A story at.....Scott's site.

Scott has this story on his site. It both touched me and made me think about a number of things. He makes some good points at the end. I just can't seem to stop thinking about it. So, here it is:

so you wanna be a ...mailman?
Tony Campolo, tells about a friend of his who made a career change. He says, "Some years ago, a friend of mine went to teach English literature at a state college. He was there for three weeks when he went into the dean's office to say that he was quitting.
"I'm not coming back next week, and I thought you ought to know," he said. The dean replied, "If you walk out on your contract, you're not going to teach here again. What's more, you won't teach anywhere, if I can help it."
Campolo goes on with the story, saying: After my friend left his job, his mother contacted me by phone and said I had to see him. She was sure he had gone crazy and hoped I could talk him into going back to his job.
I found my friend Charlie living in an attic apartment in Hamilton Square, New Jersey. I must admit that his apartment had a certain style: travel posters all over the walls, a good assortment of books scattered around the room, and the stereo playing a Wagnerian opera. I sat down in a beanbag chair that swallowed me up. After we exchanged niceties, I came to the point.
'What have you done?" I asked.
"I quit," said Charlie. "I walked out. I don't want to teach anymore. Every time I walked into that classroom, I died a little bit."
Campolo says: I could understand him. I'm a teacher, and I know what it's like to go into a class and pour out your heart to students, to let every nerve inside you tingle with the excitement of your most profound insights. I know what it's like to passionately share the struggles of your existence, to lay your soul bare in an attempt to communicate your deepest feelings. Then, when it's all over, some student in the back ofthe room raises his hand and says, "Do we have to know this stuff for the final?" (We have some teachers here who know that feeling! I'm sure Jesus must have experienced that plenty when He was teaching!)
Anyway, Campolo goes on, saying: It wasn't long before I realized that Charlie was not about to go back into the classroom, so I asked him what he was doing with himself these days. He said, "l'm a mailman."
Reaching back into the value system provided by the Protestant work ethic, I said to him, "Charlie, if you're going to be a mailman, be the best mailman in the world!"
He said, "But I'm a lonely mailman. Everybody else who delivers mail gets back to the post office by about two o'clock. I never get back until six."
"What takes you so long?"
"I visit," said Charlie. "You'd never believe how many lonely people there are on my route who had never been visited until I became a mailman. What's more, now I can't sleep at night."
"Why can't you sleep at night?"
Charlie cried, "Have you ever tried to sleep after drinking fifteen cups of coffee?"
Campolo says: As I sat and looked at my friend Charlie, I envied him. He was alive with the excitement that comes to a person doing something meaningful with his life. Because he moved from being a college professor to being a mailman, he has lost status. But what difference does that make? As Charlie invests himself significantly in the lives of other people, his is finding fulfillment in, as Scripture says in James 1:27, 'visiting orphans and widows in their distress."
Is he a role model? Let’s be honest… no way. Ya like all our mom’s are telling their kids – you know, you should quit school and become a mailman… no way, it’s a great story but we want our kids to emulate rich successful people. Every mom wants their kid to be a doctor right?
Here’s a question no one ever asks… why? Why the heck do they want their kid to be a doctor… to help people? That’s the standard answer but its crap. Tons of people help others more than doctors for a lot better reasons... and a lot less money.
It’s security, wealth, status… a lot of reasons.
When we think of role models who do you think of? Tiger Woods/Gretsky/ lady Di?
There is something wrong with a world that has to look to television to find role models/ or professional sports/ or royalty. It’s all wacked.

I find it interesting that so many of us buy into a cultural ideal of success without even questioning why. we succumb to this subtle warping of our minds till we are unable to see the world for what it is. Martin Buber said that there are really two worlds at work in our minds - the phenomenal and the numenal. The world that we perceive and the way that actually is.

i wonder if our radar gets so stunted by cultural morays that we become what we hate. we read the great works of religion and literature, hear the fabulous stories of warriors of long ago and wish we could emulate them... then settle for the thursday special at McDonalds. It's not that i have a problem with McDonalds (except as a food source), it's just that i know in my own life i want to take the path or least resistence, the "no pain great gain" option. I constantly get sucked into the world's molds of success and happiness, then wonder why I am neither...

A trip......Somewhere.

I just found out that Jason wants to take Matthew for 2 weeks in the summer and although I don't want him to be gone for so long I trust that he will be fine seeing as they did the same thing 2 years ago. This year they are going to a big family reunion in Newfoundland. I know Matthew will love it especially 'cause Jason's grandparents live on a farm. What's more exciting to a kid whose 3 besides horses and cows and chickens.

I will have Skye for two weeks all by ourselves and I was thinking I could take her on a trip, just the two of us. She really wants to fly in a plane, seeing as she has never done so. I told her not to worry because even I, at the lovely age of 27 still have not even been on a plane. So, where should we go? I was thinking of going some place tropical but its going to be really hot here. (Jason is taking Matthew during the last two weeks in July.) Then I thought maybe we could go camping, but that doesn't require a plane. Then I thought I could take her to BC to see the whales and the mountains. Then I thought maybe we could go to the NWT (but when I checked that out, it was extremely pricey. My problem with taking Skye somewhere is that Matthew misses out on whatever we chose to do. But then he is having his own fun, we shouldn't miss out on a mother/daughter bonding trip either. Do any of you have any ideas where we should head to?

4-1!

Did I tell ya, or what? Leafs won Game 7. 4-1. I do have to say that this was their best game yet. And Belfour, what do you say about Belfour. He is just awesome!! And Domi, he didn't get a goal but he sure deserved one. I guess an assist will do. :-) Anyway, they go on to the next round and go face to face with Philadelphia. They really need to step up their game if they want to kick some more butt. I should have bet you Scotty, it wasn't 3-0 but it sure was good. :-)

We will we will rock you, and we did!! Woo Hoo!!

GO LEAFS GO! GO LEAFS GO! GO LEAFS GO! GO LEAFS GO! GO LEAFS GO! GO LEAFS GO!

What do you do?

Have you ever let go of something, even when you didn't really want to? This weekend I let go of someone/s because I felt that I was holding them back. I have been praying about it and it seemed to me that God has something big in store for them and I was unintentionally holding them back. They stayed because I was there and they wanted to be there for me. I know they love me and I love them but I don't want to be the cause of them not moving forward in Christ because they feel 'obligated' or moved because I am in 'the picture'.

The scary thing is, I could be so wrong about what I am sensing from the Lord and I could have given up something that was good for me. I just felt that over the last little while, especially after one particular big event that they should be some place else and they were holding back and not fully listening to God because I was there. I don't ever want to be the person that holds anyone back from their true calling so I did what I thought was necessary and ended it. Oh God, I just pray I did the right thing and if not, please help me to correct it!!

About last night, in hockey news.

Just in case you are unsure: Calgary and Montreal move on to the next round in the playoffs. It was a good night for Canada. Hockey wise, anyway. Leafs kick Senators ass. Leafs move on to next round. :-) Ok, I jumped the gun, but that is what I will say tomorrow.

GO LEAFS GO! GO LEAFS GO! GO LEAFS GO! GO LEAFS GO! GO LEAFS GO!

Near heart attack last night!

So the Leafs are doing what they always do. That is, make us all have near heart attacks and drag the series into game 7. They seem to never want to make it easy on themselves or their fans. But the game rocked last night especially the first OT period. Tonight hockey fans are going to be in for a treat. Calgary vs. Vancouver and Boston vs. Montreal. Both games are on game 7 and are being played back to back. I'm so undecided in the C vs. V game but M has to win over B, although my dad wants B to win. :-P

Truthfully, I only care that the Leafs take the Senators down tomorrow. Can you hear it: We will, we will rock you!!!

GO LEAFS GO!!!!

Divorces.

I was flipping through the newspaper this morning and I got to the section titled 'Money'. There are not one but a few articles on divorce. One article stated that 31% of marriages in Ontario end in divorce. The same article tells you how to protect yourself financially and states that you should not only use your heart but your head when 'plunging' into marriage. There is also a guideline on what to do when you see the signs of the end.

I just find this to be ridiculous. You want to know why marriages fail: its because God isn't found. People care too much about themselves and not enough about others. The only question that comes to mind is 'Where is the Love?'. The love is with Jesus and if you forget about Him or just choose to not have Him in your life, you will never be happy with anyone or with yourself for that matter. Divorce happens because of sin. Sin in lustfulness, or you marry because of your lustfulness, or you become or always were too selfish, some just give up. Love is about good and bad times. There is no giving up in love. Could you imagine if God said 'I love you but you have disappointed me a little too much lately, you poor unfortunate soul. I give up on you.'

Bottom line is: You need God, without Him you can do nothing!!! But with Him you can do anything!!! Even mend that marriage that most would think is unmendable.

Here are two stories:

First story: A woman was in a physical adulterous relationship with a man in her church. Her husband was not Christian and was verbally not physically abusive to her about her faith. She and the other man discontinued their physical relationship and her 'Christian friends' counseled her to divorce her husband and marry the nice Christian man who loved her because God had called her to peace. The woman asked her pastor and he stated that God hates divorce because it tears people's spirits and covers them with violence (Mal 2:16). And according to the NT the Lord commands a wife not to depart from her husband, and if she does, she is not to marry again (ICor. 7:10-11). The woman mentally listened to the pastor but later he had heard that she had divorced her husband and married the other man. Basically she wanted permission from the pastor to finalize the decision she was already embracing. Her husband had not been unfaithful morally. She wanted a happy life based on selfish interests. The covenant they made with their mate was significant only when it didn't interfere with their own happiness.

Second story: A woman radiates the character of God. She had been married several years and she discovers that her husband was a homosexual. For ten years she lived an unspeakably difficult life. He was arrested for soliciting sex with an undercover policeman and their oldest son got the phone call that his dad was in jail. The woman prayed constantly for her husband. She asked the Lord if she should divorce. She had scriptural grounds for divorce. But she chose to stay and fight. After some time, her husband was gloriously set free and has been free for 15yrs. He is now a very compassionate senior pastor.

The first woman divorced her husband out of a belief that Jesus wanted her to have peace, yet the Word of God clearly showed God's will for her was to stay with him. The other actually had scriptural grounds to divorce, but she chose to lay down her own rights to fight for the life of her husband. Jesus laid down His rights to come to this earth and die for us!! It is up to us to decide if we want to be conformed into the image of Jesus or stay where you are and let God's image in you change.

Stories taken from ' A Heart Ablaze: Igniting a Passion for God' by John Bevere

Parent-teacher interviews.

Parent-teacher interviews were today. Shawn couldn't make it so Skye and I went. I think it went pretty well. We realize that Skye has organizational and time management problems. I think she has had them through out her school life. She seems to not be able to focus at school unless it has to do with music or art. Mostly because she loves doing those two things. She is an extremely smart girl and for the longest time I thought that she was just bored and then I thought maybe she might have a real problem. She was tested and she is totally fine and teachers say she is so bright. My problem is how do you motivate someone with so much potential to actually smarten up and do their work.

Last month she had two projects to hand in. I didn't even find out about them until two weeks after they were already due. Once I found that out she finished them quickly and she had fun doing them. I really hope that it helped her. Its sounds funny by me saying that but seriously, I think she didn't want to do them because she thought that they were stupid projects and wouldn't be any fun. She enjoyed them. One of the projects she had to do was on the Northwest Territories. She actually wants to go there now. So do I. It truly is beautiful. That will definitely be a vacationing spot for us in the future.

She actually gave me a heads up for a new project that is due in two weeks. Maybe she is coming around. Sometimes it just takes perserverance and making homework fun. I just pray that this was the turn around for her. She has too much potential to just waste it away because she'd rather be playing.

Better late then never!!

I'm a little bit late in hearing about this but I just checked out the new Spiderman 2 trailer. It gave me goose bumps. Its too cool.!! You really have to do yourself a favour and check it out. Awesome I tell you, awesome! You won't regret it!! Click here.

Every day is a good day.

It's a good day for so many reasons. Firstly the Leafs are playing their 4th game against the Senators tonight. The sun is shining and the sky is blue. The weather is in double digits. God has not given up on me. I'm struggling with a few things and I know He is in the process of helping me through them. My daughter managed to get her homework done without me being her shadow. :-) My son is extremely excited to go outside and ride his bike-which will happen within the hour. My mom has been attending church for the last few Sundays along with my sister. I saw a friend that I hadn't seen in over a year. Ok, well, they didn't all just happen today but I do realize that God is doing things in my life that at some point I had thought that maybe He just didn't want to answer. I am learning that God's time is not my time no matter how much I want it to be. His pace is very different then mine. I'm starting to learn patience. Now I do mean just starting, but it is a start. :-) I'm just happy. Happy is good.

I see this guy at work all the time and his life isn't so good right now. I don't think he has the Lord but somehow he always seems to be smiling and he is forever singing. He realizes that life is just what it is and he is content. I think we could all learn something from him: it's your frame of mind that determines what type of mood you are in. I learned that awhile ago and I seem to, at least on most days, be happy with who I am and what God has in store for me. Paul learned to be content and full of joy regardless of his circumstances - something we should all strive for. God is good!!

My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. IICor12:9

Easter Sunday.

Today is the day that we as Christian's set out on our calendar to remember what it was that Jesus did for us and be thankful. I don't know why we do this. I do this every day. Why is it that we have to designate one day in the year for this. Should we not do this daily?

I am extremely grateful and so not worthy of His sacrifice but He did it anyway because He loves me. I really wish I could understand that kind of love. I thought that maybe I understood it a little especially being a parent knowing the love of a child, but after seeing 'The Passion of the Christ' and knowing that He could have stopped it any time and pressed on in love, it just baffles me. I've read it in the bible, I've seen it in movies and I still can't quite get a grip on how He loves me so. I only pray that I can love like that. All I have to say is wow and thank you ever so much.

Leafs win 2-0. Series tied 1-1!!

Last nights game was so good. I went to Jack Astor's with a friend that I haven't seen in over a year. I swear if you can't afford to go to the ACC or just can't seem to ever get tickets or live too far away go to a bar that has an awesome set up of TV's. The Jack Astor's we went too, if I turned right I was staring at 8 TV's and if I turned left I was staring at 10 and if I turned around I was staring at 3 big screen TV's. Plus they had two sets of TV's all over the bar. The atmosphere was great. It was as if I was at a game. Plus they won so that made it ten times better. Yippee!!

Like I said at the beginning of the post, I met up with a friend that I hadn't seen in over a year. We met in college and were best friends until just a few years ago when we both went through changes and moves and seemed to have lost touch. It's funny how that happens sometimes. We communicated over the phone, at first regularly and then it came down to every few months and then only on special occasions. I called her a few weeks ago and what is nice is that we have been talking a little more regularly since then. We decided to meet up and watch the Leafs kick butt and they did. I had a really great time. It was so nice to see her again. And I invited her over for Easter dinner. My family is looking so forward to seeing her again. I hope we keep in better touch this time around.

Just a little shout out to Melissa: I am praying for you. I hope you are feeling better. Happy Birthday!!!

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

So, this was the first movie that I watched since my great return from the fasting world. And let me tell you it was pretty good. Jim Carey was quite amazing. I always knew he could act even though I hated the Ace Ventura movies. Kate Winslet was very good as well. The story goes back and forth from the past to the present. It is about erasing the memory of a particular person or event. And although the concept is a little far fetched in the techno department there is a great lesson to be learned. Erasing some of your past is like erasing parts of yourself. And in the end, the good memories we have with the people that touch are lives are what we want to remember anyway. I'm giving away some of the movie here but once Joel (Carey) starts the procedure of erasing Clementine (Winslet) he realizes that there are just too many good memories with her and he wants so badly to keep them all. But can't. He was hurting so badly he wanted her erased, but realized that the pain of having her as a memory was more important that losing his whole existence with her.

Although I have been through some hard times I would never want to erase them. I can't say that I never wished that they didn't happen but when I look back I am glad that they did. They are what shaped the person I am today. I don't know where I would be without them. And I am sure glad to be the person I am.

The character Mary, played by Kirsten Dunst says this quote while they are in the midst of erasing Joel's (Carey) memory:

How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd.
-- Alexander Pope, "Eloisa to Abelard"

The sun is shining.

Yesterday played an interesting day on my heart. I felt something that I have not felt before. Its weird but my heart fluttered for a customer. But not just any customer, an older customer. I wish I could say he said all the right words or something but he didn't. Every time he said my name or asked me something I was dumbfounded. That has never happened. It was so weird. And he must have been about 40. I think I am going insane. :-) But I must admit it was nice to feel something again even if it was whacked. :-)

And today I was hit on by a group of good looking guys. One even offered to take me to a playoff game if he won tickets. (we have a contest that if you use your mastercard to pay for your meal you get two chances to win NHL playoff tickets.) And at another table a guy left his number on the table with a coupon to an AMC movie theatre. I don't know what is going on and I didn't do anything special to myself today. Actually, my hair was up and I wore that uniform that we all love to wear at BP. (sarcastically speaking)

I just find this all strange seeing as this never happens to me. But it was nice even if it doesn't happen again. And the sun is shining. I think I will take a nice walk this evening with my rugrats! :-)

A friend.

At the end of my last post I talked a tiny bit about an unidentified friend. I just wanted to say that she called today and we went out for about 5 hours. It was really nice to spend time with her. I think we both had a really nice time. She says that going out tonight made her feel better. I really hope it did. I will pray for her. Please pray for her too!!

For any that checked my blog weekly, sorry!

Sorry, I ended up using the computer time to help my daughter look up some stuff for a school project and didn't feel right using extra time updating.

Apology out of the way, I can officially say that the 40 day period is over for me. Yippee!! Traditionally it ends on midnight, Holy Saturday which is the night before Easter Sunday but traditionally the period only works on weekdays and I went straight through without taking 'breaks' on weekends. So, I am done!

I can watch movies and tv and do other stuff. Great english there, eh? Except today I found myself looking away from the tv. Maybe this was a good thing to give up. Seeing as we humans waste so much time being couch potatoes. Just ask my dad!! ;-)

The past two weeks have been a little difficult. Not for myself but for others around me. My good friend and cousin Pamela was going through some really hard times and I helped her as best as I knew how. Her parents won't really talk to me because I helped her but that is another story.

There was also some secret kept from someone I knew for a very long time. She came to me in confidence and asked some questions regarding it. Just so you know, it wasn't my secret and it was not my decision to keep it from her. She asked and I seemed to have been able to dodge them but I think I didn't do such a good job the last time she talked about it with me. She knows and I think it is all my fault. If the people keeping the secret from her find out I am afraid they will never speak to me again. I am serious. I never agreed with keeping the secret but I kept it out of respect and it was also not my place to say. Truthfully I was cornered but I guess that is no excuse. The secret lasted 23 years. I feel like a complete ass and idiot now.

I talked with my boss today and asked how his mom was doing. (she has been in the hospital for a little while now). He informs me that she passed away on Friday. I felt so bad, I almost cried as he held it together. I wanted to hug him but I didn't. Why do we always hold back? Why can't we just be human and emotional when called for?

And I just got off the phone with, I would say my closest friend right now, and she seems to be going through something and doesn't want to talk. Which is totally fine seeing as everyone goes through things in their own way. Except she seemed to not want to talk to me, specifically. I don't know. Did I do something? I am thinking its not about me and I know its not but I just talked to her on Friday and now she has taken a leave from her work and doesn't want to talk. Space, she needs her space. I will respect her, I will leave her. But if you are reading this, know that I am always here if you need me.

Just over two weeks to go.

This week has been a little stale, maybe not stale but whatever!! I feel the power of the Lord pressing on in me. I feel His presence all around me. I also feel confused. I have been wanting certain things to come to pass and I think the Lord is purposefully waiting. I sometimes feel as though I get a little taste and then He takes it from me almost just as fast. Maybe these things were never even mine to begin with. Truthfully, they were not mine I just wished that they were. I have to continuously remember that God is in control and when He deems it is my time then, it will be. I know that if I desire Him first He will give me the desires of my own heart.

How come it is so hard to trust sometimes? I have tried trusting man and that proves itself over and over that they can't be trusted. I know that there are good people out there. I just know my past and I know what has happened when I had finally trusted someone. I always seem to be the one to get hurt. God is different!! I know that on an intellectual level and yet when push comes to shove I can't seem to get it stuck in my heart. God will not abandon me! Even when it appeared as though He abandoned Job, or Joseph, or Jeremiah and so on... He didn't. IT is the waiting period which eats at me. I ask for patience. Maybe that wasn't a good idea. But I asked any way. Time sucks!! It feels as though it is passing way to quickly and not enough things are happening. I just got to keep telling myself to trust in the Lord, He knows what He is doing, and if something works out it was because it was suppose to and if it doesn't then it wasn't suppose to be.

If you find it in your heart, I ask for your prayers. Any prayer is a good prayer. While I pray, I will pray for you too!!

The third week........

I can't lie. This week has been a little hard. Last weekend, because I was so in His glory, I had prayed about giving up more things. I was ready to sacrifice things that most people would think I was crazy for. I prayed for strength etc,.. But I think I overdid myself. At first it seemed like it would be, I don't want to say easy, but not so difficult. But by the end of the week heading into the weekend I had given up so much and was feeling burdened. Now being burdened is not the end of the world but this Lenten season I had already given up 5 separate things and then I added a really really big one last Sunday. I just couldn't do it. I am going strong in the 5 things that I gave up at the start of lent. And really it isn't too bad, it was the big one I added that I just couldn't do.

I find it funny because I know I could do it if I just trust totally in the Lord. And I have been for the other things but for this one, I guess I made my plate over flow. I will do it. I think I will just concentrate on my other sacrifices this time. And when I believe that I am ready, I will try to sacrifice the 'big' thing. I find it sad that I can't put that much faith in the Lord. But I think moreso, I can't put that much faith in myself.

So this week has been a little bit of a faith struggle. Within myself and in the Lord. The Lord is Good and I know he is here for me. I just need to put more trust and faith into Him. I need to put all my worries and burdens on Him. Its just that in life I don't even like to burden others so I feel as though why burden the Almighty. But I know that is what He wants us to do.

Anyway, everyone have an awesome week. Look forward to hearing from you. God bless you!!

Two weeks and counting...

It's been two weeks without the boob tube. It really hasn't bothered me. Although today I was really craving to watch an awesome movie. Mostly, I miss going out and buying a movie. But you know what? I am really getting somewhere with God. I like this sacrificing thing so much that I talked with God and gave up even more things. It won't be the whole 40 day thing but its definitely a sacrifice worth every penny.

You know what is so great about God: He is always there for you, listening, watching, waiting. It is so comforting to know that He is always there when needed. How many of us can say that about other people. I know my family will always be there but even when they can't be, He is!!

My only words to contribute this week is God is Great. I actually think I said the same thing last week, but I feel it. I really feel it in my bones. God is truly amazing!!

Did you miss me?

I am sure you didn't miss me, but I sure missed you!!! This past week has been great! Not having distractions sure helps you to focus on the only one that truly matters. God is Great!! I love Him so much. I think this is going to be the most amazing 40, well less now, days. I feel Him all around me.

I must admit though that it is a little hard not to look at the tv especially when everyone is in the living room and you are sitting alone in the family room. I haven't watched and I will not! But I just had to let you know that although I am succeeding, it is hard.

I am finding it a bit easier to get out the words for prayer. Even when I am tired I seem to stretch my waking hours just to say one last thing to Jesus.

I saw The Passion of the Christ. Although not completely accurate, but moreso because you have to fill in spaces in the movie, it was exceptionally well done. I did cry through most of it and so did my daughter, my mom and my sister. Yes, I did take my daughter and although she had to look away a lot she told me she was glad that she went. What did surprise me was just before the crucifixion I told her she should look away and she said 'No mom, I want to see this, I have to see this'. The only parts that scared her were the devil scenes. We did however pray when she went to bed and the images she was seeing were gone. She hasn't seen them since. Jesus is so powerful, just to say His name casts demons away!!!

Anyway, this was a good idea for me. I feel as though I am getting closer to the Lord. I will update in about a week, so hopefully you are still interested by then. That is if anyone is interested now. I noticed there are no comments, you know everyone loves comments. :-)

But anyway, I pray that you are diving deeper into the heart of our Lord and Saviour. May you be blessed with His Love and Compassion!!

I don't know why but God loves me!!!

I'm high and the feeling is so great I don't want to come down!!! Seriously, the feeling of God is marvelous. I don't know why today, but somehow I feel quite connected to the Almighty! I am in such good spirits and I don't want it to end. What a way to end the days of yesterday and the new beginning of tomorrow. Ash Wednesday is tomorrow, the day that starts the Lenten season.

I am feeling quite good leaving behind the things that I will not be using/doing over the next 40 days. Since I am to sacrifice something that is hard for me to give up I have decided that I most certainly have to give up movies. I watch so many and I can't get enough of them. When I go out to buy a movie I end up with at least 4, most of the time more. Even if I don't go out for one, I usually end up getting one. So, I am also not going to buy any over the Lenten season. Additionally, because movies are out, most likely I will turn to tv, (I don't watch that much but I know that I would if there isn't any movies to watch), so tv is out too. Also, I have decided once again to give up my computer. But I will be on once a week for no more then one hour to update and check email, most likely Sunday or Monday night. Last year my email went crazy because even when I told everyone that I would not be on they still sent a billion things. I am also giving up something else, but I am going to leave that between me and the Lord.

I want to really take away distractions and really really focus on the Lord. I want to grow with Him more than I ever have. I want Him to move in me. This is the year, I think! He has been stirring something in me for awhile and like I said I sometimes try not too hard to hear. It is very scary to know He is waiting on you. To know that He just might use you! Its what you want but, its still scary. A very big step in life. But I am going to listen and I am going to obey. Lets hope He doesn't give up on me. Its not in His nature. Thank goodness!!!

Hope you all have a great week, hopefully you will check in next week. I pray that your journey with the Lord be strengthened and that you will allow Him to move mountains in you.

Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength, and my Redeemer. Psalm 19:14

P.S. I am still going to see 'The Passion of the Christ' although I am giving up movies. I already spoke with the Lord on this one and I think it will be a good way to start the Lenten season with Him.

Nothing light here today.

So many things to say, so little space and time. Firstly, I have realized that far too many bloggers whine and complain about their relationship with the Lord. The funny thing is, the Lord is always there for you. It is you that is not working on the relationship. Myself included. You know, I hear God all the time. He never seems to stop talking to me, I do hear Him. Lately, as in the last few months, I just haven't bothered to put forth any effort to have a good relationship with Him as I once did. I am glad for Lent in that, it will kick me off my butt and make me put forth the effort. I know I want to, I guess, just like most people I just needed a push. Lent is my push. How shall I push you? Do you even want to be pushed? Hopefully you are unlike me, and knowing Jesus is a push in itself. Hopefully, once these forty days and forty nights are up I will be like that. I have faith that I will be.

Secondly, bloggers out there, yes I am talking about you again, say you are Christian say you believe and then when I read your blogs and such I wonder do these people really even have faith. What do you believe in? I have heard things like: some are not even sure if they should even believe in the bible, some think that God somehow changed with the times. God is the same yesterday, today and always!!! The bible applies today people. Just because you don't like it doesn't mean that it isn't what God says now. I absolutely love it (sarcastically said) when people use a verse in the bible and say how it doesn't apply today because you need to look at it in the context of the time in which it was used. If that were true than most of the bible would be out dated. God would then have to make a new bible every time His statements were outdated. It ends at Revelations and it begins at Genesis because God said so. If He had anything else to add He wouldn't have closed the book. He still speaks now and He will continue to speak to us, thank goodness, but just because you think something isn't right in the way of the world doesn't mean it isn't right with God. The things of God are not in the same league as the world's. Most of God's views are hard to understand, most are hard to even comprehend, some are hard to believe. God is who He says He is. Why do we always have to have debates about who's right and who's wrong? God is always right no matter what your neighbour thinks about it or you for that matter. Get over it.

Thirdly, although I dread going most Sunday's, I am so glad to be given the opportunity to go to church. I love learning from God, I love hearing important lessons for my life. It seems as though God is always teaching me at church. I used to have the mindset of why go to church you can learn even if you are at home. It is true, that you can learn with others even if not in a church building but being without church and then finally getting to go back has taught me that Pastors are important. God does talk through them (I am thinking as long as they are right with the Lord, but I could be wrong). Paul said that he rather that we prophesy, that greater is he who prophesieth than he that speaks in tongues. He that prophesies edifies the church. 1Cor 14 Its important to learn from the ones God called. My pastor said something yesterday: That you should never come to church feeling completely comfortable. Because if you do then you are not learning there. God calls us on our actions and He needs to teach us the way in which to go. Every week you should be a little bit shaken. I think I am walking ok with the Lord and then I learn something new to help me in my walk. Isn't that what its all about. I am so glad my pastor isn't afraid of losing seats and he says what needs to be said regardless of who's watching. In the end it is the pastor as well as ourselves that will be judged for our actions. Too many people are not saying what the bible says or are playing it down or are only talking about the nice parts in the bible because they want to keep the cash flow coming in. What will they tell God when they are standing in front of Him. I didn't tell them about that because I needed $ to survive, forgive me Lord. I do know that the bible says in Rev 20 that there are books(plural) and then it talks about one other book(singular). There are many books but only one that is the Lambs Book of Life. I want to live holy. I want to be in that one book. I don't want to be one of those people that He says depart from me, I never knew you, you workers of iniquity. Do you know He says that to people who have healed in His name? Can you even imagine that!! Prophesying , casting out devils, doing many wonderful works in His name and in that day He says I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity. Matt 7:23.

I think we (including me) have been taking our walk with the Lord too lightly. We really need to re-evaluate what it is that we want, that is in our heart. And start acting like someone with authority in Christ. No wonder the world doesn't take Christians seriously, we don't take ourselves seriously. There WILL be a last day!!! What will He say to you?

A rule?!!

As I am driving Skye home from school yesterday I ask her if she had thought about what she might give up for lent this year. She actually comes up with a really good idea, but is now reconsidering. I really hope she decides to go with it.

Well, as we continue driving she tells me something that her teacher told her. The teacher, Mrs. Kennedy, told her that during the Lenten season you are not allowed to say 'Alleluia' or Hallelujah. I don't know if this is an actual practice in the Catholic faith, and I have never heard of it when I was Catholic but if this is true, they seriously need to rethink some of their traditions. Do you know what Alleluia means? I don't know how to spell this correctly but Alle means praise and luia is a form of Yahweh meaning God. Praise God. How in the world is that a thing that should not be said at any time. It is at the beginning of ten Psalms. It is good to praise the Lord. IF anything we should be praising God a whole lot more than we have been. Jeesh!!! Who would put such a rule in place??!!

Drawing blank.

I'm sitting here at my computer realizing I haven't written anything since Thursday and yet no words seem to be entering my mind. Apparently you would call this a writers block although I am not a writer. Just a thinker who thinks too much, but seems to be drawing blank. Which actually, is a very good thing seeing as I am not burdened with my normal analytical mind.

I have been doing what I have been saying and getting proper sleep. Today was the first day in weeks that I haven't felt overly tired. Hopefully, I continue this way. It feels really good. I am heading to bed shortly and I can't wait to meet my pillow once again. Have an amazing night!!! Think wonderful thoughts!!!

Oh, and if you are into whacking penguins head over to this site. Mark's site introduced me to the fun sport. :-)

Time with God.

Its weird, but as you get older you think that you would be more wise and that you would be closer to God. Well, I may be a little bit wiser than I used to be but I am not as close to God as I ought to be. I was reading my posts from way back in August and each month after that and I noticed that I had a bond to the Almighty. There was something going on within me and God was working in my life. I continued reading and as December and January approached I noticed that there was less and less talk about God and more talk about myself. I think I did something majorly wrong here.

Its funny because I think about God all the freakin' time. Everytime I am about to make a decision, and as I fall asleep, and when I am talking to someone etc.... And yet the only time I seem to make for Him is when I am teaching my children or saying prayers with my children before they go to sleep. I am not attempting on my own to have a conversation with Him. Maybe I am but in a different way. But, does thinking about Him and having Him hang around you with all aspects of your life enough? I am thinking no!!! Why don't I get up out of bed and talk to Him in the morning. He is suppose to be my number one priority. So why don't I make time for Him? I can't even answer these questions. And truthfully, it doesn't even make any kind of sense to me.

Matthew reminded me about lent. I am no longer Catholic but there are some traditions that serve us good that we don't bother with. One of these, is lent. Although we should be sacrificing and fasting and giving things up for the Lord all year long, we don't always do that. Lent is a reminder of what Jesus did for us. And the Lenten season is there for us to give something up and sacrifice for 40 days and nights. So, I have kept with that tradition that I 'lend' from the Catholics. When Matthew heard about what I gave up last year he was inspired to give something up as well. So this year he asked me what I intended to give up and do you know what, I had not even thought about it.

Well, since his well needed reminder, I have been racking my brain to come up with something that will truly represent sacrificing for me. I really need to get back on track with the Lord and hopefully this will be the eye opener that I have been needing. Last year I gave up my computer. So for 40 days and nights I lived without this machine. And it reminded me that although we 'think' we can not live without it, we most definitely can. This year, I want it to be something more. And I think I am going to give up more than one thing. I have a few ideas but I will reveal them as lent approaches.

Well, whatever I give up for that time period I am hoping will steer my thoughts and actions and focus on the Lord.

The first time.....

While I watched Everwood tonight, I remembered something's that I wish I could get back, or that I wish didn't happen. Tonight's show was about the first time you sleep with someone. Now, I am not necessarily talking about that specifically but it brought back memories for example: my very first passionate kiss, the first time I felt love, the first time I cried because of love... I actually felt like I was back in time, to those exact moments in my past. I felt the love, I felt the pain.

Yesterday I was talking with a friend and we were talking about marriage. If we had ever dreamt of what it would be like. Yes, we were totally being girls, but in truth I am sure that guys think of these things too. Sometimes we feel that it will never happen, sometimes we feel like maybe, just maybe there isn't someone out there that is right for us, sometimes we feel we will never have that feeling of love again or for the first time. They, whoever they are, say that if you find love once then you are blessed, most people never really find it. I really hope that isn't true. I want to love again. I want to feel that passionate kiss with a new somebody who feels the same way as I do.

It's funny but the first time I actually said I love you to someone, I really did not know what love was. I was very young. :-) I said it again, that time I thought it was real love, I was wrong again. Not very young but young enough. Then I really did feel love and when I did say it, it truly was love. I was quite cautious this time and I really never thought I would actually fall 'in' love. I did. And it was amazing. Of course not every day was a fairly tale but no matter what happened you felt the love and knew it was always there. I lost that love. And I don't care what you say but, that first love will always be there. You can pretend that its gone but really it never leaves. I will always love Shawn, and I hope that in his heart he will always love me.

So, now, here it is: Do you think its possible to find it again even when most people never even find it the first time? I know I could, my heart is huge and although it terrifies me on so many levels I think it is so worth it.

We made it!!

Melissa and I finished the movie marathon. I just arrived home. I managed to last through all movies. I did nod off a few times on the last one: Master and Commander. Not because of the movie but because it was late in the morning. Melissa nodded off a few times in the last two movies. The best movie we saw was Mystic River. Wow, that was good!! I did notice the mike hanging too low in one of the scenes though. Tim Robbins was fantastic!!

The Station Agent was actually a lot better than I had originally thought. The beginning started off a bit slow. I wasn't quite sure what it was going to be like but I had heard great things from critics. It was quite funny.

Big Fish was good, but not as good as I had thought though. Mostly because friends had seen it and raved so much about it. I guess that put my hopes up too high. But still a good movie overall.

Along Came Polly was funny. Nothing to write home about but still good.

Master and Commander was very good. Although I did miss a few parts due to cat naps, it was definitely worth seeing. I did however notice a few editing errors. Russell Crowe was most excellent!!

Afterwards, Melissa and I were very hungry. We made our way over to The Golden Griddle where we had a nice breakfast. Now I am home. Sitting here is making me tired. So I must catch some zzzz's before the munchkins come home.

Silly me!

So I managed to stay up until 4:30am. But by then my eyes really started to hurt and my bed was getting tired of calling my name. I managed to get up the stairs, brush my teeth and as I was taking off my clothes I realized how silly I really am. My sweater, which I have been wearing all evening just so happened to be on the wrong way. Yes, the wrong way!! I tease my children all the time when they do that and here I am a grown woman doing the same thing. How silly it is to Angela! (sung to the beat of How sweet it is to be loved by you).

Anyway, I actually was able to get 8 and a half hours of sleep. Which is amazing seeing as I haven't had that much sleep since, wait, I can't even remember. It does feel weird though waking up in the middle of the day. So, after this marathon that I am torturing myself to attend, I am doing my absolute best to get proper sleep. You know in bed reasonable time, wake up in the morning feeling refreshed. Is that possible? As of late I feel like that is not even a reality. But I did it once I can do it again! ;-)

Movie Marathon.

I just got home from work. I do not have my children this weekend so I am attempting a movie marathon. I know there are a billion other things I could do with my time but I absolutely love movies. Tonight I am heading over to my friends. A bunch of us are just going to hang around and probably do nothing or maybe something. :-) Its always fun though. This will give me a good excuse to stay up as late as I possibly can. Because I must sleep as much as I can tomorrow. I work in the evening tomorrow but as soon as I am off, I am heading to the movie marathon which is running from 11:30pm to 11:30am.

I know, I know, I am going crazy but I have never done this before and although it will be challenging, it will be fun. It is for a good cause: United Way and The Toronto Star Fresh Air Fund. Plus I just found out the movie's that they will be showing. Hopefully Melissa wants to go downtown Toronto because out of all the theatres this one is playing the best movies. Movies playing are as follows: Along Came Polly, Big Fish, Mystic River, Master and Commander, and The Station Agent. At the theatre we were originally going to, its playing: You Got Served, Barber Shop 2, The Butterfly Effect, Along Came Polly, and Big Bounce. Now, you see why I want to head into Toronto.

I might have a tough time convincing Melissa though because she has her heart set on seeing The Butterfly Effect.

Update: Just got off the phone with Melissa, she is absolutely positively sure she wants to go to Toronto. Yippee!! Master and Commander here we come!!!! We're going to Toronto, we're going to Toronto (sung to the cha cha tune). :-)

Food!!

You know, never say you hate something or make fun of someone because of what they are eating. I used to think that my sister, eating poached eggs was absolutely disgusting. I could never understand why someone would boil rather than fry their egg. Well, I finally caved in and tried it and wow, it really is good.

I used to be one of the most pickiest (if that's even a word) person, next to my brother. A few years ago I never would have eaten salsa, fish, lamb, etc. I wouldn't even try things, now I try most things and seem to like them, except broccoli and cauliflower - I still can't fathom why anyone would eat a tree. :-)

I get so nuts about food. My ninth grade teacher made a comment about pigs in the second world war and just from that statement I stopped eating pork. Only about four years ago did I cave into bacon. I still won't eat ham or pork chops. I read a book a few years ago about the beef industry. It talked about slaughter houses and ecoli. For a whole year I would not touch hamburgers. Only in the last few months have I started eating them again. Eggs even, I get really grossed out by the membrane. One time I was cooking an egg on the stove and I envisioned a chicken. I saw blood on the egg and I would not eat the egg I was cooking and I didn't eat eggs for at least five years . Only last year did I get over the trauma of the egg membrane. :-)

So, for me to start living and trying new foods is a huge step in the life of Angela. Thank goodness I am finally coming around. What kind of chef would I make if I won't even test my own food? :-)

A story I received via email today.

His name was Fleming, and he was a poor Scottish farmer. One day, while trying to make a living for his family, he heard a cry for help coming from a nearby bog. He dropped his tools and ran to the bog. There, mired to his waist in black muck, was a terrified boy, screaming and struggling to free himself. Farmer Fleming saved the lad from what could have been a slow and terrifying death. The next day, a fancy carriage pulled up to the Scotsman's sparse surroundings. An elegantly dressed nobleman stepped out and introduced himself as the father of the boy Farmer Fleming had saved. "I want to repay you," said the nobleman. "You saved my son's life. "No, I can't accept payment for what I did," the Scottish farmer replied, waving off the offer. At that moment, the farmer's own son came to the door of the family hovel. "Is that your son?" the nobleman asked. "Yes," the farmer replied proudly. I'll make you a deal. Let me provide him with the level of education my own son will enjoy. If the lad is anything like his father, he'll no doubt grow to be a man we both will be proud of." And that he did. Farmer Fleming's son attended the very best schools and in time, graduated from St. Mary's Hospital Medical School in London, and went on to become known throughout the world as the noted Sir Alexander Fleming, the discoverer of Penicillin. Years afterward, the same nobleman's son who was saved from the bog was stricken with pneumonia. What saved his life this time? Penicillin. The name of the nobleman? Lord Randolph Churchill. His son's name? Sir Winston Churchill. Someone once said: What goes around comes around. Work like you don't need the money. Love like you've never been hurt. Dance like nobody's watching. Sing like nobody's listening. Live like it's Heaven on Earth.

The weekend.

This past weekend was a lot of fun. I had a good day with Matthew on Saturday, I saw great things in him that I never saw before. Children will surprise you every chance they get. Its quite amazing.

Saturday night I went over to my friend Garret's house. I envisioned something different and pictured the night to be a certain way but it wasn't. It was actually better. I, among others, had a really great time. Some people who I wasn't sure would show up did, and that was great. It really was fun times. We saw a little movie that Garret had to do for one of his classes. It was actually pretty good and very funny. Owen and Garret took out their guitars and played/sang some songs. Both of these guys truly have talent. I think one of the best songs they played was 'The Scientist' by Coldplay. Owen and Garret both played some of their own original music which was quite good. Toward the end of the night they both started improvising. That was absolutely hilarious. They came up with two songs to complement another one of Owens. They are actually contemplating making a rock opera using the songs they made up. This will be great to see as we were laughing our butts off the whole time they came up with different verses.

On Sunday, I wasn't expecting to have church seeing as the location and all is up in the air right now. I was kind of glad seeing as I didn't get in from Garret's until about 5:30am. Matthew woke up at 8am, so I was quite tired. My own fault, but I don't get to go out much and I had such a great time. Anyway, at 11:30am the pastor calls to inform me that church will be on. So I rush to get ready, contemplating on whether or not I should drive all the way to Cambridge to go to church, and envisioning a nice relaxing day at home. Well, I did go to church and I am sure glad I did. I swear these are the times that church is the best. When you don't want to go. I heard some things that I so needed to hear and I know God spoke to me that day. The pastor doesn't know what I have been struggling with and he spoke on it. Its quite amazing to see God at work through people. I am so glad that God doesn't give up on me, considering the fact that I so often let Him down. Thank heavens for His grace!!

Matthew at MacDonalds.

So I took Matthew to the MacDonalds playground today. He went up and down slides and the usual. He goes into the balls and starts playing. I am watching him closely mostly because there are 'bigger' kids in there. And they can be dangerous. He also, usually has Skye in there to help him. So anyway, a 'bigger' kid falls and hits Matthew. His response 'Hey!' A second later, another 'bigger' kid knocks a little girl down. What does Matthew do? He takes the girl by the arm and helps her up. I think that is just absolutely wonderful. My little boy, who is only 3, is already showing signs of manhood. How cute, and how scary!

I had a dream...

...not a great dream like Martin Luther King Jr., but a freakin' scary dream. I have never had such a dream. I dreamt that I was going to be married. I was getting ready, the day before the big day. Making sure I had everything. I had forgotten my nylons and my hubby-to-be walked in. We embraced and I told him I needed to go to the store. My mom comes in and says to the hubby-to-be that he shouldn't be here and its bad luck for him to see me the day before the wedding. I laugh and say that is silly. I don't believe in those sorts of things, I believe in the Lord only. Anyway, my hubby-to-be is in the SUV with Skye and says come on lets go to the store. He has a standard and I have no clue how to drive one but he insists that I drive. I tell him he has to come with me. So anyway, I close the door and it seems as though I am doing well at driving standard. I start to pick up speed. We come to a hill my speed increases, we fly over the hill. We not only fly over it but we start doing flips. We are screaming, and seriously this feels so real! We scream and scream and then the car stops. I don't think I am dead but I feel like I am on the line between life and death and when I look at him and my daughter, they are not moving. I wake up, and am frightened. I just called the guy, because I actually know the one in the dream and check on my daughter. They are doing just fine. Holy that was scary. I seriously thought I was dying and two people I love were dead!! Thank God it was only a dream, I mean nightmare!!!

I'm tired!!

Today was a long day. I went to work for 9am and finally got home some fourteen and a half hours later. I am tired and I have been tired as of late. I feel as though my mind has left me. My thoughts are fuzzy and my eyes don't want to stay open. I don't even know why I am still awake. I have a busy day and night tomorrow which although will probably last until the wee hours, I think I will, or moreso, hope I will have loads of fun.

I don't know why I have been so tired. I go out one night and stay out real late and it seems to affect my whole week. Maybe I am getting old. I remember when I was 'young' and I could go and go and not have to worry about 8hrs of sleep or something of the sort. Now, it seems to take a week to recuperate and then maybe I am sort of back to normal, whatever the heck that means. :-)

Anyway, I am heading to bed and hopefully as soon as I hit the pillow I will be out. Which has been happening a lot lately. Good night y'all and sleep tight. Don't let the bed bugs bite and if they do, pick up a shoe and hit them 'til they're black and blue. :-)

A good quote I came across today:

Risk more than others think is safe; Care more than others think is wise;
Dream more than others think is practical; Expect more than others think is possible.

I went on a tour.

I went to George Brown College today. I went on a tour of the Hospitality building. We watched a chef prepare a meal. Which we got to try. Normally I would never have tried it but because I am thinking of going into Culinary Arts I forced myself to try it. It was Tabbouleh with Rosemary Lamb served in a fried Popadom. It was sort of an Asian/Indian dish. I have never tried lamb before and I wasn't planning on trying it today but after a woman said how she hates lamb and how this dish was so amazing I figured what the heck. I had an open mind and lo and behold it was really good. After we toured the school I stayed and asked some questions. It was a good day. Now that I finally went and checked out the program I am getting excited. I think this would be great for me. I just have to decide whether a September or January start would be better for me.

I am hoping to get more hours at work so I could save for this. I have some goals which I mentioned in an earlier post but I seriously need some money to pull them off. If you are praying, I ask you to think of me.

Crazy day.

Today was crazy. The snow was falling. The traffic was horrendous. You literally could not go more that 35km/h in your car or you would end up in a ditch or an accident. I think the snow finally stopped. According to the news, we haven't had a snow storm like this since 1974. That is just amazing. I actually like it too. Besides the fact that its absolutely freezing, I have this major urge to go tobogganing or tubing or both. :-) Work was way too slow. School buses were cancelled and although my daughter doesn't go on a bus, I decided to keep her home. Her school might have even been closed. There were too many to track so she lounged today. Believe me, she enjoyed it!

My computer went crazy as well. I have been here for about 5 hours trying to figure out what was wrong with it. My daughter was playing a drawing game and then all of a sudden the display features went into the lowest possible settings and my icons were so big I couldn't even get into all of them. Now, I'm thinking what the heck, but I went into the computer panel and then into display but every time I tried to go into the settings, my computer would shut down and then restart, looking like crap, and me still not being able to fix it. So I called up a friend-who is a computer geek(which is not a bad thing!) and he tried walking me through some things. He said he has never heard of such a thing happening to a computer before. Anyway, in the end he directs me to this site (my internet was still working). If my computer still would not function properly I was heading to his house in a day or two. So, I follow instructions. Basically, although my computer said there was nothing wrong and after panicking because I think I have a virus, it turns out that uninstalling and reinstalling my video card was what I needed to do. So thanks to Dave, my computer is up and running again. Yippee!!

A struggle within.

My mind has been playing weird tricks on me today. I have been having an inner struggle with some things. I think the devil is working over time trying to get me to push the other way. I said today, but really it has been for several days. Today though, it just seems like he's working overtime. I know what is right and I seem to be rationalizing why I should or shouldn't do this or that. I keep trying to push the rationalizing away seeing as I already know what is right, but it keeps pushing and I don't know what to do.

I really really want to do the things that I am rationalizing yet I know that it would not give me any favour in God's eyes. I can't believe I am thinking these things. Don't worry its nothing serious but today it has over taken my thinking. Wait it is serious, if it goes against God it is most definitely serious. See, rationalizing again!!

You know, I hate sin but at the same time love it. It really sucks. Its more so the things of this world because as I pull myself away from it, I find myself missing some aspects and wanting to turn right back around. I can't lie. This is how I am feeling. I know you can't love the world and serve God. I know so many things as truth and yet I still contemplate and still try to make a grey area where there isn't one. Why do I want to do these things? Why do I struggle? Why can't I focus on God in these times and work toward Him? Why do I find myself wanting to pull away? I don't want to, but I want to. I know I can't go anywhere or do anything without God and yet I still find myself having an inner battle. I could die tomorrow and I want to be with Jesus. So why do I battle. Who is going to win this war within?

After the movie...

After the movie, a bunch of us went to Michelle's house. I had a really good time. We laughed and talked and talked and laughed. Watched a movie and a stand up act-it was Mr. Bean(he wasn't playing Mr.Bean but I forget his real name). I personally don't think he is all that great but some of those skits were pretty funny. All was well but we stayed up way way way too late and didn't get home 'til the wee hours of the morning. So I slept the rest of the morning away. Now I have to get ready for work. Yippee!!

The Butterfly Effect

Last night I saw 'The Butterfly Effect'. I was a little apprehensive in going because although the previews looked interesting, usually movies like that are not very good. Well, golly, I was wrong. That movie was so good. There were a few disturbing parts. You don't see anything but its implied. But it was really really good. I definitely recommend that you don't overlook this one!

Talks, baths and webspaces.

Today was a good day. I've been talking with my sister a lot. She is getting a lot off her chest and I am being there for her. Please pray for her. She really needs God right now so please take time to pray for her (Mary).

I had a bath today. Yes, I know that sounds funny but really I am a shower person and today I took a bath and a shower. For Christmas in my stocking I got what you would call a bath bomb. It is round and is about the size of a tennis ball. When it hits the water it explodes and goes crazy. It was cool to watch. So my bath was green because the bath bomb was green. And it smelt so good. Like lemon gum drops.

Tried making a web page with Randall's help. He's so nice to take the time out to help. Thank you!! I also found a webspace tutorial that is teaching me step by step the language of html. It will take time but it will get done.

I had a talk with Melissa yesterday. I think that we are both paranoid about one another. She thinks so too. We have both had friends betray us and because of something in our life we are paranoid about each other. Truthfully we are being silly. So, we discussed our feelings. Not as much as I would have liked but enough that we are not going 'crazy'. My problem is I am too analytical. Ask anyone: I analyse everything to death. I used to be so bad that I couldn't even sleep at night some times. I was getting better but I seem to have let it creep back in. So, I am working on not be so analytical. Is that possible?!! I think so. If not I will just drive myself and those around me crazy.. :-)

Life...?

So I've been pondering and questioning about my life. It seems as though I am a bit lost. So, on the weekend I thought way too much about too many things but in the end I have set some goals for the next two years. That is an accomplishment because I hate setting goals. Mostly because I am afraid I won't go through with it. Well, so far so good. This time I am sticking to it.

I really need to move out of my parents house. I love them but they live a different lifestyle than I do. I want my children to be in a Christ centered home. And even though I try to bring them up that way, it becomes very hard when more than half the people in the house are not Christian. I thought it would be a good thing for my parents to see the differences in me and maybe stir something up in them to want to know more and I think that they have stirred especially my mom but to no avail. I am not giving up on them but I do have to start living my own life with my own children.

I am also unsure of my career plans. I want to go into Culinary Arts and I know that God can't help me do everything. I know I have to live to support my family and the job I have does that. But I don't want to be 40 and serving. I have opportunities to manage at my work. Do I just wait that out or do I go back to school. It has nothing to do with having a diploma seeing as I have one already. I feel like I should be doing Gods work but I have no idea what that means. I am not called to pastor. My church isn't big enough yet to volunteer in any way. I witness but that is something that we are all called to do. What does God see in my path? Sometimes I feel as if I don't have one. But I know God has set one out for me. What is it? So I am back to square one. What do I do in my life? I am 27 and still don't know. I find that very scary.

Hopefully God will reveal his plan for my life before I make a wrong decision. I do want to serve him.

I hope some of the goals I have set will reveal somethings that have already been revealled and I was too blind to see.

God, open my eyes so I may see as you see. Open my heart so I may love as you love. Help me to walk as you walked. Show me truth. Unleash the person that you know I can be. Be with me. Never leave me. I love you. Amen.

Sick again!

Skye is sick again! I took her to the doctor and she seems to have a touch of bronchitis. She is on medication and I already see improvements but she missed two days of school. Today I sent her and hopefully her coughing doesn't disrupt the class too much. Pray for her please.

Cluelessintoronto!

A few posts ago I asked for fellow bloggers to help me. No one responded, most probably because my comments were down so I will ask again. Please help me!!

I finally got the scanner that I have been wanting for months and I have no clue as to how to post photos. I got a fotopages account and I figured because the photo is on the web I could post it here. Maybe I have the html wrong or maybe I have no clue!! I know some of my readers know how this is done. Please take time and help me out here.

Thank you in advance! :-)

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There has been some pretty upsetting news that has happened in my family in the last few days. I care not to write them because they are very personal and emotional. So, today for some relief I took my children to Chuck E. Cheeses. You know, where a kid can be a kid. We had a really fun time. The prizes you get at the end for all the tickets you collected really suck though. We found a hair in our pizza but we ended up getting a free family pass for next time. So, I get a free large pizza, four beverages and 90 tokens for free.

Skye and Matthew really enjoyed themselves. We watched a live show, which to tell you the truth-wasn't very good at all, played games, went on some rides and played in a playground-you know the ones that you go through tunnels and go down slides and ride in cars and spaceships. Anyway, it turned out to be an ok day considering.

And I got good news. My pastor called and church will be on for tomorrow, well, actually now its today. Thank goodness because I really need it right now. Not saying there are times that I don't because I always need it.

My comments are working!!

Yay, my comments work again!!

Supposedly Blogspeak(the comment site I was using) was having hosting problems. Luckily, I didn't lose my comments because he teamed up with Haloscan and they imported all users comments. So problem solved, no loss of comments, and comments are working again.

O'Sensei Richard Kim

I just found out that Hanshi O'Sensei Richard Kim had passed away. I am so slow on news seeing as I read this today and he passed away in Nov. of 2001. I meet him in the late nineties and he is an icon in the martial arts world. He was ranked 10th Dan. He was the head of the Botoku-Kai. A very respected man. I would write of the amazing accomplishments by him but there are just too many.

I remember going to one of his weekend seminars. My sensei was very anxious. See, he studied under Richard Kim and its an honour to stand beside him. I remember shaking his hand after we had been training for hours. All sweaty and messy. He signed my book. Very quite, gentle man. I know he has seen many things and endured many trials and obstacles. I've heard so many stories about him, from the 'Japanese POW camps during World War II to his training secret agents during the Cold War' etc..

I only met him that one time and I will never forget it. It saddens me more than I thought it would to hear about his passing. 'Both he and the generation he was a part of are destined to become legends and then obscure myths should the human race manage to survive that long. I can only hope that the wisdom he possessed and relied upon when leading the Botoku-Kai lives on in the countless lives he touched. Perhaps that’s the best way I can thank him. In that light, I feel it best to end with one of his most famous quotes. "A Martial Artist is an Artist of Life."'

parts taken from the Ottawa Edge: The Passing of a Legend

November 17, 1919
to
November 08, 2001

Comments!

I have noticed that my comments don't seem to want to display. I tried to get in contact with the administrator at the site that I got it from but there seems to be no site. Hopefully there isn't anything wrong and its just a glitch of some sorts. I looked at getting another comment box at other sites but I really did like the one that I already had, so I am going to give it a week or so and then bye-bye if its still not up.

Also, as you can see I have played with the colours on my blog. What do you think of the new look? I know, how the heck can you comment! I don't know, but I would still like to know what you think.

If you want to comment or just leave me a message feel free to leave one at untamedheart76@hotmail.com .

Earl

I happened along this site a while back and reading this entry really touched my heart. We forget all too often about the men who fought and died and the ones that still remain. I wish I could talk with an 'Earl'.

Earl.

Yesterday, my family and I visited the U.S.S. Lexington, docked on Corpus Christi Beach, right next to our hotel. "The Lex" as it is known was decommissioned in 1991, after serving heavily in WWII, and in wars following, and a stint as a set for the movie "Pearl Harbor". In '92 it was brought to CC, and refurbished as a museum. I must say, that thing is well worth the entrance fee - it was quite possibly my favorite part of our little Southwest trip. Course, I'm a bit of a fan of ships anyway ("See that? I can splice a wire like that, no problem!", "Hey, we used the same fire hose nozzles!"...Yes, I'm a dork...), so that could have something to do with it too.

But by far, my favorite part of the visit was Earl.

We met Earl in the Engine Room. The Lexington hold a good number of both employees and volunteers, many of whom actually served aboard "The Lex" in her prime.

Earl stood, all alone, beneath the only fan in the Engine Room. It wasn't stifling - it was only January 2nd - but its definitely south Texas. We were the only ones down there at first, so he seemed happy to see us. I made some comment about how it must be pretty hot down there without a fan. "Yes, as a matter of fact, the bigger fans, they used to have down here....well their engines blew and it was a warm two weeks before they finally installed the smaller one...Sometimes the airconditioning drops down a little from the upper deck though....its not so bad...."

He asked if any of us had been in the Navy, or military - somehow my piddly little 18 months chipping rust on the MV Rustbucket didn't really seem to compare, so I just shook my head no. Dave said he used to be in the Army, and kept looking at the surrounding maps. Personally, I was more interested in Earl.

Earl wore the yellow shirt of a Lex volunteer, but instead of a volunteers hat, he wore a US Marine Corps Veteran hat. Earl was no less that really old - but was still plugging along. He had a large, WC Fields nose, a roadmap of pores and veins, as do most old men over the age of 75. He had small, sad eyes, blurred by cateracts.

Earl told us some of the basic information about how the engine room works, and about the 4 steam-powered props, and all he'd been told to say. But he kept inserting personal information, and it became more and more obvious that this man had more to say about wars than simply how large the ship propellers were.

He mentioned about the Lexington's service in the Battle of Iwo Jima, and added: "I was at Iwo Jima..." I figured this was my chance.

"So, did you serve onboard here?"
"Oh, no no...I was a Marine. This here is a Navy carrier."
"What did you do there, then?

By this time, we'd lost my brother and stepdad. Mom was only about half interested. I maintained eye contact. I wondered how many people waited and wanted to listen to his stories, rather than just hearing the script.

"Oh. Um, see...I was an amphibious landing craft driver...We took the men from the ships to the shore in waves...then we'd go back for more...wave 5....wave 10....15....20...It was a tough fight. We lost a lot of men. But we took that island."

Earl's already blurred eyes were starting to well up with tears.

"I lost 6 friends.... Six good friends that day....."

"...I'm sorry..." I said, mad at myself for being unable to find words that truly expressed my sympathy.

"Well...yeah...." He blinked the tears away, ever the man.

"We weren't hurt though," he continued, "...at least, not badly. I mean, we were, but....you see, on the beach, there's a lot of coral, see...and now, when a bomb or grenade-any explosion-happens in water, it shoots directly up, see, because it can't go in any other direction...well, one landed just behind us, a grenade, and threw us forward onto that coral. Weren't bad though, got scraped up a bit" - at this point, he motions towards his wrists and forearms- "but we got out okay..."

Earl and I stood and chatted for a while - him doing most of the chatting, really. Earl is 79 years old and his wife is 80. In the winter, they move down here with their RV, from Michigan. After the war, he went to Michigan State University (our big connection point being that I used to live in East Lansing when I was young), which was one of only two colleges in the country at the time which offered uni-level training for the police. ("We had to take classes in the cookery building - we'd be smellin chickens, you know!") He was a policeman in Michigan til 1989, when he retired, and started coming down to Texas in the winter months. This will probably be the last year he'll be going back to Michigan - too much hassle to keep up with the property up there, so he and the wife are probably going to move down to Texas for good, where Earl can keep up his volunteering.

By this time, my family was long gone ahead to the other exhibits. As we talked, at least 20 people came and went, never stopping to hear what he was saying. I wanted to take Earl out for coffee and ask him if they had any kids, and grandkids, and who were his favorites (because everyone has favorites) and where he met his wife and how he felt when he first held her hand, and how he knew she was the one he wanted to be with for rest of his life and how he proposed and about each of those 6 friends he lost, and what they were life and if they had kids or family or girlfriends that sent perfumed letters, or Mom's that sent care packages of goodies, and why he joined the Marines and whether or not he had any regrets over the course of his life...

But I had to say goodbye to Earl. I finally asked his name, and he said Earl somethingorrather, a last name I'd remotely heard of - he further explained that Mr. somethingorrather, a famous oil tycoon, was his uncle.
"You seem to be a good friend to know then, Earl!", I said with a wink. "I'm a Forbes - no relation, but we let them think what they want!"
"Right, right, like the 500! Ha ha!....You know, I served with two Forbes....good men, both of them...I think one from Indiana....
I explained that I had a great uncle that fought, and died, in the war..LeRoy...but I think he was in the Navy....

I finally made my way back upstairs, after saying our goodbyes and thank yous, sincerely sad to be leaving Earl. Walking along the Hangar Deck to meet up with my family again, I did some quick math.....Iwo Jima in 1945....

Earl was no more than 20 years young.

Borrowed from This Beautiful Mess.

Why?

I heard some really upsetting news this afternoon. I don't know what to think of it and what I have learned about God and people leads me to believe that what I heard is going to happen and although God was in it, I am not so sure that He is anymore. I am so afraid. I really don't know what to think. I know God did something amazing and now it seems as though it is falling apart. Was it even God in the first place or was I being blind. If God was in it why is this happening? Why has it not been perfect from the start? Why is it going away? If God did this why did He do the thing we prayed for? Why has there been so many complications? Why would He put us all through this? What is this lesson? Why do I keep asking these questions? Why? Why? Why?

I just tried...

posting a photo to my blog and I can't seem to do it. Can anyone out there help me with this? I would really appreciate it.

Signed: Cluelessintoronto..

Church

December 21st was the last day that I actually attended church. The church that I had been attending had to close due to lack of people and therefore no money to pay rent. The pastor had been running the church for almost a year. He knows he was called by God and in some ways he doesn't understand. But he does realize that when a real person from God comes to speak only truth, no one wants to listen. We have had many people come and come back but after a few times, they seem to disappear. At first I questioned, wondering why?. But I have come to realize that most people don't want to change. They hope that the way they are is enough. Hearing truth requires change. Who speaks openly in church about all topics. Who is not afraid to lose seats, who cares more about what God thinks than your fellow peers?

Sometimes I don't want to hear the truth either. But you know, once I hear it and think on it, I do change. Sometimes it is immediate and sometimes it takes a long time. I love my pastor and I pray for him all the time.

I have been told that he is opening a church in a new location. Some place cheaper but one half hour further west then the last church. At first I wondered if I should attend seeing as it will be located in Cambridge but then I remember that he devoted a lot of time and effort into the church that closed, went into debt and is still praising the Lord. I must follow him. He is the only pastor in a long time that I have seen really and honestly devoting his life to the Lord. He isn't afraid of speaking truths. I would say that he speaks like he has the authority. He is blessed and I do see it. He does struggle too but who would he be if God didn't let him suffer. Good example of that is Paul.

Well, I really hope the church will be ready and open for next Sunday. Being away from church for this many weeks has really done me a disservice. I never thought I'd actually say I miss church. But I do. And I miss being corrected and told the way in which to go - toward the light. I feel it in my being and I know I need it badly.

In the valley.

So, why is it that when you are really happy there is always this transition in which you must come down. I would say that for the past umteen weeks I have been pretty happy. I am always smiling or singing or both. Nothing has gotten me down. Until, I woke up on Thursday morning. After waking, I felt a little off. I figured it was nothing and continued with the rest of the day. But as the day progressed so did my emotions. I was in a mood where you are not exactly sure why you feel yucky but in some way you feel like crying. I didn't and I still haven't but I think that if maybe I did I would get out of this silly down that I have been in since yesterday. I still have good spirits but I'm not Angela. I'm some annoying creature who took over her body in order to make her life seem not as great as she thinks it is.

I'm feeling lonely. Do you ever feel like you just want a hug? From someone who cares about you and you care about them? I have friends that it is second nature just to hug and I love getting those hugs but I want one from another man who feels for me and I feel for him. I am silly because right now I don't feel that certain way for anyone and as far as I know, no one feels that way for me. Yet, I still want that hug. I still want that intimacy, I still want that closeness.

Ok, I really hope this emotional whatever you want to call it goes away quickly. Jeesh! I do like my life and I am enjoying being single. Maybe its the buzz of engagements that brought this on. I don't know!

Anyway, I have to head back to work so to all have a wonderful weekend!!

The Last Samurai!

I saw 'The Last Samurai' and wow that was a great movie. I have been fascinated with the Japanese culture for longer than I can remember. I loved the 'Karate Kid Two' mostly because it explained their culture and traditions. When I joined Karate I couldn't get enough of it and I started reading books on Samurai's and ancient Japanese traditions.

So seeing this movie really got me excited. It shows the level of commitment and strength and courage that these men had. Samurai were truly unlike any other soldier that you have seen today.

Tom Cruise did an awesome job. I've always thought he was a really good actor who never really got the parts to show off his amazing talent. This shows it.

If you haven't seen it already, I recommend that you do. You won't be disappointed.

There has been an engagement!!

No, its not mine. Within a one month span two people from work have gotten engaged. The first one was a little of a shock because she was dating someone else in the summer but I guess if you are truly in love, why wait? And Cristina got engaged on Friday past. I saw her on Tuesday and wow, I am so excited for her. She has been dating her boyfriend for 4 years and we were all talking about this. She was so excited. Its quite interesting to find out that Rob was the one who cried and she just couldn't stop smiling.

I am so excited for them. I heard Shauna's and Cristina's engagement story. I love hearing stories like that. I truly ask everyone. Well, I cried too!! Weddings are so great. I can't wait until I have an engagement story too! Sandra, after hearing about it, told me her story too.

It is such a great time. May God be at the centre of their marriages and may Sandra reunite with her husband.

Congratulations Shauna and Cristina!!!

Reflections.

Last night I decided to read my journal. I started last year - Jan 4th to be exact. I was hoping by writing things on paper I would be able to sort through the thoughts in my mind. Besides its always nice to see where you were and where you are now.

So, as I read I noticed that in some ways I grew closer to the Lord and in some ways I grew further away from Him. I noticed also that some things that I prayed for did come true eg: My sister's twins, a church etc.. I also realized that although I hoped for certain things to happen or at least begin to take place, that God really does work in His own time and not mine. :-p

I thought that maybe I had grown or matured or became a little more wise. But I don't think any of that happened at all. Right now I feel far away from Jesus. I know its my fault and I've let silly things come in the way. I didn't devote even half of my time to what I had originally set out to do. I have always been told that I have been mature for my age. But after reading my journal I have to wonder. Sometimes I am just a girl hoping for way more than I have. I have issues. I am a little crazy at times. But I know that I am happy. Its so weird: to want something you don't have and yet be more happy then you have ever been even though you don't have it. Yes, I am strange :-).

I know one thing though: I've learned to love myself even though I am far from perfect. I used to think if I was this way I'd be happy or if I just did this I'd be happier. I've learned that I am happy being just who I am and I am not afraid to be that person anymore. So in that regard I did learn something last year.

Well, reflecting was nice but at times I felt like crying. Memories mostly. But I also said a few times 'why the heck did you do that'. Or it brought back other memories and I wondered why didn't I write about that.

Ok, I'm done with reflecting. I have to head back to work. So, if anyone is reading this have a fantastic super d duper evening!!!

Finally.

I just got home from the theatre. It took two weeks but I finally had the time to see the movie in which I have been dying to see. If you guessed The Return of the King you are right. Wow, awesome movie. It was absolutely fantastic. A few times I just wanted to stand and cheer. I would tell you the parts but I don't want to ruin it for those who haven't seen it yet. And thank you to all those who said it was a must see in their blog but didn't spoil it by saying what happened. Oh my goodness seriously GO SEE IT!!

First thing I thought of when I left the theatre was I can't wait to see it again. And I wondered what I missed. I seriously can't wait for the extended version to come out. Ok, so I'm a bit of a nut but I am a movie freak and it was awesome!!

Work.

At work today I managed by myself. I have done this before but usually there are two of us on at a time. All was well, then we got busy and the kitchen supervisor became an ass. When my boss came in at 5pm I was so bothered by this jerk that I had to mention it to him. You see, I manage one to two times a week and I guess because I was by myself this jerk thought he didn't have to listen to me and I felt pretty crappy. Ok, so he isn't a jerk but he sure acted like one today. I felt so yucky that I wanted to tell Ted, my boss, that forget it - I don't want to manage anymore. But luckily J.T. was there. He talked with me and made it all better. By the time I left I was fine. This part time managing thing is hard-its hard to be equal with your friends/co-workers 80% of the time and then be their boss the other 20% of the time. I guess this is just another learning experience that I shouldn't take so close to heart.

Happy New Year!!!

Hey everyone, I just wanted to say Happy New Year to you all. I will be heading over to Steve's house in a little while so we can party. I even got myself some dealcoholized wine coolers. You know, the ones in the grocery store 0.5% alcohol ones. They really are great!! So for all that are drinking, please be responsible and absolutely NO drinking and driving!!! Have fun tonight. I pray that you are with friends and or family, loved ones!!! And if you can't be, don't fret because God's love surrounds you. Be good and be smart tonight. It really is just another night.

A little bit of this and a little bit of everything else!

Ok, I erased the post that I was planning to publish. First I had interruptions, good interruptions. I had a nice talk with my mom. Then my sister called, which I just hung up the phone with. I decided not to post it because it was a bit deep into the heart of Angela and I am not so sure I want to go there. It probably would have been fine but leaving yourself open is quite risky, and I don't want to take that risk right now.

How was everyone's Christmas? Mine was quite nice. We laughed a lot, we stuffed ourselves, we opened presents, we had a great time.

So, I've been thinking about a few things that shouldn't be on my mind. One is about a boy, one is about a friend, one is about death, one is about family, and one is about my career and where I want to go with it. They are all unrelated but I guess they intertwine. I don't know why the boy is on my mind. My friend is a good friend but I see things that could test our friendship coming. That scares me!! Death because someone that I work with-her grandfather passed away last night while she was with him in the hospital. I am not good friends and I don't even think you could call us friends but something like this is very emotional. I think about my grandfather that passed, and my grandfather who is in and out of the hospital right now, my uncle Gary, and my grandmothers. My mom and I were talking about this and I could see that she became very emotional but being a mom she held back. I don't know why we become so afraid or obsessed with death but it is something that we all must face. That is why it is so great having Jesus with me, because my death will not be full of heartache it will be full of rejoicing. It better be!!!

As for family, I have been thinking about my children a lot lately, well I always think of them but I've been thinking about how I could be a better mom, and how I really wish I could have a complete family. But I don't, so here comes the career part of what I've been thinking about. I need to provide for my family. I don't want to live with my parents forever and I really would like a place that the three of us could call home and I don't mind going out and getting it myself. And so I am applying to college. I've applied twice for the same thing already - twice talked out of it by my ex who thought he knew me better than I knew myself, but now I am ready to take the plunge for real this time.

My thoughts are organized and my mind is not troubled. I have issues. We all have issues. Mine are not that bad and I see good and possibly bad things to come. But that is what happens when you really start living. I want the ups and the downs. We learn most from the downs. I want God to test me. I want to become stronger. I want to face my fears. Jesus is with me, and that is all I need.

Christmas Eve

Today was a nice but tiring day. I baked, we had sets of company come over, wrapped some presents (which I am still not finished doing yet!!), had our first fire in the fire place, read my children both the Scrooge Christmas story and the birth of Jesus in the Gospel according to Luke. Tomorrow I think I will read them the story in Matthew - a bit more simple and not so long. A three year old really doesn't have that long of an attention span! :-)

Anyway, all's quiet in the house. My parents are busy wrapping, my brother is watching tv., I am wasting time on the computer, kids are in bed.

I just came on to wish everyone a very safe and wonderful Christmas. I hope we all use are heads and are wise this season. Lets not forget the reason for the season!! And enjoy all the goodies, food, get-togethers.

Merry Christmas everyone!!!

Number One!!!

The Toronto Maple Leafs have won again!! They are now officially number one out of all thirty NHL teams. How amazing is that?!! Congrats TML's. Maybe this year is their year?!!! Hmmmmmm. If not, they are still doing absolutely amazing so far.

Family get togethers.

This weekend was quite a good one. Most of my family went to my aunt's in Hamilton and had a really great time. We all got together to celebrate Christmas. Nathan said a nice prayer to start dinner. We played charades and my team lost by one point. :-( The guys watched a bit of the Montreal vs. Toronto hockey game. Which is always great because we have fans from both teams in the house. I got to see Ashley - who has been away for college. She came home from Pensacola, Florida for the holiday. My uncle Rob couldn't make it because he didn't end up getting off of work until really late so that kind of sucked but his other half and their baby - Trevor was there. I love it when we all get together.

The other side of the family got together on Dec. 6th which was great too. That was a fun night and because we celebrated at my uncles who lives in Walkerton, Ontario, we stayed the night. And no we didn't drink the water. :-) Did I mention that I love Christmas?!! Just checking!!! :-)

Anyway, I did almost all my shopping for Christmas on Thursday just like I was planning. I only have to go out for stocking stuffers for my parents, a gift for Shannon and a gift for Melissa. It shouldn't take too long and I have ideas for two out of the three.

Well, I hope all is going well for everyone out there. (I don't even know if anyone really even reads this anyway, but even if you don't I still hope everyone has a safe and happy jolly holiday season.

Christmas time.

This is the first time in our family history that the Christmas tree has been put up so late in December. Traditionally our tree goes up on the last weekend in November or the first weekend in December. Except we were in the midst of a move. Well, my dad normally puts it up too, but he has been working so hard and has been trying to get our house in some sort of order so this year I took the plunge. Last night I put the tree up and tonight Skye, Matthew and myself put all the decorations on it. And I must say that it is truly a beautiful looking tree. It just shimmers!! I am quite proud of the tree.

I know I haven't been sure about decorations and such - you just have to look at my entry a few posts ago but I really do love decorating. Seeing the tree up, decorations hung and for the first time we actually have a real fireplace to hang the stockings off of. I baked yesterday for Skye's bake sale at school. It was fun. Matthew trying to stir the mixture and Skye helping to put it all together. I really love this time of year. The smells, the sparkles, the laughter, the closeness of family. It's so great. Now, all I have to do is get out there and do some shopping. After being sick for what felt like forever I am a little behind in that department. So, before and after work tomorrow is dedicated to shopping. Which I have to admit, I love that part too. Giving really is great. I love reactions and seeing someone's face light up.

What is there not too love about this time of year?!! In case you couldn't tell, its my favourite month. And the snow is falling so gracefully outside. It couldn't be more perfect. Yippee!!! 'Tis the season!! And I am jolly!!! Fa la la la la la la la la.

And the flu trudges on.

I would like to tell y'all that we are doing much better but I can't. I thought I was better this morning but my cough seems to have worsened. You can hear a symphony of coughs in this house. Everyone is coughing. Although I am going to send Skye to school tomorrow and try to trudge through the snow to take Matthew to the eye doctor's, none of us are in top shape. In some ways, it feels like we never will be. My pastor's praying and his got it good with the big guy so it won't be long.

I'd even like to say that going a week without work is great but it is not. Especially when you are bed bound and you haven't stepped outside since last Monday. It will be nice tomorrow to be out in the 'fresh' air. I am attempting work on Tuesday too!!

The flu.

I was planning to update a lot sooner than this but I got the flu. I have been extremely sick and in bed all week. As I am typing this right now I feel like falling over. My daughter also has the flu and has been out of school all week. My son has scarlett fever. So none of us are in good shape. If you'd like, you could pray for us. Hope everyone is having a much better week than I am.

So this is Christmas.

I've been struggling with the idea of Christmas coming. I know how it originated and by whom. Really, I didn't think I would ever have to contemplate Christmas. It is absolutely my most favourite holiday. It has been since I can remember and probably before that. Over the past few years as I have been growing as a Christian, Christmas has meant even more to me. Except now I am not even sure it is a right thing to be celebrating.

I am assuming most of you know the origins of Christmas already. Very quick summary: Ritual celebrated by pagans before Christ was even born. Adopted by the Roman Empire to worship the God they called Saturn to celebrate the shortest day of the year which represented winter being over soon. The Catholic church wanted to detour from pagan traditions and marked the 25th of December Jesus' birthday. Christmas trees and mistletoe were symbols of the pagan traditions.

So, now that I know this and you do too. What do we do? I am thinking that it is not a sin to celebrate Christmas if you are doing it to reflect on God and who He is. I do however think that this should be a daily thing and not a once or twice a year celebration. If you are celebrating Christmas and all you think about is presents and parties and greed and the whole commercial aspect of it then you need to reevaluate your motives and your priorities.

I have celebrated Christmas most of my life but mostly for the idea of family, decorating, Christmas morning traditions, and I would be lying if I didn't say presents. Christmas has always had a special aura about it. I have found that at the beginning of December everyone is preoccupied with the commercial aspects of the season, getting drunk, over spending, over indulging, Santa Claus etc.. And I have seen people on Christmas day be preoccupied with greed and forgetting the whole meaning of giving/receiving. But I have also seen the opposite.

In my family, we don't care what we receive. We all feel the love in the house. We all celebrate together. Christmas should be about love, about hope, about grace. All things which Jesus showed and gave us before and after his death. Its not about commercialism and its not about a baby in a manger its about love, hope, grace, peace and a promise. May all our eyes be opened this holiday season.

Please feel free to comment as this is still something I am struggling with. Should we as Christians give up the Christmas tree, mistletoe, presents, decorations etc?

Hey everyone!

Hi all! It's been awhile since I last blogged. I have finally moved into the new house. Things are a little chaotic around here right now. I am quite busy getting the new house in some sort of order. Just thought I'd send a little message your way to let you know that I am still alive and jumping for Jesus!! I will update again soon. Have a superb week.