They said it could be unsafe to do it any other way. I don't agree. I believe I don't need an organization, Jesus didn't have an organization, He just poured His love on the people. That is what I want to do. I am going to ask at work for some donations of warm clothes and maybe do this, this weekend. It is getting cold outside and this would be the time to do it.

What do you guys think of this? Am I crazy? Do I need to join an organization? I am being silly and not wise?

Untitled

I have been feeling God pressing on my heart. Probably more than I have ever felt Him before. I don't know why, but I think it all started when He revealed to me something I was 'holding' on too. Once I let it go, things have been what feels like fast forward. It's so funny because I prayed for so long for things to start happening, and I knew that it would, in His time. The thing is, I have been praying for about for four years and not until the end of August did things actually start happening. I couldn't say that at this moment you would see a lot of physical stuff happening but man He is seriously working inside. I feel Him 'digging' all the time. I have never heard God so clearly and the things that He has to say are overwhelming, scary but amazing. And I find it hard because like I said before, why me?

I have only discussed what has been going on in depth with one other person. She just thinks it is totally awesome and finds the whole thing to be great. But it's not happening to her. I am not saying it is bad, because it is the furthest thing from it but to have God respond to you the way He has responded to me, not even responded, just is. His time, His plan, His purpose. Trust, Trust, Trust!!!

I briefly told two others only just this week. They don't even know the half of it but I wanted some advice, not even advice, moreso wisdom on what has been going on. I was directed to some scriptures on the subject and was told of other peoples experiences in the same thing. I'm grateful for it and just discussing it has led me to a greater understanding of what He has been saying/doing.

I have been reading the bible more and trying to dig into it. I had to read Jonah to figure out why I would first think of him and now I am reading Jeremiah to see what He will reveal to me through this book. I know I do not need to know everything about what is going on and I know God will reveal things as they are needed. Like I said before, I just need to trust in Him and continue to open myself up to Him. Keep working Lord, Holy Spirit keep stirring my heart, you are free to use me as you wish, I just pray you give me the strength and the courage to continue to walk...

Matthew turns 4!

My little boy isn't so little any more, he turned four today. It is so hard to be in a split home. I am sure it is even harder on him then it is on me, but when it comes to birthday's he gets two. This afternoon Matthew had a party at his daddy's house and this evening he had a party at mommy's. He got double the presents, two cakes, two big meals, twice the amount of family. He definitely had a great birthday this year. He was so excited to turn four. And when he saw his presents he was in his glory.

Not only did he turn four this year, he also started kindergarten. He really is growing up way too fast. Time flys, they say, when you are having fun. But I don't want it to fly, I want it to stay put or at least slow down a bit. Is that too much to ask? :-)

Christopher Reeve dies at 52

Christopher Reeve dies at 52
Originally uploaded by angeler.

JIM FITZGERALD
ASSOCIATED PRESS

MOUNT KISCO, N.Y. -- Actor Christopher Reeve, who soared through the air and leapt tall buildings as Superman, turned personal tragedy into a public crusade, becoming one of the world's most recognizable spokesperson for spinal cord research --from a wheelchair.

Reeve went into cardiac arrest yesterday while at his Pound Ridge home, then fell into a coma and died today at a hospital surrounded by his family, his publicist said. He was 52. Read the whole story here.

I like it!!

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.

Herm Albright

Baptism Part 1

Statement of faith.
Originally uploaded by angeler.

Baptism Part 2

Being Immersed.
Originally uploaded by angeler.

Baptism Part 3

A changed life.
Originally uploaded by angeler.

My first cell group.

On Tuesday night I went to my first cell group. There were only three of us there but it was quite an interesting evening. We did a number of things but one thing we did really hit my heart. We put on some soaking music and we sat quietly for 20mins asking the Lord to tell us who we are? What is our identity? We had gone over some interesting topics including Moses-the Lord had been speaking to Laura about Moses and who he was. And we talked about the movie 'The Bourne Identity'. In case you didn't know, it was about a man named Jason Bourne. He woke up one morning on a boat not having a clue as to who he was. All through out the movie he is trying to piece together who he really is. In real life we all seem to do that. At some point or at many points in our life we come to a road and we ask ourselves, who am I?. So this exercise that we did was to ask God who He thinks we are.

I found it both interesting and very scary, that is, His answers. I second guessed what I was hearing and I sometimes said no Lord that is not me. I find that funny, me trying to tell God that is not me. Hello!!! :-) In some ways I want to share what He said but I feel the need to keep it to myself. I did share some of it with Laura and Eleanor though. In some ways I fear that I will end up like Jonah and run away from what God wants me to be, and I am also afraid that I will end up like Jeremiah-nobody listened to him. I know God used both men but I am just me. Why would He want to use little old me? They probably said the same thing too, eh?